Love Is Hell
by LeopardFan92
Summary: (Sequel to 'Damnable Affair') While Kate and Sheldon are still surprised by each other's whimsy and unmasking their human selves, Leonard and Penny take their relationship to a whole new level and Raj is (yet again) single...so far. Sheldon/OC. Rated M for mild language and sexual content.
1. The Price of War

Ch.1: The Price of War

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BBT characters or the plots of any kind. This is purely for fun.

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, my dears; my laptop has been an incessant nurf and I've had to get a new laptop. Don't last too long. Anyway, here's the first chapter of the sequel to Damnable Affair; those who are just reading ought to read that first—it's humorous and romantic, trust me. Ask the reviewers.

Kate helped Sheldon to his feet; he took her hand and with some unguided strength, he stood. While Kripke, having been shot point blank between the eyes, and suffering from his blatant injury (whimpering like a little girl), held his face, squirming.

"Don't worry, Kripke," cooed Kate with the malice of a cat that had just watched a dog get taken in by the pound, "you won't be blind...for long." With an evil grin, the light in her eyes gleaming, Kate walked from him. Sheldon followed her, a little alarmed by her malice.

"Kate," implored Sheldon.

She stopped and turned to him.

"What?"

"I believe there's a line figuratively drawn on the playing field where one can step over it and cause irreparable harm, such harm that I can't even have pass." Sheldon stated.

"What are you saying?"

"Take a look at the fallen enemy so he doesn't lose his eyesight," Sheldon beseeched.

Kate, having seen that Sheldon, despite Kripke's frequent name-calling and his mockery, was still a bit remorseful for Kripke's pained gasps and cursing. She merely smiled at him, finding his empathy impressive; she handed him the gun she held that had blown away several of the geologists; the casualties were numerous. Kate knelt to Kripke's side.

"Take your hands off your face, you crybaby," said Kate coolly. She pulled his hands off his face and glanced at his forehead.

"What are you doing?"

"Making sure you're okay, despite your incessant flirting," said Kate curtly. She looked at him for a moment and said finally, "You're fine; I don't know why you're complaining. At the most, it'll only be a bruise."

"That's not comforting," Kripke told her, already easing from the shot in the head. He gave her a look, at which Kate returned.

"You're lucky it was just a paint pellet, and not a real bullet."

"You wouldn't have shot me ewen if it was a buwwet."

Kate frowned, saying, "Perhaps. But that would mean the circumstances would have been changed, and you would be lying dead on the ground." She straightened to her height and walked away from him.

Sheldon, who had watched the disturbing conversation unfold gave her the gun back and Kate accepted it with a smile. The two turned to see that Penny was in shock; Leonard had a ring out, prompting his earlier question: "So, what do you say?"

"Yes," breathed Penny.

Leonard looked surprised, saying, "Really?"

"Yes," Penny said again.

"Oh. Cool, thanks."

Penny laughed, merely because Leonard thanked her for the answer. Penny was blushing, her eyes nearly watering as Leonard placed the ring on her wedding finger. When Penny admired her ring, Leonard added pointedly, "You know if you said that bout five years ago, we'd be celebrating our fifth anniversary..."

She gave him a look which made Leonard say, "Unless you want to change your mind..."

"No," Penny stated. She hugged him and kissed his lips saying, "I want to be with you."

"Me too...with you, not me wanting to be with myself, but me with you," Leonard said, twisting his hands as he began feeling awkward, which made Penny laugh again.

"You know, I believe it's the girl that's supposed to be inarticulate," Howard pointed out, meeting them while holding Bernadette's hand.

"Well—I—It-shut up, Howard," Leonard replied, looking at Penny with a hint of embarrassment.

As Kate and Sheldon joined them, Penny turned to Kate and held out her left hand, wiggling her fingers, saying, "Look, Kate! Leonard proposed!"

Kate smiled at her, saying, "Yeah, I heard." She lowered her gun and embraced Penny tightly.

Penny, who'd never been hugged by Kate, although she'd initiated it several times in the past, was a bit shocked. It was like being hugged by Sheldon, except Kate had a few ideas about how long the hug lasted or the tightness, neither was she awkward. Still, Penny glanced at Leonard happily and she put her arms around Kate in return.

"I'm happy for you," Kate enthused, grinning broadly. She took Penny's left hand in hers and looked at the ring. "Is it a real diamond?"

"Yeah," Leonard voiced from behind Penny.

"You had it checked?" Kate remarked.

"Yeah," said Leonard.

"By a jeweler?"

"_Yes_," said Leonard. He gave Kate an annoyed look and said, "Why does it matter if it's a real..."

"Uh, heh heh, Leonard," said Howard, butting into the conversation, "you may not want to ask that; see, the diamond, as one would understand, is a symbol of true beauty and the colors refracted from the stone resemble one's love for the other person. Therefore, one can assume the diamond in its rare beautiful form is the same love..."

"Bullcrap," Kate called. She still held Penny's hand and to Leonard, she said, "Girls like jewelry that's real. I was asking if it was cubic zirconia, the synthetic diamond, normally a substitute."

"It was at a pawn shop," admitted Leonard.

Bernadette gave Howard a look and said, "You really think that a diamond symbolizes love between two people?"

Howard glanced at Leonard and Sheldon before saying to Bernadette in a slow but (to Kate, unconvincing) sincere tone, "Yes, of course, sweetheart."

Bernadette grinned happily and kissed him on the cheek with a serenity.

"FYI, diamonds lose their value when the karat size is reduced," Sheldon interjected. He glanced to Penny's ring indicatively, saying, "That small karat, by the way, would be estimated at 500 dollars."

"Just five-hundred?" Penny posed, glancing at the ring.

Kate released her hand, realizing she still held it. Sheldon turned to Penny, a reaction to her skeptical inquiry.

"Are you doubting my math?" asked Sheldon.

"No," Penny said immediately.

"You can check my work," Sheldon persisted.

"No," responded Penny, if not a little quicker. Leonard and Howard gazed at Penny with admiration, and appreciation. Kate, on the other hand, turned to Sheldon.

"You know the value of jewelry?" asked Kate.

Sheldon gave her a look, indicating his sudden annoyance in _her_ questioning of his mathematics and overall knowledge of the given situation. In turn, he said with a logical stance, "Are you implying that, by knowing Penny's ring symbolizing matrimony, you're inferring the curiosity of the sobriquet I'd given you?"

Kate touched her collar bone, over the top of her paintball armor instinctively; it was the same place under which her Evenstar lied, which Sheldon had given her as a symbol of his feelings for her. Kate had accepted it happily, knowing that this was the closest way that Sheldon would ever say he had true affection and feelings for her, not the regarded symposium that he and Kate were just dating; it'd taken their relationship to a different level, although Kate half-doubted Sheldon understood that level. In return to his implication, Kate merely smiled.

"I'm not interested," said Kate in a sweet tone.

"I am," Leonard said, stepping into the circle. "Sheldon's putting thoughts into Penny's mind about what can be bought with the selling of the ring, so I'm curious—" Leonard turned to Sheldon—"What's the value of that necklace you gave her during the black-out? It's just a replica of all the other Evenstar necklaces, I bet."

"Wrong," Sheldon said.

"Really? What's the value of it then?" Leonard interrogated.

"Really, Leonard, it's not that important," Penny besought, glancing at Leonard, who was pressing, and Sheldon, who obviously didn't see the need in conjuring the numbers to state just how much he spent on giving Kate the Evenstar, a trinket that, in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, had been given to Aragorn from Arwen to remind him of her love while he was at war. Not only had Sheldon given it to her, he'd exchanged the words with her in Elvish, making Kate's girlish hormones react incredibly.

"It's not important to me," Penny continued.

"Hold on to that thought," Leonard said, putting his hand up to her. Slightly offended, Penny glanced at Kate with eyebrows raised.

"It's just a replica," Leonard insisted, crossing his arms in what looked to be victory. Sheldon, on the other hand, stared at Leonard with obvious incredulity.

"It's not a replica," said Sheldon.

"It has to be," Leonard stated strongly. "You're telling me you bought the original Evenstar that was worn by Liv Tyler in the Lord of the Rings trilogy; you have to be frickin' kidding me!"

Sheldon gave him a pointed look. No, he was serious. Kate, who saw the look and understood his meaning, put her hand inside her jacket and pulled out the Evenstar; it glittered in the sunlight, producing a silver, refracted light, colors to dance, on Leonard's sleeve.

"Hold on," said Howard breathlessly. He stepped towards them all, looking taken aback, but equally shocked. "Sheldon, are you saying you gave Kate the original, _the_ Evenstar of the set?"

Sheldon shrugged dismissively and said, "Originally, I was going to give her the One Ring but,"-he gave Leonard an off-handed glare—"A certain experimental physicist kept it out of my reach."

Leonard glared at him and Sheldon added, "FYI, I'm talking about you."

"I know who you were talking about," returned Leonard, slightly annoyed.

Kate glanced down at the jewel in her hand. This was the real deal, the real thing; it was a piece that Liv Tyler, the amazing actress that had worn the trinket, while on set, said the words to Aragorn. To put it even better, Kate wore the same necklace that Aragorn had worn. Her breath hitched.

"How much did you pay for that?" asked Howard.

"Why is everyone so intent on finding the price?" Sheldon demanded. "Isn't the adage 'It's the thought that counts' ever applicable to this situation?"

"I call 'bull crap'," Bernadette piped.

Howard, Kate, Sheldon, and Leonard, who hardly ever heard Bernadette curse, turned to her startled.

"Yeah," Penny said, "you've even made Bernadette curious. I'm curious too. What'd you pay for that?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes, saying, "Does it really matter?"

"Yeah," Howard, Leonard, Penny, and Bernadette insisted. While Howard continued: "You're going to end up telling one of us anyway and we'll tell each other, so out with it. You've obviously had to pay a fortune for that Evenstar; honestly, it was part of the set, part of the movie!"

Kate shook her head ; this had gone far enough. She stepped in, placing her hand on Sheldon's arm and said gently, "You're right, honey; it's the thought that counts. The price is irrelevant."

"Bullcrap," Bernadette and Penny chimed.

"Well," said Kate. "Let's see what Raj thinks."

They glanced around but it became apparent that Rajesh was no where near or around them. Howard inquired his absence but Kate could see from afar that Rajesh was on the ground, looking dead. Kate smiled and said aloud, "I know where he is."

"Where?"

"There."

She pointed. The gang glanced and saw that Rajesh was the partaker in the battle; he was shot in the chest several times. Kate, who bounded towards him, saw that he was also asleep. The Indian boy had gone to sleep after being massacred by wet paint. After nudging his shoulder, he came to and smiled up at Penny and Kate, who stood over him. Penny smirked and she held out her hand, showing off her small diamond ring. Rajesh, who was not drunk, only smiled and squeaked then ran away.

"He says 'congratulations'," translated Howard, as Penny gave he and Kate a puzzled look.

Leonard and Penny gave each other looks; they were grinning broadly. Penny then hugged him again and said, "Honestly, I wish I'd said 'yes' when you first asked me." Leonard kissed her on the lips, and she returned it.

Kate heard a shout and saw that Kripke had finally recovered, although the bruise, of which she predicted, remained in between his eyes, giving him the disposition of a weird man with three eyes. He stepped towards Kate, but Sheldon, who cocked the rifle in his hands pointed the weapon at him, standing slightly in front of Kate, protectively.

"State your business or prepare to be slaughtered," stated Sheldon in the tone of a body guard.

"Oh get a grip on weality, Cooper," Kripke stated, shaking his head. He looked past him at Kate but then gazed at Sheldon, clearly annoyed. "I want a wematch."

"So I can kick your sorry ass again?" Kate remarked from behind her boyfriend, clearly unaffected by his challenging tone.

"That was the wuck of a dw-aw," Kripke claimed. He shrugged and said, "Like Cooper and his fwiends underestimated my kiwwer wobot, I've underestimated you at paintball."

"Damn right," Howard remarked, standing alongside Sheldon. "That was the vengeance of M.O.N.T.E."

Kate furrowed her eyes in puzzlement and said inquiringly, "Monte?"

"No, M.O.N.T.E," corrected Howard.

Kate glanced between Howard and Sheldon and said again only declarative, "Yeah, Monte."

Sheldon's voice answered Kate, although his eyes and rifle remained on Kripke, "It's an acronym, Kate; it's the name we'd given our killer robot."

Kate merely replied to him a sweet, endearing tone, "Honey, that brings up more questions than answers."

"I'll tell you later," said Sheldon venomously. He narrowed eyes at Kripke saying, "You fail to admit your defeat, Kripke, and now, you only have the option of acceptance or another fail. Admit defeat now, and walk away."

Kripke gave Sheldon a look and said to Kate while pointing to him, "What do you see in this guy?"

Kate touched her on the rifle and lowered it, resulting in Sheldon's perplexed gaze. Despite his befuddlement, Kate stepped forward and held out her hand, at which Kripke gave a strange look. He hadn't expected the hand shake of a truce, but despite her full intent, he only frowned.

"Weally? You want a twuce?"

"Better that than another massacre," Kate said.

"I'll make a twuce with you, but I can't guarantee it with him," said Kripke, pointing at Sheldon. "He's a wacko."

"I'm not crazy; my mother had me tested," Sheldon stated.

"Obviously not tested by the wight psychiatrists; they missed one," Kripke goaded.

"Alright," Kate muttered. She took Sheldon's rifle and aimed at Kripke. "One more insult and I'll blind you—"

"Okay," Leonard intervened and pulled Sheldon's rifle out of her hands. "Kripke, get out of here. You might be dead by the end of the day."

Kripke shook his head but when Kate threatened Leonard to blinding him if he didn't give her the gun, Kripke was no stupid head and he began to retreat back to his team. Penny and Bernadette who'd been watching the situation unfold with alarmed, but entertained, eyes merely grinned when Kate looked at Sheldon. Although Sheldon had become ignorant to her look as he and Leonard were in another bout of arguing the price about the trinket Kate wore, the girls saw _the_ look. There was no doubt in their minds that Kate had more feelings for Sheldon than the sobriquet around her neck even symbolized.


	2. Catwoman-Batman Irony

Ch.2 Catwoman-Batman Irony

Author's Note: And no, to those who've been with me since Chapter one of the first story, I've not forgotten about the promised Costume Party. To those who've just started reading, I advise to read the first story, 'The Damnable Affair'. As always, read and review my lovelies. Thank you and review!

Kate drove back to the apartment. While Howard and Bernadette left for the Wolowitz house to dress for the Costume Party this afternoon, Leonard and Penny ventured into their own home to get ready as well. Rajesh had gone to his apartment (or, rather, the 'Raj Mahul') to plan for his debut, and possibly get drunk enough to reign his memory as going to the Comic Con rather than an average costume party. Since finding out a week ago that everyone they knew, even Kripke (to Kate and Sheldon's dismay) would be there, it had steadily been wracking everyone's minds, even Penny's and Bernadette's.

Sheldon and Kate opened the door to the apartment; Sheldon entered and placed his travel bag on rolling chair in front of his work desk and glanced at Kate when she entered and put her paintball gear bag on the armchair. She left wordlessly to the bathroom; he heard the door shut and then a few minutes later, she was dressed in plain jeans and a plain black shirt, no Batman on it (for once, and also to Sheldon's surprise and slight dismay). Was something wrong?

Kate silently went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, bringing out ham and cheese, then withdrawing the wheat bread from the bread cupboard. Sheldon continued watching her; he placed his hands behind his back and walked up to her, entreating her interesting behavior with interest and also caution.

"Kate," said Sheldon.

"Yes, Sheldon?" Kate replied. Her voice was pleasant; so she wasn't angry.

"May I ask what you are doing?" asked Sheldon.

"I'm making lunch."

"At this hour?" Sheldon inquired. He glanced indicatively to the stove clock and said, "It's already three o'clock. And,"-he crossed his arms casually—"If I'm not mistaken, Stuart insinuated that there would be food and optional beverages at the comic book store."

Kate untied the twistie tie and said to him pointedly, "You didn't see him prepare the food."

"Of course not; we were playing paintball," said Sheldon. With a burst of enthusiasm, he added, "By the way, I couldn't help but admire your candor towards Kripke; alarming and a little pervasive for my comfort, but I must say, you'd make a wonderful co-captain if ever we are confronted by a war."

Kate smiled at his compliment, which apparently to others, was a rather rare occasion.

"To be quite honest, Sheldon," said Kate, taking out four loaves of bread, "I'm not hungry for finger foods at the party, or the cokes. I'm hungry for actual lunch: ham and cheese sandwich." She smiled pointedly, saying, "you're watching me prepare it. Would you care for a sandwich?"

Sheldon shrugged, saying, "I can eat." He sat on the left stool, as was his seat, and clasped his hands in front of him. "Kate."

"Yes?"

"Are you still interested in knowing the price of your sobriquet?" Sheldon inquired sincerely.

Kate glanced at him, her hands held the unopened slices of cheese. She gazed at him. If he could read her expression, he'd know that Kate _did _want to know the price, but when he continued looking at her inquisitively, she shook herself mentally. He couldn't read facial cues or peculiar body language, except the most vivid. Kate continued to make the sandwich, first Sheldon's, which she placed on a plate in front of him, and then hers.

"Sheldon, unlike Penny and Bernadette, I care very little about the price of anything my boyfriend gives me." Kate returned. She gave him a logical look and said, "Besides, learning its authenticity and its origin is clue enough for me."

Sheldon gave her a curious look, saying with a confused tone, "But, Kate, you told Leonard that females prefer to be informed on the price."

"I was messing with him," Kate denounced, handing him three napkins—he placed on each side of his plate (one for face, one for hand) and then the third on his lap. He then placed his sandwich between his hands. He still looked confused however.

"So you were being ironic?" Sheldon returned.

"Basically, yes." Kate replied. She smiled and said, "I found the whole thing to be amusing."

"Really? I found it to be annoying," said Sheldon. "The whole issue is rather despicable, placing value of an emotion on the price of an object."

Kate grinned and stated in a matter-of-fact tone, "Isn't that what you did when you bought this?" She indicated her gleaming sobriquet with her hand casually.

Sheldon looked at her, and his right eye twitched twice as did the tic on the corner of his mouth. He then said practically, "That's not the point."

"Isn't it?" Kate remarked, smirking.

He gazed at her with the notion of arguing but Kate waved it away, stating she was only messing with him as well.

"Kate, I think Penny's attributes for non-whimsical joking is rubbing off on you; you may want to reduce your time around her for the benefit of this relationship," Sheldon told Kate seriously. He bit into his sandwich and said emphatically, "Oh, lord, this is good!"

Kate ate her sandwich as well, enjoying the fresh taste. After lunch had ensued and Sheldon expressed his liking for her deli skills, Kate glanced at her watch. It was three-thirty. She felt her phone vibrate and wasn't surprised to see that it was Penny that had texted her, the message following: _Are you all dressed yet?_

Sheldon noticed her glance at her phone and he inquired the matter.

"Apparently, this is the time to conform and get in our costumes," Kate remarked, gazing at her phone with a belated smile.

"Oh goody!" Sheldon exclaimed. He took off to the bedroom (his) and closed the door. Kate smiled after him and she texted back.

_We're getting there._

Penny's text back was '_See you in a few_'.

Kate grinned, teeth showing. She then went into her own room and began to change from Dr. Kate Amy Burns to Selina Kyle, or more widely known, 'Catwoman'.

Sheldon was a six-foot two-inches tall Batman as he stood in the living room. He'd taken the liberty of acclaiming the replica of Micheal Keaton's Batman attire. It was more believable that he could be Batman as the outfit made his height flatter him; he donned the cap and smiled at himself in front of the bathroom mirror. The impish grin was unlike the dark knight crusader, but he couldn't help himself. He'd donned the black ink around his eyes to mimic the way all the other Batman. In spite of himself, he'd still be Dr. Sheldon Cooper, rather than the playboy Bruce Wayne. Still, he could be Batman.

Sheldon scoffed and said in a low, raspy growl, "I'm Batman!" He grinned impishly once more and knew that in another universe, he _was _the Batman, defender and protector of Gotham City's Gothamites. He entered the living room just in time to see that Howard and Bernadette had entered the room, dressed as Aragorn and Arwen; Bernadette wore a black wig which fell to her waist, and donned the beautiful replica of Liv Tyler's attire while saving Frodo from the Ring Wraiths in 'The Fellowship of the Ring'. Howard wore scruffy beard and the attire that Aragorn donned while being crowned King of Gondor, in the 'Return of the King'.

When the two Man and Elf saw Sheldon, they grinned broadly.

"This is going to be fun," said Bernadette wistfully. She looked at Howard. "You should have bought the Evenstar for you to wear."

"We can borrow Kate's," said Howard.

Sheldon gave him a look, returning "Don't be silly." He looked at Bernadette. "I must say, Bernadette, while you attain the short stature of a hobbit, you maintain an admirable stance of being a high-Elf."

"Thank you, Sheldon," said Bernadette. She looked at Howard. "I thought you said Sheldon never gives away compliments like they're candy!"

"He doesn't," Howard lamented. "He's in a good mood because of the party."

"On a contrary," said Leonard as he entered, dressed as the Green Lantern. Beside him was Hawk Girl, or more proudly known, Penny, who was wearing large wings and carried an 'electrified' mace, although the electric part was a bit understated, as it held no glow of any kind.

"You couldn't find a glow-in-the-dark battle mace?" Howard suggested, glancing at the less-than-convincing mace that Penny held.

"Well, it was out of stock," Leonard stated.

"Like everyone wants to be Hawk Girl," Penny pointed out. She sat on the far right cushion's arm. She glanced around and saw that Kate wasn't around. "Where's Catgirl?"

"Cat _woman_," corrected Sheldon, suddenly annoyed. "Penny, you're Hawkgirl for crying out loud, you should know your adversaries by now." He gave Leonard a look and said, "I hold you responsible for her ignorance."

"Give her a break; she's dressed as a Thagarian on Thanksgiving," Leonard persuaded. "Remember all the coaxing we had to do in order for to be Wonderwoman so we could all be Justice League?"

"I remember," said Howard. "Zack replaced you as Superman."

Leonard gave him a look but Howard emphasized with a grin and said, "Best day ever."

Penny merely became nonchalant and she turned to Sheldon enthusiastically.

"So you're the Dark Knight?" summarized Penny. "And Kate's Catwoman. Are you all role-playing or is this just a whimsy thing?"

"What are you talking about?" Sheldon said, sitting in his spot.

"Well," said Penny coolly. "Leonard and I are going to impersonate a green man and a hawk woman all night, based on their personalities. Howard and Bernadette are going to be Aragorn and Arwen all evening, probably speaking the Shakespearan way of the Middle-Earth, and you, Sheldon, are going to be Batman, who exonerates infatuation with a cat-impersonating woman."

Sheldon looked at Leonard and said impressively, "Have you also taught her magic tricks as well?"

"Oh stop," Leonard complained. "She's smart, Sheldon. You just have to give her a chance." He grinned emphatically when Penny gushed and thanked him for his compliment; the two exchanged a kiss.

Sheldon became disgusted, saying, "Oh frickety frack, not this again." He shook his head, standing. "If you two are going to start your honey-moon, I beg you to do it elsewhere."

Penny gave him a look that meant otherwise but Leonard gave in and he stopped the mushy nonsense before he became too desirous for the ravishing Hawkgirl in the apartment. Meanwhile, Howard and Bernadette sat together on the far right cushion.

"You might as well sit down," Sheldon denoted to Leonard and Penny who were standing, waiting for Kate. "From what I understand, Kate's been making her costume from scratch and she's been well-advised to be prepared before the time comes when we must leave; she'll take some time."

"How do you know she'll take a long time?" Penny asked.

Sheldon gave her a look, at which Penny raised her eyebrows. It was clear that while Penny was asking the simple conversational question, Sheldon had taken a bit of offense being questioned of Kate's habits. Penny smiled gently then opened her mouth to talk to Leonard but the door opened and there stood Rajesh; he was a brown Harry Potter.

"Helloooo!" Rajesh said, smiling like a dope.

"Hit the bar a little too early, didn't you, pal?" Howard stated, glancing at the slightly unbalanced boy-who-lived.

"Why are you Harry Potter? I thought you were Voldemort." Penny said.

"Shh!" Howard, Leonard, and Sheldon hissed.

Bernadette and Penny glanced at Sheldon expectantly; by this time, they knew he'd offer an explanation of their actions, with or without an indicative notion. As predicted, he did.

"Never say _his _name out loud!" Sheldon said. "It's taboo-ed."

"Taboo-ed?" repeated Bernadette.

Howard turned to his Arwen and said, "Yeah. In the Deathly Hallows, when one said the Dark Lord's name, Death Eaters materialized and they brought you to the Ministry of Magic, or if you were unluckier, to the Malfoy Manor."

Penny smiled and said, "I remember that part of the movie; that was awesome."

Sheldon turned to her and said apathetically, "You'll watch Harry Potter on a whim but not the Star Trek series? Are you crazy?"

"I'm not crazy," Penny replied smartly, "but then again, I've not been tested. No, Sheldon; I've watched the Harry Potter movies with my past boyfriends and they liked it rather well, so I figured 'why not'?"

Sheldon looked at Leonard and said, "Well, that's answered your question, Leonard."

"Which is?" Leonard remarked, clearly befuddled.

"When you asked 'What the hell do we even talk about after coitus?' That's your answer: Talk about Harry Potter and its riveting adventures." Sheldon stood, glancing at the clock. "This is odd; Kate's normally out here by now."

"Don't worry," Penny said.

Sheldon and all of them glanced at Penny apathetically, at which point she threw her hands in the air and said, "I know, I _know, _I forgot who I was talking to."

" 'I forgot to _whom_ I was talking'," corrected Sheldon after a pause. "And how can one not worry? She's probably making like you did when you decided you weren't going to the New Years' Day party."

"Which was?" Penny offered, though her challenging tone made Sheldon hesitate.

"Slam the door in my face," Sheldon recollected.

"I didn't slam the door in your face because I didn't want to go to the party. I slammed the door in your face because you called me 'beefy'." Penny responded defensively.

Sheldon shrugged, obviously not seeing the wrong in it. He sighed anxiously. He turned to Leonard to question Kate's continued absence but at that moment, Howard whistled low. His wife and the others looked in the hallway to see Kate, dressed as Selina Kyle, her costume resembling one of Michelle Pfieffer's. The stitching was obvious but the costume formed around her body, giving the slender, seductive look. Kate's smile became more mischeivous as Catwoman, and the bright green eyes were cat-like, giving the effect a magnanimous approach.

"Hey, Batman," Kate purred, standing behind Sheldon.

Hearing her, Sheldon turned and looked at her. Naturally, the effect of her costume's sexual appeal had a major pin on Howard and Leonard (despite their wife and fiancee, respectfully) but it seemed to have no affect on Sheldon for he merely looked at her with a spawn of annoyance.

"What took you so long?" Sheldon stated.

"I was painting this on," Kate remarked plainly. She gestured to her costume. "It's not exactly easy to get into it."

"I wouldn't think so," Leonard said, looking at Kate with wide eyes.

"Hey, Lantern," Penny said curtly, "eyes over here."

Leonard looked at Penny affectionately, saying, "Don't worry, Shayera, you're my one and only."

He gave her a kiss on her cheek which made Penny grin. Rajesh walked over to Kate and smiled happily.

"Hello, Catwoman. I'm Harry Potter."

Kate looked at him and said, "You're a bit tan to be Harry Potter."

"I'm the Boy-Who-Lived." Rajesh replied, apparently ignoring her remark. "Would you like to take a ride on my broomstick?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes. At first, Kate thought he might've gotten the innuendo but then he said, "Oh please, Koothrappali, you didn't even bring a broom."

Rajesh gave Sheldon a cool, distant look but when Kate had not reacted to his offer, Rajesh simply smiled at her and they all began going down the stairs to the Batmobile. As Kate slid into the driver's seat, she chuckled in a low voice. The animalistic snigger made Sheldon look at her.

"What?" he said.

"It's ironic."

"What is?"

"Batman's in the passenger seat of the Batmobile and Catwoman is driving while Harry Potter, HawkGirl, Arwen, and Aragorn sit in the back." She shrugged. "It's amusing."

Sheldon pondered her amusement for a moment before exhaling a snicker of his own. Yes, the crossover of three different genre-based series and movie was a bit bemusing, especially while Kate drove the Batmobile to the comic book store.

"So," said Howard from the back—he wrapped his arm around Bernadette's shoulders, "how many do you think will be at this party?"

"I don't know," Kate returned from the front. "All of us, Kripke that we know of, and since he's there, I'll just assume everyone we hate will be there too."

"Hey," said Penny. "Is Wil Wheaton going to be there?"

Sheldon turned to look at her and said, "Why would he be there?"

"Because Kripke knows you hate him," Penny replied as this was the obvious thing in the world. "If anything, you can show off your new girlfriend. Decked out in the sexy prada of a Catwoman, you'll make him envious of not only your mind but what you have and he doesn't."

Sheldon considered this, turning to Kate.

"Is it the relationship paradigm to show off a girlfriend in the eyes of the enemy to spawn jealousy in a coveted frenzy?" Sheldon remarked.

Kate looked at him pointedly, saying, "Sheldon, you've done that before."

"Really? When?" Sheldon replied, clearly shocked.

"When you introduced me to Dr. Gablehauser at Cal-Tech," said Kate. "You spun off all my degrees and left him flabbergasted."

"Flabbergasted is a funny word," Rajesh stated.

"It is," Kate remarked. She looked immediately to Sheldon saying, "I didn't mind in the slightest, but I do have to say that he's a bit on the downlow when it comes to charm."

"He's a scientist," reminded Leonard. "We don't exactly have that spin."

"I disagree," said Bernadette with a squeaky voice. "You all are very charming. Even Sheldon."

Sheldon glanced at her for a clear expression of continued befuddlement but as he turned to Kate for answers, she merely agreed with the microbiologist.

When they arrived, they all clamored out of the Batmobile. Greeting them was the comic book store owner, Stuart Bloom. He was dressed as a hobo, or maybe that was his actual clothing but when he greeted them, he held out a jar and said, "Give me a dollar."

"Why?" Sheldon asked.

Stuart smiled and said, "I'm a hobo for Thanksgiving. I figure I'd get some money out of it."

"Oh, funny," Penny noted.

Stuart recognized her as Hawk Girl, and said with intended flattery, "You look like a natural Thagarian, Penny." When he saw Bernadette, he exchanged compliments with her, adding, "This is the closest I'll ever get to meeting an Elf."

"You look like a natural hobo," Bernadette replied, although she seemingly regretted her words when everyone around her gave her a look of surprise and unmasked surprise, although Sheldon was chuckling.

When Kate met Stuart, his eyes widened with shock and awe.

"Hey, Stuart...er...hobo," Kate said.

"Well—I—er—gauh," Stuart stammered. He cleared his throat and suddenly paused. He then said, "Sorry, I had to get my words together. You look fabulous, Kate...Selina Kyle."

"Well, thank you...you rag tag bum," said Kate, smiling genuinely.

"How'd you get that?" asked Stuart, noting the close resemblance to the actress' costume.

Sheldon stood next to her and interjected, "She made it."

"Oh, wow, really?" Stuart gushed, staring at Kate's handiwork with an expression of admiration. "It looks so real!" He touched her arm and said, "Nice."

"Thank you," returned Kate. She looked at Sheldon. "We should meet up with the rest of the gang."

"We have a gang?" replied Sheldon.

Kate shook her head, chuckling. She took his arm and he gazed at her curiously, but then just accepted it. When they entered, Howard and Bernadette had already struck up a conversation with Leslie Winkle, who was dressed as Wonderwoman; accompanying her was Kripke—apparently, since the Paintball fight, they'd become a unit. Kripke was a masked Iron Man, although not even the mask could hide his obvious bruising that had been Kate's revenge.

"Well, well, well," said a voice from behind Sheldon. "Look who it is."

Sheldon's lips pursed and he turned to see Wil Wheaton. Of course, he dressed as himself for the costume party really had no limitation.

"Wheaton," said Sheldon venomously.

"You came as Batman," said Wheaton, clearly amused. "I thought you'd have brought Batgirl with you."

"Batgirl and Batman aren't a couple," noted Kate, who turned.

Wheaton glanced at her, first with shock, then with flattery. His eyes took her figure in with shameless reverie and he smiled after a while.

"Well, who's this?" Wheaton drawled. "I don't think I've met this feline before."

"You haven't," Kate replied. "And you'll never meet another one like me."

"Confident," Wheaton complimented. "Very attractive. What's your name?"

"Selina Kyle."

Wheaton took her hand in his and said in a more flattering deep voice, "Your _real_ name."

Kate was taken off guard. Perhaps it was the celebrity and fame that came with his formal disposition but she didn't deny his attractiveness, although his offensive behavior towards Sheldon—and her feelings for the latter—made him less appealing than he would've been if he'd not insulted him in the first place.

"Dr. Kate Burns," said Kate.

"Wow, you doctors are _everywhere_," Wheaton laughed. He kissed the back of her shiny leather hand and said seductively, "But quite as curvy as you."

Sheldon frowned. Even _he _knew that Wheaton was flirting with Kate. Kate glanced at the Star Trek celebrity and said with a slightly hinged voice, "I'm going to get something to drink." She turned to Sheldon and said, "Do you want anything, honey?"

Wheaton quirked an eyebrow at the the term of endearment and Sheldon shook his head once. Kate smiled at him then walked towards the bar. Wheaton watched her; when the feline was out of sight and out of earshot, Sheldon gave him a hard knock on the shoulder.

"Ow, what was that for!" Wheaton barked.

"She's _not _for you!" Sheldon retorted coldly.

Wheaton watched as Sheldon cantered after the ambiguous feline. Leslie stood next to him and Wheaton glanced her up and down as well.

"Well, hello Wonderwoman," Wheaton drawled.

"Don't flatter yourself," Leslie scoffed.

Wheaton shrugged and looked after where Kate had gone, saying dismissively, "What's with Catwoman and Batman?"

"Kate's Sheldon's girlfriend," said Leslie apathetically.

"Really?" replied Wheaton.

Leslie laughed, saying, "Always the surprise."

"Aren't you surprised?"

"I was at first but what I hope is for Kate and Cooper to become angry with each other during paintball and Kate let loose a ton of rage with her rifle; With that said, Cooper's on the ground writhing in pain and then I get a shot at the title," said Leslie. She drank her beer. Wheaton gave her an alarmed look, to which she added as an afterthought: "I had a hard time admitting it but Kate's a sure shot when it comes to Paintball. Plus, she's got the heart of a lion."

"Are you admiring her?" Wheaton replied, quite convinced that Leslie was.

"I don't admire her," said Leslie. She shrugged with consideration, saying, "But in another world, we'd be best friends." She took another drink of her beer and said, "Looking at her, I wouldn't mind being more."

Wheaton gave her a look and Leslie seemed to think the same. She put the beer in the trashcan and said, "I think it's the booze." She merely walked back to accompany Iron Man, AKA, Kripke.


	3. The Screwy Flirtation

Love Is Hell

Chapter Three: The screwy flirtation

Author's Note: This is a fun chapter :D

* * *

Sheldon saw that Kate was at the bar, taking a drink of what could only be assumed to be punch, or, as Penny was taking a lot of it, the possibility of it being some alcohol was also predicated. After seeing Wheaton demonstrate an alpha-induced confident prose on Kate, Sheldon was affronted, albeit, slightly hindered. Never did he use such tactics to pick up women...if he ever decided to do such an activity, he'd find other ways to charm rather than compliment Kate's costume.

He glared back at Wheaton, who was watching him while talking to Leslie, the Wonderwoman of the party, although Sheldon felt Penny might've been a better match, despite her blonde hair. Sheldon cantered to where Kate was drinking out of her cup.

"What was that all about?" Sheldon inquired, standing beside her.

Kate glanced at him.

"What?" she said, clearly confused.

"You were just accepting his candor like a flirty bar maid," Sheldon condescended.

Kate, having realized the problem evidently, lowered her glass and gazed at him with a cool, calculating gaze. She smiled afterwards.

"Sheldon, I was accepting his flirting. Did you see me kiss _his _hand or say he was attractive?" Kate remarked smoothly. She took another drink of the red liquid and with a smack of her lips, she added, "This is definitely _not _punch."

Sheldon glanced at the beverage for a moment in her response but it didn't distract him for long. He merely gazed at her, eyebrows furrowed, mouth a bit pursed—he was upset.

"I don't like your rhetorical questioning." Sheldon said.

Kate startled a bit. The drink caught in her throat and after a pause, she drank down the liquid and wiped the small amount of alcohol that hadn't passed through her lips. Ultimately, she turned slowly to him.

"Sheldon, he's only making polite conversation. See?" Kate remarked, glancing past Sheldon. The two turned to see Wheaton now waving at her, although the smirk on his mouth and the wink he sent Kate was more than provocative.

Sheldon looked at Kate, unconvinced.

"Kate, I may be naïve at times when it concerns flirtatious conversation and aphrodisiac-related gestures but I'm more than convinced that due to the most recent interaction, I can only surmise you are _enjoying_ Wheaton's proclivities." Sheldon remarked smartly.

Kate stared at him for nearly ten seconds straight and blinked, a change with a smile as well.

"Sheldon," she said gently—she put down her drink on the table, "Why do I get the notion you're a bit jealous?"

"Jealousy is subjective," Sheldon returned coldly. "And you may be receiving the perception of it for the very fact that no only are you exhibiting blatant flattery from his subjection, you reciprocated the nature."

Kate frowned in return saying, "I didn't flirt with him."

"I disagree; you were neither accepting or denying his claims."

"I counter your disapproval—in no way did I accept it or deny it because I blatantly ignored it." Kate remarked. She crossed her arms and said pointedly, "Just because I don't say 'oh, Wil, you're a reasonably attractive man too' or 'well, thank you, golly good gosh', doesn't mean I've accepted his flirt."

"But you're denying it either," Sheldon stated, pointing at her.

"Sheldon, I didn't flirt back." Kate returned. She forced a smile and handed him a drink. "Now, forget about it, move on, and have a drink."

"I don't drink alcohol, Kate. You know that," Sheldon reminded apathetically. He then added shrewdly, "And how can you think I can forget about it? You might as well have been giving him a strip tease."

"How can I give him a strip tease, Sheldon? I'm in a suit." Kate said. She was ten centimeters from taking another drink before she said off-handedly, "And how the hell do you even know what a strip tease is?"

"I've read the book Penny and Leonard gave me for my birthday," said Sheldon dismissively. He frowned at Kate, saying, "It tells me all about flirting too."

"Really?" Kate remarked. "If it did, you'd have all the knowledge in your brain to know that I didn't flirt with Wheaton, nor did I ever intend to accept either. But he called me curvy and attractive, and I wasn't going to disagree."

"Ah-ha!" Sheldon snapped. "There it is!"

"There's what?" Kate remarked.

"So you _did _accept it!" Sheldon said loudly. He shook his head, saying, "The truth comes out, doesn't it?"

"Oh good god," Kate uttered aloud, rolling her eyes. "You know, for such a classy Bruce Wayne, your Batman is sure having a fit. Listen closely, Sheldon—I didn't flirt with Wheaton, nor did I accept his flirt. I took it as a compliment then came here for a drink." She frowned deeply, remarking, "It's not my fault you're jealous. If it really bothers you that much, maybe _you_ should flirt with me instead."

Sheldon sighed and said, "Kate, I believe the alcohol in your system is clogging the deportation station in your brain that converts facts into reality and applies that knowledge to everyday life, meaning, you know very well that I'm above human interface actions, which includes flirting. One doesn't have to flirt to assert dominance in a situation."

Kate laughed sharply, saying, "Oh, really?"

Sheldon crossed his arms and stepped towards her saying, "Yes, _really_."

Kate looked at him, sizing him more than likely. She gulped the rest of her drink and placed the empty cup on the table. Apparently, their bicker had attested some attraction as Leslie and Wheaton were still watching them, although the debate had also caused their friends, namely Aragorn and Arwen (Howard and Bernadette) and Penny to noticed as well.

"Then," challenged Kate, "is it not more demeaning of you to accept my flirts?"

"Kate, you know me to be a very intuitive man; if you had been flirting with me in the past, do you not think I would know it?" Sheldon responded curtly.

Howard, Bernadette, Penny, Leonard, Rajesh, Kripke, Wheaton, and Leslie stared at him with the exact same expression of a hinted indication but Kate, on the other hand, remained oppressed—her eyes were narrowed with the challenging era of a clever interrogator but the curve of her lips hinted a more primal taunt.

Kate merely poured the red contents of a wine bottle into a glass and handed it forcibly to Sheldon, who was forced to hold it in any case it would spill.

"Drink this, and loosen up. It'll do you some good. Because," said Kate slowly, her voice edged with malice, "You may scold your friends and enemies but I'm your girlfriend, which means you"-she poked Sheldon on the shoulder-"do not get to chastise me." She raised her eyebrows to him and then walked away.

Sheldon looked after her, saying loudly, "In what manner did I chastise you?"

The question became unresolved as Kate didn't come back. However, Sheldon looked into this cup, looking at the contents carefully. What if someone poisoned it? Sheldon thought about it but Kate was still alive, right? Then again, her strange mood change was slightly aggressive. It she turned into the Hulk in the next hour, wouldn't he? Sheldon poured the cup's contents back into the bowl, then went on a search for Kate.

However, after ten minutes of searching the comic book store, he didn't find her. Instead, he found Wheaton flirting with Leslie, who was laughing.

"Did you see where Kate went?" asked Sheldon, obviously anxious as he was uncomfortably shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Kate?" repeated Wheaton.

"Catwoman," Leslie corrected to Wheaton, who seemed to know _that _Kate for the recognition was immediate, as he smiled.

"Ah, Kate," recollected Wheaton. He glanced at Sheldon and said, "No. Why?"

"I can't find her."

"It's a comic book store," Leslie stated pointedly. "She can only be in the four corners or in the center of the room. Then again, from what I understand, that woman has the speed and agility of Catwoman; she could be at all corners at once."

Sheldon gave her a perturbed look, remarking, "A woman boring speed and agility has no ability in multiplying one's self to be in places where they aren't, Leslie." He glanced the cup she was holding, saying, "It's no question where your stupidity lies, considering your alcohol consumption but then one must assume you're a regular alcoholic as your intelligence hardly stems from a difference at work."

"Don't you have a cat to find?" Wheaton remarked.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Sheldon responded.

"I _do _know," Wheaton returned. "From what I understand, Sheldon, your search is pretty much done."

Sheldon took off his mask, glancing left and right for the woman he'd come with and then looked at Wheaton with sudden disturbance.

"How did you come to that conclusion?" asked Sheldon.

"I heard your argument with her," said Wheaton. He laughed shortly, saying, "We all did."

"Irrelevant."

"Not really," said Leslie. She stepped towards him, slightly imbalanced. "It's obvious you took Wil's flirting with Kate hard. You're too stupid to realize that she didn't flirt back, but I'm talking to a certifiable dunce, so defending your case is futile as my supposition this beautiful man is trying to seduce me to his proclivities in the bedroom when the party is over."

Wheaton and Sheldon glanced at her curiously—although wheaton was more interested. Leslie gave him a second-doubt look, saying, "You _are _trying to seduce me right?"

"Yeah," Wheaton admitted, grinning shamelessly.

"Good," Leslie said. "I was gonna say, if you weren't, then you're a natural smooth talker, aren't you?"

Wheaton grinned broadly then looked at Sheldon.

"She's right," he said.

"On what accounts?"

"All," Wheaton returned. He took Leslie's waist in his arm and said steadily, "Sheldon, are you really that upset about my comment about Kate's figure? I mean, dude, you have to admit it to yourself that she's got the figure of a model."

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response," Sheldon retorted with aloofness. He frowned with a bitten anxiety, fidgeting with his hands. "So have you seen Kate or not?"

"Well," said Leslie in a long sigh, "let me think. You insinuated that she flirted with this man here when she didn't say anything. You claim she's never flirted with you, although, I'm pretty sure she has because you know, girls have a natural tendency to do that to a man they're head over heels for, and...let's see, uh, oh yes, she said you were being an ass."

"How was I being an ass?" Sheldon remarked, clearly confused.

"You scolded her in front of the whole group," Wheaton said, laughing. "You don't realize anything you've done wrong, don't you?"

"No," said Sheldon. "Because I haven't done anything wrong."

"Wrong," Leslie said. She handed Wheaton her cup, and asked for him to get her another drink, to which he obliged happily and she looked at Sheldon. "You're a real dumb ass, you know."

"Although you've regularly seized every chance to belittle my intelligence with your repetitive remark, the repetition of a statement does not make the stated true or existent in the future," Sheldon said.

"Neither does your response of 'I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested'. Because even though you say it, I, like everyone here, think you're out of your mind." Leslie said.

"How so?" Sheldon invited.

"Well, for one, you don't think Kate flirts with you. Second, you think she's attracted to Wil Wheaton when she has generally more attraction to you, because that's the only reason I can think of when she turns down that hunk of primal animal for a skinny little white psycho like you," Leslie replied. She smirked and said, "And I can speak like this when I'm _drunk_. Ha, beat that, dummy." She grinned and then glanced around, saying, "Now, speaking of hunk of primal animal, where's that piece of meat!" She galloped around the group of superheroes in search for Wheaton.

Sheldon looked after her, a bit disturbed. He put on his mask and then went in search for Kate again, although he wasn't sure if the reason she'd disappeared was his fault. When he'd come around the comic book store and found Kate at the bar, once more, she was drinking a third glass of wine. Sheldon cautiously stepped up to her.

"Kate..."

"I'm n...whoa..." Kate shuffled over her feet and leaned against the wall for sudden support, holding her glass. She smiled wildly and said with a slight slur, "I'm not Kate...I'mmmm CATWOMAN!" She raised her glass above her head, moving the glass with conviction.

Sheldon stared at her. Oh frack...

"Kate," said Sheldon.

"I'm not Kate." Kate remarked. "I'm Catwoman."

"Catwoman isn't drunk," Sheldon said.

Kate smirked, the mischief set deep on her face and said with a sultry, low voice, "Oh, yes she is."

"Oh no, she's not." Sheldon said. "Catwoman is currently fencing between good and evil, regularly intervening in the activities of either side, aiding and confronting Batman as we speak."

"You got that right," Kate remarked, smiling at the Batman-dressed Sheldon in front of her. She stepped towards him, although her state caused a short bout of clumsiness and she fell forward on the floor, although Sheldon had caught her in that instant. Despite his catch, he landed on his back and she, on him.

"Normally, I fence both good and evil," Kate muttered. She said in a low voice once more, "But I'm feeling rather _bad._ Cuff me, Bats." She giggled again and as a reference, she touched his waist where his utility belt was. "No Bat-cuffs. Batman's unprepared."

Sheldon shook his head and pushed her off him. He stood and gathered her shoulders, pulling her up as well.

"Kate, you're drunk."

"Oh, so, Batman doesn't know when he gets my kitty purring, but he knows when I'm drunk," said Kate . She smirked and said, "What else do you know, Dark Knight? Maybe, maybe...maybe we can go take a ride in the Batmobile, and then...then, you canshowmesome..." Kate leaned her back against the wall.

"Kate," said Sheldon gently—although his flashing caution alarms were going off. "Maybe we should go home and you lay on the couch and rest."

"Batman has a couch in the cave? Really?" Kate muttered. She gave him an odd look and then giggled, "Batman's butler's an interior decorator too, eh? Sounds pretty handy, 'specially...specially..." She hiccuped and then looked at Sheldon, startled. "What?"

"What?"

"Did you say something?"

"No," Sheldon said.

"Oh, I thought...I thought you saidsomething...oh nevermind." Kate waved at him dismissively and said, "Batman, you...you...huh?"

Sheldon stared at her incredulously. This was a side of Kate he had _never _seen before. To be quite honest, he was shocked and in still in a state of awkwardness and surprise. Apparently, the conversation carried to everyone around the room, as they ceased their conversation and turned to them. Once again, Sheldon was at the center of attention, although he lacked the understanding as to why; if anyone was to be under the spot light, it was the woman that was drunk out of her skull, and also under incredible influence. However, those that weren't understanding of the situation, those that didn't know Kate or Sheldon talked again. However, Penny, Bernadette, Leonard, Rajesh, and Stuart were looking on with confused and interested faces.

"Guess..guessswhat," slurred Kate.

Sheldon turned to her.

"Kate, being that I'm one to normally point out the obvious of the situation, I'm designating myself to say that you're completely intoxicated and despite your dispatched sense of humor which I find equally disturbing and annoying, you're only vulnerability is being as such." Sheldon stated.

"Well, you're..you're annoying too, you know," Kate stated coldly.

Sheldon stared at her.

"Where did that come from?" Sheldon retorted.

"You're an ass." Kate muttered.

"I'm not sure if I like this side of you," said Sheldon. "Not only is it alarming but you're also very rude."

"Rude?" repeated Kate. She laughed loudly (where Howard and Leonard looked at her). "Youthink I'm rude, well, let me tellyou something, Sheldon...Batman...Bruce Wayne...whoever the fuck you are, I'll tell you something." She put her cup down on the table and glared at him, pointing. "You think I'm the rude one, the one? You think I'm rude?"

"Yes," said Sheldon flatly. "And you're also being repetitive."

"I call 'bullshit.'." Kate replied. She frowned. "You know, Batman may be a bit fringed when it comes to-to-to social gathering and crap, but Bruce Wayne knows a flirt when he s-s-sees a flirt, and you, Sheldon aren't Bruce Wayne."

"Gee, I can't understand how you managed to arrive at that conclusion," Sheldon stated sarcastically.

"Riddle me this," Kate remarked after a pause. She then hiccuped. Then, Kate glared at him. "What kind of man blames his girlfriend for being flirted by another man?"

"One that's irreparably offended she accepted a flirtatious conjecture," Sheldon remarked.

"You and your big words," said Kate, shaking her head. "You jusssssssst won't accept that you're jealous, and when someone flirts with me, you feel inferior to them cuz you lack the social aptitude for the practice, and in return, you blame me for your short comings...you tall, sexy, son-of-a-bitch."

Sheldon stared at her.

"Was that a compliment or an insult?" Sheldon replied.

"I'd accept it as the former," Leonard butted in. He took Sheldon aside. "Maybe we should go home."

"Yeah," said Howard, stepping behind Leonard, "and miss this? Kate's drunk out of her mind and it's frickin' hilarious."

"I disagree," Sheldon replied but before he could go on, Kate stepped towards him again.

"You disagree? That's a laugh!" Kate shrieked. She took another glass of wine, drank it down in one clever shot then said, "When did you not disagree, Batman?"

"I'm not Batman, Kate. I'm Sheldon."

"Sheldon, Batman, Bruce Wayne, what the fuck is the difference?" Kate muttered. She looked at Leonard, laughing, "You have to be Batman because Green Lantern's right beside you. What's up, GL?"

"I'm fine," Leonard returned, slightly irked. He turned to Sheldon. "I think we should go."

"Go?" interrupted Kate. "Go where? To the Watch Tower? Or to the Bat Cave. Or-or-or-or..." She saw Howard and said, "Oh lookie who we have here, it's, uh, uh, what the hell...brain fart...oh! It's Aragorn!" She waved and said in a different tongue (in Elvish Sindarin) "_Hello, Aragorn!" _

Penny snuck behind Leonard beside Howard and whispered, "What's going on?"

"Kate's drunk," said Howard.

"I can see that," Penny said.

"Hey!" Kate called, laughing. "Oh my god, Batman, it's like everyone is here. Hi, Hawk Girl! How's my girl!" She stumbled past Sheldon, who stared at her, befuddled, and then leaned on Penny's shoulder. "How the fuck are you, you pretty, pretty birdie...pretty birdie." She stroked Penny's hair.

Penny, who was definitely creeped out, stared at Leonard, eyes widened and eyebrows raised. Amy, who was dressed in professional clothing, clearly saw that Penny was receiving dolled out attention from Kate—not the bestie—and came over. Amy seemed familiar with the act as she saw that Kate, who was giggling over Penny's non-electric mace, was drunk.

"Amy," said Sheldon, clearly surprised. "I didn't think you would be here."

"It's Stuart's thing, so by my efforts of procuring his similar emotional appeal towards the things he admires and loves, I'm here; in return, we've...whoa..." Amy stopped as Kate clamored to her and hugged her with a vice like grip.

"Amy...Amy...Amy—it's been so long!" Kate squealed. She kissed Amy's cheek, muttering, "Sometimes, I wish you and Sheldon and I have one day fling where we bond...and merriment...all that crap that people talk about in porno-flicks, you know...know."

Amy stared at her.

"Kate."

"I'm not Kate," Kate immediately retorted. "I'm fucking Catwoman."

"Okay," Amy replied. "Catwoman, are you drunk?"

"Indeed-y."

Amy glanced around to see that while Sheldon was deeply perturbed by the idea of Kate being intoxicated, as he was expecting the events to unfold as they had done when Amy had taken Sheldon to her place whilst she was drunk, the situation was altogether awkward. Especially as Kate was holding onto her and Penny, Leonard, Howard, and Bernadette seemed all around amused, but also disturbed by Kate's fondness of Amy and Penny.

"How'd you get drunk in the first place?" asked Amy. "You avoid alcohol, the reason you provided for your father having abandoned while in a drunkard state. I figured this would have consummated a constant intolerance for the consumption, just as Sheldon refuses to drink as his father was rigorously involved in the activity."

"Blah, blah, blah," Kate muttered, "Amy..." She released Amy finally.

"To answer your question," said Leonard, "Sheldon and Kate had an argument about Kate accepting Wheaton's flirting and that's made her subconsciously upset that Sheldon thought she was flirting with other men, despite their consistent serious levels in the relationship."

Sheldon gazed coolly at Leonard, remarking, "I never invited you into the precedent, Leonard."

"Oh, Sweetie, you didn't have," said Penny. She indicated to the store, saying, "Everyone pretty much heard you."

"So they're in agreement," said Sheldon. "Kate flirted, which gives me the feeling of having been betrayed..."

"Betrayed?" repeated Kate. She turned to Sheldon and stepped towards him. "How in the _hell _did I betray you? What the fuck did I do..." Kate stumbled slightly which gave her the slightest inkling of dangerous feat. "You blame me for your jealousy?"

"I'm posing no blame, but if you are, then I say you're correct," said Sheldon curtly. "And for the record, Kate, your mouth has reached a potent level of cursing and obscenities."

"For the _record_," Kate snapped angrily, "you're an emotionally vacated robot who doesn't understand when I'm flirting with you or when someone flirts with me that I have the loyalty of a frickin' dog and I never flirted back or even showed any wishing of doing so!" She continued furiously, "And for the _record, Sheldon, _I have flirted with you more than seventeen hundred times with you, but you're too inept in your social skills to figure that kind of crap out!"

"It's not my fault," Sheldon retorted, pointing to himself, "that you choose to do such activities without my consent."

"Oh, now I need your consent to flirt with you? How the hell would you even know?" Kate remarked angrily.

"I would know."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Apparently, then, those last seventeen hundred times were completely oblivious to you!" Kate stated.

"Apparently so, or you didn't make them vivid enough," Sheldon retorted. He stepped towards her and said coldly, "Out of those two proceedings, which sounds more likely!"

"You're blinded!" Kate snapped. "You clearly don't understand the action of flirting or hitting on someone."

"There's not a difference!" Sheldon shouted.

At this point, the room was quiet. Penny, Amy, and Bernadette stared at Kate and Sheldon stood within a foot's distance of each other, shouting. While Howard, Leonard, and Stuart mildly watched with open mouths. Sure they had been in an argument with the man but now they saw it from the front lines. They hoped it wasn't a splash zone.

"Maybe you're too stupid to realize it," Kate offered heatedly. "Maybe you're too dumb to figure out when a person is flirting back. Then again, you haven't ever seen me flirt, right, so you can't know the difference."

"Plausible in the latter, but I'm not stupid. I have an IQ of 187—"

Kate then lashed out, "You have an IQ of 187, you have two doctorates and a masters degree, but you know crap about how I feel about you or what even goes on your frickin' mind or body!"

Sheldon rolled his eyes and responded, "One can argue without the obscene language, Kate. Good grief, it's like your from the slums of Nebraska where English is bland and voices carry from one city to another."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kate shouted.

"You're intoxicated and it's causing you obvious wear and tear," Sheldon remarked, crossing his arms.

"Well, I may be drunk, but at least my knowledge of where I stand as far as this relationship is concerned is complete, whether I'm drunk or sober," said Kate.

"I know where the relationship stands, Kate; it's in the Roommate-Relationship Agreement."

"Is it!"

"Yes, it is!" Sheldon responded. "And it's a good thing too as you're apparently suffering from the memory loss of being drunk."

"I don't need a contract to figure out where I am in the relationship," Kate snapped.

"Obviously you do as you're flirting with every man in this room," Sheldon responded.

"I'm not flirting with every man in this room—I'm not flirting with one!" Kate shouted angrily. "It's not me who's blind, it's you. It's your contract that's screwy, and everything about it is messed up."

"The contract is—"

"SCREW THE CONTRACT!" Kate shouted.

"NO, THE CONTRACT SCREWS YOU!" Sheldon shouted back.

"SCREW YOU!" Kate snarled.

"As the dignified response remains, "_Right back at you_!" Sheldon returned angrily.

Kate stared at him furiously then looked at everyone else, then, as she had no other coherence, she merely glared at Sheldon then left with the turn of her heel. Sheldon watched after her then turned on his own, leaving to the other side of the building. However, he only entered the bathroom while Kate slammed the door on the way out, leaving the comic book store completely.

There was silence. Then finally...

"So..." said Stuart. "Did they just break up?"

"Well," said Amy, "They didn't say so but let's presume for the safety of the matter that Kate and Sheldon are currently at a barrier in which one will be obligated to apologize; of course, the one indicative of initating the apology is a man whom I've learned is hard from which to extract a proper apology, therefore, one renders the situation unpredictable."

Stuart nodded, saying, "So they might as well have broken up."

Amy looked at him curiously, saying, "Was I not subtle enough?"

"Nope," said Stuart. He smiled though, saying, "But we're making progress."

Amy beamed.


	4. The Exhausting Conclusion

Love Is Hell

Chapter Four: The Exhausting Conclusion

–

Sheldon had gone through the door of the restroom only for the fact that it was a swing-either-way. Open it with your back, close it with your back, and go vice versa when one wished to go out, rather than the annoyance of touching a handle that encased all the germs of those who were disgusting enough not to wash their hands on the way in or out. Sheldon merely stood against the wall, not daring to enter the stalls from which the dastardly pathogens only beckoned him from the grave waters in the commode.

He'd not arrived here for the relief of using a bathroom, but out of spite. Yes, spite...he had no where else to slam a door except the building's exit which was, incidentally, the entrance; Kate had used that one. And as he was in no mood what so ever to speak to her, Sheldon had gone the only other route, albeit the worst.

Despite his illict language towards Kate and all it had represented, he was deeply assaulted with the guilt of shouting at a drunken woman. The alcohol had festered whatever Chance-like grievances. Evidently, despite the absence of Raj's last sexual relationship, the woman had rubbed off on Kate, with her despicable obscene language. Then again...Kate _did _mention, to Sheldon's consistent surprise, that she had been like Chance before, the cursing and possible violence.

The door opened and Sheldon was forced to see that Howard, Rajesh, and Leonard had come after him, and Stuart, who seemed to have joined their rag-tag team.

"I know why you're here," said Sheldon, interrupting them before Leonard had a chance to speak.

"Really?" posed Howard.

"Yes," said Sheldon. "You've come to entreat upon me the reasons about why the argument began and in the manner it ended."

"Actually," said Raj, "I've actually come to go to the bathroom." She shifted, saying, "I have to pee." He entered one of the stalls and locked the door behind him.

Howard, Leonard, and Stuart turned to Sheldon after that momentary interruption.

"And what about you three?" asked Sheldon distantly.

"We've come to entreat," Leonard said. He stood next to him. "Sheldon, that was uh...quite an argument you had."

"Indeed, but I believe it was inevitable," said Sheldon.

Leonard stared at him. "Really? You saw it coming?"

"Of course," said Sheldon. He gazed at Leonard and said curiously, "Didn't you?"

"Well, yeah," said Howard shrugging, "but let's hear your side first."

"My side?" repeated Sheldon. "What other side is there?"

"Kate's," said Stuart.

"Don't be ridiculous," said Sheldon, crossing his arms. "If that woman had a side, she'd only be a segment."

Stuart stared at him, evidently lost. Sheldon rolled his eyes and said, "Unlike a triangle, which has three sides, and a square, which has four, a line segment, has no sides. It's a line segment...it's neither two nor three dimensional."

"And," said Howard exasperatedly, "That's mathematics 411."

Rajesh was heard to flush the toilet and came out, washing his hands shortly after. Sheldon watched him carefully until Rajesh towel-dried his hands and then turned to Sheldon, his eyes bright with knowledge.

"Sheldon, have you ever considered that in a relationship, both parties have sides?" said Raj.

"Of course I have," Sheldon answered knowingly. "It's obvious. But as the sides constantly contradict each other, it's the reason why I've drawn up the Roommate Agreement with Leonard while he had been my roommate and yet another when I'd drawn one up for Kate, the Roommate-Relationship Agreement, which, come to think of it, I might have been too lenient with, as I've not predicated this matter in the first place."

"Sheldon," sighed Leonard. "Has it ever occurred to you that not everyone is going to be fine every day with your roommate agreements?"

"No," said Sheldon flatly. "Why wouldn't they?"

"That's our question," replied Howard. He stepped towards Sheldon, entreating a friendly hand. "Sheldon, you don't see where you went wrong, do you?"

"I don't recollect I've gone wrong anywhere," Sheldon replied.

"That might be part of the reason," Rajesh observed.

Sheldon stared at all of them, oblivious.

"For the very fact that if I don't indulge, I speculate that this conversation will only circle. So, humor me. Where did I 'go wrong'?" Sheldon remarked, making air quotes along with the ridiculous phrase.

"Well," began Howard, Rajesh, and Stuart but Leonard, who knew Sheldon's antics and language better than the other three, stopped them, and took over. Leonard put his hand on Sheldon's shoulder gently.

"Sheldon, Kate's put up with your contracts and over all busied antics for the past 8 months and I have to say, she's come a long with it than Raj and I have, living with you." Leonard said.

"What's to 'put up with'?" Sheldon responded. He stared at Leonard. "You signed to it as willingly as she did and only thereafter did you ever oppose."

"Sheldon," said Howard. "Your problem isn't the contract. It's how you go about things. First, you blamed Kate for Wheaton's flirting."

"Because she _is _to blame," Sheldon insisted. He rolled his eyes and said exasperatedly, "Good grief, will this day ever end!"

"No," scolded Leonard. "It won't. Until you agree that half the situation that's been caused earlier is your fault."

"I refuse it," said Sheldon. "Kate Burns knew very well that Wil Wheaton was flirting with her. She didn't tell him to stop or anything; she blatantly accepted it."

"Because she's not so touchy," returned Howard. "She's too frickin' polite to tell Wheaton 'don't touch me, you limey bastard', and slap him. That's Chance. Not her."

Rajesh considered it and said, "Chance would do that." He smiled and said, "How I miss her rogue-ish, and yet...ever so frightening, violent possession." He turned to Howard, saying, "How come you never get defensive when a girl flirts with me?"

"I don't," said Howard, "because I have a wife."

"No excuse," Rajesh replied, shaking his head.

"Look, the point is," said Leonard, reverting to the problem at hand. He looked at Sheldon and said gently, "Kate was right, Sheldon."

"So you're taking her side now?" Sheldon complained.

"No, no, no, no," said Leonard quickly. "I'm not."

"So then what are you doing?" Sheldon responded.

Leonard sighed sadly and lowered his head, muttering, "Okay, so I'm taking her side. But, Sheldon." He looked up at Sheldon, who was frowning. "You have to know that Kate wasn't betraying you."

"I don't have to know it; in order for one to have the need to know something, it must be true."

"Then behold the news flash," replied Howard, "you're going to get a big bop on the head when we tell you that you were jealous of Wheaton's hitting on Kate, and that made you mad. Kate didn't respond to Wheaton's advances because she wanted to, and she didn't slap him across the face because she didn't have to."

"I believe otherwise," said Sheldon.

"Well, Kate doesn't think all the time like the way you do," Stuart pointed out.

"We think alike, Stuart," Sheldon suddenly insisted angrily. "It's why she should have made a disgusted comment towards Leslie Winkle and Wheaton each and it's a reason why she shouldn't have screwed the Roommate-Relationship Agreement!"

"Oh god with the Roommate-Relationship Agree—look," said Rajesh, stepping to Sheldon's right while Leonard stood on his left, "You're making a big thing out of nothing."

"Oh really?" Sheldon challenged.

"Yes," said Howard. "It's obvious you were jealous and rather than admitting that little human feeling, you resolve to accusing Kate of not flirting back, which personally, if that was Bernadette's position, I'd be grateful."

"Why?" Sheldon remarked coldly.

"Because that means she's not interested," Howard said. He shook his head, tiredly. "I don't know how Kate got you to have sex with her; convincing you must have taken a toll."

Sheldon gave him an odd look. Rajesh snapped his fingers, which made all of them look at him.

"You know what," said Raj. "I don't think it's the blame being placed on her for not subjecting to Wheaton's advances that's made Kate drunk and hostile."

"Actually," said Stuart, "I think the drinking has made her hostile and Sheldon's accusation just made the matter worse."

"On a contrary," said Sheldon. "I'm still under the impression that it was inevitable."

"Sure it was inevitable," Rajesh said pointedly. "Anyone would have a cow when you tell them it's their fault for making you jealous when it was just natural intent. Face it, Sheldon, you don't want anyone attracting Kate, but because you're trying to retract any strong emotions for her, you have the need to blame her when _you're_ the one feeling possessive."

"Really, Koothrappalli? You're using psychological inference to influence me?" Sheldon remarked, unimpressed.

Stuart sighed deeply, which made Sheldon look at him.

"What?" asked Leonard, noting Stuart's impending sigh of exhaustion.

"Coming from what I just know," said Stuart slowly. "It looks to me that Sheldon's finally gotten to Kate, with his whole need for control and his inability to accept that they've become serious in a relationship."

"I know the grounds on which our relationships lies, Stuart," Sheldon stated coldly. "Besides, it's none of your business."

Leonard gave Sheldon a look and stated strongly, "Sheldon, you're certifiable and demanding and the only person that's never made a big fuss about it, and puts up with your crap, is the very person that just told you to screw yourself and has, in a drunken state, walked out of this building with zero direction of where she's going. And while she's doing that, you're in a bathroom, telling us you know where your relationship lies, but you're so oblivious to her feelings that you're in denial of your own."

Sheldon looked at Leonard, ready to spout some denial-based response but he was at a loss. He opened his mouth once to speak, then second to relish that he was speechless.

Rajesh grinned widely and said, "I know I'm drunk, guys, but even _I _can see that there is love in the air."

"Now I call hokum," Sheldon returned. "I don't love anything but my mother and my spot on the cushion."

"Then why did you buy Kate the original Evenstar for no reason?" asked Howard. He added pointedly, "Which I've looked on ebay for the going rate and it has to be at least well over 30,000 dollars for the authenticity."

"And why did you care for her while she was sick with the flu, despite your germ phobia?" posed Stuart.

"And why did you have sex with her when you _know_ you have a fear of germs," added Howard. "I mean, that has to be like your ultimate sacrifice right there, right beside giving yourself up the first time Kate played paintball when Leslie had you all cornered?"

"And why," said Leonard, knowingly, "Did you concede to the idea that you would relocate with her if she would have lost her license and had to move to a different city, albeit, a different state?"

"More importantly," said another voice.

It was Wil Wheaton who had apparently been eavesdropping. He looked at them all with knowing. "More importantly, why are you still here in the bathroom talking about her when it's clear you should have gone after Kate the moment she'd left the building."

"**You**." Sheldon hissed.

"Look," said Wheaton, raising his hands in surrender. "I admit that I did flirt with her—who wouldn't? She's a good-looking woman dressed in a Catwoman costume. I'd be stupid if I didn't."

Sheldon frowned.

"You'd be stupid either way," said Sheldon.

"If she meant that much to you, I wouldn't have done that," said Wheaton.

"She doesn't mean that much to me," Sheldon said quietly, looking from all of them and down at his shoes.

"Really?" Leonard remarked curtly. "She doesn't mean absolutely anything to you?"

"That has to suck then," Wheaton said.

"Why?" responded Leonard, Sheldon, Stuart, Rajesh and Howard, looking at him in unison.

"Because," said Wheaton tiredly; how did anyone talk about anything with these guys? "You obviously mean a lot to her."

Sheldon rolled his eyes, telling him, "I'd love to know how you came to _that _conclusion." His tone dripped with sarcasm, skepticism and any other words ending in -ism. However, Wheaton only smiled, as his meaning was genuine and understanding.

"Sheldon, I admit you're a smart guy but you're stupid when it comes to girls." He said. He put his hands on his hips and said bluntly, "I just finished talking to her."

Sheldon glared at him and said, "You're an instigator, aren't you?"

"May be, but that's not the point," said Wheaton. "Trust me,"-he raised his hands again—"She didn't do anything. She's sitting on the sidewalk."

"What'd she tell you?" Howard said, considerably curious.

"Well," said Wheaton, sighing, "I found out that in spite of memorizing your weird schedule of meals on certain days, your dress attire for certain days, your activities you do on certain days, and well, all the other intricate meaningless crap you've forced her to memorize, that in spite of it all, she does it for you. I also learned that I should have given her more credit; you're awfully needy and selfish—come on, a date night when she has a sprained ankle and a flu, are you that self-centered?"

He shook his head and said, "Oh, and I don't know if you want to hear it from me but when I tried hitting on her again, she denied me."

"Denied you?" repeated Leonard curiously. "What'd you say?"

"I said 'hey, forget that loser, and come with me'." Wheaton said.

Sheldon looked affronted but Wheaton shook his head and said, "Hey, it's fact, man."

"Water under the bridge," said Howard, waving his hand. "What did Kate say when you told her that?"

Wheaton sighed and said, "She said—and I quote— 'As attractive as you are, I'll decline because although I love your appearance, I love Sheldon more.'"

Leonard, Howard, Stuart, and Rajesh's mouth opened in complete surprise, while Sheldon stared at Wheaton incredulously.

"You can't remember anything you've tweeted in the past hour but you can remember what Kate said?" responded Sheldon. He frowned, saying, "I've already told you; _she's not for you_." He pulled two long pieces of towel from the rack, wadded it up, and threw it at Wheaton; after continuance of this, Wheaton told Sheldon he was crazy and ran out of the room.

Author's Note: Yes, you've heard correctly. Kate loves Sheldon :) Aw, happy moment. Read and Review, and how do you think Sheldon will tell Kate that (if he does) he loves her too? Read and Review, people!


	5. The Hodfstader Confrontation

Love Is Hell

Chapter Five: The Hodfstader Confrontation

Kate sat in the Batmobile, in the backseat of course, considering that she was in no rhyme or reason to be in the front seat. It would only compell her to drive away, right into the building in front of the car. She was lying down, her head on the right side of the backseat; she'd taken off her mask long ago when the tears had come spilling from her eyes, and the mascara and eyeliner mixed down her cheeks. That worst of it was that she didn't even care.

She threw the mask against the passenger seat of the car, knowing that's where Sheldon normally sit on their drives to work, the comic book store, the park...really anywhere.

"Stupid, stupid man," Kate hissed. But all the way, her mind whispered that he was no stupid head, just a little naïve when it came to relationships...and flirting, and sex—although Kate had established that he did learn from their past sessions and the eidetic memory only proved to be sexier with every session. Kate wanted him to cite the ingredients in Pringles. The thought made her smile, but only slightly.

The car door opened, and this point, Kate sat up quickly. She hoped it wasn't a burglar or a rapist. When she saw Leonard, she frowned. Too bad it wasn't a burglar; she'd ask him to take the car and her from this situation altogether. Leonard gazed at Kate, his face obviously placed in a state of awkwardness. He might've thought she was still a giggling bundle of nerves from the alcohol but like in any situation, alcohol was not an anti-depressant; it made matters worse, which had made itself clear when Leonard, dressed in his Green Lantern costume, saw that Kate, who was more altogether and calm in situations, was now a mascara-eyeliner-melting weepy Catwoman.

"Kate..." Leonard began awkwardly.

Kate looked at him sadly, but managed, "Hi, Leonard...Green Lantern."

"I'm Leonard for right now," he said. "Do you care if I..."

"Sure." Kate muttered.

He stepped into the car and looked at Kate momentarily. He had to observe her. Then, after seeing Kate rub off the mascara and eyeliner with the back of her gloved hand, Leonard recognized the feeling of remorse.

"Kate..." he began.

"Leonard," said Kate immediately.

"What?" Leonard replied.

"Oh...were you going to say something?" Kate asked, suddenly embarrassed.

"Well, yeah, but I mean, you can go first."

"No, no, you first." Kate said quietly. She sniffled and sighed. "You're probably going to tell me something empathetical from the heart about living with Sheldon and try to make me feel better."

"Well..." Leonard began. That had been his original intentions. Kate smiled at him, although the implication was that she thought he was being sweet, but the action itself would only depict her sadness greater than he realized.

Seeing Kate sniffle again and rub more mascara and eyeliner from her cheeks, Leonard sighed uncomfortably.

"Can I ask you something?" Leonard said.

"Sure," Kate remarked.

"You and I have never really, you know, _talked_ before. Alone, I mean. Since I moved with Penny and you moved with Sheldon, we never needed a moment together." Leonard stated the obvious, but he was more or less profound at the idea that he and Kate, despite the shared Sheldon factor, never had a brother-sister moment as Kate knew he and Sheldon had a brotherly moment, while she and Penny, and at one point, Amy had a sisterly moment. It was the first time they were actually alone together.

Kate agreed to this point, but her response was: "We never needed one."

"I know," said Leonard. "Which brings me to my next point, and I know you're probably not in the mood to hear this, or really anything about Sheldon, but I want to emphasize the point that you, out of all of us, have put up with Sheldon's behavior for the longest time." Leonard touched her shoulder gently, saying, "Believe me, you should be in the Geniuss Book of World Records."

Kate smiled gently as well and said, "Thank you, Kate."

"So, that also brings me to my next, next point."

"All right."

"Why do you put up with him?" Leonard asked.

Kate smiled, although it faltered, and in return, she stated pointedly, "Why did _you_?"

"Because," said Leonard. He shrugged, saying, "Did I ever tell you about the story, about why the elevator stopped working?"

"No, but Sheldon briefed me on it. You tried making a rocket with a miscalculated formula and rather than listening to him, you insisted that you did it correctly, wherein the moment you said so, the rocket began bubbling. He pulled you out the elevator, it went off, and it's been irrepabable ever since." Kate returned smoothly.

Leonard looked at her, blinked, and said, "You got his version of the story..right. Anyway, he saved my life and that's kind of the reason I put up with him. Plus, after a while, you just get used to it."

Kate sighed.

"I thought I had gotten used to it," Kate murmured. She made a soft sobbing noise, at which point, Leonard gazed at her sympathetically. "I thought I had him figured out."

"Me too," Leonard responded. "I mean, you two are so alike. It's annoying and good."

"How can it be both?" replied Kate.

"Well, while you and Sheldon normally agree on everything, Howard, Raj, Penny, and I never have to be brought into your arguments, or take sides. When you two disagree on something, you have thirty minutes debatable time and then the situation resolves itself. I figured you'd have lost it a long time ago."

"Lost it?" Kate repeated.

"Yeah, you know—did all this a long, long, long time ago. Some people snap within the first ten minutes of meeting Sheldon. You've lived with him for eight months and not a word until now." Leonard said. "I lived with him almost nine years before I moved in with Penny, and I snapped at him I don't know how many times. Your entry in the apartment was the catalyst that enabled me to leave."

Kate smiled, in spite of her weepy state.

"But," said Leonard. "I'm his friend. Not his girlfriend." He shrugged, saying, "You see a side of Sheldon that we don't. But I do have to know."

"Know what?"

"Well," said Leonard. He shifted in the seat and looked at her pointedly. "Wil Wheaton came to the bathroom and said you talked to him. You said you loved Sheldon."

Kate stared at Leonard, and said slowly, "Why were you in the bathroom with Wil Wheaton?"

"That's where we found Sheldon," said Leonard as though this described the entire situation. As Kate held no objection, it seemed to do the trick. He then said, "So, do you?"

"Do I what?" replied Kate.

"Do you love Sheldon, the Dr. Wack-a-doodle of Pasadena?" returned Leonard.

Kate smiled and said, "Yeah, I do."

"Ever thought about telling Sheldon that?" Leonard inquired.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why not?" repeated Kate. "He doesn't know when I'm flirting with him and when I'm not flirting with other men. Telling him I love him wouldn't do a thing, Leonard."

"It'd let him know..."

"Know what?" Kate said. "He doesn't even accept the fact that I didn't flirt with Wheaton. How can he grasp the idea that I love him?"

Leonard shrugged, saying, "That's something I can't answer, Kate. At this point, you're the experimental physicist, because no one is going to get closer to cracking that mystery than you."

Kate sighed deeply, her breath was shaky.

"Kate." Leonard said gently.

"What?"

"Do you care if I ask you one more question and, I swear, I'll drop the topic."

"All right," said Kate.

"Did you really memorize the whole Roommate-Relationship Agreement and all that it contained?" asked Leonard curiously.

"Of course," said Kate. "It's important to him, so it's important to me."

Leonard stared at her and said with given exasperation, "I sure hope you and Sheldon work this out because if you go, I don't know how that lunatic will ever cope without you."

Kate grinned with genuine comfort, saying, "Thank you, Leonard. That's very sweet."

"That's me...I'm sweetie," said Leonard, grinning. He looked back at the costume party. "So...did you want to go back in there? I mean, they _are _having a contest."

Kate looked at the comic book store.

"How does my face look?" Kate inquired.

Leonard looked at her. He touched Kate's cheek and rubbed the rest of the smeared makeup and said gently, "Psychotic as ever."

Kate grinned and then the two got out of the Batmobile. They entered the store together. No one looked at them when they entered, although Penny, dressed as Hawk Girl still, although no longer carrying the mace, stepped towards him.

"Kate," said Penny. She looked at Leonard. "What's up?"

"Oh, just doing my sweet talk," said Leonard. "Apparently, I'm the person to talk to when it's Sheldon-related conflicts."

Penny looked at Kate. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am," said Kate. She raised up her hand, wiggled her fingers which, in this case, were cat claws, and said, "Rawr."

Penny grinned, but in her eyes, she seemed to realize that Kate was doing her best to have Leonard and Penny bouy her spirits, even though it was more apparent to the waitress that the certain feline in front of her wasn't as spirited as of now. Penny watched Leonard join Rajesh and Howard in the group—the two were eating the finger foods like kids grabbing candy from buckets on Halloween.

"So," said Penny. "Leonard tells me you told Wheaton you love Sheldon."

"Wow, that was fast," Kate muttered. "If calamity spread like brush fire with the speed of gossip, we'd all be experiencing a zombic apocalypse right now."

"Is it true?" Penny inquired.

"Yeah," said Kate. "It is."

"That's so sweet," Penny gushed. She hugged Kate. "I mean, it's sad about how we found out but still, so happy for you."

"Yeah," said Kate.

The costume party was a dead-end as Stuart, who was the original judge, had too much alcohol in his system. He was talking to Amy, although his stance resembled Kate's earlier clumsiness. Meanwhile, Sheldon was no where to be seen, and Kate pondered his absence. When the party ended, they clamored into the Batmobile. Sheldon, who had not been seen for the rest of the party, sat in the passenger seat, although he was formidably looking at Kate as though she was one of his enemies, like Leslie Winkle or Wil Wheaton.

Kate spared him no gaze, as she turned to Leonard and asked him to drive, for she was under the influence and had enough to drink. Leonard, opting to keep from the argument that would ensue, said 'yes' and he sat in the driver's seat, obviously thrilled that he was now driving the Batmobile. He drove Howard and Bernadette home, then Rajesh, then all that was left in the car was Kate, Penny, himself, and Sheldon.

When the car pulled over, Leonard looked in the back at Penny and Kate, who were conked out; they'd fallen asleep. Leonard and Sheldon exchanged haggard looks, but they couldn't leave them in the car. Leonard moved to the left side of the car and opened the car door, careful of Penny's falling body that came a second later. He managed to get her out, although the weight of her matched his and proved to be a hard task. Finally, Sheldon looked at Leonard.

"I think it's advisable we make this two trips with one woman rather than one trip with overbearing weight," said Sheldon.

"Right, that might be easier." Leonard agreed.

Sheldon looked at him and said, " 'Might'? I was making a statement that it was a fact rather than the mitigated probability of its simplicity."

Leonard looked at Sheldon and said with a mocking tone, "Fine, then. It _will _be easier."

"See?" Sheldon replied. "Was that so hard?"

They first took Penny's arm around each of their shoulder and moved into the building. On the way to the stairs, Leonard looked sideways at Sheldon. He contemplated ways of saying something but then when Sheldon looked at him, it seemed to have no viable ease of doing so.

"Sheldon, are you under the impression of what just happened at the comic book store?" asked Leonard.

"Yes, I'm under several, but for the time being, let's focus on this one," said Sheldon dismissively, hinting that while he and Leonard proved to be reasonable delegated people to transfer dead weight, he wouldn't want to prolong the feat. First they had to get Penny and Kate to bed, then, according to Sheldon, they could talk.

However, Leonard had none of it.

"Sheldon, you _do _realize that Wheaton said Kate loves you, right? Which, in this circumstance, is a really big thing?" Leonard pointed out.

They went up the second staircase.

"Leonard, I realize you're attempting to put some point out in the open where I can stumble over it and look back on it, but I assure you, my good man, you're under the wrong impression," stated Sheldon. They rounded the third flight of stairs. "First, how can you accept anything Wheaton says? There have been several occasions where he preempted you and Penny about the relationship you carried for two years and that ended in, what I understand, calamity, based on his open observations. How you manage to continue to undermine his deceitful word play is beyond me."

They came to Penny and Leonard's door and Leonard opened the door, after which, they staggered into the apartment, and to Penny's bedroom, placing her at the foot of the bed. Penny snored and then turned on her right.

Sheldon and Leonard walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind them, and went down the stairs after Kate.

"Sheldon, I agree that there are times where Wil Wheaton is abominable," Leonard consented. "But he wouldn't lie about Kate."

"Oh, you're so naïve," lamented Sheldon. They were down the second flight of stairs. "As I've told you before, Leonard, I've conceded to the fact that while Wheaton purposely taunted Kate into a flirtatious requiem of a demonstration for playing keeps, I'm unconvinced to the provided data you, Wolowitz, and Koothrappalli provided."

Leonard and Sheldon walked out of the building to the Batmobile. At this point, when Sheldon began opening the door to Kate's side, Leonard put his hand on the handle and shut it back, forcing Sheldon to look at him incredulously, if not a little startled.

"What are you doing?" Sheldon inquired, slightly alarmed.

"If you doubt Wheaton and me, and Howard, and Raj, then you'll listen to me because I talked to Kate," said Leonard.

Sheldon sighed exasperatedly and said with a lesser tone of fondness, "Leonard, it's invalid the words you exchanged with Kate, as she was under the elusive influence of alcohol and therefore would expel whatever first came to that woman's head. From my understanding, anything you say from this point is discernible."

Leonard stared at him and guarded Kate's door, saying, "Sheldon, Kate said she loves you. She's said it twice—to Wheaton, to me—doesn't that make any sense to you? Why would she say it twice?"

"You mean if Wheaton even spoke truthfully about talking to Kate? For all you know, Leonard, he had conjured that bit of nonsense from Azeroth or Pandora."

Leonard looked like he was ready to burst and for once, he flicked Sheldon on the shoulder, at which point, Sheldon flinched.

"Ow, what was that for?" exclaimed Sheldon.

"For being ignorant," snapped Leonard. "You have no idea what goes on in Kate's brain do you?"

"From what science has proven, I presume it's whatever goes on everyone else's mind. Not mine of course, but the majority of the human population." Sheldon remarked. He said, "I don't know why you flicked me though; it's really uncalled for."

"I think it's very called for," said Leonard. He rubbed his temples for a moment in patience and said cautiously, "Sheldon, d'you even get the big picture here? Kate says she loves you. And you're still bent over about Kate flirting with Wheaton, which, in _our _world, Sheldon, didn't happen."

Sheldon frowned.

"I'd rather hear that from Kate."

"You did hear it!"

"She's drunk, Leonard. You can't take what she says while in an intoxicated state as viable data pick up from; she has to be completely sober in order for me to consider anything she's said or will say in the future." Sheldon responded. He pointed to Leonard, accusing, "That's the mistake you make when you do things Penny says while she's drunk."

"Sheldon, you're being stupid!"

"No, _you're _being stupid," Sheldon retorted.

Leonard shook his head, saying, "I don't know how Kate puts up with you, Sheldon! You know what, forget it, let's just get Kate upstairs so I can go to bed."

"Very well," Sheldon remarked.

The two opened the door and pulled Kate out. As they entered the building, Leonard looked at Sheldon.

"If you don't have the same feelings for Kate, Sheldon, why did you buy her a thirty-thousand dollar necklace?" asked Leonard.

Sheldon glanced at him icily.

"I thought you said to forget about it?" he returned.

"No, no, I want to know," Leonard insisted. "You say you don't have feelings for her. Why'd you buy the necklace."

"I never said I held no capacity of human emotionality for her, Leonard. You assumed that." Sheldon said.

"Then why have you denied it?" asked Leonard.

"Because, Leonard, in my perspective, if two people experience a homeostasis in a relationship where equilibrium is acquired, met, and stabilized, a statement of said symposium is unnecessary," said Sheldon.

Leonard and Sheldon stopped on the third staircase. Leonard stared at Sheldon.

"You feel like you don't have to tell Kate you love her too?" asked Leonard incredulously.

Sheldon sighed heavily, tiring of the conversation. He breathed with a tinge of exasperation, "Yes."

Leonard shook his head as they came to the threshold of 4A. But he gave no further insight of his disposition. Sheldon pulled out the keys from his utility belt and opened the door. As they entered, Leonard and Sheldon staggered over to the couch and gently laid Kate down. Sheldon looked down at her then at Leonard.

"Do you think I should?" asked Sheldon curiously.

"Should what?" returned Leonard; he was already at the door, opening it.

"Do you suggest I tell her?" asked Sheldon. "By your tone of incredibility and the constant shaking of your head, which I've learned to be a disapproving gesture, I'm at the conclusion you believe it's advisable that I share with Kate my emotions, although I continue to parade the fact that doing so would make me a hippie."

"Sheldon, you don't have to be a hippie to express your emotions to someone, especially as someone as special as Kate."

"And why," said Sheldon, crossing his arms, "Do you believe she's special?"

Leonard stared at him. Did he honestly not know? Leonard shut the door and walked over to him.

"Sheldon, let me put it to you this way. Kate does everything I used to do when I was your roommate except she does it with a smile. She drives you places without complaint and even when she's worked over twenty hours, she still makes time in her schedule to accommodate to your demands, even as ludicrous as I've thought them to be. And not only that, she stopped being friends with a woman who was a friend of hers for years just because Chance continued to make you uncomfortable, even though that's what Howard, Raj and I set out to do for fun in the first place." Leonard stated.

Sheldon opened his mouth to speak but apparently, Leonard had enough. He was speaking for Kate, and perhaps, the rest of them.

"No, no," Leonard said. "This time, you listen to me. I'm talking for her, as she's drunk, and for everyone else who has stood here and watched the two of you for the past eight months. You know what I've realized, Sheldon? She has to have strong feelings for you if you constantly chastise her for things that a human does when they're feeling vulnerable or at odds with someone. And she keeps coming back for it."

Sheldon stepped towards Leonard, ready to retort, but Leonard pointed to the desk chair.

"I'm not done talking, Sheldon. Sit down."

Sheldon looked at Leonard with surprise but to his resolve, he sat in the rolling chair. Leonard crossed his arms, proud of himself, but he wasn't finished.

"Another thing is that you think Kate was flirting with Wheaton. While your friends and I _insist_ that it's just your jealousy and strong attachment to her, you insist that Kate was betraying you. I don't know how to make it more clear to you that Kate has no interest in Wheaton. She's interested in you, and we're all mystified by it!"

Sheldon held up a finger to make a counter argument but Leonard shook his head.

"No, Sheldon, I'm still talking." Leonard said.

Sheldon sighed tiredly but he continued to listen. Leonard unfolded his arms.

"While you continue to deny your strong feelings for Kate, you buy her a thirty-thousand dollar sobriquet. How does one do that and deny feelings? That's more money that I even saved in my bank account for the past twenty years!"

Sheldon stood and said angrily, "Leonard, I told you, I'm not denying anything towards Kate."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I told you on the staircase that while you and Penny seem to have a constant battering need to tell each other how you feel and remind one another just that, I believe that Kate and I have a mutual understanding of the matter."

"Obviously not, Sheldon; she think you don't know it," Leonard told him. "You're so ignorant to everything around you when relationships and women are concerned that she doesn't believe you have reciprocated the feelings for her."

"That's just ridiculous," Sheldon snapped. "She knows very well how I feel."

"Does she?" Leonard rounded.

"Yes."

"Has it ever occurred to you that people need validation of some kind to understand that?" asked Leonard. "Just because you give her a necklace of authenticity and take care of her when you are sick or have sex with her doesn't mean you hold any strong possession of emotionality for her, Sheldon."

"It doesn't?" Sheldon replied, sincerely baffled. His anger was dropped at once.

"No," said Leonard. "Well, yes, but at the same time no."

"How can they be both?"

"It's just how it is," said Leonard. "I tell Penny I love her more than one occasion because it makes her know I love her. Sometimes, people forget."

"I never forget," said Sheldon. "As I've consistently reminded you and you frequently forget, I have an eidetic memory."

"No one forgets," said Leonard exasperatedly. "You have to tell Kate how you feel, point blank. If you don't, she'll interpret your silence as you having no feelings for her, and then, Sheldon, _then _she'll leave."

"Why would she leave?" asked Sheldon. "This is her apartment too. While I'm at a disagreement with her, I still preclude the fact she signed a contract and she is, at any given time, welcome here, although the friendship and relationship may need to be amended..."

"_Sheldon,_ I'm not talking about physically leaving the apartment!" Leonard snapped irritably.

"Then maybe you should make yourself clearer!" Sheldon snapped back.

Leonard wringed his hands in front of him, perhaps choking an invisible Sheldon. To him, apparently, he was at odds with himself. How did Sheldon and Kate argue in less than thirty minutes and still continue Date Nights with the previous sweet emotions still intact?

Leonard gritted his teeth and through some form of his own voicing Kohlinar, he retracted his anger for the meantime and looked at Sheldon reproachfully.

"Sheldon, I'm not talking about Kate leaving the apartment and her things. I'm saying that if you don't make it clear to Kate soon, like the moment she wakes up, that you feel very strongly for her that she'll not only leave the apartment, but she'll leave you."

Sheldon stared at Leonard. He clapsed his hands in thought then moved towards him, reproachful.

"Why would she leave?" asked Sheldon. "Where would she go?"

"Sheldon..." Leonard sighed. "Kate's obviously in possession of some inexplicable power to deal with you. I'm tired. I can't explain everything to you about a woman."

"I'd hope not, because in turn, that'd make you one," Sheldon replied. He frowned. "Leonard..." He licked his lips anxiously and said, "I don't want Kate to go."

"Then tell her how you feel," said Leonard.

"I can't," said Sheldon. As a thought, he said more emphatically, "You do it."

"Sheldon," sighed Leonard. "I'm not going to tell Kate you love her. It won't be as persuasive."

"What if I record it for you; all you'd have to do is push 'play'," said Sheldon.

"_No_," Leonard scolded. "It's all you, Sheldon. I've done my part in telling Penny how I feel about her, and I've got a wedding to prepare for, so you're going to have to show Kate or tell her, one or the other, that you are prepared for a serious relationship. Otherwise, she's going to leave you, and odds are, you won't see her again."

With that, Leonard walked out of the apartment and to bed, leaving Sheldon looking after him. The emotion placed clearly on Sheldon's face was definitive fear. It was more than obvious.

He really didn't want Kate to go.


	6. The Erasable Proposal

Love Is Hell

Chapter Six: The Erasable Proposal

Kate was in a state as she awoke, stirring to the environment around her. She tasted cherry in her mouth, but the taste had become so old that it now was the remnant of one tasted after having chewed an old piece of gum for a long period of time. There was also a headache dancing disco against her brain, forcing the latter to bust a gut against her forehead. She also felt sick, nauseous...Kate sighed. She was enduring a hang over.

Kate reached out, touching the material in front of her face. She realized it was a couch...her couch, the couch...Kate opened her eyes completely and saw that she was lying on the couch in her apartment. How did she get here? How long was she lying? When did she pass out? Kate moaned, putting her hands alongside her temples, forcing the stupid headache to backtrack, go where it wasn't noticeable.

It was blurry, the night. Although her memory was fuzzy, the event came back to her, or at least those events that were still imaginable to have happened. Leonard spoke to her, what did he say? They were in the car...Kate blinked. Something about Sheldon...about her...about the two of them. God, what were they talking about?

It was beyond her until Kate noticed her head was lying in a certain forbidden spot. Ah, yes. She had an argument with Sheldon. What was it about? Something about a contract...and a nut. Wait, no, that can't be it. It wasn't a nut. A bolt? No...oh wait. Kate remembered. It was a screw. She said...what did she say? _SCREW THE CONTRACT! _

Kate frowned. Ah, now it came to her. She blinked several times, and stirred a little louder. Her groan that came out was mainly for the headache that pounded greatly as her memory shot back everything she'd said to Sheldon, to Leonard, to Wheaton. God, did she really mess up.

No. Not her. Him. He...Sheldon messed up. Kate frowned. He may have messed up but he couldn't help it. He was ignorant...naive. She yelled at him, told him he was stupid. God what did she do...

"What have I done..." Kate muttered remorsefully.

"According to our friends in the jury," said Sheldon's voice, "absolutely nothing."

Kate startled, and turned quickly to the other side of the couch. She laid on her left side, looking at Sheldon who was sitting in his desk chair, wearing a black batman shirt, red long sleeve underneath, and his normal plaid pants. Kate looked at him, eyed him. How long was he watching her? How long had he been there?

"What..." Kate began but Sheldon shrugged mindfully.

"I know, you can't remember anything." Sheldon told her. He sat back in his chair, holding a cup of tea, or most presumably as such, for he hardly drank caffeine, unless it was Halo night, or some or occasion.

"No. I remember." Kate muttered. She looked at him. "I remember everything." She touched her head, sighing painfully.

Sheldon looked at her with a logical expression on his face. He stood and walked into the kitchen, clamored about for a few seconds and then arrived in front of Kate with a blue-colored coffee mug. He handed it to her on a plate, to which Kate gave him an estranged look.

"What's that?" Kate asked.

"Tea."

"What is it for?"

"You're experiencing a hang over, Kate, one of the ill-fated consequences of drinking the last drop in a vodka bottle," said Sheldon. "Or, in your case, too many drinks out of the lightly-colored content-filled punch bowl at the comic book store."

Kate took the cup, slightly irate from his comment.

"You don't have to be technical," Kate replied.

"I do," returned Sheldon. "It's part of me, it's who I am. You might as well accept it."

Kate stared at him. Despite her ill will to speak to him, Kate took the tea and she drank a few sips before smiling lightly. It was a good change—the honey could be tasted easily and it made the yucky cherry aftertaste of the wine at the party become a distant memory; if only the other memories could disappear so sweetly.

She sat up, sitting on the middle cushion. She brushed her hand through her hair and seeing that her mask was off, she noticed that she wore her Batman pajama bottoms, and black tank top. Kate looked at Sheldon questionably.

"Don't be so surprised," said Sheldon dolefully. "I found it unforgiveable for you to be passed out on the couch, needless to say in a Catwoman costume." He raised his hands, including the one that held the cup of tea. "I didn't look."

Kate gave him a hard look but she drank the tea, none the less. While Kate said nothing, Sheldon seemed to find this moment to sit down his cup of tea and then also in the seat beside her, in his spot. Kate watched him carefully. She didn't know how to tell him what she felt about last night. Did she have to do that? Did she have to say that she felt remorseful for her words but her apology wasn't needed. He needed to apologize to her, not vice versa. After all, Kate had done nothing wrong.

"Sheldon," said Kate quietly.

"Yes, Kate?"

"I'm not apologizing for what I said to you," Kate said coolly. "All that I said was true, even if I do regret the way it came out. I've felt that way for quite some time."

"That's what Leonard and Penny have explained to me," said Sheldon.

Kate gave him a look, to which he said further, "I admit that I was oblivious to your sudden objection to everything I've stood for. If you were so against it, my question was why did you go with it in the first place? Would it not have been sufficient to cease the predicament at its initial spark rather than letting it consume one's forest completely?"

Kate drank the rest of the tea and placed it on the coffee table. She said nothing in response, which made Sheldon continue to look at her expectantly. Kate merely looked at him.

"Sheldon," she began.

"Oh good, so there _is _a receiving person of my words. I was wondering if I was becoming a devout in monologues, otherwise I might've been talking to a wall," said Sheldon. He added respectfully, "Granted, a wall has less glares than you. But, I digress."

Kate sighed, coldly responding, "Sheldon, we need to talk."

"Well, I sure hope so. You've been silent since you awoke." Sheldon returned. "Although, it's unlike when my mother and I sit and talk. Normally when she says 'We need to talk', she means for her to speak and I'm to listen."

Kate glared at him pointedly and Sheldon got the idea.

"I'm sorry, Kate, go on."

Kate sighed. She bit her lip and then turned to him. They mirrored each other; hands on their knees, bodies turned to each other. Kate, however, looked less than eager to speak her mind while Sheldon only awaited her speech. With one long sigh, Kate finally spoke.

"Sheldon, there's no point in beating around the bush when it comes to talking to you about emotions and relationships." Kate said. "So, I'll tell you exactly how I feel and when I'm finished, I want you to tell me how you feel in return, and from the heart, not your scientific, logical mind. Okay?"

"I can't agree to that," Sheldon replied immediately.

"Why not?" Kate responded coldly. She closed her eyes immediately as though praying for patience like Mrs. Cooper did when dealing with Sheldon's antics, and finally Kate looked at him. "Sheldon, I'm at the end of my rope. For once, Sheldon, please, _for once_, concede to do this one thing, this one tiny thing my way. Okay? _Please_?"

Sheldon gave her an odd look. But he succumbed and said with a tone of one having no other alternative, "Fine...Speak."

Kate took a long breath and then she did.

"Sheldon, I recollect from a blurred montage of memories last night that I've told everyone but how I feel," said Kate gently. "What you've already been told I'm sure is that I love you." She paused, but as Sheldon rendered no change of expression, she continued. "What's more is that although you believe I've betrayed you in some fashion, which I still don't stipulate to that accusation, I'm only forced to conceive the notion that if you no longer trust me enough to know that I would never betray you."

Kate bit her lip again, perhaps forcing herself to restrain whatever tears would fall. But her voice remained intact, much to Sheldon's relief.

"Because I know how stubborn you can be," said Kate quietly, "I know I may never win this argument but even I have a limit as to the amount of ludicrousy I can take. So, without ado, I have only one request."

Sheldon gazed at her curiously.

"Sheldon," said Kate quietly. "I need to hear what you feel for me. I don't care how you say it or show it, say it with condescion, I don't care...but if you can't generate some form of telling me how you truly feel, I'm leaving you."

Sheldon gazed at her, though his curiosity had ebbed and a certain fear had become clear.

"So," said Kate in a softer tone. "That concludes my end. Now. You."

Sheldon looked at her for a long time. Kate could only wait so long. Sheldon sighed for a moment then shook his head.

"Kate, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this." Sheldon told her. "After all, I value to be one of the minority who I consider to be my intellectual equal. It'd be a dismal shame to let you go based on an argument."

Kate gazed at him with a fractured gaze. What was he saying? Were they breaking up?

"Sheldon, I have a hang over. You have to be clearer than that," said Kate. Oh these debates were always fun.

"Alright." Sheldon said. He cleared his throat and then took her hand, well, more like her wrist. "Kate, will you marry me?"

Kate stared at him. A long time...staring.

"W...what?" Kate squeaked.

Sheldon shrugged and said, "Don't tell me I have to explain to you what the proposition suggests."

"I know what it suggests," Kate breathed. It was her turn to lick her lips nervously. "Sheldon...why..."

"Kate," Sheldon told her lightly. "I'm a scientist, not a therapist or by any means of the world, a psychologist. I look to science for answers, mathematics for the requiem of my thoughts. From what I've gathered from Leonard and Howard, the two of them expressed their emotions through asking their companions in a joint commitment of matrimony. Correct me now, if I'm wrong."

Kate stared at him still. She was in shock.

"Kate?" Sheldon said.

She said nothing.

"Kate, it'd be a good time now to tell me what you're thinking. You know very well that I'm not an expert in the field of body language and facial cues." Sheldon said. "Your stunned silence is also making very antsy."

Kate looked at him, a smile came to her mouth.

"Oh good," said Sheldon. "So I'm to presume that this was a good move on my part?"

"Good, yes, but I'm not sure it was the right one." Kate told him.

"Meaning?"

Kate pulled her hand from his and she said gently, "Sheldon, marriage is a very, very long commitment. You and I conceded that we'd only marry if we'd made a contract first."

"At which point, I thought this jumping into chaotic phenonema would demonstrate how I feel for you," said Sheldon. He shook his head, "Leonard and Wolowitz confuse me with their advise."

"Advise?" repeated Kate.

"Yes," said Sheldon. As Kate continued to look at him with a curious stare, he said pointedly, "While you were passed out from the alcohol you consumed at the party, you were unconscious on the couch. Meanwhile, Leonard told me that while he expressed his love for Penny by marrying her, and therefore implying Howard had done the same, it only seemed logical to me that while I have a social ineptitude—which you pointed out vehemently yesterday—for expression, I'd come to the conclusion that proposing marriage to you would be easier than apologizing for something I hadn't done."

Kate stared/glared/gazed at him. The emotions started mixing up and Sheldon couldn't see what she was feeling, or how she was dealing with his statement.

"Alright, let me ask a few questions, the first one being more important," said Kate.

"Alright."

"You think marriage is the solution to my questioning how you feel for me, rather than strictly apologizing for your accusations last night?" Kate summarized.

Sheldon merely looked at her with the obvious face and said, "Yes."

Kate looked at him.

"You were prepared to marry me."

"Yes."

"To make up for what happened last night."

"Yes."

"Rather than just telling me you have emotions beyond your understanding that include me."

"Definitely, yes." Sheldon said.

Kate smiled.

"That's sweet."

"What is?"

"You were prepared to take a vow to be with me for eternity rather than apologize to me and tell me in words how you feel. Thereby avoiding personal and emotional growth and also being a stubborn twit." Kate responded. "A little impulsive, but none the less sweet."

"You still didn't answer my question," Sheldon said. "I'm given to understand that when one proposes, the other party answers be a definitive 'yes' or 'no'."

Kate smiled. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. He looked at her questionably.

"Not yet," she replied.

Sheldon smiled, saying, "That's a very good answer. I'll take it."

"Good," said Kate. She looked at him. "And even though you never said it, I love you too."

Sheldon grinned. He got by without having to say it.

"So," said Kate. "Are we okay now? Can we pretend this whole thing never happened?"

Sheldon looked up for a moment in thought and said, "My proposal, the argument last night, or the misconception of a drunk Catwoman?"

"All of it," Kate said. She snapped her fingers and said, "Poof."

"That hardly erases any of my memory but we can reset our relationship back to the point we agreed it worked, not unlike resetting a computer when it crashes." Sheldon said. "Although, since doing so would be demeaning as it'd subtract the great effort I'd put into, as one would say 'confessing my undying love' to you, Kate, we should simply extract the virus that caused the whole argument."

Kate smiled.

"Doing that would mean I'd have to delete you, Sheldon." She said but her smile remained. She leaned forward and kissed him again on the cheek. "Thank you for your great efforts. I'm sorry we argued."

Sheldon hesitated then said with his eyes peeled to the floor, in a quiet voice, "I'm sorry too."

Kate stared at him.

"You're what?"

"You heard," Sheldon told her. He stood and quickly asked if she wanted another cup of tea. She handed him her cup and he smiled at her; she smiled back. And he fetched her more tea.

–

Author's Note: So, I have to ask you all, was this in Sheldon's character? I think I kind of hedged on it. Please read and review, my lovelies :) I was so heated in this chapter that when my sister came in and interrupted me, I was like "SHUT UP, I HAVE TO TELL SHELDON IM SORRY!" Naturally, all I received "You're crazy" but hey, whatever. :)


	7. The Cooper-Cooper Counsel

Love Is Hell

Chapter Seven: The Cooper-Cooper counsel

Disclaimer: Once more, I own no BBT characters, except Kate and the former, Chance. The minor characters mentioned are Kyle Doors and Taylor, and those are my own as well.

Author's Note: I know there's an unclear time frame but to keep in perspective, at this point of the story, Kate and Sheldon have known each other 2 years and 8 months but have lived together 8 months and have been in a relationship about eight months. It's November, of course (prior to the Thanksgiving Party) but I like a time frame just as anyone would so there it is. Hope everyone is enjoying the story. Love you all, thanks for your long review, **Nightbloodwolf**, I always look forward to your eccentricity towards my story :D

Sheldon woke up the next morning as any day, at six-fifteen. He smelled a delightful fragrance, but it was somehow mixed. This included the disinfectant spray of Lysol and lemon-fragranted furniture polisher, and a delightful smell of French Toast and coffee. Curious of the combination, Sheldon entered the kitchen and saw that Kate was making the French toast via stove rather than Penny's preference of a toaster. Kate turned to him by chance as she placed the toast on two separate plates, each playing host to three slices.

He saw that Kate was dressed in blue jeans and a red shirt with yellow lightning bolts on the hems, the Flash emblem on the front. Sheldon recognized the shirt as the first clothing she'd been wearing when they had met eight months ago. It was the first time she dully surprised him.

Sitting at the kitchen table, he watched her still, enticed by the French aroma, and the shirt she wore.

"Kate?" he asked. "Are you feeling well?"

"Better," said Kate notably. "Thanks for asking." She handed him his plate. "Coffee or tea."

"Kate, I don't drink coffee," said Sheldon. "It causes hyperactivity and I promised my mom I wouldn't do drugs."

Kate smiled at him. "It's decaf, honey."

"I still decline."

"All right," said Kate. She handed him a cup of tea. "Here's tea."

"Does it have honey?"

"Yes," said Kate. She gave him a look and said, "Come on, Sheldon. I may have offered you coffee out of a sprite whimsy but are you really going to insult my intelligence with that kind of question?"

Sheldon shrugged and said, "It's not a bad idea to test the waters before entering a pool of conversation, Kate." He took the cup in his hand and drank it, testing it. She'd not changed a bit with the certain amount of honey in his tea; she'd gotten it spot on. Sheldon looked at her curiously.

"Did you sleep well?" asked Sheldon.

Kate placed the last piece of toast on her plate and lucky she did so for she was stumped at his question. She merely looked at him, as though he was an experiment ready to implode.

"Did I say something wrong?" asked Sheldon.

"No. It's just that...nevermind. Um, yes, I slept well," said Kate sweetly. She hadn't expected such a genuine question—where did that come from? In spite of it, Kate sat across from him.

"I did too," Sheldon noted. He ate a slice of toast before continuing. "Kate. I have a question for you and while I ask, I want you to answer me with the utmost honesty."

"All right. Go head."

"Do you believe we are at a point in our relationship where we meet one another's parents, or rather, maternal parent, as you know my father has long ago passed, and yours is probably fornicating with some promiscuous bar maid." Sheldon stated.

Kate smiled, in spite of his father denotation.

"Where's this coming from?" Kate inquired. She took a drink of her coffee, winced, and then began adding sugar.

"Well," said Sheldon. "Personally, it's not a suggestion from me per se, but rather than my own mother."

Kate grinned, saying, "I didn't realize you spoke to your mother."

"I do, but I'm not so easily inclined to do so where company's presented itself." Sheldon told her. He started on the second slice and licked his lips happily; the sugar was very appealing to him in the morning. He looked at Kate afterward. "Recently, my mom has taken to asking about you everyday and I tell her the same thing repeatedly, yet, it seems to have no avail to change the questions."

Kate chuckled, saying, "And what questions are those?"

Sheldon drank some of his tea then placed the cup down.

" 'How's your roommate?' 'How come you've never let me talk to her before?' 'What's the point in having a conversation with your mother when you don't tell her what's going on?'" Sheldon recited. He shook his head derisively and said, "The most popular question, and it's the reason behind my suggestion, 'When are you going to introduce me to your girlfriend; I hear more about her from your friends, than I do from you?'"

Kate shrugged considerably. She stood and opened the refrigerator door, pulling out the gallon of milk. As she did, Kate offered, "Has it ever occurred to you that she wants to stay involved in your life, Sheldon?"

"I figured she'd be as involved in my life as your own mother is involved in yours," Sheldon replied smoothly.

Kate glanced at him, saying, "My mom and I are on different grounds."

"I consider them to be the same, unless the ground on which your mother stands has somehow made irreparable damage and moved, as the continents have done years ago during the Continental Drift, which in the case, Kate, you two are not only on different grounds, but different countries. If that's what you're telling me, you've been deceiving." Sheldon took a drink of his tea and smiled delightedly, "Yum."

Kate poured a glass of milk into a separate cup and drank this, leaving the coffee unattended. Putting back the milk, closing the refrigerator and sitting down, Kate merely gave Sheldon a smile. She still enjoying his useless banter, even if he considered it useful.

"Sheldon, my mom and I don't talk. We only converse via email and that's because she's still my mother. She only worries about me when I've had a car stolen. Other than that, she keeps very little connotations of my day-to-day interactions." Kate remarked. "I have a closer bond with my father than I do with my mom, at least he's able to admit his distance rather than she prefers to claim to be 'Mother of the Year'." Kate made a wild hand gesture to the false title but her smile was planted to be calm and oppositely genuine.

Sheldon gave her an odd look, saying, "I've heard you talk to your mother, Kate. She sounds like a conscientious woman, very protective and reasonably involved in your life."

Kate smiled sweetly and said, "Sheldon. She only keeps up with my life through the emails I send her and Facebook. Our relationship is as close as the Hodfstader's, but I digress that I have a closer bond with my mother. If we both put effort into our mother-daughter relationship, we'd be as close as Howard and his mother, but I prefer a distance."

Sheldon nodded, considering it. Although he envied Leonard's mother, her scientific neurobiologist whimsy, he did prefer his own relationship with Mrs. Cooper than that given with Howard and Mrs. Wolowitz. There was distance, there was space and a limitation. He could be grateful for that, at the least.

"Anyway," Sheldon stated. He looked at Kate, who was drinking the milk in her cup. "My mom wanted to come here for a visit, to meet you. Before doing so, she wanted to know if that was appropriate, considering she ponders the relationship between us."

"What's to ponder?" Kate remarked.

"Apparently, she's unclear how I've managed to bypass Amy and acquire a second girlfriend, despite Amy and my similarities."

Kate looked at him, reproachful.

"But you said so yourself that we are more similar in personality," Kate told him.

"Of course," said Sheldon. "And how can I argue with me?"

He pushed his bowl to the side and said, "Apparently, the fact we are even more similar to each other than Amy and me has made my mother off-putting."

"She's afraid of me?" Kate inquired.

"No, but I do have a feeling one of our dutiful friends informed her that we were intimate on a few occasions and this has led her to oblivion," said Sheldon.

Kate chuckled and said, "You mean your mom's afraid to meet the person that took away her baby boy's virginity? That's clearly understandable." She stood and took Sheldon's empty plate and placed it in the sink. "So what else have our meager friends told her?"

Sheldon sighed. Hearing him, she turned to gaze, and wasn't sure whether to be intimidated that he looked a bit uncomfortable himself.

"What?" Kate inquired. She sat down quickly, saying, "What did they say?"

Sheldon licked his lips and said quietly, "I should tell you, Kate, that you can just assume that my mother knows everything about us. Our relationship has been brought to the open, by extension, to everyone we know, admire, and hate." Sheldon shook his head, slightly embarrassed. "So, I'm to only presume that Howard, Penny, and Leonard have informed her that you are a medical surgeon."

Kate smiled and said, "If that's the worst she knows about me, I think we're safe."

"Not exactly," Sheldon said. He stood on input, looking at her seriously. "Kate, she's a born-again Christian woman. Time and time again I've argued with her about my profession in science and the work of physics, so there's no doubt in my mind she'll inquire your profession as being unethical and wrong."

Kate only smiled and stepped towards him, saying with a knowing tone, "Sheldon, I've endured that kind of talk from my mother and Chance. Your mother can't possibly do any worse."

Sheldon looked at her and said, "You underestimate Mary Cooper."

Kate shrugged and said, "If we do meet, Sheldon, I'm not going to shove it in her face that I butcher people for a living, and harvest their organs with a rusty scalpel. Even to me, that sounds immoral."

Sheldon stared at her.

"Do you really butcher people for a living and harvest their organs with a rusty scalpel?" Sheldon asked, alarmed.

"No, the scalpel comes out new, right out of the package." Kate replied.

Sheldon's eyes widened. That was until Kate giggled and she shook her head.

"I'm kidding, Sheldon. I'm a surgeon, not a butcher. There's a distinct difference; I have a medical degree." Kate winked at him.

"I'm not amused."

"I know," said Kate. "I'm sorry."

Sheldon shook his head, but was relieved to hear that Kate was kidding. He was doubting her for just a second but a second of doubt was better than full-fledged ignorance. Kate took the empty places and put them in the sink, washed, dried them, and then put them in the cabinets, under which were labeled plates. Kate then rinsed her two coffee/milk cups and then turned to him. She leaned against the sink, her back to the faucet.

Sheldon watched her for a second, smiling.

"What?" Kate asked when she noticed his gaze.

"That's the same shirt you wore when we first met," said Sheldon. "I've not seen it in a while."

Kate immediately blushed; this was the first time in a long time that she'd done so, which made Sheldon get under the impression that he'd either said something that embarrassed her but equally surprised her or something that made her girlish hormones act up.

"You remember the clothes I was wearing when we first met?" Kate remarked.

"Of course I do. I have an eidetic memory," said Sheldon. He stepped towards her and Kate watched him, eyes swimming.

"Indeed you do." Kate returned. "I still think it's sexy. Could you recite the ingredients in Pringles?"

Sheldon smiled at her, saying, "Dried potatoes, vegetable oil (which contains one or more of the following: corn oil, cottonseed oil, and possibly sunflower oil), wheat starch, maltodextrin, salt, rice flour, and dextrose, which contains wheat ingredients."

Kate took the front of his robe and pulled her to him, which surprised Sheldon. He merely voiced a small utterance, stopping himself from bumping into her when he put his hands on the sink, on either side of her.

Kate raised her chin and kissed the corner of his mouth. Sheldon looked at her.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Only you can make the ingredients in Pringles come off as sexy, Sheldon." Kate said smoothly. "I like it."

Sheldon looked at her curiously, but the seduction intended in her voice was clear as day. He didn't count the days that went by when sex was concerned, but the number appeared in his mind when he felt her hands move past the robe and brush against his hips. Sheldon looked at her; although he'd become quite comfortable with Kate's discernible spontaneous kisses, which she only did when he was in a predictably good mood (and when no one was around), he still couldn't push away the thought that on her hands lingered a germ or two that begged to hold on, despite her hand washing and the sanitizer she kept with her at all times.

He hesitated for this reason in touching her back, and Kate, who understood him better than anyone else—even Amy or Leonard, and his mom—smiled at him. She only touched his hips, over his pajamas, rather than the flirting conjectures that Sheldon had seen Penny and Leonard or Howard and Bernadette—or more importantly, Chance and Rajesh—do in spite of being in public. They normally went past their barriers, but Kate probably did this for his comfort.

"Kate, I'm not comfortable with this," Sheldon told her. "Social protocol dictates that one eats in a kitchen and the more physical take place in a bedroom. This isn't a bedroom."

Kate smiled, saying, "I know." She touched his chin, moved it to his left. Her lips met his throat and lingered after their forbidden kiss. "One action can lead to another, though." She indicatively smiled at him, but when he imposed no further action, she merely grinned and walked past him.

Sheldon looked after her. Yeah, that definitely had to be...

Sheldon took her hand and she turned to him.

"Just so we're clear, that was an obvious flirtatious conjecture, right?" asked Sheldon.

Kate beamed, lighting up like a Christmas light. With that, she responded, genuinely happy, "Yes, Sheldon. That was a flirt."

"Nailed it," he said happily.

Kate only continued to smile. She sat in her spot on the couch while Sheldon left to shower and dress for the day. When he came out, the phone rang. At this point, he answered the home phone.

"Hello." Sheldon answered flatly.

Kate looked at him; she was in the middle of reading a comic book—one of the many she possessed that included Batman. Her eyes only flickered to him before being once more immersed in whatever justice Batman was delivering.

"Hi, Mom," said Sheldon. "How are you?"

Kate turned to him, a bit distracted.

"Well, that's good...Yes, I've talked to her, just this morning actually," said Sheldon, glancing at Kate. She waved at him. Sheldon sat in his spot and continued to talk, "Yes, she said she's fine with meeting you. Apparently, she has no dire anxiety of meeting you, Mom...I know, I had the same expectation but Kate's become rather unpredictable in the past few days. You can say that we've 'uped the ante' in our relationship."

Kate chuckled. Some seconds later, Sheldon sighed disgustedly, and said, "Mom, not that kind of ante. Honestly, why would I talk about that to you!"

Kate suppressed a laugh, knowing they were referencing sexual activities. Sheldon shook his head, looking at Kate as though the woman was a lost cause. After a few more minutes, Sheldon smiled.

"Yes, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thanks for asking...Yes, I was Batman this year...No, Kate wasn't dressed as a promiscuous feline, she was Catwoman...Mom, that's not the same thing." Sheldon protested. "Catwoman is a vigilante while also being a jewel-thief...I don't think prayer would help."

Kate glanced at Sheldon again and was smiling.

"Can I talk to her?" Kate asked curiously.

"Hold on, Mom, Kate's asking me something," Sheldon said. He lowered the phone and looked at Kate directly. "What did you say?"

"Can I talk to her?" Kate repeated.

Sheldon shrugged and then placed the phone back to his ear, saying, "Mom, she wants to talk to you."

He waited for a moment before he rolled his eyes, saying, "Well, she's reading a comic book...no, it's one of the more graphic novels but it's in good taste." Sheldon made a wave of his hand and Kate smiled at him affectionately.

"It's her day off, I'm under the impression you can talk to her as long as you wish," said Sheldon. "Right...Okay, I'll ask but I really don't see the reason in doing so." He turned to Kate and said, "Are you sure you have the time, although it's most apparent you do."

"Yes, I have the time," said Kate. She folded her comic book and placed it on the coffee table.

Sheldon replied to his mom, "She says she has the time, just as I told you...Yes, I know, it's always appropriate to ask rather than to assume...All right, I'll see you soon. Okay, here's Kate. Yes, good-bye, Mom. I love you too. Bye." Sheldon handed Kate the phone and said, "It's for you."

Kate took it and said in a sweet voice, "Hello, Mrs. Cooper."

"Is this Kate?"

"Yes," said Kate.

"My gracious, you sound a lot younger than I thought you would."

"Thank you, so do you," said Kate, smiling lightly.

"Oh, you don't have to flatter _me_," said Mrs. Cooper, although she sounded so. Kate was mesmerized; Sheldon's mother was so much more serene and sweet.

"No, no, no flattery here," said Kate gently. "Stating truth beyond all rhyme and reason, Mrs. Cooper. It's so nice to talk to you."

"I have to agree. I wondered when I would hear from you; Shelly regularly hides his friends from me, I've yet figure out why. The last time I heard he had a girlfriend was with a...rather unique...girl named Amy. Not pushing you out the door, but what happened to her?"

"She found Stuart," said Kate.

"Who?"

"Stuart," repeated Kate. "He's a comic book store owner. He possessed humorous anecdotes and plausible knowledge of comic book heroes; he and Amy don't necessarily agree with their interests of choice but most recently, they've predicated an agreement. While Amy tones down her gradable vocabulary, he makes an consolable effort in learning about neurobiology; it's rather admirable."

Kate glanced at Sheldon, who was now reading Kate's comic book with interest, paying no attention to her or his mother's conversation.

"I see, well..." Mrs. Cooper replied, but sounded a bit off-putting. She continued, "Well, it's nice to hear that Shelly's found himself someone like him...again. To be quite honest with you, I never thought it'd happen again."

"Have people told you we are alike?" Kate inquired.

"No," said Mrs. Cooper. "I've figured that out for myself." She made a nervous laugh and said, "How long have you and my son been dating?"

"Well, as you know, I'm also his roommate so we hit it off around the beginning of May so maybe...eight months, I think? Sheldon..." Kate turned to him and Sheldon looked up at her. "How long have we been dating?"

Sheldon leaned forward into the phone and said, "We've been dating eight months, three weeks and four days; I'll be enthusiastic when the weekend passes because at that point, we've hit nine months exactly." Sheldon leaned back and continued reading the comic book.

Kate put the phone to her ear again and said, "According to him, eight months, three weeks and four days; in another two days, we'll be nine months."

Mrs. Cooper chuckled and said, "Well, isn't that nice?" She continued and asked, "If it's not a bother, Kate, could you tell me what your profession is?"

"I'm a trauma surgeon," said Kate. "I work at the Pasadena General Hospital."

"Do you have as many degrees as Sheldon says you do?"

"Yeah," said Kate obliviously. "Why would I make that up?"

"Oh, I don't know. Sheldon has a world of imagination when it comes to achievements."

Kate smiled slightly. She glanced at Sheldon who flipped the comic book pages in earnest; he certainly wanted to see what Batman did to the Joker in the end, for he was reading awfully fast, and the intensity of his gaze was amazing.

"Well, it's not imagined. I have two doctorates in medicine and a masters in surgical technologies. I've also won a Nobel Prize."

"Ah, are you as intent on getting one like Shelly?"

"No, Mrs. Cooper. I've already gotten one; I don't need another one." Kate replied, chuckling. "But it wouldn't be a bad offer if you had a spare."

Mrs. Cooper laughed, perhaps more out of humor than the understanding of the joke, saying, "Oh, it's good to hear you have a natural sense of humor."

"What other humor would I possess?" Kate inquired curiously.

"Oh, let's not dwell on that. Kate, I was intent on going to your and Shelly's apartment around Christmas. As a Christian, I believe it's more than just an obligation to spread the word of God's love to those who are most in need of it. Since Shelly's promised to go to church at least once a year, and you've probably been swimming in a pool of sin for years, as you've been practicing medicine for over a decade, I think it would be a great idea to come see you all for Christmas. Plus, it's a holiday."

"I was under the impression that Sheldon didn't have Christmas," said Kate.

"He doesn't. I do. But I know my son and when I'm there, we'll have Christmas, whether he allows it or not." Mrs. Cooper said with finality.

"Well, by all means, come," said Kate happily. "I'll be happy to meet you. On a side note, have you heard that Leonard and Penny are engaged to wed?"

"Of course; Penny never stopped repeating it; I'm so happy for them. I was praying for Leonard; I wondered what his deal was. Of course, I wondered plenty about Shelly; I thought when Amy left that there was no longer any hope."

Kate smiled and said, "Oh, there's hope. Always hope."

"Yes, my dear. I have one more thing to say before I get off here; I have a turkey roasting in the fire and I don't want it overheating."

"All right," said Kate.

"I was going to inquire your relationship with Sheldon but you know how private he can be; he's a man, and strange, so naturally, I'm unable to get anything out of him." Mrs. Cooper stated. "I'm curious though." She added with what Kate only knew was a smile, "Are you and my son attempting to get pregnant?"

"Uh..." Kate began but the response never came. "Um, Mrs. Cooper...I'll stipulate to the fact that Sheldon and I are...um...intimate, on occasions but we never leave the situation unprotected, if you get my drift. Children are the last priority. What I've been taught is that one must be married before such things are roasting in the fire."

Mrs. Cooper apparently was pleased as she said, "Well, then, I have nothing to worry about. I have more question, but I'll make it fast since I can hear your discomfort."

"That'd be great," said Kate enthusiastically.

"Are you in love with him?"

Kate stopped herself but why she did was unclear to her. She'd already professed her love to Sheldon. So why did she hesitate in telling his mother?

"Mrs. Cooper..."

"Oh, stop, it's just a question. Do you love him?"

"Yes. I do."

"You're not just telling me because I'm a God-fearing woman and a loving mother, are you?" Mrs. Cooper questioned. "Unlike Shelly, I _do _understand people so if you're telling me this because you think you're going to get in heat with me, don't worry; I understand this stuff takes..."

"I'm very much in love with your son, Mrs. Cooper," said Kate seriously.

"Oh well, that gives me all the information I need to know. Has he expressed the same?"

Kate regarded the question, looking at Sheldon with a smile. He finished the comic book and grinned broadly.

"Yes, Mrs. Cooper. In his own Sheldon ways, yes."

"Well, that's just beautiful. I'm glad to hear it. I wish he'd told me, though, so I didn't have to ask you," Mrs. Cooper said. Although the tenderness in her voice could be heard, Kate guessed she was a bit disappointed in Sheldon for not including her in the relationship updates.

"It's been a pleasure talking to you, Kate." Mrs. Cooper said. "And please, call me Mary."

"All right." Kate said.

"Would you please hand the phone to Sheldon. I'd like to talk to him for a moment," said Mary.

"Yeah, sure, no problem." Kate said. "It's nice talking to you."

"You too."

"Good-bye, Mary." She handed the phone to Sheldon, who looked at it, perplexed. "She wants to talk to you for a moment."

"Oh, dear lord, did you get me in trouble?" asked Sheldon quietly.

Kate smiled and wiggled the phone at him. He took it out of slight annoyance and sighed when he put the phone to his ear.

"Sheldon's here," he said. Immediately, he said, "Mom, if you were curious, I figured you'd ask. When people are normally curious, they normally ask questions."

Kate merely beamed.

"Mom, Kate and I have reached a point of homeostasis in our relationship where an equilibrium of understanding has been placed and stabilized; I don't find it necessary to tell her how I feel when she's already perceived the notion...Mom, I don't want—okay, okay.." Sheldon sighed and put the phone from him and then looked at Kate.

There was some strong hesitation as he forced the words out but they came out clear and precise: "Kate, I love you."

Kate's heart stopped...figuratively.

Sheldon put the phone back to his ear and said, "Mom, I have to get Leonard and Penny. Why? What I told her made her faint on the floor." Sheldon looked at the woman that was on her side, between the couch and the table. "Mom, she's done this before except on a different situation where—Mom, I have to call you back." He pushed end and when he was sure that Kate was all right, he dialed her number and she picked up.

"Mom, Kate's all right. I told her saying that would stop her heart." Sheldon told her. "No, she's fine. Yes, I'm still going to get Leonard and Penny...I'll see you later...Good-bye. I love you too." Sheldon hung up and as promised, he sped from the living room and knocked on Leonard and Penny's door three times, each saying, "Leonard and Penny!"


	8. The Briar Recurrence

Love Is Hell

Chapter Eight: The Briar Recurrence

It'd been too long since the girls had a date night, and between Penny-and-Leonard's engagement and the upcoming Christmas holiday that would soon unfold, it was only predictable that while all of the gang/group were enjoying Wednesday's Halo Night, although that featured the men playing Halo and the girls alone, the said females were congregated in Kate's bedroom, choosing that as a proper place to get all hyped about the upcoming nuptials.

The entrance to Kate's bedroom was a eye-opener to the similarity between she and Sheldon, for she exemplified the same organization and comic book hero memorabilia that Sheldon had in his own room. Penny wasn't too surprised, but Amy and Bernadette were amazed. They looked up in thought, only to see that Kate had a poster of the Joker and the Dark Knight, back-to-back.

"Does that get a little disturbing in the dark?" asked Bernadette, looking up at the Joker's sinister smile; it was not the scars that made him smile, for it was genuine, although this might have been the creepier part to which Bernadette referred.

"You mean as disturbing as it is to see a picture of a famous actress who portrayed Catwoman on Howard's ceiling?" Kate remarked to Bernadette.

The short microbiologist merely glanced at Kate with surprise.

"Sheldon told me about it when he saw my poster. In retrospect, he prefers mine to his but I think it's because he's biased," Kate replied. She looked up at the poster lovingly, then gestured for the girls to happily sit where they wished. Penny, Bernadette, and Amy sat on the bed, on the edge.

Kate closed the bedroom door and looked at them.

"So," said Kate, grinning. "Have you and Leonard placed a wedding date?"

"Not exactly," said Penny. "We're unsure when to get married. We know it's sometime after this year is over."

"Ever predicated the idea to being married in April?" Amy suggested. "It's perceived in superstition that a couple married in the Spring months are less likely to divorce than those married in the months where the frost is generous and the weather is wintry. Personally, I think a wedding in the winter would be the utmost beautiful, although I've wondered how on earth women could wear dresses revealing so much skin in a freezing temperature like those felt in December and January."

Bernadette smiled at Penny and said, "Well, as long as Leonard doesn't have a big trip to space to go to, I think you can get married without any hurry. If you don't want a minister, you can be safely reminded that we are still ordained to marry you and Leonard. Shoot, you and Leonard can marry yourselves!"

Bernadette and Penny giggled at the idea while Kate and Amy remained perplexed, glancing at each other, clueless to the humor.

Amy looked at Kate and said, "So, are you and Sheldon okay now?"

"What do you mean?" asked Kate. "We've always been okay."

"The last time I spoke with you, you claimed to be a flipping Catwoman; of course, the way _you _worded it was profane and somewhat titillating. Not only that, you told Sheldon to, in a word, screw himself. I was wondering if you and Sheldon revised your words to one another and made up with passionate sex."

Kate gazed at Amy for a second only to hinder a smile when Penny and Bernadette raised their eyebrows to her.

"To comment, Amy, my memory is a bit cloudy. I was drunk so the memories are only vaguely there, but to answer your question, yes, Sheldon and I made up. Besides, his feelings and mine are, as it turns out, mutual."

"He said he loves you?" blurted Penny.

Bernadette and Amy glanced at her then at Kate expectantly.

"Well, in his own way, at first. Then when I was talking to his mother, she pretty much forced it out of him," said Kate.

"That's why you fainted?" inquired Penny. "He told you he loved you and you fainted?"

"Yeah," said Kate. "Wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, but for a different reason," replied Penny. "Kate, how come you didn't tell us?"

"Yeah," said Bernadette. "I tell you all everything that happens between my Howie and me, and I know Amy has no restraints on her kiss-and-tell stories. Why are you holding back?"

Kate smiled, standing.

"I'm not accustomed to sharing my love life with people, girls." She shrugged and said, "Mary agrees with me that Sheldon is a very private and conscientious man so I try to contain the information regarding love or sex life as much as possible."

"Blah, blah, blah," said Amy. "Kate,"-she turned to her completely—"As our friend, you know very well our secrets remain secretive. It's sharing those confidences that bond girlfriends, so to say you're not going to tell us stuff is like saying you're not our friend. Aren't you our friend?"

"Of course I am," Kate returned. She sat in front of the three. "I'm more than happy to be a friend. It's just that I happen to be a private person too." Kate shrugged and said, "But if it means that much to you all..."

"Yeah, it does, spill," instructed Penny. She crossed her legs eagerly. "What's the gist on the physicist?"

Kate acknowledged her word play then said, "Sheldon and I are on equal grounds now. We're not fighting or anything."

"Didn't bother with the passionate love-making then?" Amy inquired, sounding a bit disappointed. She shook her head and said flatly, "Woman, you have the raw sexuality of a tiger; I would have expected you to do more than just kiss and make up." She looked at Penny. "You need to teach her a few things."

Penny gazed at Amy curiously then looked at Kate.

"Kate, I'm going to probably ransack your comfort zone by asking but what draws you to Sheldon sexually?"

Amy and Kate returned simultaneously, "Are you kidding me?"

Penny's eyes widened in astonishment and Kate and Amy glanced at each other with the same expression. However, Kate only smiled; she and Amy understood and that seemed enough. However, because this _was _girl's night, Kate was passing a threshold. She leaned forward, legs crossed as well, and decided to indulge.

"All right, thanks to peer pressure... I will tell you, but I swear to God, if I find it spreading the gossip chain, I'm going on a woman-hunt."

Amy nodded and said, "Agreed. I'll join." She smiled happily and said, "It's always nice to be a part of things."

Kate and Amy exchanged understanding looks although Bernadette and Penny did as well, yet theirs resided to the fact of how Amy and Kate were starting to bond...over someone as intricately complicated as Sheldon Cooper.

Before Kate divulged however, there was a knock on the door, or rather, several of them.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Kate, Bernadette, Amy, and Penny."

Kate stood to her feet and in front of the door, waiting.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Kate, Bernadette, Amy, and Penny."

Knock, knock, knock.

"Kate, Bernadette, Amy, and Penny."

She opened the door when he'd finished and smiled at him serenely.

"Hello," said Kate.

"Hello, Kate." Sheldon responded. He glanced at the other girls and said, "Hello, Bernadette, Amy, and Penny." Then to Kate, he said, "I need a word with you."

"Okay." Kate said. Without questioning him, she merely turned to the girls and said, "I'll be right back." She closed the door. At some point, she'd thought the two of them would go into the living room and talk but instead, she found herself in the bathroom with Sheldon closing the door.

"Sheldon?" Kate inquired carefully. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," said Sheldon.

"Then how come we're in the bathroom...together?" Kate asked.

"To talk privately," said Sheldon.

"In the bathroom?"

"Yes."

"About what?"

"Have you and your gal pals discussed an intermittent Date Night?" asked Sheldon.

Kate leaned her right side against the wall, crossing her arms. She thought for a moment then only shook her head.

"No, I don't recollect we have. Why?"

Sheldon stood in front of the door, arms crossed.

"Apparently, Leonard, Rajesh, Howard, and Stuart are formulating dinner plans where Penny, Bernadette, Amy, you and I would be meeting Raj's new girlfriend." Sheldon said. He glanced behind him at the door, but more to the fact that he was gazing through the wall to his friends. He turned to Kate, uncrossing his arms, and stepping towards her thoughtfully."Does that sound suspicious to you?"

"No," said Kate. She looked him up and down and said, "Although I have further doubts about my being locked in an enclosed space with _you_, Sheldon."

"Oh, right. I seldom times forget you have claustrophobia. My bad...," said Sheldon. He began to open the door, but Kate stepped towards him, and closed it, pushing his back against the surface rather abruptly.

"It has nothing to do with my fear of small, cramped places." Kate replied quietly. "Why does it make you suspicious that the guys and girls would be meeting Raj's new squeeze? I thought it would be good for him to have a girlfriend, considering what happened with Chance."

"There lies the suspicion." Sheldon said. Despite his discomfort of Kate being in his personal space, it seemed that the problem he was currently dealing with overshadowed it.

"Suspicion of what?"

"Raj's new girlfriend," said Sheldon. He shook his head. "Gossip suggests that it's not a new girlfriend, but a fairly recent one, AKA, Chance Briars."

Kate stepped back from him. Her libido was repressed.

"Chance and Raj?" said Kate, clearly taken aback.

"Yes." Sheldon confirmed. "Now you see my predicament."

"Why would we have dinner with Chance?"

"Isn't it obvious?" replied Sheldon incredulously. "She's left with the threat of coming back in a vengeance and now, she'll poison all of us with a warm greeting of how she and Koothrappali are back together, despite your banishment."

Kate smiled and said, "Sheldon, I don't ascend to banishment. They're your department."

Sheldon looked at her and said, "I thought after our prior assuage that we've begun to share power; then again, I prefer a dictatorship compared to that of a democracy."

Kate shrugged and said, "Well,"-she ignored his recent statement—"if Raj wants to date Chance again, I don't see a point in arguing. I mean, Chance isn't _stupid. _She knows that by continuing a relationship with Rajesh would only mean running into me again."

Sheldon looked at her.

"Kate, I think you're forgetting how tremendous her efforts in sabotaging my comfort zone are. I assure you that while your memory may suffer, mine is clear as day." He shook his head. "The horror."

"It's been weeks," said Kate. "Maybe she's changed."

"And maybe you're pregnant," Sheldon remarked disparagingly. "But I see no signs of that either."

Seeing his panic begin, Kate merely glanced at the floor in thought. How easy it was for him to become distressed. It was up to her to calm him down and it wasn't hard to do; she'd had plenty of practice. She stepped in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders.

"Sheldon, listen to me. We don't know where this dinner will take us. For all we know, Chance is coming back to be with Rajesh and possibly apologize to me for being the bitch she was two weeks ago. After all, the last time we saw her was two days before the Thanksgiving Party and that was two weeks ago."

Sheldon rolled her eyes, sarcastically saying, "Is this supposed to somehow calm me down?"

Kate shrugged carelessly and then sat on the edge of the bathtub. She glanced at the periodic table decorated curtain, admiring its logical appeal. Sheldon watched her with a hint of annoyance. He clasped his hands behind him.

"Kate, are you anticipating the notion that Chance will apologize?" Sheldon asked cautiously.

Hearing the tone, Kate turned her eyes from the curtain, to him.

"Anticipating?" She repeated. "Not exactly. She's as stubborn as you." To say so, Kate gestured to him. However, there was a small indicative notion that she was still hoping for the woman to say she was sorry. Although, Kate surmised that in the end, Chance was right; Sheldon could be an asshole just by accident, so technically, it was Sheldon who was obligated to apologize.

"Then you'd have no qualms about saying 'no' to this dinner," said Sheldon.

Kate stood.

"Sheldon, I'll level with you. I'm not eager to see Chance after the words we exchanged. But, if she wants to be with Raj, which is a surprise on my part, considering the only thing they had together was a love for feminine movies and sex, then who am I to stop them?" Kate asked reproachfully.

Sheldon stared at her as though she was insane.

"Who are you to—Kate, do you have any idea about what you're saying?"

"Yes," said Kate. "I don't agree with Chance and Raj being together, considering how mean she can be, but if that's what they want then I'm not coming in between them."

"Why not?" complained Sheldon. "It didn't stop you from pushing her out of here in the first place!"

Kate looked at him and said, "For all we know, Sheldon, she's recognized the error in her ways, and in yours. If one can't conform to the situation, they leave, or accommodate themselves in a fashion where they will tolerate."

Sheldon glared her, saying, "Nothing that happened that day was my fault. She _knew _the spot on that couch was my entire universe. She knows I don't like to talk about what transpires between us and personally, Kate, I don't much care for the implication that she spouts off her sexual prolictivities to the group whenever she pleases." Sheldon rolled his eyes.

"That's just how she is, Sheldon," Kate remarked defensively.

"I don't like it," Sheldon told her. "I prefer that she never enters our apartment again."

Kate shrugged and said, "Fine, she doesn't have to. But that won't get you out of seeing her again when we go to dinner."

"I'm not going," he argued. "If she's there, I won't be."

"Fine," said Kate. She leaned her back against the sink and put her hands up with surrender. "If you don't want to go, don't go."

"Good, I won't."

However, in spite of himself, Sheldon merely stared at her. When Kate returned the gaze, he sighed in defeat.

"What, Sheldon?"

"Now I feel obligated to go," said Sheldon.

"You said you wouldn't."

"Well, apparently, now I am."

Kate narrowed her eyes at him curiously. What was going on in that brain of his?

"Why?"

"It's beyond me because I clearly don't want to see that hotsy totsy woman again," said Sheldon. He shook his head slowly and then told her, "I have a notion that you're partly to blame."

"How's this," said Kate gently. She bounced herself from the sink and stepped towards him in counter offer. "Neither of us will go to the dinner, considering it's more than obvious that neither of us want to see Chance Briar again."

Sheldon smiled.

"Good," said Sheldon happily. "I know you'd understand."

"I know." Kate stated. "Now, is the discussion of Chance over?"

"Yes, I believe so. Meeting adjourned." Sheldon said. Kate moved past him and opened the door. As they walked out the bathroom, Kate felt his hand guide her lower back and she felt a warm flash find her face, and a seek missile of sudden lust formulate itself in her lower anatomy. As he moved past her to the living room without a thought of what he'd just incurred, Kate watched after him. The guys glanced back to see Sheldon then saw Kate.

Kate bit her lip as she walked back to the room. Oh, did Sheldon not see what he did to her with the simplest of human contact.


	9. Sheldon, Interrupted

Love Is Hell

Chapter Nine: Sheldon, Interrupted

Sheldon lied in bed asleep. However, it wasn't long when he awoke after a vexing dream. What vexed him was that Kate was in it, and he experienced the discomfort that proceeded it. He frowned when he recognized the symptoms and signs of sexual arousal. The Catwoman of his dreams did that. At first, he attempted to use Kohlinar to refute, but it wasn't enough. He frowned again and shook his head. He _knew _it'd been a bad idea when he and Kate did it the first time. Of course, he knew it wouldn't be the last. After all, his body had tasted the sweet nectar of the poison and since then, it had been implanted in his veins like the virus bacteria left over from Chicken Pox; never noticeable but always there...then shingles happened but Sheldon was happy he'd never gotten that dose of ill-fated trauma.

Still, the matter remained.

He folded the covers from himself and moved out of bed. There was no point in lying there suffering. It would only make matters worse.

Sheldon walked out of the bedroom and going to the kitchen for a cup of warm tea, he found that the source of his imaginative onset of his poison was in the living room; apparently, Kate also couldn't sleep. Although she seemed more preoccupied with something else, for she had out a calculator, bills, and the like. As she folded the notes, Sheldon presumed that Kate hadn't even gone to bed yet. She was still in her day clothes, dressed in blue jeans and a long-sleeve shirt, which, as always, had the Batman symbol on the front.

She stood and then that's when she noticed Sheldon.

"Oh, hi, Sheldon," said Kate genuinely happy. She placed her notes, bills, and taxes items in a drawer separate to his own.

"Hello," said Sheldon. He continued to move around the kitchen, making herbal tea.

Kate noticed his odd behavior. For one, he was out of bed and it was ten o'clock. Second, he seemed intent on excluding her from this activity for he offered her none in return. Bemused, she walked into the kitchen.

"Sheldon, honey," said Kate gently. "Are you all right?"

"I will be," Sheldon told her. He glanced over his shoulder, saying, "But thanks for asking."

Kate chewed the inside of her cheek, pondering. He was running water into his cup and added a tea bag then placed it in the microwave. While it heated the cup, Sheldon merely watched it. Kate knew he'd already figured out how a microwave emitter heated the cup via taking it apart (and then buying a new one because the way he'd done it was hard to put it back together again), so she knew no doubt it wasn't the microwave he was preoccupied by.

Sheldon, evidently, felt her eyes on him for he turned to look at her.

"What are you observing?" Sheldon inquired.

"You," Kate remarked. "You're acting strange."

"Am I?" Sheldon replied, although his voice had gone up an octave. He cleared his throat but made no attempt to correct the odd volume to his voice. Instead, he turned around and paid attention to his tea.

"Sheldon," said Kate. She stood and walked over to him. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

"Yes, but sleep eluded me." Sheldon told her. "It's become a regular occurrence, actually."

"Really?" mused Kate. "Is it not the rest that eludes you but the dreams that refuse to leave?"

Sheldon stiffened. Slowly, he turned to her.

"How do you know..."

"Sheldon," said Kate with a sigh, "you insult my intelligence. I know you have dreams about me; I'm a regular occurrence in your life, and you forget, my Homo-novus, that I'm also your girlfriend." As a point, Kate winked at him.

Sheldon rolled his eyes, putting that theory out of the blue entirely.

"Also," said Kate. She pressed 'stop' on the microwave and said, "You're acting weird and by that definition, you've acquired some discomfort that hasn't presented itself until you fell asleep. And I know the discomfort you feel is welcome and forbidden."

Sheldon pursed his lips, saying nothing to that theory. However, Kate smirked at him, knowingly. She opened the microwave door and handed his tea to him. Although at this point, Sheldon merely gazed at her with an affronted look, as though she had already passed whatever comfort zone he still maintained.

He took his tea, but didn't drink it. Kate smiled plainly at him then walked to the living room. At this point, Sheldon frowned. Did Kate just tease him...or was that another flirt...perhaps it was both? Sheldon noticed she was sitting in her spot again, watching television. He joined her wordlessly, sitting in his designated spot. He was uncertain as to how to tell her that she was right without pushing his threshold further away from him. After all, his comfort zone was all he had to treasure.

"What are you watching?" Sheldon asked.

"Don't know," Kate remarked. "I just turned to it."

"You know there _is _a guide," Sheldon reminded.

"Yeah, but what's life without a little surprise," Kate said gently. She smiled at him pointedly and then turned her eyes back to the TV.

"Why do I get that feeling we're watching a Soap Opera?" asked Sheldon, seeing the lighting dim and the characters clearly upset with one another.

"We may be," Kate affirmed.

When the characters spoke in Spanish, Kate chuckled.

"We're watching a Spanish Soap apparently," said Kate. She took the remote and flipped the channel. Not even she liked watching those.

Sheldon took the remote and placed it on the coffee table, which immediately alerted Kate. She glanced at the remote which now sat on the table and then to him.

"Sheldon?" Kate spoke. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing really," said Sheldon. He turned to her, his right leg bending so he could sit comfortably and yet angle his body towards her. Apparently, after having done so, this made Kate become more attentive, for she mirrored him...this didn't help him any. Despite his meager attempts to extinguish his male faults of being attracted to his female counterpart, it was only a defect that when Kate turned her body as well, he could only try so hard to not be mindful that the revealable skin around her neck. For some reason, Sheldon had a gathered understanding that a person being attracted to another person physically had a certain 'place' where they were most attracted to. While Leonard and Howard and possibly Raj enjoyed spoke animatedly of their companions' bosom or behind, Sheldon was—as always—different. He was mindful of Kate's slender figure, but her neck was flawless, smooth...and sadly, it was always in his sights.

"Kate, I believe we must evaluate the chain of causality as its already presented itself," Sheldon stated.

Kate gathered his reason and she agreed, nodding her head, but said nothing. One of her ways of leading him on; Sheldon preferred this rather than a verbal cue, although he preferred them most of the time. What had become an exhausting chore to explain to his friends, Sheldon had found simple with Kate; he understood her nonverbal cues as if they were his own. To him, this was most pleasing...and slightly disturbing, for it was almost as though she were linked to him telepathically.

"At this moment," Sheldon began, clasping his hands on his bent knee, "I think we're at another intervention. However, while one normally seizes a moment with an emotional ambush against the factor that's causing the invalid harm, the intervention used here is reversed."

Kate smiled. As though she already understood his point. Given that Kate was perceptive, Sheldon raised his eyebrows to her smile.

"Why are you smiling?" Sheldon asked.

"I always smile, Sheldon."

"That's a different smile," Sheldon noted.

"Really? I have different smiles?"

"Yes," said Sheldon, as though this was plain fact...and it was. "Kate, I know I've said time and time again in the past that I'm not accustomed to nonverbal cues, body language, or facial expressions. However, in spite of my ineptitude for the matter, I've curiously developed a knowledge for yours." He shifted, saying, "For instance, I know when you're angry because you're snapping at me—that's the most obvious sign of all. When you are tired, you exhibit the signs of those who are normally tired, although the levels of exhaustion confuse me. And, now, when we're sitting here talking and you suddenly smile, I'm being led to the conclusion that you have already arrived at the proximal point of realization and I no longer need to explain myself."

Kate smiled wider, saying, "That's a mouthful."

Sheldon gave her a pointed look, saying, "You could have stopped me at any time."

"No, I couldn't." Kate returned. "You don't like being interrupted." When Sheldon noted this with agreement, she continued, except with it, she moved closer to him. "While you understand my nonverbal cues and my differential smiles, I perceive your actions as well. You don't like being interrupted at any given time, given the notion when you're right or wrong in your point."

Sheldon looked at her with a primal gaze. She knew him well. But even then, she wasn't finished. As she spoke of all the things she knew of him, she also began moving closer to him, which made Sheldon move back to the point his lower back was right against the arm of the couch, and Kate, being the devious vixen she was, sat between his legs. Her feet were tucked underneath her. While Sheldon gazed at her, more curious, than panicked, he couldn't help but notice the direct seduction in her voice. One thing he could count on with Kate was that when she was being...like she was right now...she never hid it; it was right in the open where even he could see that she was coming onto him.

Now Kate was sitting in between his legs, therefore in his spot...with him. Sheldon didn't know if this was a tease to him or what, but Kate seemed to notice.

"I also know that in the very spot we both occupy is the spot that if your life was expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian Coordinate system this spot, when you first sat on it, would be 0,0,0,0." Kate smirked when Sheldon stared at her, his eyes wide with admiration.

"Did I miss anything?" asked Kate lightly.

Sheldon just kept staring at her. He couldn't believe what she said, if it was not for the fact she'd said it. Something in his body was sparked when she vocalized the importance of his spot, his universe—and she had remembered every word.

"That's very impressive," Sheldon finally managed. He kept his hands on the back of the couch and beside him, only because if they touched her, he'd probably be a victim for what his anatomy begged.

"Ooh," Kate purred. She smirked at him. He knew _that _smile from experience. The right portion of her mouth lifted only, into the crooked grin that was his cue that she was feeling what he was currently feeling. Sheldon glanced past her to the door. What if someone came in...it'd be just one more embarrassing thing.

Kate glanced behind her to the thing he was looking at and at this point, she looked back at him. However, she didn't seem too phased by it. She leaned into him and kissed his jaw, underlying his cheek and the border of his neck. Sheldon bared it, closing his eyes and stiffening like a board.

It didn't push her away though. No, Kate was persistent. She was also patient. Sheldon wondered if she'd be the same if he'd pursued her while she had been in a drunken state. He doubted she'd be so patient during that informality.

Kate's lips lingered for seconds, then moved, but not away. He felt them on his neck, along the skin just above his carotid artery. Around his waist, Kate's arms moved, and her hands slid their palms along his lower back.

Sheldon remained stiff, uncertain what to do. He questioned his mind just as he did normally for answers, but so far, nothing responded. His body, however, had answers. He wondered if this was the reason why humans, in the state of desire and recklessness, became so reckless because their minds shifted gears lazily, and the body's instincts kicked in. If that was the case, could he hardly blame Penny and Leonard for...Sheldon's thoughts subtracted twice when he felt Kate's lips move again, this time a sound escaped them.

Without many notes to compare between logic and biology, Sheldon sighed with resolution. Sheldon shifted so his legs were on the couch, and he did so, Kate repositioned. He was against the back of the couch, lying on his left and Kate was on her back, lying her head on the left arm of the couch.

No talk interrupted as Kate lifted her head to meet his; her initiated kiss to his mouth was soft, feathery—it didn't even meet him completely. Sheldon was led to her trap as he only wanted more from her. He kissed her upper lip, no later the invitation came as expected. In spite of his inexperience with women, being that Kate was his only experiment, Sheldon perceived that in any given situation, Kate was always extending the invite. While his mind offered neither the objection or encouragement, Sheldon found himself at the mercy of his instincts, which, even when manipulated by the lust in his loins, were still cautious.

Sheldon moved his hand to her lower back, his fingers sliding over the tattoo of 'Joker's Wild' that was still—unless the imbedded ink had found a way out—needled to her sink. Although he at first had an aversion to the idea of being pricked by a thousand needles, the knowing of the mark was almost tantalizingly vexing, in a way that he predicated that Kate was—in a fashion—_his _Wild. There was no verification of the theory. He neither wished to confirm it with Kate. However, the touch of his fingers made Kate sigh, but not exasperatedly or in annoyance. It was pleasing, as though she took a bite out of a freshly baked apple pie.

Sheldon touched his other hand to the side of her stomach. Her hands moved to his chest. Her digits were merely contact, not flesh over his clothes. Somehow he'd wished he wasn't adorned with so much clothing.

Then, Sheldon kissed her lips once more. When she reciprocated, her returning kiss was harder, invitingly passionate. His response was mutual. Kate smiled in mid-kiss, and her tongue slid along his bottom lip. Sheldon hesitated, but only for a second, before he entered her mouth with his caution and endearment. In spite of his ability to multitask, he was at odds when her hands had began to lower to his stomach. One stayed to his hip, while the other entreated to a different territory.

However, Sheldon was aside himself. He felt her touch him, over his pajama bottoms. Her touch was brief, but he would be in denial if he claimed he didn't feel something ignite, in his brain and his anatomical biology. Sheldon pushed his mouth harder unto hers. Their tongues elapsed in a small battle in her mouth.

He only stopped when there was a knock on the door. Kate and Sheldon exchanged looks. Kate slightly frowned.

"Hold on," Kate mouthed.

Sheldon nodded, and sat up so Kate could move off the catch. She straightened her clothes and opened the door. Sheldon sat in his spot the proper way, although he couldn't trudge off the irritating ascension of his lower anatomies.

"Kate."

Sheldon recognized the voice belonging to Howard. Another 'Hello' made Sheldon aware that accompanying the Jewish engineer was, as always, his friend and ally, Rajesh, who apparently was under some influence for he merely spoke the word without a high squeaky voice.

"Can we come in?" asked Howard.

Kate invited them in but she looked slightly irritated. However, Howard took no notice. Raj sat on the far right cushion. Howard sat in the middle. Kate closed the door and looked at Howard.

"Sit there," Sheldon spoke, pointing to the armchair.

Howard gazed at him confusedly but when he looked at Kate with inquiry, he realized his mistake. He stood, made a small bow to her, and sat in the armchair.

"So," said Kate. "What'd you do wrong?"

Howard and Raj looked at her suddenly.

"Why do you think we did something wrong?" scoffed Howard. "Maybe Sheldon did something wrong."

Kate gave him a look and said, "First, you got up without saying anything when Sheldon told you to sit somewhere else and second, Howard, you know me very well. Sheldon's my boyfriend; he can do no wrong. Now, what's going on?"

Sheldon gazed at her curiously. Kate was rather...abrupt...when she was interrupted. However, Howard continued to notice nothing was wrong and he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, and stated his business.

"Leonard hasn't chosen his best man yet. We were wondering if you knew anything," said Howard curiously.

Sheldon sighed and said, "Oh not this again."

To this, Kate turned to him, saying, "What again?"

"This."

"This what?" Kate remarked.

Sheldon sighed and looked at her in explanation. "When Howard was wed, I believe we circled in an infinitive circle before Howard chose Koothrappali for Best Man, and I could only simulate the variable twists and ties that came between the females when Bernadette was to choose her Maid of Honor. After Howard, I thought we wouldn't have to go through with this again, and yet, here we are. Not only are you predicated to enumerate this with Bernadette, Amy, and Penny, now I'm stuck in this square."

"How is it a square?" asked Howard.

Kate stepped in figuratively speaking and said for Sheldon, "A square has four sides and if a race track was made as such, a driver would have to slow to a stop to turn the sharp curves, hence making the journey longer and harder."

Sheldon beamed at her, then turned to Howard, who was staring at them as though they might have escaped from a loony bin.

"Not the point," Howard stated quickly. He cleared his throat and said, "My point is that while we're wondering who Leonard will pick as the best man, are you at curious whom Penny will choose for her Maid of Honor?"

Kate shrugged and said, "No, but, out of curiosity,"-Kate leaned forward in a position that mirrored Howard—"Tell me how it would."

Howard's eyes widened at her approach. However, as he was speechless, Raj took the floor and turned to Kate.

"You're not at all interested in being part of Penny's wedding?"

"Of course I am; as a friend and confidant, I am exceptionally drawn to being part of Penny's wedding," said Kate in a matter-of-fact tone. "But Penny's choice of who'll be her Maid of Honor will be hers, whether or not I do her all the favors in the world or tell her she's my best friend. I think Amy's done that plenty of times."

Sheldon gave Kate an admirable look. Kate wasn't interested in being so involved in Penny's wedding nonsense. So this made it only better that he wouldn't be strong-armed into cuddling with her should Penny, Bernadette, and Amy go without her to dress shop.

Rajesh merely shook his head and said, "Are you kidding?"

"I'm serious," said Kate, her smile gone. "I'm not going to make enemies amongst friends to be a Maid of Honor."

"Just as well," said Sheldon.

"Why's that?" Howard returned.

Sheldon replied, "Just as the Maid of Honor serves the Bride. If that applies to the duties of the Best Man, should the bride die, the Maid of Honor is there to replace her if the bride suffered a sudden death, so by retrospect, Kate would therein be obligated to marry Leonard, just as you, Raj, would have had to marry Bernadette, should Howard have died."

At this, Raj merely grinned but Howard looked at Sheldon as though this was preposterous.

"You're making that up!" Howard interjected.

"No, I'm assuredly not. If I was, you'd notice by my nervous tics I have whenever I try to deceive," Sheldon reminded.

Kate shook her head and said to Howard and Raj, "Is that all?"

The two gave her incredulous looks.

"What's with the biting tone?" Rajesh remarked.

Kate looked at him, saying, "I'm sorry, is it something I said?"

"No. It's not what you said, it's how you said it," said Rajesh dolefully. He shrugged and said, "Were you all doing something that we interrupted? I told Howard to call first. But you know, he never listens to me."

Howard glared at Raj, saying, "What are you talking about? I always listen to you."

"You say that, but you hardly ever do," Rajesh responded.

Howard gave him a 'WTF' look but then turned to Kate.

"_Were _you doing something?" He then winked, saying, "Something, oh, I don't know, _dirty_."

Kate sighed; Sheldon recognized this to be her first-step annoyance. He hoped she wouldn't tell them what they were doing, but all the more, if it made them leave, it was just as inviting. However, her response was interesting.

"Dirty, not really. I was going to take a shower," Kate remarked. "In the essence of that being said, it's more of a clean thing, than dirty."

Sheldon gave her a look, wondering why she had lied.

"Well, then you don't mind us watching TV, do you?" asked Raj. "Bridget Jones Diary is on and I've not seen it in some time, and it's on tonight."

"Why don't you watch it on your TV?" Sheldon responded.

"Can't—no cable," said Raj. "I've been slacking in paying my bills."

"Lazy," Howard said, shaking his head.

"I'm not lazy, you are." Rajesh replied.

Sheldon and Kate exchanged looks. Kate shook her head as though the two in front of them were impossible to deal with, while Sheldon perceived them to be not impossible, as they existed, but implausible. Howard had a clever way of interrupting all that was good for him, even if it was bad.


	10. The Pleasurable Tuck-In

Love Is Hell

Chapter Ten: The Pleasurable Tuck-in

Author's Note: I think it's hilarious that Howard has always been the causality of the interruptions between Kate and Sheldon. Poor Keldon ;) Read and Review, please.

Howard and Rajesh didn't leave until it was well past twelve midnight. By that time, the weekend had already come and the time passing was slow. While Howard and Rajesh bid a warm good-bye to Kate, Sheldon was curled up in his spot, legs against him, and asleep. Kate closed the door after Rajesh apologized for their intrusion and that he was intent on paying his bills tomorrow. After the door was closed...and then locked...Kate glanced around to see Sheldon asleep.

Kate sat in her spot, her left leg bent underneath her while the other remained on the floor. She touched his hair gently with her fingers and followed down to the nape of his neck. He stirred quietly, but didn't awake. Kate smiled. He was so cute when he was dreaming.

"Sheldon," said Kate gently. She touched his shoulder. "Honey, wake up; you're still in the living room."

Sheldon muttered something along the lines of "I want cookies". Kate suppressed a smile, although it was clear she was amused.

"Sheldon, wake up."

Sheldon stirred when she patted his shoulder and he gazed at her groggily.

"What?" He muttered.

"You're not in bed." Kate reminded. "You fell asleep on the couch."

"Oh," muttered Sheldon. He sighed, stretched, and stood. Kate did the same, although she was still awake; too much caffeine had led her to a rather eventful, lack of sleep. It'd been one of the reasons she'd begun her taxes and payment of bills so late in the night.

"I'm tired," Sheldon noted.

"Then go to bed." Kate instructed. She glanced at her clock, saying, "It's midnight. Might as well."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Are you going to bed?" Sheldon inquired.

Kate shrugged. "If I do, I won't go to sleep."

"Why is that?"

"I drank a Diet Coke while Rajesh was crying over Bridget Jones' diary; I won't get sleepy until two in the morning." Kate told him. She hinted her empty can of coke and Sheldon merely glanced at it with a footnote of amusement and condescension.

"Kate, have you ever considered that the reason you are exhausted from work is that you drink too much caffeine and therefore have a lack of restful REM sleep?" asked Sheldon. "Not only does it repress your melatonin that you're to produce during your REM sleep, you're also up a lot longer."

"I got that, honey. Remember? I'm a doctor," Kate reminded. "Now, if you're going to bed, I'll tuck you in."

Sheldon gazed at her curiously.

"I'm not a child, Kate. I don't need to be tucked in."

"So you're refusing it?" asked Kate.

Sheldon thought for a moment and he smiled, saying, "Well, if you really want to." He yawned again and then followed Kate to his bedroom. She gestured for him to get in bed and then he did, watching her tuck in the covers to his waist and form. He leaned over him to get the other side and Sheldon watched her with bemusement.

Kate smiled at him.

"Comfortable?" Kate questioned.

"Very much so, thank you," Sheldon said happily.

When Kate began to leave, Sheldon called for her. She turned, her hand on the door knob.

"What, Sheldon?"

"Aren't you going to kiss me good night?" asked Sheldon curiously. He seemed a little disappointed.

Kate gazed at him, a gently smile playing on her mouth. She walked over to him, sat on the edge of his bed. Leaning forward, she touched her lips against his, the softness of the two were tender and sweet. Sheldon tasted Diet Coke on her lips, and despite her gentle pressure against his mouth, her tongue skimmed his lower lip with the smallest invitation. It tempted him.

"Kate," Sheldon murmured. Their lips were still together; he merely talked against them. His eyes were closed, and it only made his senses revive.

"Yes, Sheldon?" Her voice was soft, low...seductive, once again. She _intentionally _made her kiss tempting.

"Would it be inappropriate to request the moment where what had been started two hours ago could be resumed right now?" Sheldon inquired quietly.

Kate moved back, only to look at him.

"You're _initiating _the activity?" Kate stated; she was only emphasizing a point, and Sheldon found it immediately.

To her surprise, he said nothing of a retort. Instead, he shifted in his blankets so that the tucking-in bit had become useless. Kate, who sat on the edge of his bed still, watched him curiously, only to realize that what he intended was for her to get in bed with him...was this really happening? Or had she fallen asleep on the couch as well, and hadn't woken up?

Sheldon kissed her again, and this time, it was with the passion she felt for him and he felt for her. There was an intensity that she had felt before but now, it was coming from him initially. Kate sighed quietly, the feeling in her loins was burning again; what the two that had left interrupted before was back. Then again, Kate was under the impression that it never left.

Her eyes closed when he maintained a fixed kiss to her lips, never breaking. Parting hers with the small sweep of tongue on her lower lip, she welcomed the deepening of the kiss. The next feeling she received was the cool touch of his hands on her neck; their thumbs placed against her jawline. Kate inhaled sharply—the desire burning within had grown five times bigger. Her heart was pounding, her breathing was deeper. No flu here...just pint-up desire.

Kate moved from the edge of the bed to the left half; he remained in the center. When she did move, his hands lowered to her hips, in which they moved so Kate lied on her back. What happened afterwards was beyond her imagination as he—at first hesitant, as he always was—then moved between her legs.

It was at that point that Sheldon noticed Kate had only been wearing a gown, rather than the day clothes she'd worn before he'd fallen asleep. Somewhere between the time he'd been awake to asleep, Kate had gone to the bathroom to change from her day clothes, to a new outfit he'd never seen before. She wore a thin gown that fell to her knees, and of course, as it was Kate, it had a Batman symbol on the front.

"When did you get this?" Sheldon murmured, touching the lower hem of the gown indicatively. Doing so, he incidentally touched hand over her outer thigh; as before he'd always touched Kate inappropriately, he felt a slight electric shock to his fingers, leaving him slightly numb, and even more aroused.

Distractedly, Kate replied, "The girls and I went shopping."

"When was that?"

"When you and the boys were playing Halo," Kate muttered. She wrapped her arms around his neck and said pointedly, "I didn't care for what they were shopping for; Victoria Secret has no ties to me."

Sheldon looked down at her. There was a pervasive way she'd said so, but he couldn't catch the pun, if one was intended. Apparently, there was none, for she was merely grinning at him. He lowered his lips to hers, which inclined eagerly. When their mouths crashed incidentally, Sheldon felt her hips push against him, and he groaned involuntarily; it only made him realize just how hard he had become, how much he wanted her...how agonizing it was.

Despite the temperature of the room he knew it to be, Sheldon also felt heated in more places than one. He sighed heavily, and Kate smiled at him pointedly. The two sat up and Sheldon pulled off his shirt and the one overlapping; Kate stood on her knees and from the back, she lifted off her Batman pajama gown. When she did so, it only made Sheldon feel hotter—Kate wore a black bra, matching panties, both which were yellow and red...knowing Kate—indicative of Flash's famous color symbols. It was that, and on each were dotted lightning symbols.

Sheldon stared at her, breathless.

"Told you I went shopping," Kate purred, winking at him. The smirk was back.

"Apparently, not Victoria Secret," Sheldon stated.

She pushed him on his back and he looked up at her, slightly startled.

"No," said Kate smoothly. "Not Victoria Secret. The cheetah spotted undergarments didn't do it for me." She straddled his waist, and her hands pinned his wrists down on either side of his head. With a grin of a Cheshire cat, she added, "And I knew they'd not do a thing for you, Lex."

Sheldon gave her a pointed look but the surprise, and the pleasure, were immediate reactions. So Kate had taken to nicknaming him Lex Luthor. Well, look at that. Seductive Kate...how charming.

Kate was a flexible kitten as she lowered her mouth to meet his, and flicked her tongue to his upper lip and curve to the corner of his mouth. It left him wanting her more. She arched her back, her panties pushed against his pajama bottoms, increasing his arousal—and his discomfort—further.

She only grinned when it pushed him over the edge and he moved so that Kate was, yet again, on her back and he on top of her. This was a game of cat and mouse and to that effect, it seemed she was winning. However, she was a bit stunned when he moved his hands behind her back, unclasped her bra, and moved the garment off her arms as simple as ten seconds.

"Ohh, Cooper's got a few moves," Kate teased.

He ignored her, lowering his mouth to her neck; Kate could hear him breath as he kissed right underneath her ear, making her giggle. His hands moved behind her back, his fingers grazing her lumbar and spin before moving up to her front; she gasped when she felt Sheldon touch her breasts—no hesitation, not this time. This, and his hands were cold.

She whispered his name but at this point, Sheldon pushed his mouth on hers; his hands groped her bosom, kneading them with a pressure that was ginger enough that it was tender but not hard enough where Kate wished it to be. And to her intuition, he was doing this on purpose. In her agonizing amusement, Kate was pleased: Sheldon Cooper was teasing her.

His tongue moved through her lips without invitation—not that he needed one. Kate welcomed him, surprised; his new take-what-I-want attitude was delicious. Cooper had backbone when it suited him and it only made the fires in her loins burn instantly tenfold. Kate moaned to his touch, his contact causing her nipples to peak and harden...and speaking of harden...Kate felt him being more aroused just by her pleasurable calls.

She felt him through her panties; he might as well be against her, in her...the thought began as pleasurable, taunting, and now the taunting became torment. Her mind's play of her need was sadistic, and the wetting and heating between her legs had become a bittersweet sanctity for her lust.

"Sheldon," Kate muttered. Unintentionally, her natural calling for him had become desirous, a small whimper uttered when she said his name.

"Silence, Kitten. Sheldon's busy," he murmured along her collar bone. His lips had began a fiery trail of hungry kisses from her carotid to her collar bone. Along her neck was the Evenstar he'd given to represent his strong feelings for her; his lips dropped to her valley, and his hands lowered to different territory—along the curvature of her spine and then groping to even lower territory. Kate grunted softly when his strong hands grabbed her behind, and in turn, he pulled her to him.

Kate moaned desperately when she felt the hardened fixture press between her legs; it made her insides burn and the muscles inside her thighs to contract, in an attempt to hold him in place.

Sheldon met her mouth again with his and Kate kissed him hungrily, eager to dismount whatever increasing lust she began to feel. Her need was becoming desperately ill-fated, and if it were not to be disparaged, she felt it would only leave her hanging for more.

"Sheldon, please..." Kate whimpered.

Sheldon smirked when her hips raised to his—the indication of course that Kate had become a victim to her urge. He could help it. Sheldon felt her hands move to his hips and moving down his pants with unsettled speed. He sat up, away from her and moved off his pants—the garments lay forgotten on the floor. When he rejoined her on the bed, Kate pulled her to him, kissing him hard and intensely on the mouth. Her hand lowered to his harder anatomy and Sheldon, too, felt the desperation.

Sheldon pushed her hand away and pinned both of them above her head; his other moved to the only barrier separating them from their inevitable release; the only cure that would rid them of the overbearing burden that was felt in their nether regions. Kate squirmed but Sheldon had more upper body strength.

He pulled down her garment and Kate cooperatively lifted her hips from the bed; he moved them down her legs, which she moved so he pulled them off completely. In her physical form, Kate was a woman in dire sexual need. Her breathing was erratic; her eyes were dark green with dark pools of adoration and raw desire. Sheldon, in his human form, was a man, a victim of his own baser urges, which had become greater than his logic could counter.

Sheldon moved onto her, and just as he did, Kate was ready for her. Her legs moved apart and when he entered her, Kate's moan was loud and pleasurable. Sheldon felt her hips lift to him, inviting. Her inner muscles contracted, and for a moment, he couldn't even move. But, dear lord, did it feel good.

He balanced himself over her; his elbows provided a beam for support, on either side of Kate's shoulders. When he exited and moved inside her again, a rush of adrenaline and pleasure overwhelmed him; his eyes closed with gratification. As they continued a pervasive sexual dance of grinding hips and pleasurable moans, their voices only carried as the moment became more urgent, and the need was overpowering.

Still, as he put every effort into his thrusts inside Kate, he felt very much in control. Her hips lifted to his rhythm, going his way, moving the way he wanted to, and Kate, whether she wanted to or not, had to bend to his every movement. Her hands moved anywhere from his back, shoulders, and through his hair; he didn't mind; Sheldon liked the sensation. He was power-hungry, and the combination of such and pleasure was empowering. Kate's moans were soft, but when he reached a different depth, they carried.

Despite his rhythm having been placed, Sheldon wasn't feeling his peak. So he increased the friction, finding a quicker speed and a harder thrust—Kate wasn't complaining. It became intense enough that Kate's head had hit the headboard once, which had, at first, made Sheldon hesitate, but when Kate made a short laugh, he resumed.

"Did that hurt?" Sheldon breathed, his panting only muffling his words slightly.

Kate smiled and said, "Not enough."

"What?"

"Didn't hurt enough," Kate panted.

He gave her a strange look, to which she only shook her head. Sheldon kissed her mouth and she returned it. Even though she'd shaken her head dismissively, it made Sheldon think for only a second. Did pain incorporate itself with sex?

Sheldon licked his lips—well, it wasn't for lack of trying.

When he moved out her, Sheldon made every force count and thrust inside of her; Kate cried out in pain but Sheldon saw her grin slightly—in mid-coitus, he realized, no one really _smiled_. Kate's mouth was open in desire and pleasure, however, and this was enough indication for him to increase his force; granted, the second try made Kate's head hit the headboard again and she only laughed it off.

Sheldon slid her down the bed, a good few inches from the board. Kate chuckled at his gesture, however sweet and sincere; her ankles moved behind the back of his knees; Sheldon smirked when it cauased her to anchor, deepening himself inside of her.

Kate moaned when he continued thrusting—he didn't even bother to pull out of her; their friction increased and finally, the peak could be found. Their moans were no longer quiet; they cared little for who heard them. No rhyme nor reason what mattered after. All that mattered was reaching that peak before it was lost.

When Kate felt it, her muscles inside were strengthened, contracting, and holding him; her leveled scream had Sheldon's room spinning and it made him reach his peak completely.

They were reduced to panting, sweat, and even as Sheldon was finished in his climax, he still felt Kate holding him in place; he watched her back lower but in a second, it was arched again and she moaned loudly—not even bother to restrain whatever her body released and craved. Was it possible that Kate had met her peak more than once? Sheldon smiled; Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Ph.d., for the win.

Kate relaxed and looked up at him.

"Hmmm," was her response.

Sheldon smiled. Even _he _knew what that meant. Sheldon touched her mouth with his and they kissed tenderly.

"I love you, Kate," Sheldon muttered.

Kate stared at him in shock but her smile replaced the surprise and she breathed, "I love you too, Sheldon."


	11. Taking Chances

Love Is Hell

Chapter Eleven: Taking Back Chances

Author's Note: Previous chapter had my loins on fire so I had to write another chapter before I went to bed, lol :)

Sheldon awoke, lying on his back; he immediately was aware of two things: First, he was naked. And second, lying with her head on his chest and her hand on his stomach was Kate, asleep. He smiled to himself, remembering last night. He felt to take a shower at this moment, but he felt comfortable and relaxed, also refreshed while lying in bed.

His memory made a flash of images; _Kate was underneath him, moaning his name, their chests rubbing together in sliding friction as their bodies compressed in raw passion_. Sheldon recollected whispering to Kate that he loved her...he didn't know what romantic feelings exactly were where other people were concerned; his feelings towards his mother, sister, and brother were genuinely platonic, like his relationship with Penny and Leonard. However, his were stronger for Kate. The idea of her leaving was intolerable...if she left the world completely...unbearable.

Sheldon glanced down at the woman breathing lightly, sleeping comfortably under his arm. He would get up right now and shower but that would mean interrupting her REM cycle, which even to him was most necessary, considering Kate never slept past the time he awoke. And she needed it.

There came a ring of his phone and Sheldon glanced at his end table. Well, drat. He moved ever so lightly, extending his arm and found the phone in his hand. He clicked the answer to his Iphone 4 and answered it quietly, "Dr. Sheldon Cooper here, hello?"

"Heyyyy, buddy," sniggered a voice, which due to its mischief and plotting tone, Sheldon recollected the voice's owner to be the only Leonard Hodfstader.

"Hello," Sheldon said happily. He glanced at his clock and said, "Why are you up this early? You're never up this early."

"Well," said Leonard. "I thought I'd check on you."

"Why?" Sheldon asked.

"Because, I couldn't help hear a few animals go at it last night and then I kept hearing something hit a head board. That didn't happen to be you and Kate frolicking in the bed sheets, did it?" Leonard said curiously.

"Really, Leonard?" Sheldon returned. "I don't see the reason why you telephone this early in the morning just to inquire about my night with Kate; it's highly unsettling."

"What, you mean like when you asked Stephanie when we were dating whether I...how did you put it? Oh yes, I remember, if I 'satisfied her sexually'? So if you'll just put me on the phone with Kate, I'll extend the same courtesy." Leonard teased.

"I hardly think so."

"I was kidding."

"I had a thought you were, but that's not the point; Kate's asleep," said Sheldon.

"How do you know that?" Leonard returned curiously.

"Well, if one is lacking in a conscious state but still mentally capable of waking up and walking around, I'd presume that Kate's sleeping," said Sheldon coolly. He rolled his eyes, mouthing 'oh my god'. He glanced down when Kate moaned ever so quietly in her sleep.

"I know what 'sleeping' is," Leonard responded cynically.

"Then why did you ask?" Sheldon remarked.

"I was—you know what: never mind. So, are you still up for paintball?"

"Of course I would be," Sheldon said, sitting up and leaning his back against the head board. "Why wouldn't I be?"

His sitting up made Kate stir; she muttered something inaudible in her sleep. To Sheldon's surprise, and instant delight, he smiled when Kate had uttered 'Be gone' in Klingon. His attention was drawn back to Leonard's answer.

"Well, when I get through with a night of rough sex, I'm normally sore," said Leonard.

Sheldon startled at his answer; the 'rough sex' got him definitely. He thought about last night. Yes, he supposed that the head board had been rather rough on Kate, but that didn't seem to give him any disadvantage of paintball. However, when he moved slightly, he did feel a little numb downstairs. Sore? Sure, yeah, he felt a little, but it'd wear off surely the rest of the morning.

"I'm fine," Sheldon said.

"Ha, you sound like Kate. I must say, I'm very proud of you, Sheldon. Did you start it or did Kate?"

Sheldon frowned.

"Leonard, I can't help but feel that Wolowitz put you up _that _inquiry."

"Yeah, he did," said Leonard. "He's beside me."

Sheldon shook his head disapprovingly.

"Although I'll refrain from answering the question for the fact that I value confidentiality and its many wonders of separating you four from my personal life with Kate, I'm also going to reach out as far as saying that even if I did confide in my fornication, you'd eventually have to face the expectation that eventually, you'd have to confront Kate about it, as she is clever in finding out about your childish ruses."

"He's right," Sheldon heard Howard say in the background.

Sheldon glanced down at his phone and then put it to his ear again.

"Do you have me on speaker phone?" Sheldon exclaimed.

"Yeah," said Leonard, less than enthusiastically.

At this point, Sheldon glanced down for Kate was waking up. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, a smile on her face. Locks of hair fell down her shoulders, back, and a few in her eyes, at which point, she pushed them behind her ears. Sheldon then realized that Kate, too, was naked; and why wouldn't she be after what happened last night?

Sheldon looked at her pointedly as she sat up; she raised the blanket around her body, looking at him curiously from him to the phone.

"Who's that?" Kate asked; her voice slightly cracked.

"It's Leonard," Sheldon said.

Kate glanced at the clock saying, "Why is he up this early?"

"Why don't you ask him," Sheldon invited. He clicked the speaker phone. "Leonard, you're now on speaker as well with Kate. Tread carefully."

"Oh...hi...Kate," Leonard said quietly.

Kate frowned slightly.

"What the hell are you calling here for, Leonard?" asked Kate.

Sheldon answered the question and said to Kate pointedly, "He's inquiring the proclivities of last night, Kate. Care to divulge?"

Kate rolled her eyes and took his phone, placing it off speaker phone and then to her ear.

"Who's with you, Leonard?" Kate snapped; her voice was immediately cold.

Sheldon gave her an alarmed look; Kate was ruthless in the morning. It kind of made him smile though as he listened to her talk to Leonard. When Leonard told Kate who with him, Kate and Sheldon exchanged looks.

"Leonard, you tell Howard to remember that I know his wife, and I know _your _fiancee. Remember that Penny and I can cream the other team without you, Wolowitz, and Rajesh in the game. And I'm not above friendly fire!" Kate threatened.

Sheldon could hear Leonard's remark: "We were just teasing, Kate. Besides...you should sound thoroughly satisfied after what..."

"Complete that sentence, Hodfstader, and you won't have anything with which to satisfy Penny," Kate threatened curtly.

There was nothing on the other end. Kate looked at Sheldon's phone and then handed it to its owner.

"What happened?" Sheldon inquired.

"He hung up." Kate replied. She got to her knees and kissed Sheldon on the lips briefly. "But to answer Leonard's question, it was more than satisfactory."

Sheldon beamed at her. Sheldon went to take a shower shortly after and Kate dressed in her bedroom.

Sheldon was making Cylon toast when Kate had dressed and entered the kitchen. She was sore between her legs, more than obvious; there was no hiding it either as she moved with a bit of a limp. Sheldon glanced at her, more out of concern than acknowledgment.

"Are you all right?" Sheldon asked.

"Mm-hmm, more than all right," Kate remarked. Although she sat with some great effort on her part.

Sheldon gazed at her momentarily.

"I'm making toast," he said, continuing on. "Do you want any?"

"No," said Kate. "I'm just thirsty." She stood again and moved to the refrigerator.

Sheldon took his seat on the left stool, eating his breakfast. As Kate joined him with a glass of milk, which she drank quickly, he gazed at her with a bit of wonderment. She smacked her lips with satisfaction, grinning at him broadly.

"Paintball weekend," Kate noted.

Sheldon looked at her suddenly, saying, "I'm sorry?"

"I forgot it was the weekend," Kate explained. She brushed a hand through her towel-dried hair; it wasn't completely dry but the wet strands were giving her hair the look of a permed wavy style that fit her well.

"How can you forget it's the weekend?" asked Sheldon. "It's on the schedule, and it's on your phone...it's on my phone, and, excuse me for reminding you, it's also the best two days of my week where our friends gather to play the brawling game of Paint ball." He ate his toast and then turned to her saying, "How could you forget _that_?"

Kate stood and rinsed her glass in the sink, turning to him so her back was against the counter, her arms flanking to her sides.

"Unlike you, Dr. Cooper, I don't have an eidetic memory," Kate told him smoothly. She watched as Sheldon stood to put his plate in the sink, at which point she moved aside.

As she turned to move to the living room, a set of hands wrapped around her waist and this made her squeak. Instinctively, her palms covered the back of his hands. Cautiously, she turned her head, looking up at him.

"Sheldon, honey...ahem, what are you doing?"

"Extending the intimacy," Sheldon told her.

"Hm, okay...I got that, but why are _you _doing that?"

Sheldon gazed at her curiously.

"Is it not social protocol for a couple who've engaged in coitus the night before to continue to maintain physical contact?" Sheldon asked, truly dubious of the matter.

Kate chuckled.

"Well, I suppose so, but Sheldon, I know you don't like overall physical contact."

"Well, Kate, I know you've showered recently and like me, you maintain a strict routine to hygiene and antibacterial products," said Sheldon logically. "If it was the otherwise, I'd be ten feet away from you."

Kate chuckled and said, "And you'd neither touch me with a thirty foot-and-a-half-inch pole."

Sheldon gave her a quirked look of confusion, to which Kate responded, "It's part of the song from the animated production of _How the Grinch stole Christmas."_

"Oh," Sheldon remarked. Then he exhaled a breathy laugh.

Kate turned so his hands were on her lower back. His expression was one of uncertainty when she moved her arms around his waistline. She looked up at him, allured. With half the inclination of her gaze and the fact he held her in his arms, Sheldon was more than tempted to kiss her, but he withdrew when there was a knock on the door. When he did so, Kate wasn't surprised—he didn't prefer to show affections like those of a human being when others were around, even if they were outside the door. Kate looked after him with peculiarity but it didn't put her spirits down. After all, she had sex with him last night and he hugged her this morning; what more could she ask for?

Kate answered the door promptly, taking out a ponytail in which would hold her hair up until it became half-dry. As she did so, she expected the only people who ever bothered to knock on the door and that was Howard and Rajesh; because Leonard and Penny regularly entered without knocking.

"Hello," Kate said politely. "How are you, Raj?" She addressed the Indian astrophysicist.

Seeing her, Raj spoke nothing but he took out a flask from behind his back, took a sip, and then after a moment, he grinned at her, saying, "Pretty good, Kate. How are you?"

"Delighted," said Kate. She looked at Howard, who was a bit ashamed. "And you?"

"Fine," said Howard. He shook his head and said gently, "Kate, I'd like to apologize for what happened this morning."

"Really?" Kate remarked coolly. Seeing Howard side-glance, Kate narrowed her eyes. She moved past Howard and Rajesh and saw that Bernadette stood a inch from the doorway, apparently monitoring the conversation. When her post was exposed, Bernadette merely grinned at Kate with knowing.

"I see," said Kate. She looked at Howard. "Are you really sorry or are you doing this to stay out of trouble?"

"I'm sorry," Howard apologized sincerely. "I was out of line and reverting to my old self. So I'm sorry. Now, can we come in?"

"Sure," said Kate. She gestured for them to do so. When Bernadette began to pass as well, Kate touched her shoulder. "How'd you get him to do that?"

"I threatened him with no sex for a day," Bernadette told her, smirking.

"Good for you," Kate enthused. The two girls entered but as soon as Kate began to close the door, there was another knock and she opened it to see Leonard and Penny; Penny pushed him forward slightly.

"Kate, I'm sorry for teasing you and Sheldon about having sex last night, and it'd be a great relief to me if you would accept my apology," said Leonard, although his words sounded rehearsed. After he said it, Penny beamed happily.

Leonard side-glanced her and said, "So now can we..."

"No," said Penny automatically. "Tonight." She grinned sweetly at him.

This was enough for Leonard and he gazed at Kate reproachfully. She gazed at the two with curiosity; did all the girls threaten their boys with sex? Kate wondered in what way she could threaten Sheldon with that but the time happened in itself so rarely that it wouldn't dawn on her that Sheldon would use sex as a modification for a behavior misconduct. The idea made her smile with naughty, naughty thoughts.

Kate opened the door fully and Leonard and Penny entered.

"Hey, Penn," Kate remarked, smiling at her.

"Hey," said Penny. She leaned in to whisper, "Good _job _last night."

Kate stared at her blankly but then a girlish smile flashed her face to her eyes and Penny winked at her mischievously. As they entered the room, Kate closed the door.

Bernadette and Howard sat on the floor, on cushions of course. Rajesh was on the far right cushion of the couch, Kate in her spot, Sheldon in his spot, and Leonard and Penny sat in the armchair together. Kate crossed her legs, Indian style, and smiled at Sheldon.

"You know what I've not played in a while?" Kate inquired to him curiously.

"Hide-and-Seek?" Raj guessed from the floor.

Kate and Sheldon looked down at him with a mindful gaze, to which Raj shrugged carelessly, saying, "Hey, dude, I've not played that in years. Of course, when I did, Priya never found me. I still won."

"Has it ever occurred to you," said Leonard, "that Priya was just not searching for you and left you hiding so she could have the house to herself?"

Rajesh looked at him incredulously, saying, "Why would she do that?"

"To be cruel," answered Sheldon. "It's not unlike what happened when my twin sister and I were divulged in the game. Of course, as it happened with you, I was left in the broom closet for many hours."

"You never came out?" Penny inquired, surprised.

"No," said Sheldon. "I wanted to come out. But playing with a contemptuous sister frequently belays any rules associated with the game and she'd placed a drawer in front of the closet door, which barricaded me inside it for many hours."

"That's cruel," Kate noted.

Sheldon turned to her, saying, "It was hell."

"So what happened?" asked Penny.

"What happened?" Sheldon repeated. "I'll tell you what happened. After the hours of pleading for her to let me out of the dark room I was forced to do the only thing I could do."

"Which was?" encouraged Bernadette. She seemed interested in the story.

"I found a gun and shot at the door," said Sheldon. "While it alerted my sister to believe that I'd committed suicide, Mom was more adamant in rescuing my safety as she pushed the dresser out of the way and opened the door, to see that I was all right. In the end, my sister was grounded for a week and I was taught how to shoot a gun properly at a two-foot radius."

Kate looked at him boldly.

"I played a game similar to Hide-And-Seek, although I never hid," Kate told the group. "My game was Seek-and-Find, considering I hated hiding."

"Why?" asked Leonard. "That's like the best part."

"No," said Kate. "In order for me to hide, I'd have to cram my body into some cramped space for hours on end and hope they find me. Personally, while I was the seeker, I pretended I was a zombie hunting for human flesh with which to console my undying hunger." She smirked when the group stared at her creepily.

"That's a bit...eerie," said Penny.

"Disturbing, more like it," said Howard.

"Yeah," said Leonard. He gazed at Kate curiously and said, "Did that make the game any more fun?"

"Of course it did," replied Kate with an obvious tone. "I was a zombie; who wouldn't want to be that."

"If the apocalypse ever comes in which zombies invade, I'll remember that for you," said Penny lightly.

"Why would I be a zombie in the apocalypse?" Kate remarked. "Out of all of us, excluding Sheldon who has an emergency pack, I'm more agile and quick in hunting down poor illegitmate nerds on the Paint ball field."

"Yeah," Howard noted. "You also have a lust for spilling blood on the field." His eyes widened as he looked at the group and said, "Even better reason not to make Kate a zombie."

"Like I would get bit," Kate muttered.

Sheldon turned to her and said, "If you do, would you like to amend the Relationship-Roommate Agreement?"

"What?" Penny and Bernadette remarked in surprise.

Sheldon and Kate looked at them and Leonard was the one to explain that there was a zombie clause in which action would be partaken in one of the roommates were turned. As a result, Sheldon smiled at the group.

"If I turn, she can't shoot me," Sheldon stated, pointing indicatively at his girlfriend.

Kate smiled and said, "I'm keeping my status for that clause, but thank you for asking, Sheldon."

"Just out of curiosity," said Howard. "What _is _your status for the situation in which you become a zombie?"

Kate shrugged and said, "Shoot me until I'm jelly."

"That's a bit gross," Bernadette noted.

"But awesome," Penny added, smiling at Kate, who thanked her for her approach happily.

There was a distinct titter in the group. Kate heard another knock on the door. But this was a different one. It almost sounded reluctant. Sheldon stood and eased past the group to open the door. The moment he saw the visitor, he closed it without another word. Sheldon sat in his spot, resuming as though nothing had happened.

"Who was that?" Penny asked pointedly.

"No one," said Sheldon. "Just air."

"Just air—good lord," Leonard muttered. He stood and waited for the knock at the door and then opened it with caution. "Oh, hello, Chance."

Kate and Sheldon turned immediately towards the direction. Sheldon began to retort but Kate shook her head at him. She joined Leonard at the door, standing beside him. Kate saw the woman before her; she was dressed in cut off blue jeans and a long-sleeve V-neck shirt. Recently having had black, short-cut hair, the length was now to her shoulders. And standing before her, Kate saw Chance was looking a bit...sad?

Leonard seemed to sense the uneasiness for he smiled nervously and said he was going to back and sit down. The group behind Kate looked around.

"Hi, Chance." Kate said lightly.

"Hi, Kate."

There was an awkward silence and then Kate crossed her arms.

"What do you want?"

"What I want is not the point; it's what I'm here to do," said Chance quietly.

"Really? What is that?"

"To apologize," said Chance.

"For what?" Kate remarked.

"Well, there it is," Chance told her. "I have nothing for which to apologize, except how I behaved towards you the other day."

Kate conceded that point; she'd been very mean towards her and vindictive towards Sheldon. Other than that, she had no other reason to apologize, for Sheldon had done the rest. Kate bit her lip when Chance sighed shakily, crossing her arms in a natural defense against whatever emotions were coming to her.

"Kate," said Chance. "We've been friends since school. Surely, we could put all that behind us?"

"Behind us, sure, but you can't tell me it won't come up again," Kate reminded. "You don't like Sheldon and I don't like your attitude towards him. I'm not leaving him, so you might as well choose here and now what you're going to do."

"Well," said Chance coolly, "You know I'm with Raj again, right?"

"I do," said Kate.

"And you know how they're friends..."

Kate sighed and looked at her impatiently, saying, "Chance, what do you want?"

"Okay," said Chance quietly. She sighed heavily. "I know I can be..."

"Bitchy," Kate finished.

"Right, and you know that—you know that about me. But you have to know that Sheldon can be..."

"Demanding and self-centered?" Kate finished, although this was more reciting what Chance had told Kate about her boyfriend.

From behind, Sheldon gave the group a confused look and they only consented the fact. Meanwhile, Rajesh was beside him, looking awkward and uncertain as to what was happening or what he was supposed to do.

"Right," said Chance. "But according to Raj, you have told him you love him and to be quite honest, I can never compete with love." She smiled unlike herself and said sweetly, "I'm happy for you, Kate."

"Right," said Kate. "But I don't hear an apology from you, Chance."

"So here it is. I'm sorry for having been a bully to your boyfriend and I'm sorry beating up Kyle Doors was the only reason you and I ever became friends. I'm sorry that you love a self-centered, eccentric wack-a-doodle but in order to consummate our friendship once again, I will attempt to be more tolerable of his antics. I figure if Raj and his friends can do it, I can try to do the same thing."

Kate stared at Chance. Where the _hell _did all this originate? Seeing her expression, Chance attempted to smile friendly-like.

"It's not Raj," said Chance as Kate glanced at the aforementioned for answers. "I did this all by myself."

Kate gave Chance a skeptical glance.

"I know," she continued, "that this is hard to believe. You know I'm not one for apologies."

"No, so you'd understand why I have a hard time believing you," Kate told her.

"Yes, I understand." Chance said. She sighed heavily again and she held out her hand. "I'm also making up because even though I think you're a softy and have no backbone what so ever, I've missed you this past Thanksgiving and I regret having done so by my own fault. That is to say we can still hang out, even though we're not best friends anymore."

Kate became remorseful. She crossed her arms defensively but as Chance continued to hold out her hand, Kate was uncertain if her anger towards her had completely diminished.

Kate sighed and touched Chance's hand and said, "I accept your apology."

"Am I forgiven?" Chance asked.

Kate and Chance turned to Sheldon, who, after a long time of staring at the two, sighed deeply.

"Sure, why not," said Sheldon.

"Why not?" repeated Howard, Rajesh, Penny, Leonard, and Bernadette.

"Yes," said Sheldon. "I'm in such a good mood this morning that not even that vexing woman can pull down my spirits." He stood to get himself a bottled water. As Chance was welcomed into the apartment, she sat on Raj's lap, and Kate sat in hers. Leaning forward, Bernadette and Penny winked at Kate. The sex last night probably did a miracle on Sheldon Lee Cooper.

Author's Note: Yes, Chance is back, but hopefully, I've made her personality a little more charming. Rajesh can't be the only one without a girlfriend; that's just cruel.


	12. The Provoking Trigger

Love Is Hell

–

Author's Note: I know my readers don't really like Chance, but I'm giving her a chance...humorous word play. Hope you all do too, but trust me, Kate won't let Chance slide so easily. 'Big softy', my ass, right? Lol. Anyway, I'm going to write this chapter and go to work, so leave me some excellent reviews. Do you believe Chance has changed?

Chapter Twelve: The Provoking Trigger

As always before a game, the group was stationed in the Burns-Cooper apartment for a briefing. As Sheldon pulled out the board in which was touch-screen and served a great purpose a few years ago in which to place who in which car for the science conference, it was now serving a purpose in a football-like strategy.

Sheldon had moved the heads of the team here and there, drawing out where they would cover, when they'd retreat, and who'd be taken out by the time they had reached a time interval. Throughout, Chance, having been last-minute added to the team, was a bit exasperated, for she sighed here and there—mainly because her patience never exceeded past 'hunt and kill'.

When she exhaled another sigh of impatience, Sheldon heard and this time, after many times, he acknowledged it. He put a pause on the briefing and turned to her.

"I'm sorry, what's with the sigh of exasperation?" Sheldon asked her, although his tone was the utmost challenging.

Chance looked at him and shrugged dismissively.

"No, really," said Sheldon. He clasped his hands behind him—Kate smiled when he did so for it was his display of professionalism—and looked at her pointedly. "What is it?"

Sitting between Raj's legs, Chance was more or less in tune with her sweet self, but the tension between her and Sheldon was imminent. On her part, she maintained a gentle tone although underlying her sweet disposition was a poisonous dart ready to do its own seek-and-find game.

"How come you spend hours and hours on this when you know, at the end, we're all going to go out shooting?" asked Chance. "Seems like a waste of time."

"A waste of time?" Sheldon repeated.

"Here we go," muttered Leonard and Penny. Howard groaned.

"I'll tell you what's a waste of time," Sheldon began but Kate looked at him.

"Sheldon," she probed cautiously.

"Kate, she's..."

"Sheldon," Kate said again. Seeing Chance standing and Sheldon standing, Kate did so as well, except her hands reached to the both of them. "It's obvious we've come to a disagreement but I'll remind the both of you that we are all attempting to become tolerant of each other."

"Kate, tolerance is becoming desensitized to Penny's ever repetitive phrase 'oh, my god' and Leonard's consistency of claiming that his work is less than derivative," Sheldon stated curtly. " 'Tolerance' is also inexplicably accepting the fact that while you and I are under the the certain phrase 'together', I can hardly stipulate to reason with this woman when she finds the compulsion to question me. You know very well that in order for a battle strategy to work efficiently, one must have a briefing about the strategy; how else are we going to win?"

Throughout, Chance stared at Sheldon.

"I know that, Sheldon," Kate said.

"Then tell _her_," Sheldon said, inclining his head to Chance.

"You know what, never mind, I'm sorry I brought it up," said Chance. She sat back down beside Raj, and shook her head.

Kate glanced at her mildly shocked that she consented quickly. Kate took Sheldon by the arm and pulled him into the kitchen. He merely gazed at her, a bit affronted.

"What?" Sheldon said.

"Sheldon, Chance is making a great effort in cooperating. It's not a bad idea for _you_ to do the same."

"I am making a great effort," Sheldon replied. "It's her disability to roll the dice and count the blocks before she just raises her hands and impulsively passes Go and collects her two-hundred dollars, ultimately landing her in jail for three turns due to her lack of understanding."

Kate stared at him, half-amused, saying, "Monopoly analogies, huh?" Sheldon gave her a condescending look to which Kate sighed and said, "Just play nice, okay, Sheldon?"

"I don't see why she's here anyway," said Sheldon, glancing at Chance who was showing Penny her phone; on it might've been an app for shoes or some girlish nonsense for Penny was enthusiastic about the clearance sales.

"Honey," Kate murmured; her tone was also exasperated, similar to Chance's. Hearing it, Sheldon gave her a reproachful look. "Sheldon, she's trying to make up for what she'd said in the past."

"I know what her atonement represents, Kate. I'm not stupid," said Sheldon.

"I never said you were. The fact remains that Chance is doing her best to cooperate. It'd be a nice gesture if you'd do the same." Kate told him.

"Why should _I _try to cooperate with _her_? It's her fault the argument happened at all," Sheldon remarked. "Her incessant whining only influences my decision more to banish her yet again."

Kate sighed wearily.

"Sheldon, honey, just do this for me, okay?" asked Kate. "She's my childhood friend and I want my boyfriend and best friend to like each other."

"Highly unlikely," Sheldon replied passively. He added malevolently, "When did you and Briar suddenly become friends?"

"When she apologized," admitted Kate.

"I should have known; you're too soft," Sheldon sympathized. "This world is going to chew you up and spit you back out." He shook his head in revelry but whatever clicked in his mind—the human heart of his—made him touch her arm. As a note, he said, "I'm going to attempt to make this work, Kate, but I'll postulate that my efforts will only stretch so far and wide to accommodate Briars' antics, at which point, if she poses a threat, we may very well have to kill her."

Kate smiled at him and whispered, "Thank you, Sheldon."

He whispered back, "You're welcome, Kitten."

Kate and Sheldon reassembled back in the living room. Chance looked at Kate inquisitively; Sheldon continued the briefing. She and Kate exchanged a look of understanding and although Sheldon never stopped the briefing, continuing as he'd done so without deliberation, Chance seemed to perceive that her part was half-met.

The Paintball match was set in stone as it was the legendary rematch between the astrological and geological department. Kate was enthusiastic as the team stood in the barn, marking the pattern of attack on the sand when someone entered, uninvited. Immediately, Sheldon and Kate held up their rifles and saw that it was Leslie Winkle. Seeing her, Sheldon eyed her suspiciously. However, Kate smiled.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kate remarked curiously.

"I'm on your side," Leslie said.

"Really?" Sheldon said, surprised as well.

"Yes," said Leslie. She looked at Kate and said, "Kripke's being an ass."

"No shit?" Chance remarked curiously.

The group glanced at her.

"How do you know him?" Leslie asked Chance.

"He hit on me shortly after I came here," Chance told Leslie. She sat on a hay bale, loading the magazine in her gun. In turn, Howard and Sheldon looked at Rajesh.

"Kripke flirted with your girlfriend?" Howard questioned incredulously. "You do anything about it?"

"Yeah," said Rajesh. "I threatened that we had Kate, Chance, Penny, and Bernadette on the team and if he didn't steer clear, we'd cream him. It didn't work though; he did this to Chance"-he made a 'call me' gesture with his hand to his ear—"and told her that he'd be back for her."

Leslie shook her head and said, "What an ass."

Sheldon looked at her obliviously.

"So am I to dispose of the briefing completely and just acquire you as one of us or are you a renegade?" Sheldon remarked to Leslie, half-convinced of her loyalty.

"What can I say?" Leslie remarked. She put an arm around Kate and said, "I like your girlfriend." She gave Kate a grin and she returned it.

"So we're going after Kripke now?" asked Penny. "Which one is he?"

In return, Chance said, "Whoa, where have wou been all my wife."

"Ah, right," said Penny. She winked, saying, "Gotcha."

"That's a stupid line," Howard muttered, shaking his head. In turn, Bernadette glanced at him with a smile.

"Now, hold on, it's not just Kripke we're targeting," Sheldon said. "The moment we disband into a mob and target just one simpleton, we've acquired a weaker spot, which would be unlike the small disbandment in the Death Star that became its destruction."

Chance chuckled, which made everyone look at her.

"I saw the Family Guy hash of that—that part is great," Chance said, laughing.

"Family Guy doesn't portray it correctly," Leonard added. "It's..."

"Blah, blah, blah," Leslie said, waving her hand. She looked at Kate. "So how've you been?"

"Pretty good, why?"

"I remember seeing you at the Thanksgiving party; you looked a little beat," Leslie told her.

"We've been fine since then," Kate said, glancing at Sheldon then Leslie. "We've found even grounds. Did you know Penny and Leonard are getting married?"

"No doubt," Leslie said, surprised. She looked at Leonard, stating, "And you were going to consummate a relationship with me when she dumped ya; good idea, Leonard; brilliant."

Kate gave her a curious look, to which Sheldon included her in by saying, "She and Leonard used to—and I'll quote Howard on this—'do the dance with no pants'. She's also been with Howard as a friend with benefits, which after dumping him, made him cry like a little girl."

"Thank you, _Sheldon_," Leonard and Howard scolded together.

Sheldon gave them looks and warily replied, "You're welcome," giving them odd looks in return. Kate smiled at him then at Leslie.

"Why aren't you with Kripke?" Kate asked.

"He's an ass."

"I got that, but how was he an ass."

"Like I said, Kate, I like you, as a friend and acquaintenace. He started talking smack about you and I differed on the matter. He said one of his friends made a move on you one day and made you cry like a little girl," Leslie told Kate dismissively. "I told him he was lying, he said he wasn't."

"One of his friends?" Kate remarked curiously. "Who?"

"Kyle Doors?" Leslie remarked.

At this, Chance and Kate stared at Leslie.

"Kripke is a friend of _Kyle's_?" asked Kate quietly.

"Yeah, why?" Leslie responded, oblivious.

Leaning in, Leonard asked, "Who's Kyle Doors?"

To this, Sheldon turned to Leonard and said, "When Kate was younger, in her high school years, a man by the name of Kyle Doors regularly picked on her and put gum in her hair. Due to its rot tangling, she had to cut it off. To rectify her dignity, Chance Briar, also the woman standing before us today, seized the opportunity to pummel his anatomical matter to jelly, rendering his mind in a coma, epso facto, being the reason she and Kate are friends to date."

Chance stared at Sheldon impressively.

"How did you know that?" Chance asked.

"Kate told me two months ago when you and Koothrappalli began dating," Sheldon said.

Chance turned to Kate, saying, "Good listener."

"No," said Kate. "He just remembers everything he reads, hears, and sees."

"A photographic memory," posed Leslie.

Sheldon gave her an annoyed look, correcting, "That's a misnomer. I have an _eidetic _memory."

"And boy, is it sexy," Kate responded happily, winking at him. She looked at Leslie. "So he's friends with Kyle?"

"Yeah, apparently. Never met the latter though. Can't say I was eager to; turns out I like you a lot, Kate," said Leslie smiling. "Who knew, considering your dumb-ass' girlfriend."

"Ha-ha," chuckled Chance. " 'Dumb ass', ha-ha."

"Ha-ha, yes, very amusing," Sheldon mocked. "Enough chitchat, let's massacre the dirt people."

"Finally!" Chance yelled with ultimate relief. She cocked her gun, following the other sounds of the group preparing.

As directed, Sheldon and the boys covered the girls as they shot at the opposing team. Leslie was a rogue unto herself, although she regularly dodged in to cover Kate's back whenever she was at odds with two other people. Penny and Chance covered Bernadette.

"We're losing them!" Leonard shouted, as the girls went out of range.

"Let's get them back!" Raj shouted in return. "TODAY I SPICE MY ROAST WITH SCIENTIST BLOOD!" Yelling like a maniac, he fled after the girls.

"Raj!" Leonard called after him. He looked at Sheldon and Howard with oblivion. "I think it's the sex that's drawn him to Chance."

"I'd give my life for that," Howard surmised.

Sheldon gave the two a look of disappointment saying, "You'd decapitate your brain before you became dilapidated. Would the detachment from your lower anatomical extremities dismantle whatever virility you maintain?"

"Without hesitation," Howard denoted. He gave Sheldon a serious look.

Sheldon shook his head and followed suit after Raj, the other two following him. The field was plain and only a few rocks hid the girls. Leslie was down on the floor, having been shot in the back—no doubt a fire from a coward.

Bernadette lied on the ground not far from Leslie, having been shot in the front. And there was Penny, farther away from Leslie and Bernadette; she seemed to have been hit in the arm, leg, and chest as well; she lay sprawled in a humorous manner, her tongue sticking out like a panting dog. Leaving Kate and Chance against a rock, their backs to it, while Kripke, leading the squad, advanced towards them. Raj stepped towards the field but Sheldon took his arm and pulled him back.

"What are you doing?" Raj snapped. "We have to go save them!"

"And risk your neck? I don't think so," Sheldon snapped back.

"Oh, like your girlfriend's going to protect mine," Raj remarked.

"Of course she is; it's the reversal I don't predict," Sheldon told him coldly.

"What is with you not liking Chance?" Raj snapped—he seemed to have had enough of whatever was going on between the two. "She's an incredible woman. Don't see why you have to belittle her attempts to make peace with you."

"Belittle her?" responded Sheldon. "She's the provoking one."

"And you deserve it," said Leonard. He shook his head and said, "You know, you could just _try_ to like her, considering you're Kate's boyfriend and Chance is her best friend."

"I have doubled my efforts in doing so," Sheldon retorted.

"Really?" said Leonard.

Sheldon was ready to respond but at that moment, Raj pointed ahead of them. They turned to see that Kripke was trying to goad Kate out from hiding, and it wasn't for his lack of trying.

"Did you know one of my fwiends know you, Kate?" he shouted. His army was behind him; it was Kate and Chance VS two departments...aka, about twenty people. "His name is Kywle; accowrding to him, you were vewy touchy when you were in high schwool—cwied a lot, didn't have many fwiends."

Kate frowned in spite of herself.

"Oh god," Leonard muttered. "He's using the _emos _appeal. What a bully."

"She doesn't stand a chance," muttered Raj.

"Don't know why you cwied when you had gum in your hair; the way he told made it sound hilawious!" Kripke shouted at Kate, laughing as he did so.

Kate frowned deeper; there was a glare in her face. She stood and the whole army cocked their guns, ready to fire.

"It wasn't funny!" Kate shrieked. "The whole school made fun of me for _weeks_!"

"Aw, cwy me a wiver and build me a bwidge," Kripke said, shaking his head. "And while you're at it"-he cocked his gun and aimed it at her—"Sit down and shwut up." At that moment, Chance shot to her feet, aimed the gun, and pulled the trigger.

Kripke yelped and went down on the ground. Even as the army splattered Kate and Chance with pellets, Chance was in her prime. She dropped her gun, ran at Kripke, and with one fist pulled back, punched him right in the nose. He let out a scream and Kate, having seen this unfold before, ran after Chance, and pulled her back. Chance was stronger than her as she pushed her off and punched Kripke again.

"_You_ sit down and _**shut up**_!" Chance snapped furiously.

"Chance, back off!" Kate shouted. She pulled Chance by the waist and pulled her off him.

The army of geologists stopped immediately, and shouted, "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Penny, Bernadette, and Leslie rose from the ground, no longer dead, and watched as Chance pummeled Kripke. Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, and Howard rose from their hiding and came to join the girls. Kripke managed to hold is own until Dr. Seibert and Dr. Gablehauser from the referee line came to the center field.

"Alright, that's it! Game's over!" Dr. Gablehauser acclaimed.

Kate pulled Chance completely off, joined with Raj, Leonard and Penny. Leslie looked down at Kripke, who was moaning and hold his nose.

"What the hell is going on?" Dr. Gablehauser exclaimed. He glanced between the Kripke on the floor and to Chance who was still furious.

"Vengeance for all the victims of bullying," replied Howard, smiling.

Kripke was helped to his feet and, holding his bloodied nose, shook his head, pointing to Chance, saying, "You'we a maniac!"

"What happened here?" asked Dr. Gablehauser, glancing between them all.

"Nothing," Kate remarked.

"Really? Doesn't look that way to me," Gablehauser responded, looking to see Kripke's nose bleeding.

"He deserved it," Chance said heatedly. She turned to Kripke and spitefully hissed, "That's how your _friend _went into a coma, you piping, speech-impaired jackass. You're lucky Kate's so damn soft when it comes to teaching you jerk-offs a lesson, otherwise, your head would be mounted on my fucking wall."

"Language, Dr. Briar!" Dr. Gablehauser gasped. He shook his head, tsk-ing as he did so, but after the situation was explained by a slightly stuttering Leonard Hodfstader, Gablehauser only conceded that Kripke see a medical doctor right away. To this point, Sheldon reminded him that Kate was, in fact, a medical doctor.

"Oh right," said Dr. Gablehauser. He smiled apologetically to Kate and said, "I sometimes forget that not all of us doctors are physicists."

Kate glanced from him coolly to Kripke. She smacked his hands away.

"Let me check you," said Kate.

"Fine..." he muttered. He looked at Kate, cross-eyed. "What do you think?"

Kate took his nose and twisted it. He cried in pain. Dr. Gablehauser scolded her for it; the others around her slightly flinched when she gave Kripke a cold gaze. To his cursing that Kate had made his pain intolerable, Chance looked at her, wondering perhaps if she'd consent to his accusations. Instead, Kate stooped to his level.

In an icy tone, she said, "Cry me a river and build me a bridge, meanwhile, sit down and shut up."

She straightened and looked at Chance.

"You're forgiven," said Kate.

Chance smiled and said, "You do realize that this is how we became friends before, right?"

"Yeah, so?" Kate replied.

"Right, doesn't matter." Chance said. They hugged briefly. "I'm in the mood for pizza."

However, she turned to Sheldon momentarily. The group followed her gaze. Sheldon thought for a moment and said with a smile, "Pizza sounds good."

Kate glanced at Kripke again but she didn't spare him an apology. After all, Chance might've been the one to cause him the pain but he'd been the one to pull that trigger.

Author's Note: So what do you all think? I had fun writing this story; I love the paintball scenes!


	13. Hand-Holding Hypothesis

Love Is Hell

Chapter Thirteen: Hand-Holding Hypothesis

Author's Note: So sorry for not updating; I've recently bought _Batman: Arkham City_ video game, and being Batman-Joker obsessed, its taken me away. So please, forgive, as I'm back on it. :)

* * *

A week passed and it was then that Leonard and Penny had begun planning their nuptials; where would they be wed? What were the bridesmaids going to wear? Who would be Penny's Maid of Honor, and then who would be Leonard's Best Man? Who was going to wed them? What would Penny's dress look like, and where would it be bought? Who was going to invited? Where were the guests going to sit? Who would sit where? What flowers were going to be ordered—more importantly, what was the them? As it turned out, Penny seemed to be more excited about the little details rather than the actual matrimonial affect itself—taking vows to be with Leonard forever. The more important thing that concerned Leonard were his vows and who he was going to make his Best Man. Everything else was Penny's choice.

Bernadette, Penny, Amy, and Chance were all of squeals and giggles—they went to every shop and store looking for Penny's dress, the flowers, the table cloths, the churches, planning the big wedding. As they did so, Kate was left to be in her apartment, having no wish to be involved in the crazy bride stuff. As it was Wednesday, Halo night and Comic Book day, Kate naturally drove Sheldon to the comic book store after work. As they went, Sheldon side-glanced her curiously.

"Kate," he said.

"Yes?" asked Kate, glancing at him then to the road.

"Leonard and Howard have recently brought up an inquiry that has made me ponder your difference between you and Bernadette, Amy, Penny, and Briar." Sheldon said. "Would you like to know what it is?"

"I don't hazard a guess," said Kate smoothly. She smiled at him. "So tell me."

Sheldon looked at her, saying, "They've noticed you are not so inclined to join in the wedding nonsense, and they perceive that to be extraordinary while I find no disturbance in the matter. What do you think?"

Kate laughed, saying, "What do you mean what I think?"

Sheldon shrugged, watching the road with her. Without looking at her, he said, "By inquiry of your thoughts, I'm primarily asking your opinion, Kate."

Kate looked at him, in turn. She smiled shortly before turning her eyes back on the road as she came to a stop sign.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D., is asking for my opinion; how fascinating," mused Kate.

Sheldon looked at her again, stating dubiously, "I hardly see how it's fascinating. You're my best friend and my mate; Naturally, I'm interested in what your opinion is, considering the inquiry focuses directly upon you."

Kate smiled in return, replying, "Fine, it's not fascinating. But it's certainly noteworthy."

"I'll stipulate to that if you tell me why you're so different from Amy, Bernadette, and Briar's insistence upon being part of whatever Penny values important in her upcoming nuptials. Personally, I'm not interested, but the other night, Wolowitz, Koothrappali and Leonard emphasized on the abnormality by the typical stereotype of a young woman—according to them, you're acting withdrawn and restrained."

Kate scoffed, responding, "Am I acting withdrawn or restrained towards you, Sheldon?"

"Of course not; if anything, you're verbose and responsive to my inquiries," said Sheldon.

Kate turned the steering wheel left and in doing so, she glanced at her rear view mirrors, her side mirrors, and then past her blind spots. Kate shifted in her seat and looked at Sheldon passively.

"So I don't like the dress shopping—big deal," Kate stated nonchalantly. "That doesn't negate my friendship with the girls any less than what it is already."

Sheldon gave her a mildly impressed look and Kate saw it, glancing at him curiously.

"Why are you so curious about how I feel about the wedding anyway?" asked Kate, turning right on the stop light.

Sheldon shook his head, rolled his eyes, saying, "Personally, I could care less about the wedding. Although, I've congratulated Leonard on his success of the beginning step of acquiring a suitable, however, less than compatible, mate, I've expressed no other enthusiasm for the hype and hamper."

"Then why be so concerned about how I feel towards it?" Kate replied. "You never have been too concerned about my personal feelings towards things, so why start now?" She smirked at him when Sheldon realized that his feelings for her had been expressed involuntarily—he cared about her overall affected self for the wedding.

Kate parked in front of the comic book store and she unbuckled her seat belt, then turned to him completely.

"Are you concerned for my friendships with your friends' gal pals?"

"Of course not."

"Then why the questions?"

Sheldon sighed, as though he couldn't suppress whatever curiosity was eating at him. He took a long breath in and then exhaled quietly.

"Wolowitz inferred that you were being passive towards the wedding due to whatever envy you may conceive throughout, which may have been acquired through the slow movement of our own relationship," said Sheldon slowly. He bit the inside of his cheek before admitting, "Although it's something only Wolowitz would project into a pool of jealousy and resentment, I can't say I'm befuddled as well."

Kate chuckled.

"What's so comical about this?" Sheldon responded curtly. "I'm genuinely concerned that your withdrawal to Penny's wedding hype is demonstrative of depression or lack of contentment with our relationship. If you're laughing to avoid it then I suggest a topic of inquiry during our next Roommate meeting."

Kate smiled at him, a small smile, but indicative that she found his condescension ideally sweet and sensible.

"Sheldon, I'm not depressed or discontent with our relationship," said Kate. "I've never been one to become hyper about dresses or flowers. The only thing I find myself become enthusiastic over where Penny and Leonard's wedding is concerned is the theme and what dress I'll be wearing at the wedding. Nothing more." She smiled at him and said, "I do find your genuine concern sweet and endearing. Thank you."

Sheldon looked at her, slightly disturbed.

"Wolowitz said you're only shielding me from your dismay," Sheldon stated.

Kate rolled her eyes, remarking coolly, "Howard knows shit about our relationship—pardon my language—but it's true. I'm not discontent. I'm not passive or depressed. I'm just not much of a girl when it comes to weddings."

Sheldon continued to gaze at her, an odd look on his face that made Kate furrow her eyebrows in her own interest.

"Why are you asking all these questions?" asked Kate.

Sheldon sighed quietly, saying, "Kate, I'm about to embark on the social protocol that dictates upon our friendship and our relationship where confidences are kept and never told. Ergo, I'm about to tell you a secret that never shall be spilled. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," Kate responded.

Sheldon sighed deeply, closed his eyes for a moment and then looked at her, serious as can be.

"Throughout this ordeal, I imagined that you, being a woman, would have hypothesized your idea of a wedding," said Sheldon lightly. "In doing so, one may become distracted by fantasies regarding something similiarly happened to a friend, AKA Penny and Leonard. While I remain happy with the level our relationships stands, our friends have discussed a situation in which you'd be taking notes."

Kate smiled and said, "I'm not imagining a wedding, Sheldon. Besides, I'd not be taking notes about it, if I were, with Penny's wedding." She shrugged and said, "Now that you've asked, I _have _had ideas of what it would be like."

Sheldon gazed at her curiously, asking, "Such as?"

"Well," Kate said, "I thought of who would be marrying us. That's simple. As I've been told, Bernadette and Howard were married through you all, being ordained. I'd like the same."

"Interesting, so you _have _simulated it," said Sheldon.

"What girl has not?" Kate responded instantaneously, as though this was fact, not a surprise to her. "The details aren't worked out, considering there are not to be as such. But, yeah, I've had ideas, it's just I've not shared them with you because...well, we're not married."

Sheldon looked at her.

"Do you want to be?" asked Sheldon.

"Do I want to be what?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes, saying, "Kate, please keep up with the conversation." He sighed, repeating, "Do you want to marry me?"

"Of course I do," said Kate.

Sheldon gave her a look, saying, "Kate, you do realize that it was a question, not a proposal."

"Yes, I've realized it," said Kate serenely.

"Good, I'm only establishing boundaries."

"Understood." Kate said. "It's nice to be on the same level."

"Indeed," said Sheldon. He shook his head confoundedly, saying, "I don't see why Leonard and Penny went around and around, circling indefinitely; what's so cryptic about reaching an understanding?"

"Because, Sheldon, while you present numerous problems in a relationship, I'm so understanding and tolerable that I cause very little ripples in this relationship," said Kate. "You're the Joker to my Batman."

Sheldon stared at her curiously and said, "That's an interesting metaphor."

"Yes, and strangely, not too far from the truth."

"I disagree; I'm neither insane nor a supervillain. And you're not a man or the caped crusader," Sheldon told her factitiously. He shrugged with consideration and conceded, "I'll accept the symbolism. Very witty."

"Isn't it?" Kate replied rhetorically. "Now, if we're done talking about this wedding bull, can we continue to the comic book store? I want to get the new Batman comics before some less-than-deserving Momma's boy snatches it. Even if they do, I'll take out my Bat-Grappler and aim."

As they got out of the car, Sheldon exchanged with Kate a various number of gazes, although the one that took her heart out of her chest was one of admiration and affection. He opened the door and Kate entered; she felt the back of his hand on her lumbar section, guiding her through the comic book store. While the geeks and nerds gazed at her with open mouths, Kate felt no discernible acknowledgment to them. However, while the men gawked at her, she looked down to see that Sheldon had taken her hand—aw, so there was yet again a smallest hint of possession in him.


	14. The Coveting Kitten

Love Is Hell

Chapter Fourteen: Coveting Kitten

–

Author's Note: Been planning on this chapter for two months and it's finally arrived! YAY! PLEASE Read and review, love ya!

Sheldon watched Kate look at the comic books. Her fingers made a way of peeling through the top halves of their laminated covers as she murmured under her breath if she had them. It was her attentive eyes on them that made his eyes look from his own search of new comics to her alone. It was made official that Kate, twice, said she wanted to marry him. He wondered the same, although in its reversal. Did _he _want to marry _her? _

His mind was a flash of thoughts and simulations. He, too, had simulated different hypothetical situations in which he and the woman before him would be wed, in complete bond for the rest of their lives. He was thirty-two, and getting on in years; it wasn't a fact of life that drew him to the idea of being with Kate for the rest of his life. According to Leonard, he'd posed the question itself twice, but the proposal itself was unanimous. In his brilliant mind, Sheldon wasn't sure when or how to propose to Kate, even if he was a brilliant physicist.

Across from him, Kate was muttering 'Got it' under her breath while thumbing through the comic books. The group in which she looked at was mainly DC; Sheldon knew her well enough—comic book wise—that Kate was not interested in Marvel. Although he wasn't biased too much, for he liked all comic books, he did like DC...Green Lantern, Flash, Batman, Superman—all of them were there. Iron Man and Hulk were Marvel...that was about all he liked, as far as comics were concerned. Kate's voice was soft as she murmured, and Sheldon only smiled to himself.

Yes, he could imagine being with Kate for the rest of his life. He wouldn't be disappointed if this was what they did for the rest of their lives; thai food on Mondays, Pizza on Thursday, Chinese on Friday, Paint ball on the weekend, while Kate was always his co-commander.

"Sheldon!" Kate voiced loudly.

Sheldon shook out his reverie and he looked at her suddenly.

"What?"

Kate chuckled, saying, "I've said your name three times, honey."

"Oh," Sheldon muttered. "I was...thinking, what did you say?"

Kate held up a comic book, saying, "I found the original Batman, first edition ever." She grinned enthusiastically.

"Oh good," Sheldon replied, smiling. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," said Kate. She skipped to Stuart's desk and went to check out.

Sheldon noticed that she wasn't the only one checking out. He saw some of the guys around the store look at Kate with surprised expressions; they'd never seen a woman in the store, except for Penny and Amy. Perhaps it was the fact that Kate was here, wearing a black T-shirt with the Batman's logo on the front of her shirt; or perhaps, it was the fact that while she was bent over the counter, her 'Joker's Wild' tattoo could be seen. Sheldon felt nauseated, a little squeamish in the stomach, and—could it be—a small tinge of jealousy running through his veins. This was how he felt when Amy had told him about her episode with Zack—her 'feeling' she had when the two met. Or, like another experience he had yet to admit, the feeling that made him discontent when Amy and Stuart had begun dating. That, of course, felt like years ago, and in spite of it all, it was back.

Sheldon frowned, his left eye starting to twitch. He watched Stuart and Kate talk for a moment, hearing their conversation—thank goodness for his Vulcan hearing. Kate was saying something about how happy she was for finding the comic; Stuart said he didn't bother putting it on reserve because he knew she'd find it.

Kate exchanged a few more chitchat then came back, holding her bag. Seeing him, Kate bit the inside of her cheek.

"Sheldon, are you okay?"

Sheldon opened his mouth to speak but then, quite abruptly, took her wrist and moved them out of the store; Kate followed, too shocked to protest; when they got in the car, Kate looked at him coldly.

"What the _hell _was that all about?" Kate questioned as she put on her seat belt; Sheldon did the same. When he did, he turned to her.

"They were looking at you," Sheldon told her coldly. He glanced at the guys in the comic book store, giving them glares then turned back at her.

"Who was?"

"All of them."

"All of whom?"

"The guys in the comic book store!" Sheldon snapped. "Who _else _would be looking at you?"

Kate stared at him incredulously.

"Sheldon, are you okay?"

"Of course I am!" Sheldon snapped again. He shook his head, muttering to himself.

Kate stared at him still.

"Sheldon, you practically dragged me out of the store. Don't tell me you're okay when I know clearly you are the polar opposite," said Kate. She started the engine. "Besides, of course the guys were looking at me. It's called being aware of your surroundings."

"They weren't just _looking_," said Sheldon. "What does it matter now anyway?"

"What does it matter?" repeated Kate. She stared at him still but then her cold gaze failed, and a curvature of her smile became quite clear. Sheldon was jealous...Although jealousy never became a base for attraction, or even a sexual pull, the idea that he reveled in it now was Kate's objective to what she did next.

Kate kissed him, right on the lips, and didn't pull back. To her delight, Sheldon returned it, although it was somewhat improvised—as he hadn't expected this reaction either—and yet, oddly filled with unbridled passion. Kate smiled at him.

"Sheldon, I'm only ever going to be attracted to you, and you alone," Kate stated.

"I know that, why wouldn't I know that?" asked Sheldon defensively.

"Because I know that while we in the store and the other men were looking at me, you felt jealous and became possessive of me," said Kate. When he scoffed, Kate smiled and said, "Deny it if you want but my consensus remains."

She continued to drive but Sheldon only looked at her still. He finally averted his eyes when he saw that they were taking a passive and smooth road to the apartment. Originally, Halo night had been placed in Raj's apartment, but since Kate's appearance, it's been in the Burns-Cooper household. Since then, whenever they arrived from the comic book store, Kate and Sheldon always entered 4A with the knowledge that they wouldn't be alone. Because of this, Sheldon stopped Kate from opening the door, touching her arm before they entered.

Kate turned to him, perplexed.

"Kate," said Sheldon.

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"If my behavior earlier was an indication of a misguided sense of..."

"You weren't misbehaving, Sheldon," said Kate sweetly. "Some say jealousy is a weakness but I think it sometimes adds a bit of spice to a relationship; it lets people know just how they feel about another person, even..." She touched his chest with the palm of her hand, the other holding her bag with her comic book inside, "if they reject the abhorrence completely."

Sheldon looked at her hand then at her.

"That's the misconception," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to say I admit my mishap," Sheldon stated. "But, in the event should it ever happen again, I'd like to inform you that as your statement stands, mine does as well."

Kate smiled lightly, saying, "Meaning?"

"You said you would always be attracted to me, and me alone, so I respond with the same notion," said Sheldon. "Besides, although my ability to notice the physical attraction of another human being suffers in comparison with what other men consider—to coin the phrase of urban youth—'hot', I have difficulty in maintaining concentration when my mind transfers to inappropriate simulations between us."

Kate smirked at him.

"Always nice to know, Sheldon," Kate replied. She stepped towards him, her free hand moving from his chest to around his neck and she lifted to the base of her feet, touching her lips to his in one chastise kiss. At this point, Sheldon lowered his head so their lips lingered in an extended kiss. Kate's mouth curved from a serene smile to a mischievous smirk.

Sheldon knew what _that _meant. Still, his recent statement held to truth. He moved his arms around her waist and she gasped softly when he pushed her against the door, cornering her. Their lips never left as they continued to kiss.

"I doubt Joker and Batman ever did this," Kate muttered.

Sheldon looked at her pointedly, saying, "Your doubt is as good as mine; the only homosexual misnomer I've heard is Batman and Robin's ordeal, although I believe it to be highly unlikely, just as your presumption that Batman and Harley Quinn would ever share a dismounted partnership."

Kate snickered; she kissed his upper lip, and murmured, "But Harley Quinn may want Batman in more ways than one."

Sheldon felt her hand move from the back of his neck, and then the next place she touched was the growing arousal in his pants. Her hand over his clothing was admissible but its presence was felt.

"Dear lord, woman, you're driving me crazy," Sheldon uttered.

"And my Batman will become Joker, with just a little more probing," Kate said with a quiet giggle. She sucked his bottom lip and with the voice very much like Harley Quinn in the animated series, she said, "Mua-ha-ha."

Sheldon groaned when she felt her hand push down on him.

"If Batman becomes Joker," said Kate softly, "I'll be pleased either way." She moved her arms around his waist and moved him towards her; he pushed against her center and Kate sighed pleasurably. "Madness, as you know, is like gravity."

Sheldon was breathing deeply; he was throbbing in his nether regions and feeling her own heat against him was maddening.

"All it takes is a little _push_." Kate hissed. On her emphasis, Kate's hand moved to his hardness once more except this time, she squeezed and he grunted involuntarily. Kate laughed softly when pushed her between the door and himself. Her legs lifted around his waist and he moved closer to her; she gasped, feeling him between her legs.

"Ohh," murmured Kate, "Did I pull some strings?" She giggled and said, "Maybe I pushed one too many buttons."

Sheldon moved his hands to the back of her thighs and repositioned her to him so she felt his arousal in the center of her legs; she moaned, feeling this, and his fingers raking the bare skin under her shirt; they were cold.

"Don't tease, Kate," Sheldon condescended. Kate smirked.

"You think you have control just because I'm off the ground?" Kate challenged.

"It's not an assumption, Kitten," Sheldon murmured. He took her chin between his fingers and roughly forced his mouth unto hers, giving her stomach a whirl for its own money; she felt wet in her panties, and his arousal became even clearer as it hardened and elongated into her center; if not for the jeans and underwear, Kate would have already been penetrated.

"My mistake," Kate mumbled.

"Too right, it is," Sheldon replied. He reached behind and pulled out the apartment keys. He pulled away from her and Kate felt her feet on the floor, although she was not hot and disheveled. Sheldon turned the key in the lock and opened it.

To Kate's delight, no one was here...yet. Kate set her comic book down on the coffee table. The moment she did, Sheldon turned her around, and kissed her heatedly to her mouth. Kate moaned in surprise and happiness. Their bodies compressed in desire and need for more contact; before him, Kate was progessively becoming desperate; how badly did she want him—enough that her heart was beating quick enough for tachycardia diagnosis.

In spite of both need, Kate found that Sheldon has his own way of teasing. His hands moved from her back to her bottom; she felt him gently cup her buttocks but then when she rubbed her hand down his pants, his gentle caress became a firm grip. Kate squeaked.

"You're meddling with forces beyond your kin, _Kitten_," Sheldon murmured, although Kate detected a warning tone, almost threatening.

Kate pulled her to him, his hands shifting from her buttocks and below to the back of her thighs; she gasped again; it sent an electrical shock through her brain, causing disorientation and numbing, specifically below deck.

Two could play at that game. Kate touched her ankle to the back of his knee and, lacking sudden balance of given situation, her trick knee deceit moved down on the floor. Kate quickly straddled his waist, and pinned his wrists to the floor.

He had no time to make a retort as she shoved her mouth on his, moaning quietly when she felt him harden even more between her legs. Sheldon struggled underneath her but Kate, in her high time prime, kept her upper body strength in high maintenance. She grinned like a Cheshire cat when he gazed at her, slightly affronted.

"Cheater," Sheldon noted.

"I'm a strong advocate of DC universe villains," Kate purred. She pushed her hips forward and her body made a smooth but alluring grind along his shaft. She lowered her stature and her lips to his, kissing him briefly. She licked his bottom lip, sighing pleasurably.

"You won't triumph for long," Sheldon uttered strongly.

Kate smirked deviously, saying, "Prove me wrong."

As though the words were a challenge all by themselves, Sheldon smirked his own impish grin. Seeing this, Kate looked at him, mirth vanishing. Sheldon lifted his head to meet hers, and the kiss caught her off guard; his tongue made a self-invitation inside her mouth, finding hers. Caught off guard, Kate was defenseless; and Sheldon took this chance to smack her hands from his. Kate squeaked again as she landed on her back. However, smiling as she was, Kate got to her feet, and ran to the bathroom.

"I didn't mean it! Don't prove me wrong!" Kate shouted, although her audible squeal of excitement and fun was heard as she shot past the door.

Sheldon stopped the door from closing, and pulled her close to him. Kate's lower back was against the sink, and the porcelain was cold, even through her shirt. Sheldon said nothing as he moved his hands along her stomach, then spread to her sides. Kate could practically hear her heart pounding; the beating in her ears.

"What happens when the mouse is caught, when the avoidance and chase was all for not," Sheldon muttered in rhyme.

Kate looked at him curiously. He gazed at her with blue eyes, but the blue had become darkened with the dilation of pupils, signifying one of sexual arousal, deep attraction. The other obvious indication was pressed hard between her pants, of which Kate desired to be ridden.

"I'm not caught," Kate told him. "I'm trapped."

"What's the difference?" Sheldon uttered.

"Give me a second, and I'll differ," Kate told him.

Sheldon shook his head, saying in a cool tone, "Your trickery is admirable, but alas, one can only go so far to insult my intelligence, Kitten." He touched the sides of her neck with both hands and his lips touched just underneath her chin. Kate leaned her head back, eyes closing as she felt the sensation of his lips kissing her throat; he moaned in the most subtle of tones, low, quiet, but subdued—he did it intentionally...but it worked. Kate's insides twisted with ever increased desire. How she wanted him.

Kate inhaled sharply when his hands left her neck and they moved down her shirt, grazing over her shirt-covered breasts, to her stomach. Then she felt the cold fingers move underneath, and they slid around her back, unclasped the bra...Kate lifted her arms above her head and he pulled off her shirt and bra as one unit, leaving her bare-breasted and wanting.

Without words, his assault on her senses reactivated; his kiss on her neck, small, soft—Sheldon moaned quietly; Kate could feel him push against her jeans, grinding his hips against her hips, trying to be rid of the ever growing need.

"Pick me up," Kate quietly requested; he took her behind her knees and with telepathic notion, Kate held on the basin of the sink and hoisted herself upon it, wrapping her legs around his waist.

With this new alignment, Sheldon moved her chin upwards, tilting her head with the inclination of his hands along her jawbone. She leaned her head back and welcomed the sensation of his mouth along her neck—he must love that part of her, otherwise, why was he so intent on kissing it...why did she question it? She wasn't complaining.

Kate took in a sharp breath when she felt his hands on her breasts, their cold fingers spread to take their size; he grasped them completely. Kate could only grasp the outer edge of the sink; she felt her knuckles were white, as they could only grasp so hard. She suppressed her moans of pleasure when he squeezed them, but her voice then betrayed when he leaned her back; her head touched the mirror and his mouth kissed from her neck to her valley. As always, Sheldon Cooper never failed from precision; he proved to be a very thorough lover.

The kisses became wet when his tongue joined the trail of fire; Kate could feel it. His left hand had begun the kneading of her breast while the other, ridden of its accompany as his lips formed around her hardened mound, touched her lower back, shielding it from the contact of the cold faucets.

"Sheldon, you're driving me insane," Kate muttered.

"Don't blame me," Sheldon said, "you're the one that started this game."

"Please finish it," Kate whispered.

"No," Sheldon told her. "You had your fun." Kate squeaked when she felt his teeth graze along the areola of her breast, and gently bite; then he said in response, "Now I'll have mine."

Kate heard the front door open then close and she dreaded the worst. She began to get off the sink, but Sheldon had no part in it; he merely took her with him and then slammed the door shut, locking it.

Kate stared at him incredulously as he pushed her against the door, her legs once more rising around his waist.

"No interruptions," Sheldon hissed.

"Ohh, Sheldon's playing hard ball," Kate responded, smirking.

Kate watched him; his expression had become one of authoritative and Kate smirked at him, challenging once more. He didn't say anything to dignify her response, but what he did instead made it all the more obvious that she was right. He lowered her so Kate's feet was on the floor once more, but then Sheldon's hands touch the waist line of her pants, moving them down. She aided, stepping out of the pool of clothing, leaving her bare of any clothing before him. Sheldon took off his shirts from the back and Kate undid his pants, moving them down. He obliged in stepped out of them as well. Kate wrapped her arms around his back and felt his lean muscular frame; she let out a small laugh when he pushed her against the wall again, taking control of the situation. Kate felt him between her legs, daring to enter but only teasing her. Sheldon was a tormentor in the tease.

Her fast-pace breathing and her hands moving to his side, pulling her to him were good indications that she was desperately aroused; Kate's eyes were glossy with lust. Sheldon could feel her heat between her legs, undoubtedly ready for him. But he was finished with her.

He touched her jaw with his hand and crashed his mouth upon hers, possessing her. Kate moaned shamelessly. Her right leg moved upwards in any attempt to get him closer to her, even better, inside her. Sheldon touched the back of her leg and moved closer to her, but never did he enter. The tip of his hardened member was only half a centimeter from granting her full admission.

"Sheldon, I'm dying here," Kate whimpered. "Please..."

"Say you're mine," Sheldon hissed. He pushed against her and pulled her legs around his waist.

"What?" Kate panted.

"You heard, Kitten."

Kate bit her lip. Ah, this was coming from this afternoon's earlier conversation.

"And what if I won't?" Kate challenged.

Sheldon emitted what Kate perceived as a sigh of impatience. He pushed himself against her and Kate whimpered in desperation.

"Say it," Sheldon ordered.

"Say what?" Kate asked.

"Don't make me repeat myself," Sheldon stated; his voice was stern and Kate, who felt it impossible, felt her lust intensify.

"I'm yours," Kate said quietly.

Sheldon entered her immediately and Kate moaned loudly. The immediate thrust made her insides light on fire. Kate's arms wrapped around his neck; their lips met and gathered in an uninterrupted battle of intense kissing, and Sheldon moved without exiting, increasing the depth. Kate cried in pain for only a second when he entered new territory deep within; her back hit the door twice; her fingernails dug into his shoulders; Sheldon sighed sharply, feeling them claw.

"Oh my _god_," Kate said loudly; her body was trembling with the heat of desire spreading like a drug through her veins, they only carried to her heart, which beats were so loud that she could feel them in her head. Sheldon moaned her name, and Kate could only whimper as she felt her climax begin peaking.

Kate's hands held to his forearms as their bodies became compressed; their chests pressed together as one unit. He only pushed deeper, never leaving her. Her fingernails clawed down his arms, as she moaned aloud, caring little for who heard her.

Sheldon's unrestrained moans became as loud as hers, for even he couldn't suppress them. Kate felt his lips against her swollen mouth and they kissed feverishly; when her fingernails clawed to his hands, he took them and their hands folded briefly.

"Oh my god," Kate whimpered. Her mind was blurred, her vision was obscured; pleasure was increased tenfold. She could feel it. She felt her peak and it was instant, but she kept on the ride; Kate moved her hands to his shoulders and kissed him roughly.

"Kate," Sheldon moaned—it was desperate.

"It's okay, honey," Kate whispered. She smirked and moved her lips to his ear. "Make your kitten _purr_." Her emphasis rested on a sultry moan and this apparently was the push over his edge; a few more thrusts and Kate felt him spill inside of her; his low groan made Kate go over her peak and she met him simultaneously.

Sheldon leaned his back against the wall and Kate held onto the door knob for support. She was breathless, as was he. Kate smiled at him shortly and she staggered to the bathroom and withdrew antiseptic and a swab. He glanced at her curiously.

"Don't look," Kate told him. She kissed him gently. He did as she told him and when he felt the antiseptic on his arms, he didn't have to wonder what had happened. Kitten had claws—sharp enough that when they raked his forearms, they left scratches. No doubt there were some on his back; he felt a slight stinging back there.

Kate put the antiseptic back in its box and she threw away the swabs.

"It stings," Sheldon told her pointedly.

"Sorry," Kate replied. She kissed him briefly on the cheek. "You really can't talk." As a point, she sat uneasily on the toilet, wincing as she did. She'd be feeling it so much later.


	15. Two-Timing Take-Out

Love Is Hell

Chapter Fifteen: Two-Timing Take-Out

–

Kate pulled on her clothes again; as she did, she observed Sheldon, who was dressed, and now washing his hands. She only indistinctly rolled her eyes and pulled her shirt over her head. Sheldon gestured to the sink when he was finished, a nonverbal suggestion for her to do the same. Like always, Kate did what he wished and she washed her hands. She brushed what little water remained on them through her hair and pulled it back in a pony tail, some of the strands lingering on both sides of her face.

"So," said Kate softly. "I have serious doubts that no one heard us, as we both heard a door open and close. That only signifies two things: the gang's already here, or there's a burglar."

Sheldon was fixing his shirts so they aligned properly and when she said so, he suddenly stared at her wide-eyed.

"Why would there be a burglar?" Sheldon questioned nervously.

"Well, we _did _leave the door unlocked." Kate reminded. "What are you doing?"

Sheldon was locking the door again.

"I'm protecting you," Sheldon said.

"By locking the door?"

"Yes," said Sheldon. "If it's an acclaimed burglar like you've mentioned, the best thing we can do for ourselves in remain here until we know he's gone."

"Or she."

"Oh, get a grip, Kate, how can it be a 'she'?"

Kate looked at Sheldon seriously, saying, "If there was a burglar, Sheldon, it may very well be a 'she'. Thieves aren't strictly men, you know." She sensed he was sincerely panicked and she smiled lightly.

"Sheldon, honey, it's fine. I doubt there's any burglar out there, anyway." She looked around.

"What are you doing?" Sheldon inquired.

"Finding a blunt object."

"Why?"

"So if it's a burglar, I'll hit him in the back of the head," said Kate smoothly.

"You're not _going_ out there," Sheldon stated, but it was more of a question than a statement. He watched Kate take a plunger from the side of the toilet and pull off the sucker part. She now held a wooden stick.

"As enticing it is to be locked in a room with you, Sheldon, for hours on end," said Kate sweetly, "I'm not inclined to stay here if it's not a burglar. We have to find out some way or another—besides, I don't want them robbing me; I've already had a car stolen from me, I don't want my comic books stolen."

"Oh, lord, the comic books!" Sheldon said, as though he remembered. He nodded understandably, and unlocked the door. "All right, Bat Girl. We go on three. The Dark Knight is behind you—he's scared, but he's right behind you. For the comic books!"

Kate held up the stick as he held the door knob. They began counting to three, then Kate stopped him.

"Wait, wait," said Kate quickly.

"What?" Sheldon questioned.

"Do we go _on _three, like one, two, three—and on three, we go. Or do we say one, two, three, then go. Or one, two, and then move before we say three?" Kate asked.

Sheldon stared at her but then nodded quickly, saying, "Brilliant point. It's good that you have an clear mind during these stressful matters. We should go on three."

"So one, two, and then we move on three." Kate clarified.

"Actually, one, two, three, and then go." Sheldon said. "That way we're actually going on three."

"Well, going on three, would be opening the door when we say 'three', Sheldon," said Kate in a matter of fact tone.

Sheldon sighed, "All right, after we say three, I open the door and you head out swinging. Once the target is hit, you pin him down and I'll take the stick and continue hitting. Once he's unconscious, we call the police."

Kate pondered the idea and said, "What if there is more than one?"

Sheldon looked at her and said, "Hmm...well, then, figuring out whether we go on three or before said number is futile, isn't it?"

"Too true. So we go after we say three and if there's more than one burglar, you keep the one I've just hit down on the floor, and I'll just go swinging," Kate told him.

"Good idea." Sheldon said.

"All right." Kate said, smiling. She sighed and pulled back the stick. He opened the door after they counted to three and went after three.

They burst through the door, moving down the hallway. Kate held up the wooden stick and hit the first person she saw, which happened to be Leonard, who fell on the floor, screaming.

Hearing him, Kate withdrew her second hit and looked down at a beetle-position Leonard Hodfstader. Sheldon touched her shoulder lightly and said, "It's not a burglar; our comic books are safe."

"How am I a burglar!" Leonard reacted immediately, looking up at Kate, although her holding a stick was a bit intimidating. "What's the _matter_ with you two? Have you all gone bat-crap crazy!"

Sheldon looked at him pointedly, saying, "You didn't give us a reason to spare your life either, Leonard. A proper way of announcing your presence when no one is in the room is to retrieve acknowledgment from the hosts, _then_ enter. Not the other way around." He indicated Kate, saying, "Otherwise, this stuff will happen more than usual."

Leonard looked at Kate, who lowered the stick.

"Why the hell are you the only one here?" Kate inquired, although her tone was normal now.

"Well," said Leonard. "I wanted to talk to you, Kate...unless you plan on hitting me, of course."

Sheldon held out his hand and pulled Leonard to his feet. The latter watched Kate warily but she only consented and went back into the bathroom, put up the stick, and then came back. She hugged Leonard and apologized.

"Why didn't you ask for an invitation if you saw no one here anyway," said Kate.

"It's not that I didn't know you guys were here," Leonard said. With a bit of mischief in his tone, he added, "I could hear you two from the living room. I didn't interrupt mainly because, well, you all were …_come on_, do I have to say it!"

Kate looked at Sheldon, who returned her formidable gaze. She expected him to blush or walk from the situation but apparently, this part of Sheldon—at least with Leonard in the room—had become comfortable with the knowledge of having sex in the apartment and if someone overheard, it was their conflict, not his. Kate doubted this would have been his reaction if it had been the girls, including Chance, in the room and Howard and Raj. Leonard was Sheldon's best friend. Kate surmised that Leonard would be more respectful of them, without the teasing, when the other friends weren't around to join in the fun.

Leonard saw Sheldon's arms, though—the scratches, although not very deep, were red, evident from blood having been drawn. As they started from the link between bicep and forearm, then ended to his wrists, Leonard seemed to draw from it that it wasn't Sheldon's doing, but Kate's. Leonard looked at her curiously.

"So," said Leonard. He cleared his throat, saying, "We had a bit of a _rough _session, didn't we?"

"Oh get over it, Leonard," Kate remarked coolly. "From what I've heard, you ruined Penny's bed."

Sheldon smiled at her. To Leonard, he said, "Do you have any aloe vera, because I think you've just been burned."

Leonard looked at Sheldon with lowered eyes, perhaps to point out that although Kate had made a good comeback, his comment was unnecessary. However, Leonard only looked at Sheldon's arms and said, "Does that hurt?"

"It stings," Sheldon conveyed. "Thanks for asking."

Leonard grinned broadly then turned to Kate. "So, about the question."

"Is it about the wedding?" Kate asked exasperatedly.

"Yeah," Leonard said, although he seemed uncertain now as to whether or not he should even ask the question.

Sheldon turned to Leonard, saying, "You were wrong, by the way, Leonard. She wasn't feeling withdrawn or unhappy with the state of our relationship; I should have remained with my first hypothesis and yet, you'd provided insufficient data placing me with the wrong conclusion."

"What?" Leonard said, confused. He sat in the armchair; Sheldon sat in his spot; Kate took two bottled waters and a Diet Coke can. She handed the two waters to Sheldon and Leonard respectively, and then opened her can of coke before sitting next to Sheldon; at first she crossed her legs but with a soft intake of breath, she winced, and then sat like an Indian.

Leonard had taken notice and he only smirked at Kate, while turning to Sheldon after a second.

"Your premise earlier suggested that you, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali thought Kate was being passive and withdrawn from being involved in your plans of the wedding because of some deprived happiness," said Sheldon coolly. "I've concluded that you were wrong."

"You mean you actually told—Kate, he actually_ talked _to you about it?" complained Leonard.

"Of course," interrupted Sheldon. "Why not?"

"Why not—Sheldon, there are some things that men talk about and some things that girls talk about, and the two don't have to coincide," Leonard told him. "We were offering suggestions."

"And I've now arrived at a conclusion," Sheldon told him.

"Which is?" Leonard asked curiously.

Kate leaned forward and said sweetly, "I'm not so girly as your fiancee or Raj's girlfriend or Howard's wife. While I'm delighted with your upcoming nuptials, I don't intend to be an extremist in the parts of bridal shopping or flower ordering. The only thing with which I'll concern myself—I've told Sheldon this already—is that I want to know who's going to be the minister, and I want to know what dress I'm wearing. If it's pink, I'm out of the wedding completely."

"What's wrong with pink?" Leonard asked.

Kate repeated, "What's wrong with pink?"

She sighed but explained: "I don't wear pink, Leonard. I wear black and it normally has Batman somewhere on it." She pointed indicatively to her current Batman T-shirt, and its logo on the front. She continued: "Personally, pink is a lovely color and although I'm a girl and am entitled to like it, I don't care for its plain originality. I'm partial though if it's coupled with one or more colors. But knowing Penny, she'll pick the solid color and then I'll look like something from Hello Kitty."

Leonard chuckled at her reference, but simply agreed: "Argument plainly stated, and possessing understandable validity." He looked at Sheldon. "What else did you talk about on the way to the comic book store?"

"How did _you_ know we went to the comic book store?" Sheldon remarked defensively.

Leonard gestured to Kate's bag on the coffee table,"It's Wednesday, Sheldon." In turn, he added, "Also Stuart told me you were acting stranger than usual."

"You can't take what Stuart says in retrospect as one complete fact," Sheldon noted.

"Well, what if I said that _he_ said you literally pulled Kate out of the store with a glare on your face," said Leonard.

Sheldon gave him a condescending look, saying in the same tone, "What did I just say, Leonard."

Leonard looked at Kate and said, "What was it all about?"

"Sheldon was jealous," Kate said, smirking at her boyfriend. "Other guys were looking at me and he became a _little_ possessive."

"Ohhh," Leonard vocalized with understanding—like everything made sense now. "So that's what triggered _that_." He indicated the bathroom. At this, Sheldon continued to look at Leonard as though he was a hopeless cause, but it was ineffective for he was grinning from ear to ear.

Sheldon only moved from the couch and went into the kitchen, perhaps more out of a distraction from what the situation had suggested. Kate's hand touched her neck and the Evenstar that laid on her collar bone drew Leonard's attention.

"Kate, what does Penny like, jewelry-wise?"

"Sorry?"

Leonard moved to sit on Kate's right. Her eyes followed him.

"I'm going ring shopping tomorrow and I need to know what Penny likes, without her telling me."

"Get her anything, smart guy," Kate told him. "Penny's not hard to buy for. She's more of a girl than I am."

Leonard gave her a 'wth' look but it only made Kate giggle. Sheldon joined them again and took a drink of water; Kate watched him momentarily, noting his presence, then turned to Leonard seriously.

"Leonard, Penny's a person possessing more feminine traits as any woman you'll ever find; she likes jewelry, shoes, and—for some reason—Hello Kitty." Kate told him. "She's obviously satisfied with the five-hundred dollar ring you bought her, in spite of its denoted price, but you can't go wrong with something bigger."

"_Bigger_?" Leonard emphasized, his voice rising an octave. "You mean I'm supposed to pay more for another ring than the previous I've already gotten her?"

"Well, if you want to get all stereotypical for most weddings, then, yes, I believe that's the gist."

"You _believe_?" Leonard questioned incredulously. "So all this isn't for fact, is it?"

Kate gave him a cool look, saying, "What, you think just because I'm a woman, I have a full grasp on weddings?"

"Well, yeah," said Leonard.

"All right," Kate sighed. She turned to him completely. "Let me give you a good idea about what you're looking at, Leonard, and listen to me carefully because while I am a woman, contrary to what you believe, I don't possess the full knowledge of this situation.

"What you're looking for is a diamond that tells Penny that you're willing to spend a fortune on her behalf for one occasion which, like a Senior prom, gives her the most happiness, and will ultimately be one of the biggest and most memorable days of her life," said Kate smoothly. "It's going to be something over five hundred dollars. Give or take another hundred."

Leonard stared at her. "Are you serious?"

"Completely," said Kate.

"So let me get this straight; you're telling me that my engagement ring should have been cheap so that way I could get a wedding ring more expensive but inexpensive at the same time?" Leonard remarked.

"More or less."

"But, according to you and, well, pretty much everyone else, the engagement ring had to be pricey."

"More or less," repeated Kate.

Leonard shook his head and said, "How's a man supposed to win?"

Sheldon leaned forward and said, "Leonard, you're getting married. From my understanding, there _is_ no winning."

Leonard gave Sheldon a cold look but turned to Kate instead.

"So you think I should spend at least a thousand dollars on another ring," said Leonard tiredly.

"Not entirely."

"That's what you just said."

"I said 'more or less'," said Kate smoothly. "This is what separates girls and myself. Even my future husband knows that."

"What, wait, 'future husband'?"

"Mm," Kate uttered. "We're not engaged."

"But, you said..." began Leonard. Sheldon leaned past Kate.

"You heard the woman, Leonard; we're not engaged."

Leonard looked at the two but he had different ideas of what was going on between them. He said nothing though; he had his own situation to deal with before he could contemplate the relationship of Dr. and Dr. Cooper.

0.0.0

The afternoon continued. Leonard had arrived earlier to ask Kate the question of the ring, and although Kate's answer was unsettling, Leonard had the knowledge he needed: to get Penny a more expensive wedding ring than the engagement ring already having been presented.

It was six o'clock, two hours before Halo night officially began. Leonard sat in the armchair, on his computer, looking at new rings online. Assisting him was Kate, who was kneeling on the floor beside Leonard, her hands resting on the arm of the chair. She was in the progress of assisting him in picking out differential valued rings; although, her opinion only proved the generalization of what Penny could want, as Kate didn't know Penny that well, despite their many girl talks—jewelry just never seemed to be one of them.

Leonard looked at Kate after finally choosing a ring that they agreed would make Penny's eyes pop out of her head. It was nine hundred dollars, but that was free shipping and handling, and it was brand new, never worn, and it was also a real diamond (or at least, that's what the seller claimed).

"When you get it," said Kate, "take it to a pawn shop and have them appraise it."

"Why not go to Kay's?" asked Leonard.

"Because Pawn shops rely on their information of objects to buy and sell, plus they're mostly entreprenuers. The first thing about being a self-employed worker is to be honest with customers, because people tend to not go to someone who's a lying, cheating bastard." Kate stated. "Have you've ever seen _Pawn Stars_? They know their crap."

"It's not the owners that know their stuff," Leonard corrected. "It's the experts."

"So you have seen it?" Kate said, smirking. "Then you should know better, Leonard. Anyway, that's the ring if you want to see Penny say 'I love you' five hundred times in a row."

"If I wanted that, I'd just have sex with her."

"Yeah, no," Kate muttered.

She stood and sat beside Sheldon, who looked at her—it was an acknowledgment of her presence, as he went back to reading one of his physics magazines. Kate looked at Leonard.

"So, do you know if the girls are coming too?" Kate asked conversationally. Leonard closed his laptop and looked at her.

"Don't you know?"

"If I knew, would I have asked," Kate reasoned.

"I guess not," Leonard said. He shrugged, replying, "I don't know; Raj said something about Chance going out to dinner."

"With him?"

"No," said Leonard. "That's the funny part. Raj won't say who she's going out to dinner with."

"That sounds a bit suspicious," Sheldon noted. He looked at Leonard and said, "The correct syntax, FYI, Leonard, is 'Raj won't say with whom she's going to dinner'."

Leonard made a mocking face towards him, making Sheldon look at him as though he was an insubordinate child. However, Kate furrowed her eyebrows in thought.

"Why doesn't he ask?" Kate inquired.

"Maybe Chance doesn't want him to know," Leonard replied. He looked uncomfortable.

Kate gazed at him mysteriously. She sat on the coffee table, looking at Leonard with a piercing gaze.

"Leonard, do you know something that Raj doesn't?" asked Kate slowly.

Sheldon saw Kate sitting on the table.

"Kate, there are two other seats beside me, two stools, and a desk chair; tables are meant for eating and a place upon where things sit—your buttocks are not one of them." Sheldon told her.

Kate looked at him, but she reconciled; she stood and pulled up Sheldon's desk chair, looking at Leonard directly. Under her gaze, Leonard began acting strange; he puffed a few sighs and said shakily, "No."

Kate continued to stare at him. Fixed under her unblinking gaze, Leonard was constantly shifting and positioning uncomfortably in the armchair. Sheldon, who began noticing Leonard's odd behavior, glanced at Kate, whom he considered to be the source of whatever was making Leonard wiggle consistently. Seeing her gaze, Sheldon raised his eyebrows.

"Leonard, I'm impressed," Sheldon said, closing his laptop.

Leonard looked at him, saying, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Kate has a stare of a hawk—even I've noticed you're acting unlike yourself, which can only mean you're hiding something. I smell evil afoot," Sheldon stated. He looked at Kate, saying, "Keep doing what you're doing, Kate. You're getting to him!"

"All right!" Leonard blurted loudly, glaring at the woman whose eyes finally blinked in surprise from his sudden lapse in secret-keeping.

Sheldon stood to put his laptop on his desk, smiling at Kate. To her, he congratulated, "Good work, Lieutenant; you've cracked Hodfstader without a spot light or the use of the infamous torture, water boarding. The military should consider you for hire."

He sat in his spot, and lifted his right leg over the left. His hands clasped over his stomach, prepared for whatever secret Leonard was ready to spill. Kate leaned forward with her elbows placed on her knees, and she had, too, clasped her hands together.

"What's going on with Chance, Leonard," said Kate. "And don't think just because she's my friend that you need to hold back. I'll know if you do."

Leonard gazed at her skeptically but when Kate continued to stare at him with the unblinking bright eyes, he sighed in defeat, lowering his head.

"All right, I'll tell you everything."

"Please do," Sheldon said.

Leonard sighed again and he turned to Kate.

"Howard and I were in the comic book store and while we were there, we found Chance."

"All right," said Kate.

"With someone else."

"Who?"

Leonard sighed and he held his hand above his head, indicating something or someone taller than him. Sheldon quirked at the indication but Kate was caught in the cryptic sign language.

"Kurt?" Sheldon exclaimed.

"Who?" Kate remarked, turning her eyes to Sheldon.

"Kurt—one of Penny's tall brutes; taller than all of us combined, and yet dumber than a rock," Sheldon told Kate.

"How do you all know him?" Kate stated.

Leonard sighed and said weakly, "We first met him when Penny asked me a favor. She'd just moved into the building and...well, one thing led to another."

Evidently, Sheldon found his subtlety annoying as he interrupted Leonard. He leaned forward and said to Kate logically, "Don't be fooled by his misdemeanor, Kate. He agreed to fetch a television from one of Penny's ex boyfriends, so she avoided a confrontation, and we had to come to his door step, and ask for it."

"What happened?" asked Kate.

"He took Leonard's and my pants," Sheldon told her disapprovingly. He shook his head. "Our next encountered was at Penny's mediocre Halloween party in which I was dressed as a scientific symbol representing the Doppler Effect; Koothrappali was Thor; Wolowitz was Robin Hood, although many perceived him to be Peter Pan, and Leonard was a Hobbit, although to Kurt, he was a dwarf—the idiot couldn't tell the difference, in spite of Leonard's explanations."

Kate looked at the two of them, her comprehension was slow but the description of Kurt's lower than life intelligence was clear enough. She looked at Sheldon.

"You were the Doppler Effect?"

"Yes," said Sheldon. "Please tell me you know what that is because I've had to explain it to several people at the party."

"I know what it is. It's the sound waves described when sound is approaching a still object and leaving," said Kate.

Sheldon beamed, looking at Leonard, saying, "See, Leonard?_ Kate _knows what it is." He said excitedly, "On another day, I'll show you my costume."

"I'd love that," replied Kate. To Leonard, she said, "So Kurt's a tall guy and what he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for with brawn and height."

"Pretty much," Leonard told her.

"Pretty much?" Sheldon repeated. He looked at Kate, saying, "It's not nebulous; it's a statement of truth on its face."

Kate frowned, looking at Leonard. "So you're saying she's cheating on Rajesh?"

"No," said Leonard.

"She's with another man."

"Yeah."

"Was she kissing him?"

"No."

"Was she touching him?"

"Somewhat."

Kate stared at Leonard, her face slowly becoming pink with impatience and obvious frustration, saying, "How can she somewhat be touching him, Leonard? Was she or was she not?"

"She was," Leonard said quickly. "Kate, we aren't sure. We haven't said anything to anyone because we're not sure; cheating is different on people's scales."

Kate stood, crossing her arms.

"Leonard, was she touching Kurt around his waist or making faces at him? Was she talking sweetly to him? If so, she's cheating. What's the fence on that?"

Leonard stared at her, saying, "Kate, opposite genders hanging out together isn't cheating."

"But if they're making goo-goo faces at one another, holding hands, touching faces, or flirting, it is cheating."

"Flirting isn't cheating; Howard does it all the time," Leonard said. "It's all good humor."

"Leonard, Howard does it playfully because I'm his friend and I'm also a friend of Bernadette's. From what you're telling me, or really, what you're _not telling _me is that they are flirting, which, in this case, is adultery."

"Chance isn't married."

"You don't have to be fricking married to a person for adultery to happen!" Kate snapped furiously.

Leonard leaned all the way back in his chair, intimidated by her anger. Sheldon stared at Kate incredulously.

"If you saw Chance flirting with another man, and he was flirting back, it's your responsibility as Rajesh's friends to tell him. He deserves to know," said Kate.

"What if he already knows?" Leonard asked.

"Then it won't be anything new," Kate replied coldly.

"But Chance is our friend..."

"Leonard Hodfstader, if Chance is cheating on Rajesh, she won't be," Kate told him. "Raj is a sweet guy and if Chance is going to use him like that, she might as well be dead to him and myself. Now, you call Raj, one way or another, and tell him what you and Howard saw, or, so help me, _I _will."

Leonard looked at Kate, saying, "We don't know for sure, Kate."

Kate pulled out her phone, turning to Sheldon.

"Sheldon, what's Raj's number?"

"Okay, okay!" Leonard said immediately. He sighed and pulled out his phone from his jean pocket. "I'm calling him."

Kate sat next to Sheldon, who looked at her, a bit alarmed. She was shaking her head derisively.

"Kate, am I to understand you're angry?" Sheldon said. "The evidence provided that you're pink in the face, shaking uncontrollably, and previously exhibited sub-psychotic rage and increased volume in vocalization."

"Yes, Sheldon, I'm angry."

Sheldon watched Leonard stand and talk to Rajesh on the phone. He turned to Kate curiously.

"Are you mad at Leonard? Because if so, I'm the captain of the Halo team; I can easily take him out and get Stuart to replace him," Sheldon sympathized.

"I'm not mad at Leonard," Kate muttered.

"Your dulcet tones say otherwise," Sheldon responded sarcastically.

Kate crossed her arms and shook her head angrily. With a shaky voice, she said, "I'm not angry at Leonard, Sheldon. I'm angry at myself."

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I should have known better than to think Chance had changed." Kate said coldly. She looked at Sheldon. "I'm sorry I doubted you."

Sheldon and Kate turned to Leonard as he was apologizing to Raj—not for what he was saying, but for the truth of what he was telling. Kate frowned and told Sheldon, "This might have ruined Halo night."

"No worries," said Sheldon. He scooted to the edge of the couch and pulled out his phone from the back of his pants, and unlocked it.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to call Stuart and invite him over for Halo night; considering what I've watched on cartoons and television shows, the victim of adultery is hardly in the mood to play video games or convene with friends; we will need another player and Stuart proves to be a valuable gamer." Sheldon told Kate. He looked at her pointedly, saying, "Unless you want to play."

"I'm not good at Halo," Kate said. "I love Mario, Skyrim, and I'm one hell of a wheels-woman on Grand Theft Auto, but I'm poor in Halo."

Sheldon smiled at her gently as Kate brushed a hand warily through her hair. He touched her shoulder, patting it lightly, and uttered, "There, there."

Kate smiled at him, but said nothing. Leonard was off the phone and he looked at Kate.

"So?" Kate stated.

"So, it's as expected; Raj is sobbing like a girl and I'm feeling guilty," Leonard said. He sat in the armchair, looking worn down.

Kate stood and opened Sheldon's desk drawer which contained his important thesis papers and amongst the important documents, the Roommate-Relationship Agreement. However, she didn't pull it out; instead, there was another document that Leonard had never seen before. Kate took one of the pens from Sheldon's jar of writing utensils and after scribbling, she straightened and handed Sheldon the document.

He placed his phone on the end table beside the couch and looked at the document curiously, then to Kate.

"What is it?" asked Leonard.

Sheldon answered, "It's a Document of Expulsion."

"Okay, so what is it?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon took the paper and read it over.

"Seeing that Chance has hurt Rajesh in the worst ways a woman could possibly hurt a man," said Kate coldly, "I'm banishing her from this apartment here and hereafter. In order to do it, I need the primary signatory to sign as well." She looked at Leonard pointedly, saying, "I can't send, reinstate, or rescind banishment; that's Sheldon's department."

Sheldon looked at the document and looked up at Kate.

"You do know the magnitude of what this sanction represents, Kate," acknowledged Sheldon decisively. His tone was one of seriousness.

"Yes," said Kate.

Leonard looked between Kate and Sheldon.

"Wait, you're telling me that you're not going to have further communication with Chance after that's signed?" asked Leonard. "What if she comes to you for questions..."

Kate glared at him. "Do you honestly think I'd cater to that traitor's emotions after what she'd done to Rajesh?"

"No, no, nope, not me, nope," Leonard said quickly, holding his hands up in retreat and leaned as far back into the armchair necessary to avoid her fury.

"If you're sure then," said Sheldon.

Kate handed him the pen she'd used to sign her name. Sheldon saw Kate had written Chance's full name (Chance Renee Briar) in the line provided for the one being banished, then signed her name in the doctoral signature, and dated. Sheldon signed his name, and then handed it to Kate in turn. She looked at Leonard and took the pen from Sheldon, handing it to him.

"What?" asked Leonard.

"You're the witness: sign."

"I'm not signing that," said Leonard. "That has all kinds of chaos in it."

"Sign it, Leonard, or I'll tell Penny you weren't going to tell Rajesh about the cheat," threatened Kate.

"Blackmail, Kate?" Sheldon inquired, surprised. "That's highly unnecessary."

"I deem it very necessary," Kate told him, her gaze still on Leonard. "Sign it, Leonard. Or I'll stare at you, unblinkingly, for the next five minutes; and I'm a champion when it comes to staring contests."

Leonard hedged and took the pen reluctantly. He signed his name and gave to Kate. She took both the pen and document, placing it in the Roommate-Relationship Agreement papers. She sat beside Sheldon.

"That was dramatic," Leonard noted.

Kate gazed at him coolly then turned to Sheldon.

"I'm going to the convenient store," said Kate. "Do you want an icee?"

Sheldon gazed at her curiously, saying, "Why are you going to the convenient store?"

"Because I want ice cream," Kate told him. She stood and took the keys from the bowl. "Plus, I feel like pigging out. After all, my best friend betrayed my friend and I figure that makes me a bad person considering I hooked them up."

"It's not your fault," Leonard said.

"Of course it's not," Kate returned reproachfully. "And that's why it feels like it is." She looked at her boyfriend and said softly, "Icee, Sheldon?"

"Blue, please," Sheldon said, smiling.

"Leonard?"

"I'll have the same."

"All right," said Kate. She unlocked her Iphone and began taking orders from Howard andRajesh (who, to her convincing of buying him ice cream as well, for he felt the same affect, agreed to come for Halo night). Knowing Stuart would come anyway, Kate called him for his order, and he gave it to her, asking what had happened; Kate told him. As Kate walked out of the building, Stuart was still on the phone.

"So, Chance did the bad deed, huh?"

"Yeah," said Kate sadly. "She did. And I feel so stupid for having believed her."

"Kate," said Stuart.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not good with this kind of thing; do you want to talk to Amy? She's coming with me. We kind of had plans, but you know how Sheldon can be."

"Yeah," said Kate lightly. "I know how he can be. Yeah, sure, put her on the phone."

In spite of Kate and Amy not talking a lot, Kate felt the closest to her; they shared more where social conventions were concerned, and of course, they had Sheldon in comparison. While Kate was still jealous of Amy having been his first girlfriend, and Amy a little grudgeful that Kate had gotten past and above Second Base with Sheldon, the two girls remained the most compatible with each other. Kate didn't want to talk to Penny or Bernadette, or especially Chance. Sheldon couldn't understand the betrayal, under terms of empathy—he knew the logical treachery in it, but 'there, there' could only go so far.

"Hello, Kate," said Amy from the other line.

Kate got into her car.

"Hello, Amy. How are you?"

"Well, I was doing fine until Stuart opted to go to Sheldon's. However, learning that you will be in my presence has increased my previous displeasure to mild satisfaction and in the process, Stuart and I are driving to your apartment." Amy told her.

Kate smiled; she was practically Sheldon's female counterpart. Maybe that was why she felt more comfortable talking to her.

"Did Stuart tell you what happened?" asked Kate.

"Not necessarily; his words, if I remember them correctly, were 'You better hear it from her'. Am I to be under the impression that there has been a mutiny in your gaggle of friends, and I'm to be catty?"

"Catty, yes and mutiny, yes."

"Who's the treacherous bitch?" Amy replied boldly.

It caught Kate off guard but she started the engine of her Batmobile.

"Chance."

"Ah. Well, Kate, I have to imbibe you on my acknowledgments and tell you 'you should have seen this one coming'. I never believed Chance to be fully rehabilitated; through our prior encounters, I considered her promiscuous attire and activities suspicious and off-putting." Amy admitted. "Are you affected?"

"Yeah," confessed Kate.

"From what Stuart has told me, you're taking orders for preferred refreshments and snacks?" Amy asked.

"Yeah. I'm going to the convenient store for ice cream. Since it's Halo night, I figured everyone else may want something too. I'm getting Sheldon and Leonard blue icees, Rajesh wants ice cream too, and Stuart told me he wants McDonald's take-out. I'm getting alcohol, against my better judgment, but from what Penny's relayed to me, it goes great with ice cream."

"I confirm it as well," said Amy, her voice taking on happiness. "I enjoy the combination, although it's rather befuddling at first. Personally, one would advise eating ice cream and drinking alcohol two separate activites but the combination is spontaneous and riveting."

Kate smiled. Ah, Amy's humor.

"Yeah," said Kate. "Did you want something? I'm almost there."

"I'll also take ice cream," said Amy. "Am I to assume that no other females will be at your apartment besides the two of us?"

"Yeah," said Kate. "Not exactly a girls' night but the way I feel, I don't want to talk to anyone. I feel bad about what Chance did to Rajesh."

"It's not uncommon for women to feel similar betrayal, Kate. Your emotions derive from the betrayal of Chance committing treachery to another friend. Consider this, Kate; in order to resolve your mixture of anger and deceit towards yourself and the malicious veternarian, you may want to reconcile your friendship with Rajesh. You were the matchmaker of the two and because Chance became a failed experimental factor, as the scientist, you've appointed the failed relationship as one of your own shortcomings."

"When did you become a psychologist?" Kate muttered.

"It's not psychology, Kate. In some terms, it could be, but I digress; when one understands the brain's activities, one can depict what's going on in its neurons and different stages. There are certain parts of your brain that cause such emotions. To reconcile them, one can either speak to the similary betrayed, or dissect; if you want, I'm the most qualified candidate to slice your brain like Canadian bacon," said Amy.

Kate smiled and said, "No, that's not necessary."

"Well, darn." Amy said. Although she sounded serious.

"I'm pulling into the convenient store; I'll talk to you later," said Kate.

"All right then. Good-bye, Kate."

"Good-bye, Amy." Kate returned. She clicked off and then entered the store.


	16. Kahla Counterfactuals

Love Is Hell

Chapter Sixteen: Kahla Counterfactuals

**Author's Note: **Chance never changed her lizard spots, evidently; is anyone surprised that happened? I'm not. Anyway, on with the story! Are you happy Chance is out of the game? Do you think Kate will find another more suitable match for Rajesh? Should Amy be Kate's new 'Bestie'? And do you think Kate's definition of Cheating is right for the most part? (Be careful answering the last question, because her definition is naturally not too far from mine). Love you all for those who've updated recently! Thank you for your constant support! (Note: Elixir Red is my alcohol-creation! It doesn't exist.)

–

Kate pulled up to the apartment building, and called the home phone. It was Leonard who picked up.

"Burns-Cooper residence, Dr. Leonard Hodfstader, speaking," he greeted.

"Why are you talking like that?" Kate questioned.

"Sheldon told me to answer the phone like that, so, naturally, I did," Leonard returned reluctantly. "Hello, Kate."

"Hi, Leonard. Can someone help me bring this stuff in? I have a drink carrier with the two Icees, two bags of ice cream, a six-pack of Elixir Red, and Stuart's McDonald's. As versatile as I am in multi-tasking, I lack the efficient number of arms."

"So do you need help?"

"No," said Kate sarcastically. "That's why I'm calling. You know, for chitchat."

"Alright, alright; no need to be snippy," Leonard retorted. "Someone will be down there."

"Good," said Kate. She clicked off and looked at her cell phone irritably. For a smart guy, Leonard could be a real asshole.

Her accompaniment happened to Amy. She arrived at Kate's window, smiling. She wore a green cardigan over red blouse and a blue denim pencil skirt; instead of the yellow high heels to which Kate had seen her wear a few times, Amy wore comfortable flats. Her hair was unnaturally straight and she smiled at her.

"Hello, Kate," said Amy happily.

"Hi," said Kate. She opened her door and handed Amy the icees and McDonald's bag, while she took put two bags over her arm and carried the six pack of alcohol bottles.

"Sheldon doesn't drink, by the way," Amy reminded. "So if you were intending on having angry intercourse with him later in the night, the scenario is inevitably flawed. I should know. I've tried."

Kate smiled at her honesty, and shut/locked her door.

"I know he doesn't drink," Kate said. "But thank you for the reminder."

"You're welcome. It's easy to forget a few minor details whilst under anger's destructive management; it frequently disrupts one's mental processes. Naturally, alcohol, being an anti-depressant, doesn't help the matter, merely worsening its affects, but having seen you under its influence, I gather you will become more care-free as you drink." Amy told her as they went into the apartment building.

They ascended the staircases.

"I hope so," said Kate lightly. She looked at Amy. "Did you draw the short straw?"

Amy looked at her pointedly, saying, "If you're implying that I was strong-handed into helping you, you're under the wrong impression; I volunteered."

"Well, aren't you sweet," said Kate with a smile.

"What made you think I came against my will?" asked Amy. "Have I been less than supportive?"

"No, no; you've been very reassuring," Kate replied. "Most people don't like catering to a woman's emotions when feeling down about themselves or, you know, betrayed by a best friend."

"Kate," said Amy lightly. "It may not be my place to say so, but considering I am the only female to console and since Sheldon's consolation is only uttering the words 'there, there', and offering a hot beverage of one's choice, I've designated myself to be the one person from whom you need advice and information you neither desire nor want to hear at this time."

They stopped in front of the apartment door of 4A, and Amy turned to her.

"Have you ever considered in sobriety that Dr. Chance Briar was never a best friend initially, that your friendship, on its base alone, was only achieved and maintained through physical defense of your honor and Chance, being naturally physically abrasive, could only meet you on that level through confrontations like those presented by Kyle Doors and Kripke?" Amy inquired.

Kate looked at her, saying, "Meaning?"

"Perhaps your choice of best friends is mediocre and lacking foundation." Amy told her.

Kate smiled, saying, "You're suggesting that now Chance is out of my life, I'm in need of another best friend?"

"Most definitely," said Amy. "I'm honored to be Penny's bestie, and I consider myself one of her closest friends but it's most apparent, even to myself, that her relations of friendship are those closest to Bernadette and Leonard. I find myself at odds while with Penny; I admire her physique as well as her social elite skills, and yet we only speak out of social-related motions: nuptials, dresses, Leonard, Sheldon, you. However, while I maintain a daily association with her, my encounters where we speak are more memorable and shared."

Kate smiled, saying, "You're telling me that you want to change your bestie status with Penny, reducing its affect to just 'friends' and relay that 'bestie' factorial between you and me, Amy?"

Amy smiled, and said, "That's exactly my point. And I needn't explain it twice."

"Well, I agree with your stipulation; we are of the same intellectual mindset." Kate said.

"And I don't mind talking to you with our comparisons of Sheldon Cooper," said Amy. She beamed, saying, "Speaking of which, how is that sexy man?"

"He's fine," said Kate.

"Doesn't he look like a sexy praying mantis?" asked Amy, smirking.

"I suppose so; I've never looked at him in a bug's perspective," said Kate smoothly.

"Get drunk one day and look at him through a magnifying glass," Amy said, winking at her. "You'll never look at him the same way."

"I expect not," Kate told her. They laughed. Already, Kate was feeling better about herself. That wouldn't deter her from the ice cream treat in the bags. Kate lowered the six-pack of alcohol and took out her keys, opening the door. As they entered, Kate met eyes with Rajesh, Howard, Leonard, Stuart, and Sheldon.

"Hey," said Kate, smiling weakly. The gang was encircled around Rajesh, apparently, consoling him. Rajesh sat on the far right cushion while Howard sat on the arm of the same part of the couch. Even in Rajesh's despair, Sheldon refused him the right to sit in Kate's spot. It was sweet and yet a little resenting at the same time.

Without a word, Kate took one of the six bottles of Elixir Red, uncapped it, and handed it to Rajesh.

"What's that?" Howard inquired curiously.

"It's called 'Elixir Red'." Kate told him.

"Alcohol, Kate?" Sheldon questioned from his spot.

"Yes, Sheldon," said Kate. "I think when a woman as treacherous as that snake bends over backwards for a brute, alcohol is necessary." She looked at Rajesh. "I'm sorry for ever introducing her to you, Raj. I hope you can forgive me."

Turning from him, she gave Stuart, who sat in Sheldon's rolling chair beside the armchair, is Mcdonald's bag. To Leonard, she handed him his Icee with the straw already in it. To Sheldon, she handed him the Icee and then its straw—still sealed in its unopened cellophane packaging. Kate took the ice cream bags into the kitchen.

"Does anyone want ice cream?" Kate offered.

"I'll take some!" Stuart said happily, walking into the kitchen.

Rajesh took a drink of his pre-offered bottle and he cooed. The drink was cooling and had the taste and thickness of a chocolate milkshake but the color of red Kool Aid. His exclamation of pleasure was an inclination that he enjoyed it.

Kate opened two tubs of chocolate ice cream and this made Howard jump from the arm of the couch and stand in line behind Amy and Stuart. Kate put three scoops in Amy's bowl, Stuart's, and Howard's. She looked across the kitchen at Leonard.

"I have non-fat, lactose-free ice cream too, if you want some, Leonard."

Leonard then hopped from his armchair and ran behind Stuart, holding his bowl. Kate only grinned. She looked across to Sheldon.

"Sheldon, do you want any?"

Howard looked at Kate and said, "Kate, mind if I ask you a question? It regards Sheldon and you."

Kate sighed and said, "Fine."

"Did Sheldon get scratched by something? A _kitten_ perhaps? Those scratches on his arms look pretty recent," Howard said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kate smiled and said, "Yes, Howard. It was a kitten."

Howard looked behind to Leonard and said, "We need damage control, stat; this filly's been broken."

Leonard shook his head and pushed him forward saying, "Knock it off, Howard."

As Howard sat on the floor on the pillow provided by Kate, next to Rajesh, he looked at Howard as Kate and Amy spoke in low tones in the kitchen. To Sheldon, Howard acclaimed, "Isn't it awkward for your girlfriend and ex-girlfriend to be in the same place?"

Sheldon looked at him and said, "I don't see how it would be."

"Well, they know stuff about you," Howard said. "That's not scary?"

"I repeat myself and say: 'I don't see how it would be'." Sheldon told him. He was on his computer, playing the computer-interfacing game of 'Zork', a typing game in which one would type a response to the computer and it would reply with another scenario.

"No," said Leonard, agreeing with Sheldon. "What Amy has against Sheldon is nothing what Kate has on him." With a smirk, he added, "Or _underneath _him."

Howard and Rajesh chuckled—it seemed to know Rajesh out of the rut he was in, for they were laughing at Sheldon. Once more, Howard pointed out his scratches and Sheldon's face became a soft hue of pink. Leonard saw this, and out of his defense of being a best friend, Leonard told them to knock it off.

"Why? You started it," said Howard.

Leonard shook his head and said, "Well, it's not really worth teasing him about, if you think about it?"

"Why?" asked Stuart, who joined them. He sat in Kate's spot, to which point, Sheldon gave him a steady glare. Kate consented from the kitchen that he could sit there. Sheldon, knowing Kate's current emotional stability and having already seen her aggravated state once already, merely consented for sake. Raj looked at Stuart pointedly.

"Leonard's saying that we shouldn't make fun of the clear indication that Sheldon and Kate had rough sex because it only proves a point that they did," said Raj. "In return, it only makes us pathetic because we can't achieve rough sex of our own, and that's the best sex you can have."

"Really?" Leonard said. He stopped himself when Stuart, Howard, and Raj looked at him pointedly and said with a smile, "Wait, what am I saying? I completely agree!"

"I've not had rough sex," Stuart said. He sighed and said, "But I will. Give it time."

Sheldon looked at Howard and said, "_Now_, it is awkward."

Howard chuckled, but he rolled his eyes simultaneously. He continued to smile at Sheldon and said, "So why did it happen in the first place?"

"He was jealous," Leonard answered before Sheldon could (or even would've) responded.

"What, no way," said Howard sarcastically.

Stuart looked at Howard, past Rajesh, and said, "No really; he pulled Kate out of the comic book store without saying a _thing_."

"Why?" asked Raj.

"He didn't like the way the guys were looking at her," said Stuart.

Sheldon seemed to ignore them for he continued playing his Zork game.

"How were they looking at her?" asked Rajesh.

"You know the way Joker looks whenever Batman's about to get killed, right before the cops somehow rescue him or Batman figures out a way to get out of the aforementioned trap?" Stuart said.

"Yeah: hungry and very unsettling," said Howard.

"Well, that's how they were looking at her; can't say I blame him," Stuart lamented.

"Nothing better than jealous sex," stated Howard.

Sheldon rolled his eyes, and told them all, "All right, _different _topic. Isn't there anything else to talk about with you four other than coitus?"

"Yeah," said Rajesh. "We can talk about Chance."

Sheldon sighed and said pointedly, "Well, if that's the alternative, then yes, Howard, these marks are Kate's doing, and yes, I do admit that I had the smallest ounce of jealousy. But I refute the idea of my being jealous of the simpletons in that comic book store. Now, can we concede our understanding of this and switch topics, and not to those subjecting Koothrappali to tears?"

The four men stared at him incredulously; they hadn't expected _that. _Kate and Amy evidently had heard it for they were looking at Sheldon with the same surprised and yet mischievous grins. Apparently, the two girls had heard _everything_. Amy smiled at Kate and said, "If I had known Stuart was game for rough sex, I'd have opted for those plans rather than the agenda of seeing a movie."

Hearing her, Stuart blushed red. Sheldon shook his head and closed his laptop. the gang munched on ice cream and alcohol and chips, talking about work, Leonard's wedding, and what Penny and Bernadette were doing, which was currently at the bar and dancing. Amy and Kate sat on the floor. Amy sat lady-like, her legs together, bent to the side, while Kate, not wearing a skirt, but wearing Capres. Her choice of sitting was the common Indian-style.

The boys talked their own conversation and then Amy pulled out several cards from her purse and smiled at Kate.

"What is that?" asked Kate.

"A game," said Amy.

"What's it called?"

"It's a game Sheldon and I devised a year ago," said Amy. "It's called 'Counterfactuals'. We postulate a world that differs from ours in one key aspect and pose questions to each other."

Hearing the game, Sheldon glanced at Amy curiously and smiled when Kate gave Amy a considered agreeable look.

"All right," said Kate, smiling. "I'll play."

"This should be good," Leonard uttered, remembering the first and last time he played, it made no sense to him. It was also the time where Amy indirectly insulted him, saying they'd play something more suitable for his level—the mean joke of hide-and-seek.

Amy pulled out a card and read: "In a world where one tiger is perceived to be a god in its true form, why does it die?"

Kate gave her an odd look but then thought for a moment. Amy smiled at her, waiting patiently.

"How does one figure that out?" Raj asked Howard

."Shh," Howard said, waving him away. Stuart gazed at him curiously and Howard said, "I want to see this."

Kate was in thought and looked at Amy, saying, "Can you tell me the question again?"

"Sure," said Amy. "In a world where one tiger is perceived to be a god in its true form, how does it die?"

Kate made a small 'hmm' and then smiled brightly.

"The tiger is one of kin to cats, being a cat, the Egyptians worshiped felines above all other gods, running second to Ra. The tiger's true form would be a smaller cat, rendering it meeker to the large portion of slaves. Pharaoh perishes in a fire for lack of control over his subjects; Egypt hunts the tiger down, it dies, Egypt triumphs."

Amy grinned broadly and looked at Sheldon saying, "She's a keeper."

"Now hold on," said Leonard. "How the hell did you get that?"

Kate looked at Leonard, saying, "It's obvious. It took me a moment but I got it."

"That was a hard one too," said Sheldon pointedly.

Leonard opened his mouth to say something but Sheldon interrupted him saying, "And to point out another obvious fact, it's now eight o'clock, which means we are playing Halo." He stood and stepped past Kate, handing the controllers to Raj, Howard, Leonard, and himself; Stuart opted to play Counterfactuals, mainly intrigued by answers.

The three retired to the kitchen, in which Stuart ate another bowl of ice cream and watched his and Sheldon's girlfriends' minds work together. Amy pulled out another card and read to Kate: "In a world where music was never invented, how does Tchiakovsky create his compositions?"

Kate smiled and said immediately, "Tchiakovsky composed Waltz of the Flowers, right?"

"Yes," confirmed Amy.

"Russia is destroyed with thousands of rock avalanches, millions die, he becomes insane and with a desperate attempt of making noise other than his voice, he makeshifts two glasses and does this"-she circles her finger along the glass of her own cup—"and creates sound by using its hollowed our ridges and the volume in the glasses, thus creating sound, ergo, music." She smiled and said, "Or at least, during those times, what people would consider music."

Amy chuckled at her afterthought, saying, "That's cynically amusing."

"It is," said Kate.

Howard shook his head and said to Sheldon after hearing them, "You really know how to pick 'em, Sheldon."

Sheldon was pre-occupied with setting up the game and looked at Howard distractedly, "Pick what?"

"Never mind," Howard said, shaking his head. He ate more of his ice cream and watched Raj drink his second Elixir Red.

"You know, that was technically meant for Kate," Howard pointed out.

"She won't need it," Sheldon stated.

"Oh, like you know what's going on with Kate's emotions," Leonard stated sarcastically.

Sheldon looked at him and said, "No, I don't know what's 'going on with Kate's emotions'. However, what I've observed is that through communicating with Amy and playing Counterfactuals, she's subjected herself to buoying her spirits without the absorption of alcohol." He pressed 'start' on his controller and said to Leonard, "And FYI, it's not _my _girlfriend that subjects herself to anti-depressant fluids to overcome emotional bouts of turmoil and despair; that's Penny's solution."

"Meaning?" Leonard said, his voice edging offense.

"Meaning," said Sheldon coolly, "that in order to solve her negated feelings, Kate's practical. Penny drinks."

"So?" said Leonard.

"I have no point; I'm stating fact," said Sheldon. "It's already eight o'six, let's start this game." He glanced at Raj who was looking at his controller with wide eyes and confusion. Sheldon leaned past Raj and took his controller.

"Why'd you do that?" asked Raj.

"No offense, Koothrappali, but I don't trust my back to a player who's under the influence," said Sheldon. He called over to Stuart: "Stuart, you're in."

Stuart happily sat in Kate's spot and took the controller. Sheldon glanced at him then saw Kate and Amy laughing. They had finished playing counterfactuals. He didn't know what Kate and Amy were talking about, wasn't interested in finding out either, but he was more than relieved to know Kate didn't resolve to alcohol. To make things better, her associate with Amy was far better than her friendship with Chance.

"So," said Sheldon lightly to Stuart. "Am I to be under the impression that Amy and Kate are the new best friends as Briar has become cut from all ties?"

"Yeah, I guess," said Stuart.

Sheldon sighed in relief, "Oh thank goodness. I prefer Amy as Kate's confidant rather than Briar; that woman was a loose cannon."

Howard looked at Sheldon and told him, "That doesn't solve our problem."

"Which is?"

"Raj doesn't have a girl anymore so quad-dating is a bout out the equation until we find another co-efficient," said Howard.

"I have a person in mind," Stuart suggested.

Rajesh was already passed out on the floor; unknown to him, Elixir Red tasted like milkshakes but they contained more alcohol in one bottle that after one, you were illegal to drive. Two bottles was doubled that. He had drunk three, leaving three more.

"Who's your idea?" asked Howard.

"More to the point, is she tolerable?" asked Sheldon.

"She's sweet, if that's what you mean," said Stuart. "Pretty, smart—not like freaky smart but she's like Penny."

Sheldon was about to say something but Leonard interrupted saying, "She sounds nice."

"Yeah; Her name's Kahla; she's into drawing, like me; we took art classes together."

"So you automatically think she's good for Raj? I mean, good enough?" asked Howard.

Stuart shrugged and said, "I would think so; she's Indian."

"Perfect," said Howard. "Definitely get those two introduced." He glanced at Raj on the floor, snoring. "We'll need all the ammo we can get."


	17. The Presently Accepted Premise

Love Is Hell

Chapter Seventeen: The Presently Accepted Premise

Author's Note: This is a very, _very_ short chapter, I understand, but as I'm too tired to write anymore, I wanted to write something before I went to bed, so it's a little tease between Kate and Sheldon. Please, read and review, and I thank those who've been with me since the first story (Damnable Affair). Love you all.

Halo night was a success as Amy and Kate had played Counterfactuals all night, and the guys (while Raj passed out on the floor, for having drunk too many Reds) had played Halo. In spite of everything that was Chance's betrayal and Kate's feeling of deception towards being an ill-placed matchmaker for her friend, the night went off without a hitch. Stuart and Amy retired soon and left a little before eleven o'clock; Leonard bid Kate and Sheldon good night and went across the hall. Howard and Rajesh (still passed out) went half-dragging down the stairs and drove to Raj's place, as he was temporarily out of working order, which left Kate and Sheldon to clean up after the chips and ice cream bowls.

Sheldon vaccumed the living room, Kate did the dishes, and before midnight, the apartment was spotless again. Sheldon sat in his spot once again as Kate dried her hands on a fresh dish towel; apparently, she was in deep thought, for her eyes looked but never really saw the counter.

"Kate," said Sheldon lightly.

"Yes, Sheldon?" she asked, her mind shaking and her eyes popping back into her head from her deep reverie. She looked startled, but mindful.

"I have an inquiry based on today's events," Sheldon told her.

"Which is?"

Sheldon stood and sat on the left stool; Kate leaned on her arms against the table, looking at him as though he was the interrogated and she was the investigator, although her body frame and smile was the opposite of the bad cop routine. Instead, she was merely puzzled.

"Am I to suspect that there will come a time where you will have a confrontation with Chance Briar; while we are up to date on the deception, one must note the fact that she may be under the current delusion that her affairs are submerged," Sheldon said, crossing his forearms on the table in front of him. "To me, that seems very unsettling."

Kate nodded, understanding his premise. Sheldon grinned; he was so happy he never had to explain himself to her, although it wasn't a bad idea. He didn't mind showing what he knew, especially to her. After all, she revered his confidence and his intelligent mind. Kate placed the towel on the rack above the sink thoughtfully. She turned to him.

"Sheldon, suffice to say that if there is a confrontation, most likely it will be towards me...or Leonard and Howard—they _did _tell on her."

"With your influence," Sheldon reminded.

"Yes, and that's why it will most likely be aimed at me," Kate responded. "After the confrontation, I intend to have no other contact with her."

"And under what conditions do you expect her to obey by your rules?" asked Sheldon.

Kate smiled, but it never reached her eyes. It went unnoticed by Sheldon, who continued to look at her curiously. However, it didn't keep her from speaking her mind.

"Chance is stubborn, yes, but after a while, even she will have to learn that the price of a friendship deserves a wayward effort. Her betrayal towards Rajesh is unforgivable; I've been lenient with her as I can be, and I've given her two chances to make it up to me. The second is gone, and I have no more patience for her Benedict ways."

Sheldon gave Kate a look of admiration, saying, "It's nice to see you've come to your senses, regarding her."

"Regarding her, I have. Regarding _you_, that's a matter entirely." Kate replied subliminally. She turned on her heel with a slight bounce in her step and started making herbal tea. Sheldon looked at her curiously.

"Regarding me? What condemnation do you have towards _me_?" Sheldon remarked. He sounded genuinely concerned as he stood.

Kate smirked at him and said, "I may not have Vulcan hearing, honey, but I know when you and the other guys are talking about sex. As sweet as you are for not doing the kiss-and-tell quid pro quo," (she walked towards him in two slow steps) "Your confession of blatant jealousy towards less-than-worthy men looking at me was very...oh, what's the word I'm looking for?" An impish grin appeared to her face as she said finally, "venerated."

"How so?" asked Sheldon.

Kate placed a tea kettle on the stove after pouring hot water inside it and turned the light underneath it. She turned around again and said smoothly, "Sheldon, it's natural for a male to become possessive of his mate when another male begins to infiltrate its territory." She smirked and said, "Other men look at me and that causes _you _to be instinctively possessive of me. You can't help it; it's biology."

Sheldon sent her a scalding look as though biology was beneath him but she saw through him immediately. However, she hopped onto the table, sitting on the edge.

"Males compete to be the alpha while the betas bow to its dominance. Natural life, no one to blame...females do it too," said Kate.

"I'm aware of that," Sheldon said. "You're telling me nothing I've not already known before."

"Mm," she acknowledged. "I forget that you know absolutely everything." This sounded on the edge of teasing and sarcasm. Sheldon cocked his head slightly to one side, perhaps finding the line to be drawn before she completely stepped over his boundaries set. However, the smile on her face demonstrated playfulness—she was teasing him.

"I perceive that you're attempting to tease me or flaunting a certain feminine taunt." Sheldon stated, crossing his arms.

"Ah, perceptive _and _knowledgeable," said Kate. She grinned once more, saying, "Is there anything you are not, Sheldon Cooper?"

Sheldon gazed at her formidably. What was this vixen playing at? Did she have a point to this chatter or was she generally talking to him? Sheldon thought for a moment, and after a point of realization finally hitting him, he discovered Kate was flirting...in her own Kate ways.

"Kate, flattery will get you no where with me," Sheldon chastised.

Kate stretched her legs outward, catching the back of his thighs with her ankles and pulled him to her, like a fish to pole. He gasped at the small shock when she did so and he stood between her knees. Kate smirked at him again.

"Sheldon, flattery is not flattery if it's true. Are you not logical, perceptive?" Kate asked.

Sheldon considered her premise and said smoothly, "I suppose you're right."

"I'll go as far as admitting that while I am flattering you, Sheldon, I'm speaking truth. I do consider you logical, perceptive—at least with me—and to pin point my attraction, I like your tall, slender frame, and although your ego is only inflated by my honest compliments, I find your confidence very appealing."

Sheldon gazed at her, his eyes meeting hers.

"Kate, am I to be under the impression you're attempting to seduce me?" Sheldon inquired.

"You're more then welcome to be under the impression, but personally, if you're going to be under anything, I'd rather it be me," Kate purred.

Sheldon smiled at her sheepishly, replying, "So I'm presuming the answer is 'yes'."

Kate returned the smile and said, "When are you ever wrong?"

"Rarely."

"Then I suspect you're correct," Kate returned.

Sheldon looked at her pointedly, saying, "Although I congratulate you on your attempts to seducing me, Kate, I'd rather not be tempted in the situation as the tea stands on the stove and if left too long, the apartment very well may under duress; under those terms, I'd have to flip the flag upside down, and I only do that in emergencies." Almost reluctantly but in his own Sheldon-practical way, he took her ankles from behind his thighs and stepped away from her.

"Hmm, I accept your premise," said Kate. "But it's only good for the present time; later down the line, we may have to re-evaluate it."

Sheldon gave her a mixed expression of confusion and acceptance, as though he understood her point but lacked the time frame of when it'd need to be re-evaluated. However, he said nothing.


	18. The Best Man 3-D Paradox

Love Is Hell

Chapter Eighteen: The Best Man 3-D Paradox

It was December, the second coldest month of the year in California...standing at sixty-degree weather in the early month. While the month introduced anarchy for traffic and buying gifts for the most-anticipated holiday of the year, Christmas, Kate was beside herself on the holiday. While her mother continued to leave short one-sentence emails and only keeping on times through Facebook, Kate was aside herself, considering her only family—for she had no other siblings—was her distal mother. Still, she continued to be optimistic this year, as her holidays would be different compared to those which she celebrated alone.

It was Tuesday, which meant going to the Cheesecake factory for lunch. After that, it was movie night; who'd be attending was still ineffective, which would be discussed _at_ the Cheesecake Factory. Penny was the waitress, serving Amy, Stuart, Leonard, Sheldon—and because Sheldon was there, of course, Kate was as well. She sat across from him after his rant about having to turn his head to talk to her and its simplicity if she were to sit opposite of him. Doing so, Kate sat across from Sheldon, Amy across from Stuart, and Leonard sat beside Stuart. Penny stood at Kate's end, looking at the group with a subtle grin.

"You know what I've realized," Leonard said. The group turned him. "This is the first time we've actually had Kate with us here."

"You mean you've realized that she's been here with the addition of you, Amy, and Stuart," Sheldon corrected.

"What, you've gone here by yourselves?" responded Leonard incredulously.

Kate and Sheldon exchanged odd glances, turning to Leonard. Kate answered, "I'm not so sure why you're surprised, Leonard. We _do _go out for dates."

Leonard looked at them curiously and said, "Speaking of dates, are you all still game for tonight?"

"What's the movie?" asked Stuart.

"Does it matter?" Amy inquired to Stuart. "I thought on the base of date night is that the movie is irrelevant, the bonding being the more crucial objective."

Kate turned to her and said, "Amy, we focus on the bonding; if a movie doesn't draw a man's attention, it's not worth going." She looked at Sheldon pointedly, saying, "Isn't that right?"

Sheldon looked up from his menu confusedly, but no one explained anything to him as to what the situation dictated. Keeping safety in mind, he only looked around and then went back to looking at his menu.

"Sheldon," said Penny, "how come you look at the menu when you already know what you're going to order?"

Sheldon looked at her curiously and said, "When upon entering a restaurant, one looks at a menu. Social protocol dictates that this would elude the customer into ordering more than what they want, spending money, in spite of the retinas seeing more than what their adjacent stomachs underneath can consume."

Stuart and Penny stared at Sheldon.

"In case he wants something different, he can have that frivolity," Amy translated.

"Oh good," said Penny. "You mean you're going to order something different this Tuesday?"

Sheldon gave her a wth look, responding, "How in the world did you get that from what Amy or I have just said, Penny?" He shook his head, placed his menu on the table and said under his breath sarastically, "Order something different..."

Penny sighed exasperatedly, placing pen to paper. She looked at Kate. "Are you ready to order? I _do _have other tables to wait on."

Kate looked at her sympathetically and said, "So I'm guessing your pre-marital issues are already spawning, aren't they?"

Sheldon sent Kate a wide-eyed look, clearly not understanding what she meant. As though she understood her though, Penny nodded.

"I never thought planning for a wedding would be so hard," said Penny.

"Have you ever thought that planning a wedding is not only a bride's job, but the groom's as well?" asked Kate lightly. "Considering you are the only one doing anything at this point, it wouldn't be a bad idea to select your Maid of Honor. While the bride is accustomed to the anxiety and worry of committing her life to one man in infinite time, the Maid of Honor is delegated the tasks of frivolous and mind-numbing duties—ordering flowers, dresses, and the like. That kind of stress on just on person is the reason why humans have always had a maid of honor, or in the man's position, a best man."

Penny looked at her and then to Sheldon, she said, "See, Sheldon? I understood everything she just said in her rant—how come yours are just blah, blah, blah, blah"-Penny made a duck with her hand and made it chatter, a sign of a chatter box.

Sheldon gave her a scolding glare, but never the less, Leonard interrupted, talking to Penny.

"Maybe it is time to choose a maid of honor and a best man. Although, I've not really given it much thought." Leonard stated.

"Yeah," agreed Penny. She winced and turned to Amy and Kate. "I don't know who to choose though."

"Oh don't get your panties tied in a knot," Kate empathized. "Amy and I talked about it the other day while the guys were playing Halo."

"Really?" asked Penny.

"Really?" said Leonard, Sheldon, and Stuart.

"Yes," said Amy and Kate simultaneously, with Amy continuing: "From what I've concluded, choosing a Maid of Honor regularly causes distress in a woman's relationship, provided that the girls that were not chosen for Maid of Honor become catty to the bride and the Maid of Honor delegate. To prevent this from happening, Kate and I have agreed to be each other's Maid of Honor, while Bernadette, as she has more experience in marriage, can be yours, Penny."

"But," said Penny. "You're like my 'bestie' right?"

"Nonsense," said Amy, lightly slightly. "Considering that Kate and I have more in common where intellectual stimulation and interests are concerned, I've respectively reduced my status with you as being 'close friend' rather than 'bestie'."

Penny looked slightly affronted and said, "So you're not my best friend anymore?"

Amy glanced at Kate, saying, "Was I too subtle?"

"You might've said it the wrong way," Stuart said gently.

Kate looked up at Penny. "Don't get us wrong, Penn. You're still close to us. To be quite honest, if I was your Maid of Honor, I'd be lost. I honestly don't know what you like or what you prefer where dresses and flowers are concerned; I don't know a thing about you. Amy, I do know. She knows what I like as well. Bernadette seems to be the more likliest of candidates."

Penny considered her words and then nodded. "Wow, this is so nice. I don't have that problem of choosing; it's like you all chose amongst yourselves."

"Not technically," said Kate. "Bernadette wasn't in the discussion. If she says 'no', you have her to thank for disputes amongst us."

Penny looked at Kate and said, "Well, thank you all the more. It's sweet."

Leonard looked at the three girls curiously, saying, "Well I wish that could be said for me."

"Actually," said Kate, "I've had thoughts about you as well, Leonard."

"Really?" said Leonard excitably, standing and walking to her side of table. He stood beside Penny and in front of Kate and Sheldon.

"Yeah," said Kate.

"Hold on, before we get into this," said Penny, who stepped in front of Leonard and Kate, "give me your orders so I'm not wasting time here."

Kate gave her order for a spin-off Nacho Bell-Grande (from Taco Bell); Sheldon ordered his regular BBQ bacon cheeseburger—BBQ and bacon on the side—and the orders of the others came shortly after. While Penny wrote them down, Leonard took a chair from the farthest side of the table and sit beside Kate. He looked eager to know Kate's idea.

"So," said Leonard impatiently, "What were you thinking about—concerning the Best Man paradox."

Amy, who was also interested, watched Kate interestedly. Sheldon, who never shown interest in these matters, seemed intrigued as well; maybe it was because it was his girlfriend talking, but that could hardly be the reason. Kate folded her menu and put Sheldon's, Stuart's, Leonard's, and Amy's menus as well in a pile in the middle of the table. Kate turned to Leonard.

"It's easy, if you think about it."

"Easy, your kind of 'easy' or easy, in the way we all think is easy," said Stuart.

"What other 'easy' is there?" Sheldon asked; Stuart ignored him, only looking at him oddly, then watching Kate continue err regardless.

"Well, to be direct and getting to the point, you should pick Howard." Kate told Leonard.

"Why?"

"Why?" repeated Kate. "The more robust question is: 'Why not?'"

Sheldon watched as Leonard considered it but he wasn't going down that easy. Sheldon clasped his hands in front of him and narrowed his eyes, detecting her playful tease but the evidence of just an answer shouldn't be enough to pick something as important of who'd be marrying Bernadette, should something happen to Leonard. In any case, Kate saw Sheldon's attentive gaze.

"Elaborate, Kate," said Sheldon. To Leonard he said, "You should be more inquisitive, Leonard. Although I consider Dr. Kate Burns to be one of a making, I still demand an explanation—even from _her—_behind her answers." In turn, he looked at Kate.

"I agree," said Amy from beside Kate. She turned to Kate completely, saying, "I'm also interested in your subjective data. What reason does Wolowitz have to be qualified to be Leonard's best man? Surely, you must have hard evidence on your thesis."

"I do," said Kate.

"I really don't care," said Leonard. "I just wanted an opinion."

"In order to receive a full opinion, Leonard, you must ask questions," Sheldon stated.

Stuart crossed his arms on the table and looked at Leonard pointedly, replying, "Actually, I'm on Sheldon with this one. I wanna know too."

Kate smirked at Leonard, saying, "You're done for, Hodfstader. You're getting the education of a lifetime. But I am on the inclination where one must ask 'why not Howard' rather than the opposite."

"Fine," said Leonard. "Since it'll be a good thirty minutes before Penny comes back, I might as well be educated with your evidential background. Okay, fire away. Why shouldn't I pick Howard?"

Kate leaned back in her seat, crossed her right leg over the left, and looked at him with full attention. Doing so, she began to explain:

"Partaking in social convention, the groom can pick anyone he wants for a Best Man but his choice must benefit, not only himself, but the rest of the group. Picking Howard is a good choice, because not only has he been married and knows what you're going through, he's not been a Best Man."

"Neither have I," said Sheldon pointedly.

"Or me," said Stuart.

"True," said Kate. To Leonard, she said, "Sheldon and Stuart have not been a Best Man, but neither are they married. In any case, it's natural for anyone to be any groom's best man, just as long in a center of friends, they have been a best man once. So in this case, Raj would have been one, and now Howard will soon be one."

"Yes," said Leonard, "that sounds reasonable. But what if Stuart wants to be one?"

"Ah, the elimination stands for itself," said Kate.

"How so?" Amy projected. "If you consider Bernadette and myself, and by becoming an anticipated Maid of Honor in the future, I'd have been Maid of Honor twice, being Bernadette's and then yours."

Kate smiled and said, "Girls aren't as intent on being someone's Maid of Honor in position, but it's important for them to have someone who will understand the emotional construct that proceeds being a bride. While Bernadette, yes, was the bride and you were the Maid of Honor, it was important for you to handle some of the business while Bernadette was nervous about being a bride. Now, in doing so, Bernadette will be Penny's maid of honor and she will be the bride. They share that emotional construct."

"Yes," said Amy, "but that doesn't interpret the fairness behind me being Maid of Honor twice."

Kate shrugged and said, "Amy, that's just how the dice rolls. In any case,"-she looked at Leonard, "You'd be Stuart's Best Man in the future."

"Why would he be mine?" Stuart asked, glancing between Kate and Leonard.

Kate sighed.

"Once again, it's simplicity, Stuart." Kate told him. "You are the best candidate for Leonard's Best Man, mainly because Sheldon and Rajesh would cancel each other out. The one person who should be upset about never being Best Man is Leonard."

Leonard looked offended, blurting, "Why wouldn't I be Best Man?"

Kate smiled and said, "Because of this. Rajesh was the last person to have a girlfriend, so by estimation, and as things go so far in his love life, he will probably be the last. Verified this by Chance, and all the other bitches with whom he's become involved, odds of that changing are low."

"True," said Leonard dismissively, "but why couldn't I be Sheldon's?"

"Oh, please," said Kate cynically.

Sheldon and Leonard glanced at each other. Because of this, Kate smiled and she said, "I say it like that because Sheldon is Sheldon. The only way his idea of a wedding would go correctly is if he was his own Best Man. So because there is no other Sheldon like himself, he'd be the groom and best man."

Sheldon smiled at her. Apparently, due to his similar Koala Face, Kate had nailed the matter on the spot.

Kate smiled back at him then turned to Leonard, saying, "Then again, if Stuart marries Amy, then you could be his Best Man, and in order to make things fair, Stuart could be Rajesh's Best Man, that way, the men have all had a chance to be a Best Man."

Stuart, Leonard, Amy, and Sheldon looked at Kate with the combined expressions of confusion, admiration, and consideration. However, Stuart looked at Sheldon and said, "I don't know how anyone can follow that."

"I made a diagram back at the house if you're more of a visual learner," Kate offered Stuart.

"So what's the summary of this?" asked Stuart. "Who would be whose?"

Sheldon turned to him and said, "I don't know how you didn't follow that, but I'll summarize. In essence, you would be Koothrappali's best man, Koothrappali was Wolowitz' Best Man. He will be Leonard's, Leonard will be yours, and because no one understands my conditions and preferences, I will be my own." He looked at Kate and said, "By the way, I approve of your choice for your Maid of Honor; Amy was my choice as well."

Amy and Kate looked at him suddenly, both unexpected of his comment. At that point, Penny arrived with the dishes and they were given to each person correctly. After handing Sheldon his BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger, Penny turned to Kate.

"So why would Howard be Leonard's Best Man?"

Kate opened her mouth to explain then Sheldon shook his head and said, "Don't bother, Kate. If Stuart can't understand this, she won't either."

Penny and Stuart gave him a look. However, Leonard stood and looked at Penny.

"It's a way to make sure all of us get a turn at being Best Man, and Kate was explaining it to me," said Leonard. "So it's Howard."

"So," said Penny, "Who would be Sheldon's?"

"No one would be," Leonard noted. "Kate explained that because he's so crazy, he'd be his own Best Man."

"Can he do that?" asked Penny dubiously.

"Yes, I can," Sheldon replied. "And I'm not crazy; my mother had me tested."

"And even if you were, I'd love you all the same," Kate responded smoothly.

"Well noted," said Sheldon. He looked at Penny. "In the prospect of satisfying our little friendship circle, the crucial problem of subjecting all those involved in a wedding would be whomever Koothrappali would marry."

"How so?" asked Kate.

Sheldon looked at her pointedly, saying, "She'd be the only one lacking in the position of Maid of Honor. At this point of the circle, Penny would be the only candidate without having already been Maid of Honor, and she'd be one for Koothrappali's fiancee. After that has been said and done, who would be hers?"

"True," said Kate lightly. "I hadn't considered that."

"I know," said Sheldon. He looked up at Leonard who still stood beside Penny, and said, "And that is why you should always ask questions, Leonard."

"She settled my dilemma for my best man," Leonard stated. "It's all right if she didn't think things through."

Sheldon rolled his eyes and said, "And you wonder why you'd be the unlikely candidate for being my Best Man." He shook his head and to Stuart, he remarked, "Good luck."

Stuart raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

"So," said Penny curiously with a high note in her voice, "What movie are we seeing tonight, or, well, are we still going?" She looked at Leonard. "We're still going, right?"

"Yeah, sure," said Leonard happily.

"Well, good," said Kate. "So what's the movie?"

"We can all decide when we get there," Stuart suggested. He looked at Amy, "Is that okay with you?"

"It's fine," Amy said, nodding. "I won't pay attention it; need I remind you that the whole point of movies are to make out in the dimmest lighting possible and pretend to be attentive to its dubious plot."

Stuart grinned at her broadly, but after Sheldon had taken a bite out of his burger, he objected.

"What's wrong?" asked Stuart.

"I'm not okay with it," Sheldon protested. "I'd like to go in a theater knowing exactly the time the movie starts, and even before that, I'd like to know its title. My mind will suffer if it's a movie about two brides provoking one another in dropping their wedding reservations, and dying hair blue."

Penny laughed, saying, "When did watch _Bride Wars_?"

"The last date night, now that you ask," Sheldon admitted. He gave Kate an annoyed glance, saying, "Never had I had two hours so wasted as they were that night. I have you to thank for that."

Penny smirked at Kate, who only ate another nacho without guilt. Her smile only reflected the mischief in her eyes.

"Who's all coming, anyway? Are Bernadette and Howard?" asked Stuart.

"Yeah," said Leonard. "They're coming."

"One other reason why you can't simply go to a movie," Sheldon reminded. "Planning a movie is as tedious as planning a wedding. You must have enough seats in a row for all participants, not just yourself."

Kate looked at Sheldon, and said, "Don't worry, honey. I've got it all planned out."

"You don't know the movie we're going to watch," Sheldon reminded. "So how can you have everything planned out?"

"You doubt my abilities, Dr. Cooper," Kate replied smoothly. She withdrew her phone and said, "I have an app on my phone for the Pasadena Movie theatre. They've come out with a _Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of The Ring_, in 3-D."

"Then what are we sitting here for?" exclaimed Leonard.

Sheldon stared at him obliviously, pointing out that they were here clearly to eat before they watched the movie. This began the whole discussion of favorite parts of the Lord of the Rings, and their favorite characters. Penny was off to a different table, and Leonard looked after her in his dazed-like state.

Xx

Kate and Sheldon returned to the apartment shortly so Sheldon could pee. As Kate sat on the arm of the couch as she did so. Sheldon hurried into the bathroom. His eagerness to see the Lord of the Rings movie in three-dimensional view was imploding as he rushed to get in and out, so they could meet the others at the theater. When he came back out, he saw Kate on the couch, looking...the expression on her face confused him. He couldn't decipher it.

Sheldon tread carefully, walking in front of her. Her head was down, shoulders slumped. He touched her head with the palm of his hand and to this, she reacted. Kate looked up at him.

"Kate, are you all right?" asked Sheldon. He looked down at her.

"Chance knows about Rajesh." Kate said softly. She indicated her Iphone and said quietly, "She called me a minute ago."

"Is she coming _here_ to exact her revenge?" Sheldon asked, slightly panicked, although he remained quite still. "If so, our best bet to avoid her temper is leaving right now. Another good idea is to hide in the theater."

"No, she's not coming here," said Kate quietly.

Sheldon gazed at her curiously. This emotion was hard to pin point. Was she fine? Was she angry? Was she sad?

"Did she threaten you?" asked Sheldon.

"No."

"Was she threatening my safety?"

"No."

"Did she say she was going to kill Wolowitz and Koothrappali, because if so, we may have to alert Leonard on his choice of Best Man," Sheldon noted. "Considering the previous conversation we had with them recently, one can understand the paradox."

"No," said Kate quietly. "It's nothing like that." She put her phone down on the arm of the couch and looked up at him. "She said she's sorry."

Sheldon looked down at her. Aw, now the emotion was clear. Kate was remorseful. Soft, delicate, fragile Kate...he didn't like it.

"Sheldon, was I wrong to..."

"Hold on," Sheldon interrupted. He sat beside her—in his spot—and took her phone, placing it on her lap. "Kate, I'm not a psychic or any type of clairvoyant being, mainly because they don't exist—but that's not what I'm saying. For whatever reason Briar has decided to apologize can't possibly be sincere in any way, considering you, Kate, were right in ordering Leonard to tell Koothrappali what he had seen and heard."

"But Sheldon, she's sorry," Kate muttered. "Like, she was...I don't know...sincere."

"That may be," Sheldon said. He licked his lips and said softly, "Kate...let's postulate a hypothesis, shall we? Let's say that Briar is in fact apologetic for having cheated on Koothrappali. Let's go as far as saying that she's atoned for her misconduct of the past and she's completely redeemable."

"All right," Kate muttered.

"Wouldn't you say, based on the data that history provides and we take from this, she would only elapse in to her own ways, becoming manipulative and vindictive all over again?" asked Sheldon. He shrugged, saying, "Not only that, but you've also signed a Document of Expulsion, ceasing all contact with her prior to the confrontation, yes?"

"Yes," said Kate. "I remember." She looked at Sheldon. "I feel bad."

"Would you like a cup of tea?" asked Sheldon.

"I'm not bereft, Sheldon. I just feel bad." Kate replied. "It's the guilt that accommodates a person after having a negative conversation with an old friend. I hate how she can so easily manipulate me."

"All the more reason to end the friendship permanently," reasoned Sheldon. "You'll also be doing everyone else a favor, considering Rajesh has moved on—the odds of him taking her back are rather extraneously low."

Kate nodded, agreeing with him.

"Aside from your disappointment for having a friendship dissipate into something less than acquaintenaceship, I'd expect that your distraught behavior would be resolved after consulting your boyfriend on the matter," Sheldon replied.

Kate gave him an odd look. To explain his knowledge, Sheldon replied, "Based on what I've learned from the past conventions, when a girlfriend-slash-boyfriend tells her-slash-his boyfriend-slash-girlfriend the reason why they are distraught, both parties offer a time significance, in which they become stronger for the consolation offered and received."

His explanation seemed to have worked for Kate gave him a genuine smile; touched the back of his hand endearingly; Sheldon looked down at it, half-interestedly.

"It's funny that you know all the right things to say, Sheldon," said Kate softly.

Sheldon replied, "I hardly understand why anything I would say is remotely comical, unless paired with my catch phrase 'bazinga'. Then, after said phrase is aforementioned, posted, stated, I could then understand it."

Kate nodded, agreeing.

"I guess you're right, Sheldon. I shouldn't feel guilty for having that conversation with Chance."

"I don't know why you'd have to estimate that I'm right, considering that I've been correct for the past week and on-going." Sheldon told her. "But, out of the interest of this conversation, what did she say?"

" 'I'm sorry for what I've done'," Kate recited. "Then she said that she hoped we could be friends in spite of everything that's happened but...with all that's happened, I don't see that happening."

"Yet, if I hadn't condemned your notion of befriending her again, you'd have done so," Sheldon replied knowingly. "What is the logic in that?"

"None what so ever," Kate answered. "It's obvious that I don't think clearly when I'm upset."

"I'm glad you said it yourself rather my having to point you in that direction; it would have been bothersome and extremely tedious. Also, we have ten minutes before this movie begins so we ought to be trucking." Sheldon reminded. "It's not going to watch itself."

Kate nodded and they stood. She opened the door and Sheldon guided her out and closed the door when he stepped outside of the apartment. Shortly after, Sheldon locked the door. They began down the staircase.

"Referring back to our conversation at the Cheesecake Factory," Sheldon began, "were you generally serious when you said that I'd be my own Best Man or was that another attempt in playful banter?"

Kate looked at him as they descended the stairs; once again, their steps were in sync.

"I was both playful and serious," said Kate. "Personally, if not for Amy being my best friend and second most compatible mate, I'd have you be my Maid of Honor as well."

"What do you mean by Amy being your compatible mate?" asked Sheldon. They stopped on the second staircase. "Last I checked, I was."

"You are," Kate stated plainly. "But should you leave this world behind, I'd have to choose another mate to candor my children. Because my feelings for you increase exponentially through the days we spend with each other, it's more than obvious that should you leave before me, I will become derivative in my skills as a widow, so Amy would be there to look after me, should I become neurotic."

Sheldon stared at her, saying, "You're already thinking of my replacement?"

"No," said Kate. "You're not being replaced. You're being substituted."

"Tell me how that's difference," retorted Sheldon.

Kate sighed and looked at him boldly.

"Sheldon, I will never find a more compatible human being to me than you. Amy is my confidant besides you, and should you leave me on incident, she'd help me with the children and the rest of my life. Would you rather me place your brain in a robot?"

"Yes, please," said Sheldon. He sounded half-concerned for the matter, and a little upset. "If you can place my brain in a robot presently, I'd also be exceptionally grateful."

"I'm not placing your brain in a robot."

"I wouldn't expect you to; you have no scientific experience or background," Sheldon relayed.

Kate shook her head, but smiled. She returned, "All right, I'll get Leonard to do it. Anyway, I don't see you passing away anytime so this whole conversation is useless. In any case, it'll be me who dies first."

"I would hope not!" Sheldon exclaimed.

"You'd find someone else, Sheldon; I'm not the only woman in this world for you," Kate replied gently.

"I refute your premise," said Sheldon. "On the whole that you and I are—dare I say it—destined to be bound, I hardly see another Kate Burns appearing on my doorstep. More to the fact, do you realize how chaotic my world would become if you left the world entirely? Besides the fact that I'd have to find another roommate that attends to my every whim and physiological bend, they'd also have to meet me on an intellectual level that's the most obvious."

Kate watched him with wide eyes as his tone became more panicked; he was almost hyperventilating.

"Then, _then, _oh the worst would happen; I'd have to train some idiot my routine, my eating habits—the whole routine—my whole routine would be derivative in its nature; the wasted time to explain what physics requires and, dear lord—the idea of having to put in so much effort in a relationship to get to a certain point of comfort and frivolity." He continued as they went down the stairs, although Kate began to become a little nervous as he did: "And what if my new roommate was boisterous, obnoxious—oh my REM sleep would definitely suffer, and then I'd have to make a whole new contract—longer even. And I know they'll be dumber than a rock; it'd be not unlike living with another Penny, and the thought of _that_, oh, the horror!"

Kate saw him shaking and a little sweat started on his forehead; his hyperventilating was continuing. Sheldon was having a panic attack.

As they came down into the lobby, Kate touched her hands around his neck and moved her lips onto his in one hard movement. He stopped instantaneously, his arms moved around her waist. She didn't pull away until half a minute had passed. Sheldon looked at her.

"You were having a panic attack," Kate remarked. Her hands lowered from his neck to his chest. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Sheldon hugged her close to him, almost tight enough that Kate might as well had been hugging a boa constrictor.

"Please don't leave me alone," Sheldon murmured quietly; his voice was quiet and small; his tone, vulnerable, sounding much like a child who'd lost their parents in a large store.

"I won't," Kate reassured.

"I can't live without you," Sheldon murmured.

"I know," said Kate softly. "Nor I, without you." She lifted her head and kissed his lower lip. He returned the kiss and she smiled at him. "I love you, Shelly."

"I love you, Kitten." He murmured.

Sheldon released her slowly and Kate smiled at him genuinely pleased.

"We better get to the movies; we'll be late by this time," Kate stated.

He looked at her incredulously, saying, "Now you're intentionally attempting to scare someone, Kate. I don't appreciate it."

"I know, so let's get going," said Kate. She walked out of the door and Sheldon followed her.


	19. Windows Vista Reanimation

Love Is Hell

Chapter Nineteen: The Windows Vista Reanimation

–

Author's Note: As always, I love hearing from my readers, and even the guests. I did think about putting Chance back in but, quite frankly, I'm tired of her. Hope to hear from all my Regulars, including **NightBloodWolf**_, _**Jislane**, and...crap...well, my mind has a brain fart, but those are the ones that regularly review, but all the other people I've forgotten, thank you so much!

–

Sheldon sat in the passenger seat of the Batmobile as Leonard and Penny opted to take Leonard's car, provided he'd been car sick the last two times he had gotten in the back of a car. On the way there, Sheldon was a bit...odd. Granted, he was a quirky guy, but he acted exponentionally strange. As they got out of the car, closing the doors and locking, Kate watched him move around the car and step beside her, rather closely.

"Sheldon, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Thanks for asking," he said quietly.

"Are you sure?"

"If I wasn't, would I have said so?" Sheldon replied.

"Yes, I guess, but when I'm not fine, I say I am. So...are you really 'fine'?" Kate inquired.

Sheldon shrugged and said, "I believe I am. Admittedly enough, I do recollect having an episode back in the lobby, but that was indicative of your possible abandonment." He glanced at his hands which were slightly shaking; apparently, his panic attack had not completely disappeared, but rather reassembled at the thought.

"Noted," Kate replied. She touched his wrists. "Sheldon, I reassure you. I'm not going anywhere. I love you and I will never leave you. This, I promise."

Sheldon looked at her hands and then at her inquisitively. She knew the reason why he looked uncomfortable. It wasn't the physical contact; he'd become used to her and familiar enough with her that her simple hand-holding or chaste kisses had not unnerved him so much as in the very beginning. Kate knew his discomfort lied in the fact that although he wasn't estranged to kissing, they always did so in private. Now they were in the parking lot of the Pasadena Movie Theater, and this made him look extremely uncomfortable. Kate dropped her physical contact pointedly.

"Thank you, Kate," Sheldon said lightly.

"You're welcome, Sheldon. Sometimes I'm amiss." She looked at him for a long time. "Sheldon, in spite of you saying so, are you sure you're okay? You look a little...pale."

"No, really, I'm fine; healthy as a horse." Sheldon told her. He thought and said, "Curious how a phrase of that would have originated; generally, horses aren't always so healthy. If one had to place themselves in a state of health compared to most beings, I'd mark my immunity as one of a robot's. Hardly ever do they get under the weather."

Kate rolled her eyes and walked towards the theater. Sheldon followed her.

"Then again," Sheldon continued, "You'd compare the sickness of a human being or a dog, per say, to that of a virus being found in a robot's processing system. Both are ill-fated, leading, if untreated, to death, or more overwhelming viruses, which, combined, can lead to an explosion."

Kate opened the door and Sheldon kept it open for another couple. He waited with Kate in line.

"However, if one detects the virus in a computer like those who detect illness at its premature phase, one can eliminate it, and bypass the illness, and ultimate death, entirely, thus erasing all possible destructive viruses." Sheldon finished. As an afterthought, he said, "Does your laptop have a firewall?"

"I'd suspect so," Kate replied. She stopped and looked around. "We're talking about computers, not humans, right?"

"Why would you have a firewall?" asked Sheldon. "Unless, you're an android of some kind, and in that case, where do I sign up?"

Kate chuckled. Sheldon, then, exhaled his normal breathy laugh.

"If I was an android, I would have a firewall," Kate replied assuredly. "Although, if I was a computer data base, I'd have no recent back-up nor the anti-virus scans to eliminate the other injuries and illnesses I had sustained in the past." She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully, reminescing, "Would that make me damaged?"

Sheldon looked at her, a bit admirably. He felt a tug on his insides; she was talking computers with him, and he could barely ignore the leap in his chest when she smiled at him...a way that was most compelling, like she was teasing him or flirting...first one, second one...perhaps both?

"Damaged?" repeated Sheldon. "Kate, if you were an android, that would predicate that your physical and intellectual stimuli would be comparable to one of the most leading computers currently." He smiled, saying, "If you were damaged, there would be several anti-virus codes to eradicate the damages."

"I don't know anything about computers though," said Kate sensibly. She smirked at him. "How would I program myself?"

"Dismantle the computer entirely, find compatible mechanisms to replace, and piece-by-piece reassemble it to the most recent workable state before the viruses invaded," Sheldon replied.

Kate smirked at him and said dismissively, although her tone was not so far from being seductive, "I'd let you dismantle my data base without hesitation."

Sheldon stared at her but said nothing; what could you say to _that_?

She merely turned to step up a few paces and waited for the two families ahead of her to get their movie tickets, and complimentary popcorn and soda. Apparently, everyone _else _had the brilliant idea of seeing the new Lord of the Rings movie as well...typical.

"If I was a computer," Kate continued, turning to him. "Would I be Windows 7 or Vista?"

"Vista," Sheldon replied immediately. "I prefer it."

"Mm, why is that?"

"Windows 7 is user-friendly. I don't like it."

"What if I was Windows 7?" asked Kate curiously. "Would you throw me away?"

"No," said Sheldon pointedly. "I'd replace you."

"What's the difference?"

"Much like to your statement in whether substitution or replacement was different, I'm bringing it into affect for this situation as well," Sheldon responded coolly.

Kate smiled, returning, "Touche."

Sheldon and Kate moved forward as one family went to the movie, and now one remained, although, in this one, there were two obnoxious kids, a crying baby, and the parents arguing with the attendant about why the prices were dubiously high since their last visit. Kate rolled her eyes subtly. She looked at the prices—they were the same since they were here last week.

"To answer your question without being obviously distant," Sheldon said quietly; his mouth touched the back of her neck. "If you were originally a Windows 7 data base, I'd dismantle, replace, and, with some great restraint and viable concentration, reassemble you to be my perfect Windows Vista." His fingers grazed from her shoulders and down her arms, a notable tease on his part. Kate gasped softly when he kissed the nape of her neck softly.

"We don't change our prices constantly," the movie attendant from behind the counter argued. "If the last time you came was yesterday, they were the same. If you came last week, they were the same. If you came _last month, _they were still the same!"

"No, they aren't. They're seven dollars a piece!" argued the woman.

"Which is the going rate of the movie per person!" protested the movie attendant.

"No, mine are thirty-five!" argued the husband. "How the hell do you explain that!"

Sheldon leaned into her ear and muttered, "If they keep going like this, we're going to miss all three and a half hours of fantastical 3-D, never before seen footage."

"I know," Kate uttered. "It wouldn't hurt to turn me into perfect Windows Vista and let me electrocute them all with a short fuse, would it?"

"Computers don't electrocute, Kate," Sheldon corrected. "Frayed electrical cords electrocute."

"Point taken," said Kate. She looked at him and said, "Watch Kitten work."

Sheldon looked at her curiously as she stepped from him and walked around the counter, over which she hopped and stood beside the movie attendant. The movie attendant, a man, looked slightly surprised but as the couple continued debating, he was estranged.

"What are you—you can't be back here!" he said.

"Carl..." Kate said, she glanced at his name tag, "is your name Carl?"

"Obviously."

"Well, Carl, you look like a pleasant, work-a-day man; I have to see a movie with my boyfriend and it's clear you can't handle yourself out here," said Kate pointedly, gesturing her eyes to the heated parents of a baby and two dawdling boys of their own.

"You know what you're doing?" asked Carl.

"Yes, sir, I do; I come here every week with my friends and the prices never change." Kate told him. As though she was a miracle sent from God, Carl breathed a sigh of relief, and moved her in front of him.

"Ma'am, sir," Kate addressed the couple.

"Oh, God, who the hell are you?" snapped the woman.

"Actually, I'm not God, but if I was, do you really want to talk to me in that tone?" Kate remarked calmly.

The parents gave her an odd look, which Kate smiled widely.

"Now," said Kate in a flight attendant's voice, "I know you're upset about your prices. Why are you upset?"

"Because these prices are outrageous," the husband snapped. "How can you come here every week?"

"Because the tickets are seven dollars a person," said Kate smoothly.

"Ours is thirty-five," the wife argued.

Kate looked at her as though she was stupid, and for hell's sake, she was. The movie attendant, Carl, didn't think the situation was getting any better, but as he couldn't do anything better than what she was doing, he merely sat back and watched the show. Entering the theater were Penny, Leonard, Howard, Bernadette, Amy, and Stuart, and they saw Kate behind the counter, talking calmly to the couple, despite their need for vehement tones and loud voices.

"Has it ever occurred to you," said Kate slowly, "that your tickets are thirty-five dollars based on the principle of multiplication?"

"Excuse me?" the wife snapped. "Are you telling me I'm stupid?"

"Actually, yes," said Sheldon from behind her.

"Who the hell are you?" retorted the husband.

"Attention at the front," Kate remarked immediately. The husband and wife looked at her. "Your ticks are seven dollars a piece. Seven times five—the Mr., the Mrs., the bawling kid, and your two sons. Seven dollars a piece, five people, equal to thirty-five dollars. Want to reduce your prices? Kill one."

Carl let out an exasperated groan and pulled Kate from the counter as the husband and wife stared at her incredulously.

"What the hell are you doing?" Carl snapped. "You can't tell people to kill each other!"

"It was a joke," Kate replied. "I don't expect murder. Anyway, it shut them up, didn't it?"

"Well..."

Kate stepped from him and looked at the couple. "Now, that may seem drastic. However, I'll inform you that while you stand here idly looking at me as though I've gone insane, and I assure you, I have, you may either kill yourselves or your children, whichever, I don't care. Or, I present you another option by leaving this theater, voicing your complaints to the manager by phone, email, or in person, and then, for god's sake, go to another damn theater."

As she spoke, her tone became increasingly irritable. After, however, the couple stared at her and then left the theater wordlessly. Carl watched after them. To Kate, he said, "You might as well have gotten me fired."

"Oh don't worry, lamb chop," Kate said sweetly. "You've just chased away everyone else's problems; you're getting a promotion."

She hopped over the counter and stood beside Sheldon.

"Hello," said Kate happily, "my boyfriend and I are going to see the Lord of the Rings movie. We'd like two tickets—which by the way are never changing and will equal to fourteen dollars—and complimentary popcorn and drinks to go, thank you."

Carl looked at Sheldon and said, "Is your girlfriend insane?"

"You have _no _idea," Kate remarked, smirking.

Quickly, Carl handed the tickets to Kate and Sheldon and their drinks and popcorn of choice. Kate was about to pay but Carl held up his hands.

"No charge; call it a thank you for what you've done," said Carl smiling.

"You do realize you are giving items out freely which is an illegal gesture on your behalf," Sheldon stated. "In retrospect, while in a Best Buy store, you might as well hand me a large plasma screen television and say 'Happy Birthday'!"

"Just go watch your movie," Carl complained.

Kate took his arm and moved them out of the way. Following them shortly were the gang; Amy came up beside Kate, enthusiastically.

"I've never seen you act so boldly, Kate," Amy enthused, smiling. "In spite of your pleasant appearance and over all meek and fragile frame, you are a dominating Tunnel Spider underneath, aren't you?"

"I sure hope not," Sheldon said from Kate's right. "Otherwise, I'll have night terrors."

Kate smiled, saying, "I'm not a spider. I'm a Windows Vista."

Amy looked at Kate dubiously but Sheldon merely grinned broadly at her statement.


	20. 20 the robot demoralization

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty: The Robotic Demoralization

_**-SPOILER ALERT: Those who've not seen Lord of the Rings trilogy would best not read this chapter, since it contains references to the movie. Don't say "she didn't tell me"! **_

As usual per a movie, Kate sat on the outer part of the row, considering her need for air was predicated on her seat; her claustrophobia never really went away, merely stayed inside her until it wished to be adhered to; in this case, it was when Sheldon and Kate sat in the middle of the row and the others piled in that she felt suffocated. Sheldon forced Leonard to move out of the seat closest to the row and sit in the third row from it—Sheldon wanted to sit beside Kate, no exceptions.

The movie was filled with previews, all about different hygienic products, shampoo, football tickets soon to be presented to whomever could text this and this. As the previews went on, and on, and on, and on, Kate leaned back in her seat and looked at Sheldon silently. He caught her gaze and reciprocated it.

"At what are you staring, besides me?" Sheldon replied lightly.

"Nothing in particular," Kate responded.

There was some talk past them, between Penny and Bernadette. Sheldon leaned over to glance at them then turned to Kate.

"I believe the discussion of one becoming Maid of Honor is currently making its head out of the water," Sheldon noted, sitting back in his own seat.

"Why do you say that?"

"Although there is an infinite number of things you women talk about, the wedding is the utmost popular." Sheldon reminded her. "I am only too thankful that you don't concern yourself with such nonsense."

Kate smiled.

"Even as a robot, Sheldon, I would still be female," Kate told him.

"Not if I programmed you that way," Sheldon told her.

"And you'd be my programmer?"

"Of course I would," Sheldon replied obviously. "Why would I dismantle your originality and reassemble it against my own preferences; that would benefit no one."

Kate smirked at him, saying, "Mm, I suppose not. But what good would I be if I wasn't a female robot?"

"Kate, robots are unisex."

"Doesn't meant they can't experience human emotions. When a computer becomes infected with a virus, doesn't it tell you when it's sick? When it needs to restart, it does so on its own, not when you say so."

"My computer restarts when I command," Sheldon said seriously.

"Not all computers obey you, Sheldon," Kate returned. She turned in her seat, bending her knee so she sat on her right leg, looking at him pointedly. "In any point given, I could be a female robot if you programmed me to be so. If I wasn't, I might as well be a Windows 7, right?"

"Too true," Sheldon conceded. He looked at her, saying, "Would you like your brain to be placed in a robot if you knew—for a fact—you were going to leave?"

"You mean 'die'?" asked Kate.

"Without being blunt, yes," Sheldon replied.

Kate smiled and said, "As I see, Sheldon, whatever you do with my brain is your business. I'd be dead; why would I care?"

"Why would you—because, Kate, it's the preservation of a species that isn't completely evolved yet." Sheldon mirrored her, so they were looking at each other. "I'm surprised you've not this one through completely."

"I don't think about death, Sheldon," Kate said, amused.

"Why not?" Sheldon replied. "I've thought of it enough that I know, without taking into consideration of the surprised accidents to come, that I will die when I'm at least seventy, preventing me from seeing the day where I will become one of the lucky guinea pigs whose brain will be placed in a robot and experience life as such. And you're not even sure how you want to leave?"

"Frankly, Sheldon, I see death at my workplace every day I'm there. I see it, feel it—I don't want to think about it when I am home," said Kate smoothly. "Besides, whenever it happens, I'm not afraid of it."

"You're not afraid?" Sheldon repeated incredulously. "That's a lot of bravery coming from someone who believes in Karma."

Kate smiled still, but it was losing its luster.

"All I know, Sheldon, is that should it happen, you can place me in your robot. That way, no matter what, I'll be with you. Program me correctly and I can still come to movies and drive you places; at a certain point, you can make me a Transformer."

"I congratulate myself on my technological knowledge of the assortments, Kate," said Sheldon dismissively, "But building you into a Transformer would take a lot of effort and time."

"So," said Kate. "Work with Howard and Leonard."

"Not when the project is you; I wouldn't afford to risk it," Sheldon replied. "You know, in order to bypass this entirely, we can just get your brain transferred right now."

"No," said Kate. She sat back in her seat correctly. "I'm not having my brain placed in a robot."

"Why not?"

Kate looked at him and said, "Because if I am a robot, how am I supposed to complete the rest of this Date Night?"

"Watching a movie and eating popcorn are two basic daily activities one can accomplish with a robot," Sheldon corrected.

As to prove her point, Kate leaned forward and kissed him on the lips—it was hard enough where she demonstrated a sudden passion, but quick enough that no one noticed. Sheldon looked at her, entranced.

"And that's my point, Sheldon." She said lightly.

She turned her eyes back to the movie. Sheldon merely looked at her for a little longer but began watching the movie as well.

Xx

As the movie had started, those that were given 3-D glasses, put them on; Leonard fought with his to keep them aligned with his frames. As they all became hypnotized by the arrows shooting into the audience or a very angry troll running towards them (the audience would lean back in their seats while some screamed), it was an great hit-off.

Sheldon looked at Kate who was immersed in the movie plot. She'd seen it before but the fact that things were actually coming after her was all the more enthralling. It was halfway into the movie and this featured the Fellowship entering the Cavernous home of the late Balin.

Kate looked at Sheldon and quietly said, "How does one not understand that the Dwarves were all killed? I mean, their skeletons are _right _there."

Sheldon returned her inquiring gaze, but didn't say anything as Gandalf lit his staff and it gave a very large and three-dimensional eye-opener. Kate heard the audience go 'oohh' and all of them quoted Samwise Gamgee about the said eye opener. Never was it boring to watch a movie with equally obsessed Lord of the Ring nerds.

It then came to the scene were Gandalf forgot where they were as he didn't recollect every being there. At this, Kate leaned forward, murmuring, "If you were Gandalf, we wouldn't be having this problem."

Sheldon found her comment amusing for he smiled.

Sitting beside him was Leonard, and he leaned past Sheldon, saying, "I'm glad we chose this movie, Kate; this is great!"

"No problem," Kate returned. "Did Bernadette say 'yes' to being Penny's Maid of Honor?"

"Yeah," said Leonard. "Although, I don't think she likes how you and Amy had already declined the offer and left her on the spot."

"How did she leave Bernadette on the spot?" Sheldon retorted, looking at Leonard. "It wasn't an option—it was what had to be done."

"None the less, if she had said 'no', it would have made her feel terrible," said Leonard. He shrugged, saying, "Her words, not mine."

Kate rolled her eyes, saying, "I wasn't the one that said 'good idea'."

Leonard returned to his position next to Penny. Sheldon glanced from the couple to Kate.

"Am I to understand that Bernadette accepted Penny's offer but is under the impression that she did it for sake of obligation, without the spontaneity?"

Kate nodded, saying, "Surprisingly, yes."

"I don't know why you're surprised that I've caught that. I excel in so many things."

"Yes, but localizing the generalization of emotions really is never your field of expertise," Kate whispered in return.

"I disagree; since meeting you, I feel I've become more familiar with it," said Sheldon. He frowned, saying, "Although, I do find myself dubious of others' actions; for instance,"-he leaned closer to her—"The other day Penny suggested the wedding be at the Cheesecake Factory, yet I don't know if she was being sarcastic or relatively distant towards me."

"Was she excited?" asked Kate.

"No."

"Then she was being sarcastic," Kate replied.

"See? I'm not familiar with it," Sheldon muttered. "I understand your emotional placation for reasons that I spend more than enough time with you. If not for the fact that it doesn't exist, we'd be linked telepathically, you and I...compatible in thought, and every form and definition of the existence."

Kate smiled and said, "You're saying you believe we're soul mates."

"That's hokum." Sheldon immediately retorted.

However, as Kate leaned back in her seat to continue watching the movie, he replied quietly, "But never the less, I didn't say it."

Kate breathed a small chuckle. She looked at him pointedly, saying, "So has Penny picked a wedding spot, or is she confused still?"

"The question still stands; I don't even think she knows."

"Wedding spots aren't exactly limited," Kate said. "Didn't Howard and Bernadette get married on the roof?"

"Yes, and married by his friends, none the less," whispered Sheldon. He paused before saying, "I was going to speak my part in Klingon but Bernadette objected."

Kate chuckled, saying, "You had a whole speech in Klingon?"

"Yes, and translated, it was less than immaculate."

"Well, during our wedding, you can speak Klingon all you want," Kate told him.

"Really?" Sheldon replied incredulously.

"Yeah," Kate returned. "Granted, that would mean we'd have to have a translator."

"Leonard could translate."

"It doesn't sound as sexy when Leonard does it," Kate muttered. She looked at Sheldon with a provocative gaze, saying, "I like it when _you _speak it. It's more elegant."

"If you want elegance, Kate, I suggest Elvish Sandarin, not Klingon. Klingons are naturally brutal and rough; elegance is not one of them."

"Then Elvish," Kate consented. "But I have to warn you, it would best be a quick wedding."

Sheldon blinked, looking at her curiously. With one of innocence, he asked, "Why is that?"

"You wouldn't have to worry about dismantling your Windows Vista, let's just say that," Kate remarked lightly. She smirked at him and he, at first, stared at her with confusion, but when he saw the curvature of her smile, there was that familiar click.

"Really, Kate? We're in a movie theater," Sheldon chastised.

Kate shrugged.

"If the location of dirty thoughts was illegal and should I be arrested for my quarry, I'd be locked in a cage for a million years," said Kate lightly.

Sheldon looked at her pointedly, replying, "Really, Kate? A million years?"

"Give or take a century."

"Now you're being ridiculous." Sheldon whispered.

Kate shrugged shamelessly. She looked at the big screen; it was the fiery part of the movie...literally. The Fire Demon, or rather, the Balrog of Morgoth, pursued The Fellowship of the Ring, a few moments before Gandalf would shout his famous (and most quotable words) YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Kate was so into the moment that when Gandalf fell from the precipice, she shouted with Frodo "GANDALF" and the audience glanced at Kate momentarily. The scene following was the fellowship crying over the loss of a true friend.

Sheldon looked at Kate momentarily as well, although his shock had not completely worn off. Kate had regularly bouts of being involved in movies, but never had he heard one of his own express such...what was it...emotion? As the scene came where Aragorn disbanded and told everyone to 'get over it', Kate compiled her disposition.

"Sorry," Kate said quickly. "I get a little overwhelmed."

"No one blames you," Leonard said, leaning past Sheldon. "I feel the same way!"

Xx

The movie came to a close when the Fellowship segregated into three teams, unintentionally of course. With Merry and Pippin having been kidnapped, and Frodo Baggins and, coincidentally, Samwise, on their different path, it only left Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli to fight their way to saving Pippin and Merry. The movie ended and everyone—literally everyone—stood to their feet and clapped magnanimously. A voice distinctly from the crowd say, "SHOW IT AGAIN!" Some laughed at this.

Kate sat in her seat as the large crowd began to get out of their seats and head for the door. On point, Penny, Stuart, Leonard, and Amy stood as well but seeing Sheldon and Kate continue to sit, Leonard sat behind her and reminded her that movie was over.

"I know," said Kate. "I'm here for my safety."

"Safety?" asked Amy. "Although I do understand the need to maintain one's safety from hazardous places, I don't think there will be anyone pulling a gun in the theater; a sword, perhaps, or a bow and arrow, but not any weaponry assorting those of bullets."

"I don't fear my physical safety," Kate said, though she was laughing. "I'm claustrophobic."

"Ah," said Amy. "An irrational fear that's not uncommon. Being your best friend, would you like me to wait here for you until the crowd reduces in large number, or would you prefer me to continue with my boyfriend while we wait in the lobby for you?"

"No, that's fine. You can go home if you wish," said Kate gently. She glanced over her shoulder to see the pushing people. "At this rate, I might take a good thirty minutes."

Sheldon glanced past her, observing the number of people. To Kate, he said, "Actually it'll take forty-five minutes."

"Here we go," muttered Leonard, glancing agonizingly at Penny.

"This room takes at least fifty occupants; considering the popularity of the movie and the cheap price of tickets per person, we can generally assume that the whole theater was filled. Fifty times the average rate that these poor deluded souls are passing through that door would be at least forty-five minutes."

"Why do you have to do the math?" groaned Penny.

Kate smirked at Sheldon as she said, "Because it's so damn sexy."

Sheldon looked from an annoyed Penny to Kate; her smile was provocative. He double-glanced her then looked at Penny.

"Mathematics is one of my favorite interests, Penny. I thought you would already know that," said Sheldon.

Leonard looked at Penny, saying, "You brought it on yourself."

"I know, I know," Penny muttered, shaking her head.

As the movie goers finally let out, Kate and Sheldon stood and walked out of the theater. The others behind them prayed thankfully to a god—whomever they so believed to exist—and walked to their cars.


	21. The Robotic Immortality

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-One: Robotic Immortality

Author's Note: For those who don't know, I believe that they _are _in the process of making Lord of the Rings in 3D. I don't know for sure if this is legit, but I sure hope so! Naturally, read and review, and as always, when one reviews, I normally reply!

After the movie had ended and everyone was back in their cars, Kate drove Sheldon and herself back ot the apartment. As they entered the apartment, Kate placed the car and apartment keys in the bowl per her routine, went into the kitchen and got herself a can of Diet Coke. Likewise, she handed Sheldon a bottled water, and he thanked her for it. As they sat on the couch, the door opened; Leonard and Penny entered, holding hands. Howard and Bernadette were the next pair to enter, and then it was shortly Amy and Stuart. They were boisterous about the Lord of the Rings movie, and even Amy, who never really shown interest in fantastical or science fiction movies or the generes as a whole, was enthusiastic. She sat beside Kate on the far right of the couch.

Kate looked at Amy.

"So did you enjoy yourselves?" asked Kate.

"For the most part, although I was rather confused. A point of inquiry: At what point does the Fellowship reunite? Surely they have reunion." Amy stated.

"You haven't read the books or watched the 2-D movies?" asked Kate curiously.

"I know of the plot but the details were never spent on me," Amy replied. "You're forgetting that science fiction or movies depicting fantasy play have never interested me, thus I've never taken the time to learn the details." She smiled broadly, saying, "But the plot intrigues me."

Stuart enlightened Amy on the details of the Fellowship, and the details throughout the books, and the distinguishable characters and how they evolved. Amongst them, they agreed that Aragorn and Gandalf were the most interesting of characters, but Kate was beside herself.

"I personally admire Arwen," stated Penny. "She's beautiful."

"Of course she is," Leonard said. "That's why she was given the Evenstar."

"I remember that," Penny noted. She glanced at Kate who was in the kitchen; apparently, she was going to make brownies.

"Hey," said Penny, standing and walking into the kitchen. "Who's your favorite character?"

"Male or female?" asked Kate.

"Doesn't matter," said Penny.

"Legolas," Kate remarked immediately.

"Why?" asked Penny.

"Why?" repeated Kate. She smirked, saying, "First off, it's Orlando Bloom. Second, Legolas is an Elf. Must I say more?"

Sheldon stood and accompanied her in the kitchen while Penny sat in Kate's spot to be next to Amy. The girls talked about the dresses in Lord of the Rings, and the pretty magical things happening. Amy was partial to the kingdom of Rivendell. Leonard liked the Shire; Stuart and Howard had to agree that their favorite character was Frodo. Sheldon sat on the left stool, watching Kate put the brownie mix, butter, and milk in the bowl.

"Kate," said Sheldon softly.

Kate looked at him.

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"Might I invite you in a conversation?" Sheldon asked. "I'm presuming that you can talk and bake simultaneously?"

Kate mixed the ingredients in the bowl and smiled at Sheldon as she set the oven to 360 degrees.

"Sure. Go 'head."

"All right," said Sheldon. "Given the choice of being either a Hobbit, Man, Elf, Dwarf, or a Wizard—in your case, a Hobbit, Woman, She-Elf, She-Dwarf, or a Witch—of the choices provided, which would you choice?"

Kate stopped stirring for a ten second pause, looking at him thoughtfully.

"Hmm...I'd say 'She-Elf'."

"Point of inquiry," said Sheldon. "Why?"

"Immortality, Sheldon," Kate drawled. "Lack of sickness and I get to keep my beautiful face." She indicated her features with a circular motion with her finger and she grinned sweetly at him. "You?"

"I'd choose the same," said Sheldon.

"And why?" Kate replied.

Sheldon clasped his hands slowly, looking at them for a second's thought then looked at her. It was the expression that befuddled Kate long ago when she had kissed him briefly...the same that was unfathomable and lacking definition to whatever emotion it possessed. Kate continued mixing the batter until there were no lumps.

"Like you, I'd choose the race for immortality," Sheldon said. "Light on my feet, invulnerable to sickness and disease or over all fatigue, and exceptional archery. Imagine the skills I'd possess considering I'm exceptional currently with archery; I'd be an excellent marksman. Consider this: I'd not only be the Homo-Novus of this generation but in the Middle-Earth, would I not be considered a god."

Kate shrugged considerably, saying, "One may say you would be." She poured the batter in the pan and then placed it inside the oven. She set the timer then turned to him. "But even Elves can't survive fatal stab wounds; in the third movie, we found that one out when Haldir was stabbed in the back...literally."

Sheldon looked at her pointedly. "That wasn't the basis of my thesis, Kate."

"Really?" asked Kate. "You'd choose Elf kind for immortality. What am I missing from your thesis?"

"My thesis, Kate, is being immortal. What I get from it is another thing completely."

"Good-bye, Kate, Sheldon..." Kate glanced up and saw the Leonard, Penny, Howard, Bernadette, Amy, and Stuart were leaving. Sheldon bid them farewell, and Kate waved and hoped to see them again tomorrow. At that point, Leonard reminded her that tomorrow was Wednesday, Comic book day and Halo night. They left shortly when Kate gave them a mild glare—like she needed reminding. When the door closed, Kate looked at Sheldon.

"What is the other thing you get from it completely?" Kate replied. She turned to watch the dishes—the cups, the bowl in which she had mixed her pancake batter, and the spoon. She turned on the water, added soap to the sponge, and started washing.

She felt Sheldon's hands touch her shoulders, line their fingers along her shoulder blades, then skim down her back to link around the front of her abdomen. The single gesture made her shudder pleasurably, her mind lapsing in the objective of dish-washing. Sheldon's lips touched her ear, and he spoke quietly.

"Kate, immortality is living forever," Sheldon murmured. "Buy into that, and you can do so many things in more than several lifetimes."

Kate slowly continued washing the dishes but her mind was not understanding her activity; it repeated—washing the same bowl, the same bowl, the same bowl, the same bowl...

"Yeah," Kate muttered.

"Unfortunately, I've realized that I don't have that many lifetimes," he said softly. "So everything I should have discovered and understood when I'm three hundred I'm forced to discover and understand by my seventieth birthday."

"Yeah," Kate managed. "It...it is sad." She put the bowl in the tray beside the sink for the dishes to dry. She started on a cup. But the task was monotonous. Sheldon moved his hands from her abdomen to her hips, his fingertips pressed down on her skin as they moved under her shirt. Kate heard him sigh in a way that she'd never heard exhale from him. It was hardly restrained, holding one of fervor.

Kate set the squeaky clean glass in the tray with the squeaky clean bowl. She began washing another cup and the task, just like with the other items, was automatic.

"Then again," Sheldon muttered thoughtfully. "One can pursue the ingenuity of immortality—calculate the years spanning from the average individual and collect the data of 100-year-old elderly men and women, list their anomalies of life, gather these enigmas into one database." Sheldon smiled against her neck and said, "Begin utilizing the surreptitious factors into daily living, make an algorithm of its affects, and with the two of us comparing our adverse affects, we can sustain immortality."

He smiled, saying, "Consider the following, Kate. By interviewing approximately two-hundred men and women who have lived past a century, itemizing their secrets to daily life, we can live more than two hundred years."

Kate felt his hands move along her abdomen underneath her shirt; his fingers made one, slow movement down her rib cage.

"Longer than what can be said about a Windows Vista," Sheldon added.

Kate smiled. Ha, flashback humor. She shrugged her shoulders and said pointedly, "True. But by the time you finished talking or managed talking to two-hundred biddies, they'd eventually croak; they still die. That's not immortality."

"Ah," Sheldon replied, "The only flaw in the ever-clever design."

He touched his hands to her hair, moving it over her right shoulder. He touched the nape of her neck with two fingers and drawled into her left ear, "This is where I'd put your micro chip by the way, if you wanted to become an android."

Kate felt his cool fingertips ever so slightly stroke downwards from the start of her neck and stop between her shoulder blades, over which her clothes became a barrier.

"Wouldn't an android last longer than immortal old-timers?" asked Kate lightly.

"Physically, yes. But the only flaw I've found is when a brain is placed in a self-aware robot, the form of the robot is consistent while the mind, after having been exhausted for centuries eventually wears down. Point to be taken into consideration that in spite of Ra's ability to maintain a physical physique by bathing in the Lazarus Pit, his mind, unlike his body, isn't rejuvenated. He only becomes more insane with every century passing," Sheldon stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

Kate started washing the silverware—the task was auto-pilot. Kate mainly stared at the running water while she become aware that Sheldon was—whether he understood it or not—seducing her.

"Another downfall in making a human into an android is that in spite of their brain activity depleting, the endocrine system, although unaware of its absence, still maintains an importance in the brain." Sheldon touched her lower backside; his lips were on her neck. "When connected with another android, its brain activity would become hyperactive, recognizing an opposite sex; only become more rebellious to its owner when the humanity in its system becomes more and more biologically primitive."

Sheldon kissed the nape of her neck in one motion, but it left Kate feeling hot underneath her clothes. She had finished the dishes but the water continued running. He kissed her flesh again but this time with his tongue. What had gotten into him...?

Kate turned off the water faucets and turned quickly. She pushed her mouth against his, wrapped her arms around his waist and moved him towards her. Kate gasped when he hiked his hands behind her knees and pulled them around his waist and her body up on the sink's edge. Situated carefully upon it, Kate pulled him to her even closer, her fingers grabbing his shirts; she wanted him.

Sheldon touched her thighs, moving from her knees and then her inner thighs. Kate sighed into his mouth, her insides burning.

"Of course if the android did decided to turn on its owner, in this case, it'd be me," Sheldon stated pointedly, "there would be a switch in a designated spot to which one simply flipped and then regain control of its mechanism." Sheldon smiled at her, saying, "In _this _case, Kate, it would be..." (he kissed her throat) "right here."

"Instead of regaining control of a horny android, why not give it the opposite sex?" asked Kate inquisitively.

Sheldon smiled at her, saying, "Wouldn't you think I've already thought of that?"

"I'd figure so, but, tell me anyway." Kate told him. She pushed him from her and was on her feet, but Sheldon took her arm and spun her towards him, so her back was against his chest. Kate looked at him over her shoulder.

"The brain still retains its memory, Kate," said Sheldon logically. "You place the brain in an android and it will still remember its past—events, family member identity, loved ones...sexual relationships."

Kate looked at him, saying, "And why would that pose a problem?"

"In your case, Kitten, even in android form, you would still be attracted to me, your master, in every form." Sheldon stated. "So by giving you what your brain desires is not only illogical, but unethical. If one robot fondles its masters affections, how will he terminate it once it has become indestructible madness?"

Kate smirked, saying, "So you're telling me that if you turned me into a robot, someone else would have had to make me because I'd still hold memory to our sexual encounters. By being my maker and my compatible mate, it'd only doom humanity."

Sheldon nodded, saying, "Surprisingly, Kate, yes. That's what I'm telling you."

Kate smirked, replying, "Would it only benefit humanity if I was destroyed the idiotic majority?"

"True, but because you are a robot, I have no one else to preserve the intellectual minority," Sheldon responded. "Long ago, we compromised that decision to procreate with one another—if you're a robot and I am human, it'd be, not only unethical and wrong, but impractical."

"Also true," Kate responded. "So rather than making an Android Kate and risk my anticipated apocalypse for lacking of having coitus with my master, you'd rather spend hundreds of hours interviewing old people for the secrets of life, possibly living two-hundred more years."

"Either one is predicated on what we do right now," Sheldon told her.

Kate smiled when the brownies dinged ready.

"Does it necessarily have to be making me into an android or talking to old people?" asked Kate curiously.

"Not necessarily; brownies are just as good." Sheldon told her.

"Good," said Kate. She turned in his arms and kissed him lightly on the lips. He returned it automatically. "Now, what I turned you into a robot? Would I have to destroy you?"

"Of course not," Sheldon replied.

"Why not?"

Sheldon touched her cheek and kissed her gently on the mouth, where there was an undertone of passion and sensuality hidden. Kate felt it.

"Because, Kate. By the time I've become a robot, our generation would have become smart enough to make anyone who wants to be a robot into a robot. You and I would be paired robots—and then we'd join the robotic war against humans—ATM machines leading, of course." He kissed her on the cheek and then began to get the brownies out of the oven.


	22. Invasive Eloquence

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-Two: Invasive Eloquence

–

**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews! Always look forward to hearing your thoughts! On to the next chapter!

–

"So when we leave, you all talk about robots," Penny mused.

"Yeah," said Kate.

"And here I thought you all did things," said Penny, smiling at Bernadette and Amy.

"Not physical things technically," Kate replied.

"So things _do _happen," sneered Bernadette. Her voice made a slight higher octave at the 'do' word but otherwise, she remained quite interested.

Amy shook her head and said to Bernadette logically, "Of course they do, Bernadette. Kate isn't the kiss-and-tell type of woman and has no need to dispel her sexual prolictivites to the group. You recollect that the last time she said anything, we practically forced it out of her?"

"Oh right," Bernadette said after a moment's thought.

The girls sat at a bar, for the first time with Kate. Clinking glasses could be heard, loud voices near the television where a popular football game was being watched but steadily getting drunk guys. Some of the sleazy women were parading, finding a reasonably attractive man to delve themselves for a night of shameless fun, until they woke up the next morning with their panties knotted in their purses.

Kate, Amy, Bernadette, and Penny sat around a round table; their legs dangled from their seats, especially Bernadette's. Penny drank a tall glass of orange-auburn liquid; Amy was delving into the spicy taste of whiskey, and Bernadette chose a less alcoholic drink, dirty. Meanwhile, Kate hadn't drunk anything for the exception of a coke with a hint of lime rum. She drank out of a thin straw.

"So," said Penny smoothly. "Come on, Kate. What happened after we left?"

"Not much," Kate replied. "What does it matter?"

"Oh, Kate, Kate, Kate," said Penny, laughing. "You hide it so well, but come on, even Sheldon has to get a little frisky after a date watching Lord of the Rings. I mean, sure, we enjoyed it, but you had a few more giggles out of it."

"I didn't giggle," Kate responded seriously.

Penny glanced at Amy, saying, "You know, when Sheldon isn't here, she does a good impression of him."

"I don't do impressions," Kate returned. She crossed her arms. "And to answer your question, Penny, nothing happened, as I've said before."

"Nothing _physical_?" asked Bernadette. She winked, saying, "After we left, Howie and I took a nap."

Amy gave her a look; she said, "That doesn't sound very sexual."

"Not in the literal terms," said Bernadette. "We had sex."

Amy looked at Kate, saying, "Well that sure sounds sexual."

Kate smiled at her. She turned to Penny.

"Why do you wanna know anyway?" asked Kate.

"I'm curious. On the outside of the box, Sheldon's like this guy that doesn't want to be touched by anyone but you." Penny said. "He has sex and when I go to touch his food, he threatens to give me a strike." To Bernadette, she added, "You think a guy who's 'exchanged bodily fluids' wouldn't care if I took an onion ring."

Kate smiled.

"Err regardless, Penny; my lips are sealed."

Penny sighed heavily, saying, "I don't see why you can't say anything. Just tell me what happened after we left. What do you all talk about when we leave?"

"A lot of things," Kate responded. "Robots, computers, games, work, Batman."

"That's it?" Bernadette asked. "Nothing about how you all feel?"

"Why would I talk about how I feel?" replied Kate obliviously. "He already knows how I feel, and I know he feels in return."

"Which is?" asked Penny.

"Which is what?" returned Kate. "We love each other—we're attracted mentally, physically, sexually, and emotionally. What other feelings can I possibly have that's worth talking about?"

Penny looked at Amy for once, and gave the look. Amy nodded and turned to Kate with a gentle smile.

"Kate, we're curious," she said lightly.

"I can see that." Kate replied.

"Well, we have more curiosity than just about what goes on behind closed doors," Amy stated. "For instance, are you going to get married? Are you going to have a progeny?"

Kate looked at her incredulously, saying loudly, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Penny leaned forward, crossed arms.

"Kate, you and Sheldon are making so much progress. Maybe you should get married when Leonard and I get married."

"No," said Kate.

"Why not?" asked Amy.

"Because," said Kate.

"That's not exactly a reasonable answer," Bernadette told her.

"Sheldon and I aren't ready for that type of commitment," Kate told the three women. "I'm fine with how things are and so is he. If this is all stemming from me not telling what happens in the bedsheets, then you girls are really hitting below the belt."

Amy, Penny, and Bernadette glanced at each other warily. Amy looked at Kate.

"Why are you getting angry?" asked Amy.

"I'm not angry," said Kate.

"Then why are you snapping?" asked Penny pointedly.

Kate looked at them irritably.

"Why am I snapping?" Kate repeated. "Has it ever occurred to you all that I don't share the happy experience of telling stuff about my private life. My sex life is not yours to understand or hear. The fact you all constantly force these matters out of me is mean. And you refuse to stop."

"We're just curious," Penny said defensively. "If you didn't wanna share, you could've said..."

"I did say," Kate returned. "I was hoping you all would take a hint and back the hell off. When I refuse to tell about my sex life, I expect that was hint enough. I shouldn't have to spell it out." She stepped from her chair.

"Okay, okay," said Penny dismissively. "We didn't know you were so serious about it."

"Well, now you do know, now don't you?" asked Kate heatedly.

Penny leaned towards Bernadette, muttering, "I'm the bride; I thought I was the one with emotional issues."

Kate frowned at her. She took her purse from around the chair and placed over her shoulder.

"Where are you going?" asked Amy.

"Leaving," said Kate. "I'm going on the doubt that you three are under the influence of alcohol, which has to be the only excuse for your rude comments. " She turned on her heel and left.

Sheldon sat on the couch, looking at one of his favorite comics he'd gotten from the comic book store. He was on the last page and just finished when the door opened and slammed. Kate had come home, looked—for lack of a better word—pissed. She threw the keys in the bowl and looked at Sheldon irritably.

"Remind me never to go to a bar," Kate said coldly.

Sheldon folded his comic book on the coffee table, sitting on the edge of the couch.

"Why were you at a bar?" asked Sheldon.

"Hanging out with Penny, Amy, and Bernadette." Kate replied angrily. "Bad choice on my behalf."

Sheldon looked at her confusedly, watching Kate drop her purse on the armchair then head into the kitchen for a can of Diet Coke. He stood slowly, taking caution in her demeanor. He stepped into the kitchen, hands clasped back in his back like an acclaimed professor. Kate slammed the refrigerator door closed and sat hard on the stool opposite of his own.

"Kate, I'm confused by your request. Are you asking me to remind that you never should go to a bar, or go to said bar with Penny, Amy, and Bernadette?"

"Either, or," Kate replied. She shook her head and gulped down the can in less than thirty seconds. Sheldon watched her get another can of Diet Coke and drink that one down just as quickly.

"Considering your exploiting your caffeine addiction for emotional compensation, may I ask why?" Sheldon inquired. He sat on the stool across from her, crossing his arms on the table close to him.

"I can't tell if it was the alcohol talking but the three of them together can be very invasive," said Kate indifferently.

"You're going to narrow it down a little more," Sheldon told her. "They interrogate Leonard about our relationship, which is rather invasive on the face."

Kate looked at him, a hint of an epiphany, but nothing ground-breaking. She leaned forward.

"That's about what Amy, Penny, and Bernadette do. Except they ask about our sex life." Kate responded.

Sheldon gazed at Kate observantly.

"Why would that anger you?" Sheldon replied.

"Because it's none of their business," Kate responded coolly. "Why? Do you tell Leonard what we do?"

"Of course not; I agree with your premise that it's none of their business," said Sheldon. "If neither of us feed either party data on what happens when no one else is around and assuming they aren't listening through these paper thin walls," (Sheldon indicated the apartment in general with one hand) "there's no other possible data to collect. One can conclude that they'd eventually tire from their interrogative ways and remain satisfied in the knowledge that, occasionally, we do participate in the frivolity."

Kate watched him with a cool gaze. Sheldon shrugged and added, "I still don't see why it's causing you emotional turbulence."

"If I said 'no' the first time in answer to a sex-related inquiry, would it not have been hinted, stated, and understood that it'd be 'no' the second, third, fourth, and fifth time?" asked Kate.

"Assuming you're going on the hypothesis that you would never change that answer, then yes, it's hinted, stated, and understood," Sheldon told Kate smoothly.

Kate stood and put her cans in the trash can. She sat back in her seat; Sheldon's eyes followed her.

"Every time I have a girls' night, we talk about the same stupid thing over, and over, and over. It's always sex," Kate muttered. "Funnily enough, it's never about the wedding."

Sheldon furrowed his eyebrows, remarking, "Really?" He looked at the refrigerator in thought, muttering, "That's mind-alternating on the face of it."

"Isn't it," Kate replied rhetorically. "I'm under the impression it was the alcohol talking but it's happened several times in the past without beer presenting itself. Amy talks about her thing with Stuart; Penny talks about what happens with Leonard, and Bernadette—god forbidden but still it happens—talks about what she does under the sheets with Wolowitz...and I don't want to know any of that!"

Sheldon smiled at her, replying, "Yet another differential factor setting you and me apart from everyone else. I can't tell you how many stories I've unwillingly heard about Amy and Stuart, Penny and Leonard, and Howard and Bernadette. Personally, when they trade off, I'm involved in my work." He indicated a grease board particularly, saying, "That's what I've done this afternoon while you were out."

"They were here?" asked Kate.

"Unfortunately, so," Sheldon replied sadly. "Kate, I'll console you on the fact that you aren't the only one who gets pressured to talk about our sexual component in this relationship. Currently, I've established that should anyone ask me about that component, I now award strikes. Since then, nothing's happened."

Kate looked at him, smiling.

"It's nice to hear you don't say anything about us," Kate replied. "Granted, I figured in the past times they'd heard us from behind the door, that would have been enough."

Sheldon blushed a small tinge of pink. He said uncomfortably, "Immeasurably so." He tapped the table a few times and looked at her momentarily. "Kate, I'd like to pose a question to you and after you've thought of it for some time, I'd like an answer in return."

"Sure thing," Kate responded gently. She apparently was resolved of her anger, and place one hand over the other. "Fire away."

"You realize that in two weeks it will be Christmas, which I rarely do celebrate, or even Saturnalia."

"Right," said Kate.

"My mother wants us to come over for dinner, and you'd meet my family," Sheldon said slowly. "She wants you to stay for a few days in order to understand our relationship."

"What's to understand?" Kate laughed.

Sheldon gave her a look, saying, "It's her way of saying she wants to meet you in person on a specific holiday so as to keep you comfortable with the tryst rather than coming down to California and meeting you one-on-one." When Kate looked at him weird, he added, "She's under the impression that meeting you at Christmas time will strengthen whatever memories I have of the holiday, by associating it with you."

Kate smiled and said, "So basically she wants me over for the holidays because Christmas is fun, and it's about that time where we meet our mothers?"

"Essentially, yes," said Sheldon with a difficult tone. "Would this interest you?"

"I love Christmas, I love you, and I don't mind meeting the woman that made you, Sheldon," said Kate lightly. "It interests me."

"Oh good," said Sheldon.

Kate smiled at him as he stood to get the home phone and called his mother. Kate smiled widely when he handed the phone to her. She answered it with a 'hello'.

"Hello, dear," said Mary Cooper on the other line. "It's been quite some time since we spoke. How are you?"

Kate could definitely hear the Texan accent.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Cooper."

"Mary."

"Right, sorry. I'm fine, Mary." Kate said. She glanced at Sheldon, who shrugged carelessly. He sat in his spot and continued reading his comic book. Kate sat in the kitchen, opening another Diet Coke.

"I'm so happy you've decided ta come 'n' see me," Mary said. "When I told Sheldon ta tell you, I didn't think you'd say 'yes', but I figured, why not?"

"Yes," said Kate. "I'm more than happy to come over."

"Good, I'd love to meet you. Sheldon's been keepin' me up to date. Now, I don't know much about you so do you have any food allergies?"

"No, why?"

"Well, I'm the mom so I'm cookin Christmas dinner," said Mary, her tone in good humor. "I thought maybe Missy might help cook but she said she was goin' to be here late and whatnot; honestly, I think she's dumb as soup, so what can be more important than spendin' time with the family, but hey."

Kate could hear the annoyance in her voice.

"Missy is Sheldon's twin sister," Kate acknowledged.

"Yes," said Mary. "Apparently, she's decided to make last minute arrangements. I thought it'd be great for all of us to meet you...Anyway, no food allergies?"

"No, Ma'am," said Kate.

"All right, that's wonderful to hear. And you're not anti-religious?"

"No," said Kate. "I'm fencing between plain Agnostic and Christian."

"Christian, it is," Mary said immediately. "Now, what am I to get my Sheldon's girlfriend? Do you like huntin'?"

"No," said Kate. She laughed shortly after and said, "I'm not a big fan."

"What about jewelry?"

"Yes, I am a big fan of that," Kate returned. "Clothing is fine...but really, Mary, you don't have to get me anything."

"Nonsense!" Mary said loudly into the phone. "We're havin' Christmas the way it was meant to be—except without the avarice or the lyin'...Missy makes up for that more than usual. You know every time a person lies for personal gain, we make Jesus cry."

"Yes, that's what Sheldon tells me."

"And he's right too," Mary replied. "Hopefully, things will change and you will get to meet her. And don't be pressured to wear anythin' fancy. This is a Christmas gatherin'-not some cocktail party."

"Thanks for letting me know," said Kate.

"It's great to hear from you. Now, can you put Shelly on the phone?"

"Yes, Ma'am," said Kate. She handed the phone to him; Sheldon took it without acknowledgment, still reading his comic.

"Hello, Mom," said Sheldon—obvious affection in his voice. "Yes, we'll be there...I'm going by train...that very well may be easier but I love trains, and Kate won't mind...we will...okay...all right...love you too...Bye." He hung up and looked at Kate. "Oh, FYI, Kate, we're going to Texas via train."

Kate smiled and said, "BTW, I don't mind."

He sent her an impish smile, which Kate returned.


	23. Sickness and in Health

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-Three: Sickness and In Health

Kate was at work, dressed in printed scrubs of red and green Christmas trees. A week before Christmas, Kate had begun picking up shifts—which meant taking on sixteen hour shifts for four days straight. She was on her third day, and she was exhausted; but her Christmas spirits (increased because this year, she wouldn't be spending it alone) made her incredibly optimistic. She performed her third operation within the past six hours—a poor fifteen year old girl had her appendix rupture and the stitching was just finished when someone knocked on the glass.

Kate glanced up from her work—needle and thread in her hand—and saw that it was Jane, the student intern who'd been an ER tech. Kate recollected her every time she saw Jane on the day where she'd done surgery on a trauma patient and Jane, who'd been inexperienced, assisted in the operation nicely, mainly because Jane followed Kate's instructions to the letter. That had been six months ago; Jane had switched her major of ER trauma to surgery, and was now Kate's assistant. Jane was also the one knocking on the glass. Kate saw her.

Jane held a phone in her hand, which she waved in indication that someone was on the line for her. She held up her scalpel for a nonverbal gesture of saying 'one minute'. Jane nodded and spoke on the phone a few minutes longer as Kate finished up the operation.

She stripped off the yellow gown, mask, and gloves in order then washed her hands. Shortly after, Jane came to Kate's side, handing her the phone.

"Who is it?" asked Kate.

"Some sick guy; he says he needs to talk to you, some medical emergency," Jane said. Jane, who'd been a blonde-haired woman as an intern and dyed it black, making her look like a tan ebony-haired beauty. Since that day where she had to follow Kate's directions, she'd been Kate's helper—in _and _out of surgery.

Kate took the phone, saying, "Dr. Burns here, hello?"

"Kate..."

Kate narrowed her eyes curiously.

"Sheldon?" Kate inquired.

"Kate, I'm sick."

Kate looked at Jane and thanked her wordlessly, then Jane nodded respectfully, heading out of the hospital for her thirty-minute break. Kate sat in the conference room, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder, as she began to fill out the admission paper work for the new patient.

"When I left you were fine," said Kate.

"When you left, I had a cold. Now I'm sick," Sheldon told her. Well, he wasn't faking; he sounded terrible. She heard him sneeze, and mutter something about his sinuses hurting.

"What do you want me to do, Sheldon? I have another procedure in thirty minutes," Kate told him.

At that moment, the phone was transferred and Kate heard Leonard's voice.

"Kate, it's Leonard."

"Hello, Leonard," Kate returned gently. "How—why are you in the apartment?"

"Sheldon banged on our door until we answered," Leonard said unhappily. "And, in case you didn't hear, he's sick."

"Okay," said Kate. "Well, I can't do anything right now; I have a surgery in thirty minutes and it's one that only I can do."

"Are you sure you can't—Sheldon, I _know_ you're sick; hold on!" Leonard snapped. He addressed Kate: "Look, I know you've got stuff to do but Penny and I have a date and Sheldon's being...you know...Sheldon."

Kate sighed, glancing at her watch. She replied, "You're telling me that Sheldon's never been sick alone?"

"No, and frankly, I blame his mother for that." Leonard said. "Sheldon, just go to bed. I'll be there in a minute! Jesus...Kate, can you come here as soon as you can?"

"After my procedure, yes," Kate replied.

"Good, cuz he won't leave us alone."

"You know what," said Kate. "The moment I get finished, I'll come over there, relieve you and Penny of Sheldon, and I'll take care of him."

"Oh thank god, thank you so much," Leonard said with great relief. "You have _no _idea how in debt I am to you."

Kate heard his relief and she sighed warily, saying, "I can only imagine. Look, I have to go. Do I need to pick anything up when I leave?"

"Uh yeah...Soup, grilled cheese, juice—pretty much everything anyone in the entire world eats or drinks when they're sick," said Leonard. "But, you know, odds are whatever you don't get is what he'll want."

"Gotcha, okay, Leonard, thanks for calling," said Kate. "I have a surgery to..."

"One more thing."

"Sure."

"Who was that woman that answered the phone?" asked Leonard.

"Jane. Why?"

"Jane?"

"Yeah, you know that person I had pulled into surgery to help me because no one else listened to what I was saying and it'd have screwed up the surgery if they didn't listen; the same one that joined me when I had go in front of the board to determine if I made an irresponsible decision or a necessary one?" Kate reminded.

"Oh yeah, I remember. The intern."

"Yes, well she became an intern, changed her major from trauma care to surgery; she's my intern now."

"Oh great."

"Why do you ask?" Kate asked.

"Well, Raj initially was on the phone and heard her so now he wants to meet her," said Leonard. "I guess the Kahla person never hit it off well."

Kate nodded, saying, "I guess I can see if she's in a relationship, I don't know for sure. I'll look into it. Like I said, I'll be home as soon as I can, okay?"

"Sure, thank you so much."

"Yeah, okay. Bye."

"Bye, Kate," Leonard said quickly.

Kate hung up. She groaned; not even when she left the hospital did her job end. She stood and began sterilizing for the next operation.

Xx

Kate knocked on the apartment door; it opened with Leonard and Penny standing behind it, looking worn down to the bone. They assisted in helping Kate lug in the three grocery bags of food, wash cloths, and herbs. Penny waited at the door as Leonard updated Kate.

"So you've never had Sheldon get sick on you before, have you?" Leonard asked.

"No," said Kate. "What's up?"

"What's up—well..." Leonard said slowly. "He had a cold, then he had a fever. It's 102 degrees right now and he's in bed..."

Kate heard Sheldon call for Leonard and she looked at he and Penny with a tired smile.

"Um, he's been throwing up, sneezing, blowing his nose, oh, and he wanted soup," said Leonard. He glanced in the bags and pulled out the tomato, saying, "Oh good, you got it. So there ya go." He and Penny ran out of the apartment quickly and closed the door.

"Leonard!" Sheldon called.

Kate went into her bedroom and quickly changed out of her scrubs; she was a short-sleeve pink shirt (batman on the front, of course) and blue jeans. Kate knocked on his door gently, and opened it without invitation.

Sheldon was in bed, pillows under his head elevating his body at an obtuse angle for more oxygen access. There were dark shades under his eyes, his face was pale, but he was also pink. He held a tissue in his hands, in which he sneezed. Kate smiled gently and sat on the side of his bed.

"Hello, honey," Kate cooed. Sheldon looked at her.

"Why did it take you so long to get here?" Sheldon complained. "Penny and Leonard were ignoring me all day!"

Kate touched the back of her hand to his forehead; he was burning up! She cupped his cheek with the same hand and said in a motherly voice, "I'm sorry, honey, I was working. But don't you worry, Kate's here." She leaned over the edge, taking the waste basket, in which he dropped his tissue. She handed him another one.

"You should have gotten here faster when I told you I had a cold," Sheldon stated.

"Mm, well, I have colds too and they always go without treatment," Kate replied.

"You can't treat a cold, Kate; it's viral." Sheldon returned rather coldly.

"You're right, it is," said Kate. As she stood, Sheldon began coughing a fit. "Sheldon, I don't know what Leonard and Penny have been doing but I'm going to take your vitals just so I'm on the up and up."

"Well, at least you're doing _something_." Sheldon said nasally.

Kate gave him a tired look but none the less, she stood and walked into the living room. She opened her suitcase and pulled out her stethoscope, sphygmomanometer, thermometer and pulse-ox. Kate walked back into Sheldon's room. She sat on the bed with one leg hanging off the edge.

"Open your mouth, Sheldon," said Kate gently.

He did so and she placed the thermometer under his tongue. He closed his mouth after she'd done so. Kate took his hand and placed his right index finger into the pulse-ox, reading its pulse and oxygen level.

"hmhmhmm-hmm hmhmm..." Sheldon mumbled.

"Don't talk when you have a thermometer in your mouth," Kate ordered strictly. She looked at him, saying, "Otherwise, the reading will be wrong."

"Hmm-mmmm..."

"I know you know that already," Kate replied. "Now quiet." She looked down at the reading: "Oxygen is ninety-eight. Pulse is eighty-nine." She withdrew the pulse-ox and placed it on the end table.

Kate looked at Sheldon and touched the end of thermometer.

"Open," Kate instructed.

He parted his lips slightly and she withdrew it.

"How do you suppose you became sick anyway?" asked Kate coolly.

Sheldon sneezed into his tissue before saying anything and he looked at her quizzically.

"My immunity levels dropped and I got a cold. Kate, I've told you this three times—achoo!" Sheldon recovered from the sneeze, and added, "But to answer your question, my symptoms appeared three days ago."

Kate looked at him and said, "Three days ago? You mean the same day where you decided you weren't going to ride with me to work and instead, you'd walk in the rain?"

Sheldon gazed at her equivocally, refusing to admit it. Kate and Sheldon had a small disagreement about whether or not the Batmobile (Kate's car, not the fictional car) could look more like the Batmobile if it had a jet. Sheldon said it could. Kate refused to add a jet on her car. And therefore, Sheldon refused to ride to work with her in the car, resulting in what now was the consequence.

Kate didn't make him say that she was right. He didn't have to. The glare on his face was more than obvious. Kate read the thermometer, unaffected by the glare.

"102.0," read Kate. "Well, at least I don't have to take you to the Emergency Room. In order for that to happen, it'd have to be 105, or you'd be dying." She wiped both items down with an alcohol pad and then opened the blood pressure cuff.

Sheldon held out his arm and Kate moved his sleeve upon to his bicep, wrapping the cuff around. Sheldon watched her while sniffling; before placing the stethoscope's base (the part that touched the skin and was always freezing cold) on his warm flesh, Kate held it in her palms for a minute. She then placed it underneath the cuff, put the ear pieces in her ears, and then squeezed the bulb until she began to hear his heart beat.

Kate let out the pressure and looked at him, saying, "Your blood pressure is a little wacky, but nothing to worry about." Kate leaned forward and kissed his forehead, murmuring, "Kate will be back in five minutes."

She left shortly to put her items back in the red cross bag. Soon after she was putting soup in the microwave and she came back to see Sheldon was holding his hands to his temples.

"Headache?" Kate suggested, sitting on the side of his bed again.

"Headache, stomachache, and any other ache that comes to mind," Sheldon complained. He groaned agonizingly. "By far, this the worst sick I've ever been, and when I was a child, I was frequently visited by illness."

"I'm making soup," Kate offered.

"I don't want soup." Sheldon muttered. He leaned over to the opposite side of the bed and handed her Vapo-rub. "Can you rub this on my chest? The Vapo-rub makes my hands smell funny."

Kate smiled and took it from him.

"Sure," she said.

He raised up his shirt. Kate undid the top and dipped her fingers into the gel. She touched the flesh above his sternum, smiling ever so slightly when he flinched. She rubbed in concentric circles; Sheldon sighed pleasantly, relaxed.

"Kate," he said. "Will you sing Soft Kitty to me?"

Kate nodded. He closed his eyes and she sang: "Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little Ball of Fur. Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty, Purr, purr, purr."

Sheldon sighed again. He looked at her.

"Kate."

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"Are you going to leave tomorrow?" asked Sheldon.

"No," said Kate. "I called in."

"But you're not sick," Sheldon protested.

"No, but you are."

"They let you call in for that?"

"No," said Kate. "I told them my grandmother was passing and I had to be off for the next week."

Sheldon stared at her but Kate smiled, saying, "She's not, but they'd never let me call in and reschedule a surgery based on the data provided my boyfriend is sick. That'd never pan out correctly."

"You told a lie?"

"Yeah," said Kate. She capped the Vapo-Rub and said serenely, "I'd lie a hundred times if it means making sure you're okay, honey."

"That's both comforting and, yet, disturbing," Sheldon noted. He lowered his shirt and pulled another tissue from the box, sneezing then blowing his nose again.

"I'm going to check on the soup," said Kate lightly.

Sheldon followed Kate into the living room to eat.

Xx

It was twenty-four hours later and Kate sat on the couch, tired, worn out, and physically drained. She heard Sheldon call for her again and she walked into his bedroom without invitation, not even knocking.

"Can you take my vitals again?" Sheldon asked; he'd slept over sixteen hours, which seemed to speed along his recovery. Kate nodded and she came back into the room five minutes later and took his vitals again.

"Open," Kate said tiredly.

He opened his mouth and she put the thermometer under his tongue. He closed his mouth and watched her curiously.

"You look a little sick too, Kate; I hope I didn't give it to you," Sheldon noted.

Kate took his readings for oxygen and pulse.

"Ninety-nine for oxygen, and ninety for heart rate," read Kate. She looked at him, saying, "I'm not sick, Sheldon. I'm tired." She took the thermometer after two minutes, reading, "Ninety-nine."

"You're always tired."

"I'm always working," Kate reminded. "Especially with these holidays coming up." She took his blood pressure and then looked at him pointedly, "Taking care of you isn't an easy trip either."

Sheldon shrugged, saying, "Well, to compare, it wasn't exactly a trip to a museum caring for you when you were under the flu and had a sprained ankle."

"Touche," Kate mused. "You're healthy again."

She stood, put up her items, and then went to bed after saying, "I'm tired. Good night."

Sheldon looked after her, perplexed, but then went to do his laundry; after all, it was eight-fifteen and Saturday: Laundry night.


	24. PDA Compatibility

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-Four: PDA Compatibility

–

–

It was Date Night and this time, Kate and Sheldon weren't with anyone else. Per the Roommate-Relationship Agreement, it was now Kate's turn to pick the movie. Sheldon of course had gotten his Red Vines from the convenient store and was drinking a Diet Coke; Kate drank Diet Coke, but instead of Red Vines, she was eating Reese's Pieces.

Sheldon watched Kate stand and put in a movie, intentionally hiding the title and its back cover.

"What are you plotting?" Sheldon inquired as she joined him on the couch.

"Don't worry, Sheldon; it's a movie you'll like."

"Oh really," he drawled.

"Yes, _really_," Kate replied emphasizing. She sat in her spot, and tucked her feet underneath her. As the movie started, showing _Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers_, Sheldon uttered a faint sound of amusement. Kate picked up her bag of Reeses and began eating them two at a time. Around her shoulders snaked an arm and then moved her towards the owner. Kate was a bit shocked when Sheldon convened the suggestion of cuddling; without complaining, Kate set down her bag of Reeses and moved her arms around his middle, lying her head on his shoulder. Her feet remained on the other side of the couch.

"Ooh, when did Sheldon want to cuddle?" Kate teased.

Sheldon looked down at her, saying, "Leonard brought something to my attention and I'm acting on it."

Kate looked at him.

"Leonard?"

"Yes." Sheldon said quietly.

"What'd he say?" asked Kate.

"Over all, he said a bunch of a nonsense but after a while, it had me doubting," Sheldon stated. "What I have taken from his thesis is that the reason we don't share our sexual encounters is because we keep our frivolity private."

Kate nodded and said, "All right, so we keep it private. What does that have to do with cuddling?"

"Well," Sheldon said slowly, "According to Leonard, because we don't express ownership of each other, bystanders would think the other is available. As I understand it..."

Kate sat up and paused the movie.

"Leonard thinks he _owns_ Penny?" Kate remarked curtly.

Sheldon looked alarmed and said cautiously, "Would it be safer for me to quote him rather than paraphrase?"

"Yeah," Kate returned.

"Alrighty," Sheldon replied. He cleared his throat, saying, "Leonard said—and I quote—'Penny and I aren't just getting married because we love each other, Sheldon; it's just another way of saying that because we're married, no one can have Penny.' Unquote."

"Why did he even..."

Sheldon leaned towards Kate and said, "The reason the conversation initially came up was that Leonard took a risk in asking me if you've ever exploited our relationship, or, as he puts it 'kiss-and-tell'. I said you and I have an understanding that our relationship basically relies on its privacy sector. Leonard said that because we don't display any public affection, it gives others the pseudohint that we aren't serious."

Kate frowned, saying, "Sheldon, how come marriage came up?"

"That, Kate, is my fault. I asked Leonard if this was the reason he was marrying Penny, to, in a way, disband whatever other possible suitors there still may be for her," said Sheldon. He said as an afterthought, "Personally, I'm not in full disagreement with the idea."

Kate gave him a confused look and said, "Sheldon, you're the one that doesn't like public affection. I do it out of a favor to you."

Sheldon nodded quickly, saying, "And I appreciate it." He sighed, saying, "What Leonard said bothered me."

"What part? The owning Penny bit or Leonard being curious if I talk about my sex life? Because, frankly, both bother me."

"Neither of those bother me," Sheldon said.

"Then what?"

Sheldon licked his lips, the way he always did before he was bringing up something bothersome or anxious. He took the remote from Kate's hand and paused the movie. He looked at her.

"Kate, I'm going to entreat upon you something that's been bothering me for the past week or so," Sheldon told her.

"All right."

"In his own way, Leonard told me that if I don't publicly show those around me that you are my mate and no one else's, another compatible being will make himself available to you, therefore, possibly placing my place with you in jeopardy, which will inevitably become a break-up, and, for all intents and purposes, the ending to our friendship," said Sheldon slowly. "In order to secure what I understand to be a serious relationship, I've consolidated that I should be more willing to sacrifice whatever I can to keep your interest in me."

Kate stared at him for a long time.

"Sheldon," she finally said. "You really have to stop listening to Leonard and Howard's advice when it concerns me."

"Why is that?"

"Because, Sheldon, in no way possible could another man interest me and keep my interest for as long as you have," said Kate. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, saying, "You're so quirky that any other guy would be bore me."

Sheldon returned, "I don't understand."

Kate sighed and turned to him completely, sitting on her knees.

"Sheldon, look. If I cared about all that public affection crap, or having sex with you in public, I wouldn't have even thought about dating you," said Kate. "That's not what I want. And to clarify—cuddling in our apartment isn't a public display of affection; yes, we are in the living room but it's still considered privacy when no one is around. If the gang was here, that would be different."

Sheldon made a small "hmm" of bemusement. He looked at her curiously.

"So you're saying that no man would ever attract you as much as I do?" Sheldon replied.

"That's what I'm saying," said Kate. "And why would they? Even if they got me physically, you'll always be smarter, and let's face it, you've ruined regular smarties for me already."

Sheldon considered it and said sheepishly, "I have, haven't I?"

Kate smiled at him. She kissed him on the lips and he returned it.

"Now, can we watch the rest of this movie?" Kate asked. "When this one comes out on 3-D, I want to be prepared for the arrow shots."

Sheldon enthusiastically played the movie again. But, even after the discussion, Sheldon pulled her to him and they cuddled on the couch. Who cared if it was public or not. It was still cuddling.

Author's Note: That was my 'aww' moment. XD


	25. Bachelor Side Talk

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-Five: Bachelor Party Side-Talk

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Author's Note: Thank you, **Jislane**, **NightBloodWolf, Kriteria**, and my other beloved reviewers. You all are so awesome and I'm so happy so many have followed me to this point of my story! Go Keldon!

As it was always on Monday, the gang went to get Thai food for dinner, instead they'd brought it home to Kate and Sheldon's apartment. Kate naturally divided the food in equal sanctions for each other person—Howard, Raj, Sheldon, Leonard, and Kate. The girls, since Kate's most recent angrily said outburst, had made them avoid her since then—that had been four days ago. However, it seemed that the guys, too, needed a break from the girls. Stuart, of course, was at the comic book store, while Amy was at work; that was his own little break.

Kate sat in her familiar spot beside Sheldon, who grinned when she'd gotten all the orders right; this was her twentieth streak; her streak had been lost when she'd gotten her _own_ order wrong; that was a mishap on her part, but according to him, inexcusable.

Sheldon looked at Kate thoughtfully, then turned to Leonard.

"So, Leonard," said Sheldon conversationally. "Did you finally choose your Best Man or are we supposed to become suddenly and fictitiously psychic to figure out that mystery."

Leonard looked at him suddenly but said with resolve, "Yes, Sheldon. I chose Howard. But why are you even interested?"

Kate smiled at Sheldon—there was that quirkiness.

"I was interested in knowing when you and Penny were going to unite names and become one, considering you've been engaged almost a month and no date has been posted," said Sheldon. He added with a point of his fork, "Considering the importance of the wedding date, I want my invitation sent to me via email _and _post; also, a personal would be just as inviting."

"Why would I send you three wedding invites?" asked Leonard.

"Because without me, the wedding will be boring," Sheldon told him. "You don't realize what I give and take from a party."

"Oh, I bet I do," Leonard muttered under his breath. He quickly turned to Howard, saying, "You're still good to be my Best Man, right, Howard?"

"Naturally," said Howard. "We just have to figure out when your Bachelor party is going to take place."

Kate smirked at him, saying, "Should I evacuate the premises, or can you talk about this without mentioning strippers while I eat my dinner?"

Howard smiled at her saying, "Unless _you_ want to be the stripper."

"I'm not going to strip for you, Howard," said Kate. "Although I'm sure it would be a pleasure emptying your wallet." She looked at Sheldon affectionately, her voice becoming one of a temptress, saying, "You on the other hand..."

Sheldon glanced at her suddenly, slightly creeped out by her promiscuous offer, but yet slightly smiling. Kate chuckled. She stood and went into the refrigerator to get herself another can of Diet Coke. Sheldon noticed this as she sat down.

"Kate, how many cokes have you had today?" Sheldon inquired.

Kate held out her hand and looked at him in return, saying, "Not enough." When he gave her a perplexed gaze, she said plainly, "I'm not jittery, so not enough." He continued staring at her, at which point, she lowered her hand, opened her coke, and said lightly, "I'm kidding, Sheldon."

"Oh!" Sheldon said in sudden realization.

Kate smiled at him again then drank her coke.

"Kate, your caffeine consumption on a daily basis is rather alarming," Sheldon noted. "Aren't you worried about being under caffeine intoxication? The constant jittery feeling, the anxiety, the constant need to urinate—that sounds like a big price to pay, considering this is all you drink." He glanced at the nutritional panel of her can.

"Sheldon, my consumption is fine," Kate said. "Don't worry about me."

"Well, according to Penny," said Leonard lightly, "we should."

" 'According to Penny'?" repeated Kate nonchalantly. She turned her gaze to Leonard. "If she's mentioning the day I snapped at her, Amy, and Bernadette in a bar, then, Leonard, believe me, it's _not _me you have to worry yourself about. It's the secrecy you keep with your blushing bride-to-be." Kate suddenly stood and left the room. Sheldon looked after her, heard the bathroom door close; Kate had to urinate—no doubt due to the caffeine intoxication that had already started taking its due.

Leonard, Howard, and Raj looked after her.

"What's the matter with her?" Raj asked.

"PMS?" offered Howard.

"No," said Sheldon. "She doesn't mense in the middle of the month."

Leonard, Howard, and Raj looked at him suddenly, all three rather disturbed.

"I marked her cycle down in a private calendar," said Sheldon. "When I'm gone and you all enter these sectors while she's on her cycle, you will be the ones caught off guard. Meanwhile, I'll be spending my time at work, _not _getting my head bit off, while she becomes increasingly irritable." He added with a tone of reconsideration, "Although, Kate's consumption of Diet Coke has definitely increased, one of which could be a sign of pre- menstruating."

Leonard looked at Sheldon, suddenly with knowing.

"You didn't tell her about what I said about..."

"If you're referring to the conversation about public displays of affection, then yes, Leonard, I did," said Sheldon.

"Ugh," Leonard groaned, and Howard sighed in dismay. Leonard complained soon after, "Sheldon, why do you tell her everything?"

"Because, Leonard, we have no secrets," said Sheldon. "In spite of your consistent prodding into my private life and what coincides during, Kate and I reside strongly on a strong silence. The situation regarding Kate and Penny, as I understand it, is that Penny, Bernadette, and Amy are doing the same to Kate as you three have been doing to me. Rather than my solution of drawing strikes, Kate's resolved to immediate anger, which I must deal with when you all leave."

Sheldon stood to get himself a bottled water, adding while pointing to Leonard, "By the way, Leonard, talking about your sex life is not only derogatory towards Penny, who trusts that you keep your end on the down low, but it's also disgusting. No one wants to hear about what you two do in an elevator, and neither does Kate."

Leonard looked after him, following him into the kitchen.

"Penny, Amy, and Bernadette talk about that?" Leonard asked incredulously.

"Apparently so," confirmed Sheldon unhappily. "And it isn't any better coming from them, according to Kate."

"So you pretty much just spilled everything on Anything-Can-Happen Thursday," said Howard as Sheldon sat in his spot.

"I didn't _spill _anything; to put the matter on its face, gentlemen, no one conceded that it was a secret," Sheldon stated. "Therefore, I have no fault in whatever trouble you entreat. You're the gossiping girls, not me."

"That's what men _do_!" Howard snapped. "We talk about our old ladies and what we do with them in our beds. It's just how guys are. You don't go blabbing to your girlfriend about it, even if you aren't the one doing the talking."

Sheldon held his hands up in surrender but said in nonchalance, "Dully noted for the future."

"Doesn't help us right now," said Leonard.

"Relax," said Raj. "You have nothing to worry about."

Howard and Leonard looked at him.

"What are you talking about?" asked Leonard ."We have _plenty _to worry about!"

"Not necessarily," said Rajesh. He stood. "You two may be ignorant about women talking, but trust me, they know we talk. It's why they do. We talk about them, they talk about us. It's an ongoing cycle; what bugs _me _is that I have no one to talk about; plus, who started the cylce? Did we talk about sex, then they did? Or did we hear it from them and we recycled our masculinity by talking about it in our point of view?"

Leonard, Howard, and Sheldon stared at him.

"You may be right," noted Leonard. "Maybe they already know that we talk so we really don't have anything to worry about."

"Don't be so sure," Rajesh said quietly. "Amy, Bernadette, and Penny may not care whether people ask you two about your sex life but, as we clearly can see, Kate is bothered by us trying to get Sheldon to talk." He shrugged, saying, "And can we really blame her? I never recollected her to be one to talk about sexual intercourse anyway."

Rajesh sat down and indicated Sheldon, "And with this guy, none the less!"

Howard and Leonard broke smiles and Sheldon gave the three of them glances of confusion and curiosity. He stayed quiet though as Kate came into the room. She was no less angry when she arrived than when she left.

"I'll be honest with you, Leonard," said Kate in a cold but calm voice. "I don't care that Penny, Bernadette and Amy talk about their sex lives to me. Frankly, I don't give a shit. But when they are asking about it to me constantly, it's invasive and harassing."

"Kate..." began Leonard.

"Shut up, Leonard. I'm not done," Kate snapped.

"Sorry," Leonard muttered.

"What bugs me, what really, really pisses me off is that you all try to interrogate Sheldon when you know he's a man that doesn't like to kiss and tell," Kate stated. "And _you_," (She turned her anger towards Leonard specifically) "What the _hell _gives you the right to tell him that if he doesn't hold my hand in public or kiss me in front of you all that I'll leave him? Who _died _and made youDate Doctor, huh?"

Leonard stared at her incredulously; her anger was incredible.

"Well, I, uh, er, I, see, well, I..." Leonard stuttered.

"It's not a question!" Kate snapped coldly. "It's rhetorical!"

Howard looked at Kate, saying, "We won't ask again, Kate. It's not like we thought it would upset you this much."

Raj leaned into Howard's ear briefly. Howard glanced at him, saying quickly, "Yeah, I think it came early too."

Kate narrowed her eyes.

"Kate," said Sheldon. "A word."

He stood and walked into the kitchen. Kate followed him, glaring back at the three. The three of them were looking down at their food, shamefully, and silent.

"Kate," said Sheldon, turning around, "Did you start early in your menstrual cycle and this is the reason for your incurring sub-psychotic rage, or are you genuinely riled by Leonard and Wolowitz' secret coming to the open, because to be honest, I've just learned that both sexes kiss-and-tell, and we're the minority who keep things private between us."

Kate looked at him.

"I'm not angry."

Sheldon looked at her pointedly. Kate held her hands out, palms up, and they shook.

"I might have had too much caffeine," she muttered.

"Mm-hmm, I suspected," Sheldon replied. He placed his hands under hers, touching his palms to the back of her hands. "Kate, are you under a stressful predicament due to the fact that not only will Penny and Leonard be married but you will also be at my mother's for Christmas, and under said events, you have become anxious and easily excitable?"

Kate bit her lip, murmuring, "I suppose that could be it."

"Caffeine doesn't help," Sheldon chastised.

"No, it doesn't," Kate agreed. Sheldon gestured his eyes to the group.

Kate went into the living room and looked at all of them. She addressed Leonard first, saying, "I'm sorry I've snapped at you Leonard and cursed. I was under extreme anxiety and I was easily angered." She looked at Howard and Rajesh, adding, "I'm sorry for snapping at you as well. Please accept my apology for I'm under duress and couldn't restrain my fit of rage."

"Sure," said Howard.

"Oh yeah," said Leonard, "you're forgiven."

Raj nodded three times. The rest of the dinner was over all awkward.

Xx

Sheldon and Kate finished the night, playing Co-Op in _Call of Duty:_ _Black Ops_. Although Kate was a natural shot, her caffeine addiction had made her aim rather shaky, and Sheldon noticed this was hindering them from getting past Round 4.

"Kate, you may have to conceded that you have an addiction problem," Sheldon noted as their characters ran from the upstairs balcony to the two doorways on the first floor, rebuilding the barriers.

"I long ago accepted it, but I figure it's better than being a drunk or slowly dying from the rotting lung cancer of smoking," said Kate smoothly. She yelped when a zombie had snuck behind her but Sheldon's Player 1 had stood beside her and shot its head off.

"Thanks for that," Kate breathed.

Sheldon glanced at her, saying, "You're welcome." He paused the game and looked at her. "Kate, are you really that worried about meeting my mother?"

"No," said Kate.

"Oh, come on, Kate; even _I _know that sounded lame," Sheldon told her. "Why are you worried about meeting my mom? She's not abusive, and for the most part, she's a reasonable woman."

"I don't know, Sheldon. She's your mother," Kate remarked.

"That's nothing new to me," Sheldon reminded.

"Sheldon, that would be like you meeting my mother."

"I won't; for the very fact that she refuses to have any other contact with you besides an occasional email or going on Facebook with the creepy resemblance of a stalker," Sheldon noted.

"What did you feel when you were going to meet Amy's mother?" countered Kate.

"Well, initially, I was panicked as this was the first step in a pseudo-relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler but then I learned that Amy was playing a facade." Sheldon recollected. He looked at Kate, returning, "What's your point?"

"That panicky feeling you had initially is what I'm starting to feel," said Kate. She placed her controller on the table. "It's not Leonard, Howard, or Penny. It's not my caffeine addiction." She bit her lip again, and Sheldon gazed at her with concern.

"Do you not _want _to meet my mother and you just feel obligated?" asked Sheldon. "By all means, Kate, there is nothing in our contract that states anything about being obligated to meet one's mother; for all past indication, personally, I never thought we'd have gotten to this point of a relationship."

Kate smiled, saying, "That's sweet, but no, Sheldon. I don't _not _want to meet your mom."

"That's an incredibly erroneous syntax, Kate," said Sheldon. He glanced at the TV screen, replying, "Am I to assume that our night of game-playing has finished?"

"The game-playing," said Kate. "Yes, I suppose." She frowned, saying, "I can't play GTA4 without my emotions getting involved of my driving and it's quite obvious my aim-and-shoot part of my brain has depleted considerably."

Sheldon shrugged carelessly, turning off the Xbox 360 and wrapping the controllers in their wired companies. After doing so, he sat on the arm of the couch, looking at her. Kate turned her head to look at him in return.

Their long gaze was contemplative. Kate stood as though in a daze. She kissed him briefly on the lips and he returned it.

"I'm going to bed," Kate murmured. "Good night, Sheldon."

"Have a good REM sleep, Kate. You're in need of it," said Sheldon.

She smiled simply at him and then left for her bedroom. Sheldon looked after her. He shook his head and said in an undertone, "What has that vixen done to me."

Xx


	26. Karma-Based Wedding Dates

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-Six: Karma-Based Wedding Dates

As Sheldon awoke on Monday morning, he was astounded to see that Kate was up, but not in scrubs. She wore a black shirt with green colored hem, and a knee-length black skirt. Sheldon found this peculiar; he never paid attention to Kate's clothing but this one intrigued him the most. As always, Kate served him: she placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of him, a cup of 2 percent milk in a coffee mug and smiled cheerfully at him.

She turned on her heel happily, humming something along the hymns of Christmas, then sat with a bottle of Diet Coke—caffeine free. Sheldon watched her with caution...something was off.

"Kate."

"Yes, M'dear?" Kate replied, sitting just as happily in front of him with her bottle of coke...caffeine free.

"Are you asymptomatic?" Sheldon asked.

She chuckled, "What?"

"Do you have a tendency to become ill and yet have no symptoms regarding the illness?" asked Sheldon. He took the spoon she offered him and she sat down once again.

"Currently, no," Kate returned. She opened the cap of her coke and drank half of it. "Why?"

"You're acting awfully cheerful this morning and yet I see you're drinking caffeine-_free _Diet Coke." Sheldon stated. "Also, you're not wearing scrubs. Are you not going to work today?"

"No," said Kate. "I'm on vacation."

"When did this start?" Sheldon asked.

"Today," Kate replied. "It ends on the second week of January. So until then: I'm all yours."

"You're still going to take me to work, correct?" Sheldon stated.

"As always, you are." Kate returned. She took another drink of her diet coke. "Christmas naturally makes me happy but considering I'm going to spend the holidays with my friends, boyfriend, and his mother, I figure there's nothing in this world that can make me happier." She paused, saying, "Then again, I've been wrong before!" At this, she jumped from her seat and skipped merrily to the bathroom.

Sheldon shook his head, and ate his oatmeal. That woman was sometimes a mystery to him.

It was even stranger being in the car with Kate; she was humming to herself as she drove down the streets. California had cool weather but not so cold that you wanted to move and make your home inside a volcano; one could still walk on the beach and be happy—at least it never snowed. Kate and Sheldon were on the way to work.

"Say I'm Bat Girl," Kate began conversationally. "If I told you I was Bat Girl, would you believe me?"

Sheldon looked at her curiously but was interested in her question. As was he always when they talked about DC comics or robots, or computers, or work, or...well, any conversation with Kate seemed worth having.

"And I'm not talking about in Gotham City that there is a current Bat Girl. Pretend Barbara Gordon didn't exist, and there was a Bat Girl in Pasadena," Kate hypothesized. She glanced at him with a mischievous grin, saying, "Would you believe me if I said I was Bat Girl?"

"Not likely," Sheldon said.

"Defend," Kate returned.

"Well, considering you that you lack the flexibility of a martial arts master and you don't know Bruce Wayne, I can verify for a fact you aren't Bat Girl," said Sheldon.

"Have you gone through my closet?" Kate inquired.

"No," Sheldon said immediately.

"Then you don't know for sure that I am or am not Bat Girl; I can have a costume in there for all you know and it only points me as the ally for Batman," said Kate.

"That wouldn't prove anything," scoffed Sheldon.

"Why not?"

"Anyone can have a costume of Bat Girl," said Sheldon.

"True," said Kate. "But I know how to drive the Batmobile."

"This isn't _the _Batmobile, Kate; it's a vehicle resembling it," Sheldon corrected. "If you ever get under that delusion again, you may want to consider selling it, although I would be the unhappiest person on this planet if you did."

"So I'm not Bat Girl," Kate surmised. She parked at work. She looked at him. "Would you believe me if I said I was Catwoman?"

"Hardly," said Sheldon. "Once again, you lack flexibility."

"Have you ever seen me at my most flexible, Sheldon?" asked Kate smoothly.

Sheldon thought momentarily as they got out of the car. Kate stood beside him and smirked.

"I've proven my point," Kate stated.

"That's not to say you are Catwoman," Sheldon insisted. "Your name isn't Selina Kyle, and you don't have an obsession with any typical or assorted felines. No extraordinary strength, and I've never witnessed you to professionally crack a whip."

Kate smiled, shrugging. They walked into Cal-Tech. Kate recollected that she hadn't been in this building in almost three months. It hadn't changed one bit. She walked backwards, looking at Sheldon.

"So we've concluded I'm neither Catwoman nor Bat Girl. But," said Kate; she did a back flip spontaneously and landed on her feet. "What if I'm Harley Quinn?"

"More doubtful than the other two aliases," Sheldon told her. "Although, I do admit that your backflip was impressive, albeit hazardous to those who were almost hit." He gestured behind her and Kate turned to see that Leonard and Howard were staring at her.

"Hello!" Kate piped.

"Hello," Leonard and Howard replied.

"Hello," Sheldon greeted.

"Hello," Leonard and Howard said again.

"Hello," said Kate again, though she put her hand up for the consistent greetings to stop. The men, likewise, were relieved.

"What are you doing here?" asked Leonard.

"It's a pleasure to see you as well, Dr. Hodfstader," said Kate sweetly.

Leonard looked from her confusedly to Sheldon, saying quietly, "Did you...you know...do something before you came here?"

"I do what I normally do: I wake up at 6:15, eat breakfast at eight, empty my bowels at 8:20, and come to work," Sheldon recited. He gave Leonard an odd look, saying, "What else would I do?"

Leonard shook his head quickly, and looked at Kate, saying, "You're awfully...peppy. Aren't you supposed to be at work; it's Monday."

"I know it's Monday," Kate said.

"I'd hope so," Sheldon returned. He beamed at Leonard, saying, "She made me oatmeal."

"Right," Howard said slowly. He looked at Kate. "So what _are_ you doing?"

"_I'm_ on vacation," Kate replied.

"When did that start?" asked Howard.

"That's uncanny," Kate replied. "Sheldon asked the same. It starts today, and I don't go back until the first week of January...or the second week. You know what, it's all blurry right now." She smiled widely, saying, "It's the holiday spirit, I guess."

Leonard looked from Kate to Sheldon immediately, stating obviously, "But you don't celebrate Christmas."

"This year, I do apparently," Sheldon replied. He shrugged carelessly, saying, "My mother wants to meet Kate and she happens to want to do this on Christmas; between her and myself, I'm making this my settlement where instead of going to church once a year, this will be counted." He smiled in spite of himself.

Leonard looked at Kate inquisitively. "You're meeting Mrs. Cooper?"

"Yes," said Kate dreamily. "It's beautiful, isn't it? I can't wait!"

Howard and Leonard exchanged looks as Kate walked on, looking at the board of many pamphlets. Howard leaned towards Sheldon, muttering, "You didn't do anything dirty before you came here? Did you slip anything in her drink?"

"Of course not," Sheldon said. "I told you. I woke up at 6:15, ate breakfast at 8..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," hushed Leonard, "We know your morning routine. Why isn't Kate all nervous and crap like she was the other day?"

"Apparently, I've become Boyfriend material," Sheldon stated proudly. "Whatever I said to her the other day seems to have made her relaxed."

Howard and Leonard looked at Kate curiously, as she hummed a soft tune of 'Hark, hear the bells'.

"So, she's just..._happy_?" Howard asked.

"I don't see what is so enigmatic," Sheldon stated. "Yes, I understand her humming is a little new and somewhat overbearing but aside, she's acting presumptuously normal as always."

"She's humming Christmas carols and now...well, I guess she's skipping down the hall," said Leonard. The three scientists watched Kate skip down the hall, around the corner. They then heard her squeak happily. She ran back out and began pointing down the hall, saying excitedly, "Look, they have a Christmas tree down here!"

She disappeared down the hall.

"All right, I can see what's so enigmatic about her," Sheldon admitted. He walked to his office, which used to Rothman's but after much exasperation of competing with Kripke, he'd made a few adjustments to become used to the office. Two greaseboards were empty, per his preference so as to get to work on a different problem rather than fussing over the previous since his last day at work.

With the door closed, he sat in his chair and sighed pleasantly. A few minutes gathered his thoughts; he was aware of Kate's ambiguously optimistic attitude. Although she was relatively easy-going, Sheldon surmised that her overly enthusiastic perception was due to the holidays; known to him, and the only other person being Amy, this was the first holiday in a long stretch of them that she was to spend with others rather than herself. It was the only other reason—besides his mother's strong interference—that Sheldon bothered to have Christmas this year at all.

Sheldon sat back in his chair, rolling left to right thoughtfully. The silence was maddening—the thoughts remained constant. It was the first time in a long time that he was actually by himself. While Kate served to be exceptional companionship, he still valued his solitude.

He only became interrupted of his reverie when a knocked happened on the front of his door.

"Come!" Sheldon called.

The door opened and Kate smiled with her entry, closing the door shortly after she'd stepped inside.

"I was wondering if you'd be accompanying me, or you'd be admiring other trees," Sheldon mused aloud. He stood and uncapped an Expo marker, standing in front of a grease board. Kate took this opportunity to sit in his chair, her right leg crossed over her left knee.

"Mm, I like Christmas trees," Kate noted. "Although they're extremely hard to bring up and then take down. I never bothered to get one; it's just pleasing to the eye."

Sheldon made an utterance to acknowledge her comment as he began writing down equations, its sub-equations and other mathematical things. Kate watched him, admiring the symbols.

"Sheldon, have I ever told you that you remind me of one of this geniuses from _Beautiful Mind_?" Kate inquired.

Sheldon glanced at her, saying, "I recollect Penny telling me this but if you want to indulge upon the likeness, I invite you to do so." He returned his focus to the board and continued to graph his neutrinos.

"Not only are you intelligent," Kate flattered, "You're also very awkward. It's amazing you don't succumb to delusions of grandeur or impractical hallucinations like those of schizoids; but then they become all paranoid, think they're deciphering some messages in newspapers. On one side, you think it's absolutely brilliant, like 'oh wow, important stuff' but really, after thinking about it, the papers aren't coded. Russel Crowe just thinks they are."

Sheldon looked at her, slightly annoyed, saying, "Kate, you're awfully chatty this morning."

"I'm inexplicably delirious," Kate teased. She was spinning in his chair. "Consider this, Dr. Cooper." She stood and staggered to him; he caught her awkwardly, and she straightened, smiling widely at him.

"I'll consider an alternative," Sheldon noted. "You're obviously overwhelmed by a holiday spirit and if the deity is listening, I prefer the normal Kate to return because I have no idea whom this woman is." He gestured to her and turned his board.

"Ba-hum-bug," said Kate in a low voice. She giggled. Sheldon gave her a half-glare, to which she replied, "Oh, brighten up, Batman. You need some cheering up yourself." She kissed him quickly on the cheek, and hopped to the door. "I'm going to get some ice cream; they're having chocolate and vanilla downstairs for some person's employee of the month party. Want any?"

"No," said Sheldon monotonously. His attention was back on the grease board, his attention maintained. Kate rolled her eyes as though he was a hopeless cause and she closed the door with a click.

Twenty minutes later, there was another knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Sheldon called.

"It's Kate!"

"Come in," Sheldon said.

She opened the door, looking less hyper but all the more grinning like a Cheshire cat. She had two bowls in her hand and a spoon in each. Sheldon gave her a curious glance but turned his eyes to the board instead, intent on solving the problem.

"I have my ice cream," sang Kate. She sat the second bowl on his desk. "They're also having pudding downstairs; I brought you chocolate."

Sheldon turned to her completely, arms crossed thoughtfully.

"Kate, are you going to be this boisterous and disruptive every holiday because if so, I'd like a warning first," said Sheldon.

Kate shrugged, saying, "Condescending you may be, Snicker doodle, but I'm prepared to take whatever sarcastic, intolerable, belligerent tone you may offer, because frankly, I'm in a damn good mood." She offered the second bowl, saying, "Pudding?"

Sheldon gave her a look.

"Kate," he said slowly, taking the bowl in reluctance. "Are you acting this way for attention out of some sense of fallacious neglect or am I under the wrong impression? If so, do enlighten me."

Kate smiled widely again; her grin become one similar to Joker's when he is incessantly pleased—not the evil pleased, but the good kind of pleased.

"Did it ever occur to you, Sheldon, that I'm on my caffeine for a reason? It calms me down, believe it or not, and you cut me off," said Kate. "When I have no caffeine, I'm hyper. Call me crazy but it's my sedative."

"If that's what it takes, I'd rather you be under its influence," Sheldon told her. He set the bowl of pudding on his desk then reached behind, took out his wallet, and handed her a dollar. "Purchase for yourself a coke, coffee—whatever it takes to calm you down."

Kate smiled at him again and took his dollar. She left shortly and came back with a Diet Pepsi, its contents half-drained but Kate was more subtle and calm as she entered a third time. Sheldon sat in his rolling chair, elbows on his desk as his hands were clasped under his chin; he was currently staring at the math problem he'd devised.

"Sheldon," greeted Kate lightly.

"Hello, Kate," Sheldon greeted; he acknowledged but his eyes didn't leave the board. "Have you calmed down since our last encounter?"

"Tame as a kitten," Kate remarked. She stood beside him, looking at the board, although her concentration wasn't solving the problem but figuring out what all those symbols, numbers, lines, curves, and Greek symbols meant and how they managed to make a reunion on the board. Kate ate her Vanilla ice cream and then threw it in the garbage can provided.

"Sheldon."

"Yes?" Sheldon said softly. His attention...still on the board. Damn, that man could keep concentration.

"Has Leonard told you the date of the wedding?"

"I've not recently checked my email," Sheldon stated. "Why?"

"Penny told me it's going to be on New Year's Day, January 1st."

"I know what day New Year's Day is, Kate."

"Do you see the problem?" asked Kate lightly.

"I see _a _problem, and currently, it's a problem I'm trying to unmask," Sheldon said. "The answer is hidden but I will find it." He narrowed his eyes at the board.

"I'm not talking about the board." Kate stated. "Penny said the wedding is going to be..."

"I heard you, Kate. However, you've not stated a premise therefore I can't counter it," said Sheldon coolly. Kate sighed.

"All right. Here's my premise: They shouldn't get married on a holiday because should a divorce occur, the holiday will be void as bad luck."

Sheldon scoffed, saying, "Only if one believes in such hokum."

"You may think it's _hokum_, but Penny doesn't."

"Penny thinks a lot of things, and most of what she thinks is wrong," Sheldon told Kate. He stood and walked to the board, erasing a few numbers, then replacing it with different ones. One wasn't even a number, but a letter.

He returned to his seat, glancing at Kate then at the board yet again.

"Why would it end in divorce anyway?" asked Sheldon. "If one can observe Penny and Leonard's past to-and-fro tango, my only speculation is that Leonard would do what he'd done in the past that had initially negated his relationship with Penny; that was to propose matrimony. However, he has already done so. Retreating to that logic, there's little to no viable data to confirm your premise; ergo, Kate, your consistent anxiety over a wedding is unnecessary and time consuming."

Sheldon looked up at her.

"However, in spite of your anxiety, you must have gotten enough REM sleep to clear the bags from under your eyes," Sheldon noted.

Kate looked at him with a cool stare. He returned it, although slightly confused, but went to looking at his board again.

"Well, Sheldon, I must say, you don't worry about really anything, do you?"

Sheldon shrugged, saying, "I wouldn't deny it. Unless my immediate universe is predicated upon the anxiety of my girlfriend. In that case, I have the whole cosmos to mull over, don't I?" He looked at her. "Why would I worry about anything at this certain point in time?" He then looked back at the board, muttering something under his breath—mathematical related as Kate couldn't understand a thing he said.

"My meeting your mother doesn't worry you?"

"Why should it?" asked Sheldon distractedly. "My mother has already given consent for our relationship, not to mention a foreseeable blessing of marriage and pregnancy." He looked at Kate suddenly. "You aren't pregnant, are you?"

"No," said Kate, taken aback. "We've used protection."

Sheldon nodded his head but relayed, "That's true, but you're not holding you end of contraceptives; so technically, we're only doing our part fifty percent of the way, or at least I am. You meet me on the second half, and we've nailed it."

Kate rolled her eyes, saying, "I'm not using birth control."

"Why not?" Sheldon returned; on his part, it was more inquisitive than dismayed or annoyed.

"Because I've read it can cause cancer."

"Kate, everything when used incorrectly can lead to cancer," said Sheldon. "The adage 'you can have too much of a good thing' isn't inaccurate. Its accuracy has been proven emphatically several times in the past. Consider the following: overuse of stimulant drugs, alcohol, caffeine, sex..."

"You're telling me that too much sex is bad?" Kate returned skeptically.

"If one doesn't hydrate, it leads to dehydration and ultimately death, so yes, Kate, it is bad," Sheldon told her. He turned from the board and looked at her. "You can be so naive at times."

"That's why I have you to educate me, hmm?" Kate replied.

Sheldon offered no answer; to be honest, he didn't know if that was sarcasm, rhetorical or an honest question. Kate took his bowl of pudding and offered it to him a third time. Sheldon shook his head.

"I'm working, Kate. Food is to be consumed on a break," said Sheldon lightly.

"Then take a break," replied Kate.

"I can't take a break; I'm _working_," Sheldon responded.

"Then I'll eat it." Kate returned.

"Go ahead, there's more pudding from where that came," Sheldon replied. He turned his eyes from her to the board...yet again. Kate ate the pudding in four bites then put in the garbage can provided. She watched him with slight amusement. He touched his hand to his neck for a second then continued muttering to himself.

Clearly, his concentration never suffered when he was being observed. Kate strolled behind him though he touched his neck again, indicative that it was stiff. Sheldon glimpsed her presence for a second then, like before, his focus turned back to the board of difficult equations.

"Sheldon," said Kate gently. "Have you ever considered that maybe, when you come to work, you push yourself too hard?"

"I don't push myself hard enough," Sheldon corrected. "And you continue to be a distraction."

"A good one, I bet," she teased. She touched her hands to his neck. He flinched, bending his head back to look up at her.

"What are you doing?" he questioned.

"I'm going to give you a neck massage," Kate said. "Peachy?"

"_Peachy_?" repeated Sheldon. `

"Another way of saying 'is that okay?'"

"Why didn't you just say _that_?" asked Sheldon.

"Because I'm just unique like that, now go back to work and look at your complicated board," Kate instructed.

He made a scathing noise but did as he was told. Kate moved her hands to his neck again and at her touch, he flinched again, but this time, he said nothing. She lined her thumbs over the nape of neck and added pressure, enough to localize the beginnings of a crick in the neck. Kate squeezed the muscle then after a few minutes of this, she lowered her hands to his shoulders and began administering a circular pressure. Sheldon uttered a significant moan of relief, which made Kate's heart leap.

Kate added pressure along his shoulder blades, slightly digging her thumbs and she heard him mumble, "oh, dear lord..." Kate smiled in spite of herself. Kate continued her ministrations for the next five to ten minutes, occasionally, she'd heard him moan softly. Each time made her insides burn.

Her mind fell into the gutter when it echoed in a naughty tone: _There you go; standing in Dr. Cooper's office giving him a neck massage, ooh la la_.

Kate retrieved her mind set when Sheldon turned his chair. She stepped back and smiled when he took her waist and moved her towards him; she incidentally sat on his lap, her legs on either side of his waist. In turn, one of his hands moved in her locks of hair and pushed her lips to his, the kiss being immediately intense and passionate. Kate pushed against his chest and she pulled back.

"What's gotten into you?" Kate whispered.

"Holiday spirit," Sheldon offered.

"Yeah, right." Kate returned. "What makes you think you can manipulate me into doing things to your convenience and not my own?"

"Officium meum, praeceptaque" Sheldon spoke.

Kate gave him a look, and he said, "That's Latin for 'My office, my rules'."

"You know Latin?"

"I've learned Latin since I was in the fifth grade," Sheldon returned sheepishly. "What I don't understand about you is that you can read, write, speak and understand Elvish and Klingon and yet you're a stranger to Latin. I expected more."

"You expected more?" responded Kate. "What other girl do you know speaks Elvish and Klingon?"

"At this moment, none come to mind." Sheldon responded.

"Is that because you've never met one or is it because you don't want to bend to the fact that I'm right?"

Sheldon held up his head, looking at her with an arrogant expression, saying smoothly, "I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

"Then don't," Kate told him. She kissed him on the lips, long and slow. Then she pulled back and hopped off him. "I'll see you soon."

"Where are you going?" Sheldon inquired. He turned his rolling chair, watching her.

"I'm going Christmas shopping."

"Why?" asked Sheldon.

"Because I'm a very generous person during the holidays," Kate replied vaguely. "Plus, Amy and I were going to have a girls' night out and since bar hopping isn't my cup of tea, I figure Christmas shopping at the mall would be a little more my speed. I play to my advantages."

"Kate, hold on."

Kate held the doorknob of Sheldon's office door but turned slowly around to see he was walking towards her. She gave him a reproachful gaze.

"What is it now?" asked Kate.

"I want you to tell me what you want for Christmas," Sheldon told her.

"You what?"

"Did I stutter?" asked Sheldon.

"No."

"Are you suddenly deaf?"

"Clearly not."

"Then," said Sheldon, crossing his arms, "I don't know why you were unable to hear me the first time. You know I don't like repeating myself."

"At least not to me, right? And you know you like it," Kate teased.

Sheldon gave her a look and Kate rolled her eyes.

"Why don't you just surprise me?" asked Kate.

"I don't like giving nor receiving surprises. Also, I dislike buying presents for people. Although I understand our relationship status, the giving and receiving of items is predicated on the value and sentimental value of the gift. Two years ago, Penny gave me a Christmas present and in order for me to return the value of the gift assuredly, I purchased several differently valued gift baskets." Sheldon told Kate.

"I know," she returned. "Penny gave you a Leonard Nimoy napkin and you gave her ten baskets; also, you hugged her." She smirked, adding, "One of your ever so rare Sheldon hugs."

"Yes," Sheldon uttered, slightly annoyed.

"So rather than surprising me with a Christmas present which coming from you I would no more or less value your gift to the highest degree, you'd rather me make a list of what I want and call you Kris Kringle?" Kate responded smoothly.

Sheldon gave her another scolding look, replying, "I'd prefer you call me 'Dr. Sheldon Cooper'. I was neither born at the North Pole; to prove a further point, I exist."

Kate stepped towards him and kissed his cheek.

"It's always nice talking to you, Lovey." Kate walked out of the office. Sheldon watched after her. He never did get her Christmas list.

Author's Note: Sorry for the long delayed update. I'm so happy this story has been picking up with a lot of people! Thank you all for the references to your friends! This is becoming so huge! :D


	27. The Griffin Training Production

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Griffin Training Production

–

It was 5 days exactly before Christmas day. Kate was with the girls on their day out, at the mall most likely. It was the fifth time Kate went out during Halo night, which meant guys' night. Sheldon sat in his spot, preparing for the great night of Halo; as he did, Leonard was on the phone with Penny, discussing whether or not they should have the wedding on New Year's Day. The debate of where to have the wedding was finally landed at a church in Nebraska. The situation had become uncertain immediately when Leonard hung up, for Sheldon reminded him that he and Kate were going to leave for Texas, via train.

"So?" Leonard questioned as he got off the phone with Penny. He went from the refrigerator, getting Sheldon, Raj, and Howard bottled waters. Stuart was at the comic book store, of course. Leonard sat in the armchair, looking at Sheldon pointedly. "Why would that change anything?"

"Are you having the wedding on New Years' Day?" asked Sheldon.

"Yeah," said Leonard. "She wants to have it in Nebraska so her dad doesn't have to come all the way over here."

"So we'll have to go there?" asked Rajesh solemnly.

"Yeah," said Leonard.

Howard leaned forward, smiling at Leonard, saying, "Don't worry; I've got your back. I'm your best man, after all."

"I know, Howard." Leonard said. "You've reminded me every day since." He turned to Sheldon. "You're going to your mom's for Christmas. I don't know what's the big deal."

"It's not a big deal," Sheldon replied. "I've not told you our game plan, and I find that rude."

Leonard sighed and said, "Fine. What's your game plan?"

Sheldon stood and from the hallway, he brought out a simulator hologram which was basically a large board with touchscreen. There was the calendar of December, and the labels that followed. On it, Sheldon explained that he and Kate were packing on the 23rd to leave on Christmas Eve for a twenty-hour train ride to Texas, where they'd meet Mary Cooper at the station; from there, they'd go to her house, spend five days, which would lead to the 30th. On that day, Kate and Sheldon would leave from there and take a train to Nebraska, another twenty-hour ride, and they'd make it there on the night of the 31st of December. The next day was the wedding. Then after the wedding, they'd come home.

Normally, Leonard and the other guys were bored at his simulations but since it was about Penny and Leonard's wedding, they were attentive, to Sheldon's satisfaction. As the presentation ended, Leonard looked at Sheldon curiously.

"So remind me again, how's that a big deal and why would that affect my wedding?"

Sheldon stared at him, saying, "How would that affect your wedding? I'm going to be on two different trains for twenty hours; if that's not a big deal, what is?" He smiled widely. He then added, "Kate voted for flying but she shares my love of trains."

"No," said Howard. "She loves you so therefore she'll conceded to ride trains, even if it means to ride on it for a whole day." He looked at Leonard, muttering, "Does Kate know what she's getting into?"

Leonard shook his head. Raj looked at Sheldon.

"So are you nervous about Kate meeting your family?"

"Of course not, why would I be?" Sheldon replied. He opened his bottled water and before he took a drink, he added, "It's funny. Kate proposed the same question."

Leonard rolled his eyes and looked at Raj, saying, "So are you and Jane going to be at the wedding?"

"No," said Raj. "Jane doesn't like weddings."

"Why not?"

"Got me," Raj returned. "I never bothered to ask; it's like taboo for her." He smiled.

"Who's Jane?" asked Howard.

"The girl that Kate's interning these days," said Leonard. "Apparently working with Kate is a pleasure."

"I would expect so," Sheldon intervened. He sighed.

"What's with the sad face?" Rajesh asked Sheldon.

"It's intriguing," Sheldon noted. "Do you realize that the only thing that would make us more compatible is if Kate was a particle theoretical physicist?"

"Come to think of it," said Howard. "You may be onto something. But, thank god, she's not."

"Why not?" asked Sheldon.

"Because we'd have a female Sheldon," Howard told him.

"That's not true," said Sheldon.

"Yeah," agreed Raj. Then he added, "She's so much more fun than Sheldon."

Leonard and Howard giggled at this but Sheldon threw him a scolding gaze, to which Rajesh simply joined in the laughter at his own joke. Halo night resumed.

Xx

Kate was at Amy's house with Penny and Bernadette. They'd fooled the guys thinking they were going to go shopping but in reality, the girls took this time to wrap their sweethearts' Christmas presents. While they glided scissors over decorative wrapping paper, spun ribbon and smacked bows to tags reading 'To' and 'From', the girls talked merrily. Kate had already wrapped her presents and served the busied bunnies carrot cake, white icing on the surface, each on separate plates.

Amy took a bite of her cake and said, "Mmm, this is delicious. Kate, I must say you have a substantiate gift to which I can only envy and relish with happiness and guilty pleasure."

"Thank you, Amy," said Kate. She sat on her couch, watching the girls below gift wrap presents. "Penny."

"Yeah?" asked Penny, who was fighting with the tape dispenser. "Come on, you damn thing, give me my tape!"

Bernadette took the tape dispensor, fixing it, and handed it back to the blushing bride-to-be. Penny thanked her happily and went a long taping.

With mischief clear in her tone, Penny snickered, "This is gift wrapping the Nebraskan way! See if Leonard can open that! Ha!"

"Are you plotting revenge?" inquired Amy. "One can only rip through so much tape. He may never open it to glimpse the leather jacket concealed cleverly in a box that's indicated to contain a lamp."

"Nah, he can get through it because he knows it's from me," Penny assumed. She looked at Kate. "Did you ask me something?"

"Not yet, but I was getting there," Kate replied. "It's about your wedding."

"Oh, okay. Shoot!" Penny returned. She had bought Howard a video of 'How To Get Your Wife In The Mood' video, knowing he'd watch it with the utmost concentration and focus. Kate leaned forward, elbows on knees, hands clasped together.

"Penny, aren't you worried that your wedding may be inevitably doomed while marrying on New Years Day?"

"What," laughed Penny. She looked up at Kate inquisitively. "Why would it be? It's a holiday."

"My point," Kate returned. "What if you and Leonard break up again? Every New Years' will be a bad beginning. It's bad luck."

"I thought you don't believe in that," said Bernadette, looking up at her.

"No. I do. Sheldon doesn't." Kate said.

"But you never argue the point," Amy said coolly. "Therefore, I assumed you, too, didn't believe it."

"I believe in good and bad luck," Kate responded. "However, it's not important enough for me to argue about it with Sheldon, get him into a temper tantrum, and then regret it the next day. It's too much trouble."

"Knuckle under, right?" Penny stated.

"No," said Kate. "I choose to drop little arguments. Anyway, that was my only inquisition. Other than that, I hope you two have a lovely wedding. I look forward to wearing a red dress." She smiled and looked at Amy.

"Can't believe we're going to Nebraska," mused Bernadette. She looked at Penny. "Are you going to give a grand tour of your childhood home?"

"I guess I can," Penny stated. "I don't see why not." She finished the last present and turned to Kate. "Are you nervous about meeting Sheldon's mother?"

"No."

"Good; you shouldn't be." Penny returned sweetly. "She's cool."

"I figured as much," Kate assumed. "I wouldn't be spending five days over there if I didn't think that."

"Five days?" said Amy and Penny.

"Yeah; Mary wants to get to know me and apparently, Missy's found a way to stay since she's going to be meeting me as well," said Kate lightly. "I don't know much about Sheldon's sister but hopefully, all works out."

"Why five days?" asked Penny. "You're not missing my wedding, are you?"

"Of course not." Kate said. "I'm staying until the thirtieth, I'm leaving with Sheldon and we'll be Nebraska by the thirty-first. Your wedding is on the first of January so we'll spend the night, have your wedding then come home. I already have the tickets."

"That's quick," said Penny.

"I like to be prepared," Kate returned.

"I can't believe they're having your wedding on New Years' Day," said Bernadette enthusiastically. "I thought that would be hard considering it's a holiday."

"That's silly," Penny said, laughing. "Churches love doing this stuff."

"Penny, it's not the Church that does the weddings; it's the people in them," Amy pointed out. "If Churches could talk, imagine the secrets that'd pour out? We'd all be screwed."

"No doubt," Penny agreed. She looked at Kate. "What are you getting Sheldon for Christmas?"

Kate grinned widely.

"A vial of a Lion's DNA and eagle eggs," answered Kate.

"Why the combination?" asked Amy. "Those seem less than arbrituary for a Christmas gift, although I'm sure the eggs could be scrambled, although if raw, they may not be as well cooked. One can risk malignant diseases if consumed; I'd advise Ostrich eggs. They're bigger."

"No, Amy. I'm not cooking them," Kate responded.

"Then why lion's DNA and eagles' eggs?" asked Bernadette.

"Sheldon said he wanted a griffin when he was younger but his parents said 'no', but Miss had swimming lessons when she wanted them. I figured this would be just as great, even if he's a lot older," Kate said sweetly.

"That's ridiculous," Amy told her seriously. "Griffins are imaginary."

"Perhaps so, but given the chance to produce one, it's plausible and if one does produce, it'll have Sheldon to thank." Kate responded. "Plus, I don't mind having a Griffin for a pet; it can send my letters _and _fend off intruders; no one can say 'no' to that."

The girls looked at Kate weirdly but she didn't seem affected by it.


	28. Quarrelsome Maternal Logic

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Quarrelsome Maternal Logic

Author's Note: Long time since I've updated, but hopefully I'll be forgiven! :D

As planned, Kate and Sheldon were packing on December 22nd; tomorrow was the long twenty-hour ride to Texas, which in Kate's opinion, might as well have been 24 hours. Kate had already packed her bags—one big suitcase. She'd packed a week's worth of clothes, and she'd brought her laptop to read online medical journals while she was on the train, although she bet that Sheldon would keep her more than occupied. Preparation was never a bad thing in any case.

Sheldon was placing his clothing items in the computer, labeling them. According to Leonard, he did this the last time they went on a train in order to scan his clothing parcels and be sure that everything was in order and accounted for. Also, it took him three hours. It was five o'clock, Tuesday, and because it was so, Kate had gone to the Cheesecake factory and brought him back a BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger—bacon and barbeque on the side—so as to not completely ruin his routine.

Sheldon came out of his room where he'd been for the past two hours and thanked her properly for his dinner. Naturally, she responded with "you're welcome, Sheldon". As for herself, she had chosen rather to Pizza Hut and bought a personal pan pizza, and a large Diet Coke.

"Are you almost finished with your logging?" Kate asked conversationally, sitting across from him at the kitchen table.

He shook his head, saying, "It'll take another hour."

"Exactly?"

Sheldon looked at her curiously, saying slowly, "Yes...exactly sixty minutes."

"Ah..." Kate uttered. She chewed thoughtfully then sighed. "Sheldon, may I ask you a question?"

"Considering your inquiries rarely stem from unbearably vague questions like those of Penny's, I'd invite you to do so," Sheldon replied—although he seemed to speak more to his cheese burger than Kate.

"Is your sister stupid?" asked Kate curiously.

The question didn't exactly catch Sheldon off guard but it did make him cease to eat any more of his burger. He placed it back down on his plate, looking at her—indeed, taken aback.

"Not that I'm hesitant in returning an answer, but I have to ask as preliminary—why do you ask that?" asked Sheldon.

"If she's an apple that fell way off the tree, the liklihood of she and I bonding is very small," Kate told him bluntly. "However, if she remotely spawns some intellect, there can be hope."

Sheldon cleared his throat and said quietly, "I don't understand your premise."

"All right," Kate returned. She shifted her legs so one now crossed the opposite. "It's customary for a girlfriend to bond with her boyfriend's sister or brother. Considering that Missy is a woman and I am, too, a woman, it'd be easy for us to bond considering we understand our genetic make-up and the problems that coincide stereotypically. But, say, she is as naïve and ignorant as Penny—the magnetism between us would be less likely to happen than if she were, hypothetically, a likeness of Amy."

Sheldon's mind seemed to click to the socialization for his mouth parted slightly with knowing, and he straightened in his seat.

"Ah, now I understand. In order to commit yourself further into my family you're attempting to understand my siblings and my mother," Sheldon said. He smiled briefly, saying, "The adage 'when you marry, you marry the family as well' makes much more sense to me."

"Right. So you see my problem." Kate returned hopefully.

"Actually, I said I understand your premise; the dilemma remains irrelevant."

"How do you mean?"

Sheldon sighed exasperatedly—he always expected Kate to catch on but there were times where she seemed to distal to his telepathy that he seldom wondered if Kate was so compatible to him as he knew her to be. However, he didn't expect Kate to understand him completely. So he divulged.

"Kate, you're attempting to become closer to me by simultaneously relating with those that have known me for years," Sheldon summarized. "In doing this, you're not only attempting to befriend my contemptuous twin sister, who made my childhood a living hell. And although my mom seems to have taken a liking to your personality, you're not to be obligated to understand her either."

Kate rolled her eyes, replying, "So you're basically telling me that the answer to my question is not only meaningless but I shouldn't get to know your family?"

Sheldon nodded, returning, "You're a smart woman, Kate; I knew you'd eventually see it my way."

"I don't see it your way; I understand what you're saying, but not the same way you feel." Kate replied.

Sheldon looked at her confusedly.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Sheldon replied nonchalantly, not sorry at all. "However, I stand by what I said."

"And I stand by what I've just said," Kate responded, annoyed. "Given the chance, you wouldn't want to get to know my mother, would you?"

"Not a chance," Sheldon stated. He saw Kate's livid expression and he quickly added, "Although I wouldn't pass up the moment to meet her either." He recovered after seeing her cold gaze, and said instead, "Look, Kate. I'm only interested in knowing you. Whether your family, however cold and distant they may be, is interested in understanding my persona is of no dilemma to me."

"But you don't care if I don't get to know your mom or your sister?"

"That's not what I said," Sheldon replied quickly.

"Oh really? 'Although my mom seems to have taken a liking to your personality, you're not obligated to understand her either' isn't telling me you don't care if I relate to her or not?"

Sheldon gazed at Kate irritably.

"Excuse me, but I believe I've missed the original conflict." Sheldon said slowly. "Are you annoyed by my impassive interest of the relationship you're intending towards my matriarch or vexed by the inevitable infarction you'll gain from attempting communication with my sister?"

Kate frowned deeply.

"I'm pissed because you don't care if your family likes me or likewise!" she snapped.

Sheldon stared at her incredulously. With a soft voice, he replied, "Kate, even if I could control the brain activity that goes on in my mother's head and the inherent lack of activity that systemically occurs in my sister's, I would be without any thought manipulation in making them like you." He added apathetically, "_ 'Likewise'_."

"That last was uncalled for—mockery is rude."

"I must say your profanity was as well," Sheldon returned coolly. He resumed eating his BBQ burger; however, Kate was not completely over her irritation. She frowned at him, made a frustrating scathing noise, and left to the bathroom, possibly to take a shower.

Sheldon was a little worried when Kate didn't come out of the bathroom for an hour. He had finished his labeling and logging. Glancing at his wrist watch, he stood in front of the bathroom door, wondering if he was safe to knock on the door, to check on her.

He knocked three times, each repeating after "Kate."

She answered at the last, "What." Definitely, even though the word enticed inquiry, this answer was not a question.

"You've been in there for almost an hour," Sheldon told her. He glanced at his watch again and said, "Strike that. It's now exactly an hour."

"I'm relaxing."

"In the bathroom?" Sheldon remarked.

"I'm taking a bath."

"If you stay there any longer, you'll get pruny."

"I've not been in here for an hour, I've been in the bathroom for an hour," Kate replied, her voice muffled by the barrier of the door. "Your assumption is that I've been in the water for sixty minutes, when it's only been five."

"What did you do for the other fifty-five?" asked Sheldon.

"Do you really want to know?" Kate remarked coldly.

Sheldon winced at her response. Nothing immediately came to his mind but he resisted the thoughts; a vehement Kate was nothing to reminisce about.

"Kate, are you angry?" Sheldon asked.

"Anger isn't an emotion; it's a combination. I'm frustrated, annoyed, and inexplicably pissed."

"So you're angry," Sheldon summarized.

"Yes, Sheldon! I'm angry!" Kate snapped furiously. "God, do I have spell out everything to you!"

Sheldon sighed quietly.

"Kate, I despise talking through the door but simultaneously, I'm unsure about the social protocol."

"If talking through the door is that bad for you, you can either come in or stop talking."

"There is a third option," Sheldon suggested.

"I'm not getting out of this tub."

Sheldon nodded once, saying, "All right. Then I'll come in."

"Just be advised, I'm taking a bath with no clothes on."

"Why would you be clothed?" asked Sheldon.

"I don't know," Kate responded—her own curiosity at the inquiry surfaced slightly, softening her angry tones to ones of subtelty. Sheldon opened the door slowly and saw that Kate was, indeed, in the tub with no clothes on. Thankfully, for his sake, the bubbles covered the flawless flesh along her collar bone. With the minor exception of her arms on the sides of the tub, her neck and face, and her knees bent so they surfaced from the bubbles, her body was covered in the water and white foam.

Sheldon stood beside the sink, arms crossed. He looked at her.

"I just want you to know that I think this entire situation is predicated on nonsense," Sheldon stated.

"And I'll have you know that it doesn't matter what you think," Kate said.

"Is there a point to your fervent debate?" Sheldon replied cautiously. "Or is this the similar quarrelsome matters that I hear Leonard and Penny maintain when the matter is not about bought and paid for shoes, which onlookers assume it to be, but the underlying situation is negligent behavior and passive communication."

Kate stared at him from the tub and said, "How the hell do you get Penny and Leonard's underlying substantiate tones but you miss mine completely?"

"So there_ is _a connection," Sheldon said in his 'ah-ha!' tones.

"Yes, Sheldon. There _is _a connection." Kate replied curtly. "So why don't you make it."

Sheldon scoffed arrogantly, returning haughtily, "I believe I already have and you were the one that missed it."

Kate frowned again, saying, "I got your connection, Sheldon. I made it. You got it. Now you say it."

"Apparently, you weren't listening the first time," Sheldon returned coolly. "I already have."

"Now you're just repeating yourself," Kate muttered. She rolled her eyes and looked away from him.

"Kate, why are you so intent on things so complicated?" Sheldon inquired. "So you want to bond with my mother and sister; I never said I forbade it."

"Well, you're not interested in it either."

"Of course I'm not. I already know my sister and mother," Sheldon told her.

"That's not the point."

"It's not?"

"No!" Kate voiced emphatically. She sighed tiredly, shaking her head. "My god, it's like I have to spell out everything to you when it concerns human interactions."

"I can't help it, Kate. I was made to be logical and practical; human interactions are neither," Sheldon returned. "Besides, you knew of my social ineptitude, given our nonverbal interactions on the computer via Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace. I'd have presumed that despite our ability to communicate rather well—excluding this situation and a few others in the past—I still lack the understanding of underlying social conventions."

Sheldon saw that Kate was either forming a headache or she was attempting to keep back whatever belligerent response she restrained; her fingers were on her temples and her eyes shut with much force. She turned to look at him.

"Sheldon, look...I'm not angry with you, okay?"

"I'd say differently; your tones of the past hour and intentional avoidance is pointing to the only conclusion that you _are _angry with me," Sheldon said. "The query I find cast into the shadows is that why are you so inclined to relate to my mother?"

"Because I don't have one," Kate returned.

"That's not true; your biological matriarch resides in an rural area in Washington, which by the way is currently undergoing some massive rain fall," Sheldon noted. He placed his hands behind his back and said additionally, "Come to think of it, I believe we must rethink our packing residuals; after all, Nebraska is by no means in any comparison to California's weather. It'll be definitely inclement where we'll be residing for Penny and Leonard's wedding."

Kate gazed at him. A small smile reached her lips but not her eyes. Sheldon saw this and he quietly apologized for the small diversion. He sat on the side of the tub, looking at her.

"Sheldon, it's psychological."

"Oh, good grief," Sheldon returned. "It's always psychological when it concerns you females. Why not base this on a logical stimulus, Kate?"

"Which is what?" asked Kate.

"You're attempting to bond with my mother, find a mutual ground of companionship and interlaced compassion and equalized empathy to substitute whatever negligence and distance was placed between you and your maternal guardian," Sheldon stated. "That's the psychological inference. Logic would dictate that if you preferred a maternal presence in your life, you'd communicate with your mother."

"My mom is dead to me," Kate replied coldly.

"All right," said Sheldon quickly. "Then bond with my mom."

"You're against it though."

"Oh, Kate, Kate, Kate," Sheldon sighed tiredly. "I never said I was against it. I didn't forbid you at all. By all means, gain my mother's trust and favor. She already likes you more than Missy."

"Really?" said Kate lightly.

"Yes," said Sheldon. He beamed, saying, "She told me that even if my sister didn't show to the Christmas dinner, she'd still consider it relatively enjoyable, considering you'd be joining us. It happened that Missy would be joining, and this neither negates nor improves the dinner; her presence isn't exactly alternating the equilibrium of what Mom considers this to be a future special Christmas."

Kate smiled.

"Well, I'm glad we solved that one," said Kate.

"I'm glad too. Now, can you please get out of this tub? You're starting to prune." Sheldon noted her hands.

"All right." Kate said.

Sheldon stood and walked out of the bathroom. Kate dried off and then put on her clothes. Naturally, she and Sheldon went back to the log and redid their clothing attire for Texas and Nebraskan weather.


	29. The California-Texas Expedition

Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-Nine: The California-Texas Expedition

-Authors' Note: Happy Thanksgiving (or rather, Happy Turkey Day) my fellow peeps! Please read and review this story, like the other chapters, and have a wonderful holiday!-

Kate was up early as usual, making breakfast at six o'clock. She wore her Batman pajamas however, too tired to get dressed so early. She still needed to shower, but it could wait after she'd had daily dose of energy. It was Wednesday, and she was making French toast for breakfast. Along with toast, she had also poured Sheldon a glass of two-percent milk, and as she placed the plates in their proper spots to be consumed, she got herself a can of Diet Pepsi Max (Diet Pepsi but with an extra boost of Caffeine).

She heard Sheldon's alarm go off at six-fifteen and as he came out into the hallway, he beamed to see the French toast and milk ready for him.

"Good morning, Kate," he greeted, sitting on the stool. Kate sat across from him, drinking her can of coke.

"Good morning, Sheldon," she returned, like any day.

Sheldon noted her pajamas and said slowly, "You're not in your day clothes; are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine, Sheldon," Kate responded sweetly. "I'm just tired. I didn't feel like getting into my clothes this morning. Not until I take a shower anyway." She rubbed her eyes, feeling the morning fatigue that was getting out of bed, knowing you were going to have a very long day.

Kate had mapped out the agenda for today; the train left California to Texas at nine o'clock sharp, and they'd arrive in Texas around five o'clock the next morning. The thought of it was already causing her physical exhaustion.

Sheldon took a bite of his French toast and said happily, "Yummy yum, yum!"

Kate smiled. This trip wasn't going to be this bad.

**Xx**

Sheldon and Kate were going over their logs (for the second time in the morning), making sure they had everything, that every item was read, marked, adhered to, and accounted for. Sheldon held the clipboard and with a pencil was marking off the item and as he called the name, Kate responded 'got it'. This went on even as the door opened with Penny and Leonard stepping into the living room. They watched as Kate and Sheldon continued uninterrupted.

"Blue argyle socks, pair 1," Sheldon called.

"Got it." Kate returned.

"Blue argyle socks, pair 2," said Sheldon.

"Got it," Kate responded yet again. She sat in the armchair, leaned over two suitcases—hers and Sheldon's. They were only on his, and this had taken so far an hour. Mainly because he preferred to cite the specifically labeled rather than the general question: "Do I have all my socks, one, two, three, yep, they're there!" Now he was doing this.

Sheldon sat next to Kate, on the arm of the armchair. Kate looked at him for a moment, smiling slightly then as he called the next item on the list, she returned swiftly to the subject at hand and replied, "Got it!"

"Guys," said Leonard slowly as he sat in Kate's initial spot on the couch, "how long have you all been doing this?"

"An hour," Kate responded.

"How much longer will you all take?" asked Penny.

"That depends," said Sheldon. "It'll take three hours and also the amount of time needed to end this less than pointless conversation." He touched Kate with the eraser end of his pencil and said business-like, "Enough chitchat; we continue." He listed off more items and Kate returned with her appropriate response of "got it".

Leonard and Penny glanced at each other with weird looks. It seemed that Kate never ceased to amaze them with her own quirky nature: dealing with Sheldon's antics as though they were own. Either of them would have killed Sheldon but Kate seemed to enjoy herself. Maybe that was because she, herself, liked organization and accounting, but Penny wasn't completely blinded when Kate glance at Sheldon with a gaze with which she was most familiar. It was obvious: with Sheldon's take-charge attitude of counting everything, it was making Kate considerably...'happy'.

Twenty minutes passed and Kate and Sheldon continued their bout of naming and recalling. Leonard took Sheldon's clipboard after a moment and said, "So we can assume you two have gone through this list several hundred times last night and you're going to end up with everything you need. Why don't you just cut to chase and say you have everything?"

Kate stood, looking at Leonard.

"I think he's right, Sheldon. I mean, after all, we've done this four times. Twice last night, and again earlier this morning.

Penny's eyes widened, glancing at Sheldon with amazement, saying, "You all did this _again _like around midnight?"

Kate smiled and said to Penny calmly, "He was experiencing insomnia because he was sure things weren't accounted for."

"And," Sheldon continued, taking his clipboard from Leonard, "I still believe they aren't." He turned to Kate, saying, "We have to be sure we have everything. Before one knows it, the moment they've boarded the train, immediately they realize as it leaves the station they've left something behind."

"You mean like your flash drive?" questioned Penny. She smirked at Kate, who had stared obliviously, saying, "A few years ago, they went to see this George Smoot guy and he left his flash drive with his paper or something like that."

Sheldon frowned, turning to Kate. "It was an important paper and it was brilliant. He needed to read it."

Kate smiled, saying, "Did he?"

"Yes," said Sheldon as though this was obvious.

"What'd he say?"

Leonard snickered, leaning forward towards Kate, saying, "He thought he was high." At this, Penny joined in with the laughter, leaving Sheldon looking formidably grumpy.

"I still think it's brilliant," Sheldon insisted. He turned to Kate. "Are you sure with a 200 percent guarantee that we have everything?"

"Of course," said Kate. "You have nothing to worry about." She clicked her tongue and then turned to the engaged couple, asking if they wanted anything to eat.

"Actually, that's what we came over for," stated Penny. "We were going to go eat."

"I'd rather not," Kate replied lightly.

"Why?" asked Leonard.

Penny and Leonard sat on the couch, sharing one cushion on the far right. Sheldon sat in his spot, and Kate accomodated in between.

"Well, part of the reason I don't like taking a train is that I have a little fear of being trapped."

"Claustrophobia?" suggested Leonard.

"Of course," Kate returned.

"Of course," repeated Leonard, although it sounded more like an imitation than an absolution. Kate merely gave him a cool look and he apologetically smiled.

"Anyway," continued Kate. "I'm not dissing trains by any means. I like trains. But it's the idea of being trapped in one for twenty hours...like in a cage, you know."

"Right, like being under house arrest," said Penny, although she said it too easily, like she was familiar with it. Because of this, Leonard and Kate gazed at her curiously but Penny recovered with, "It wasn't me, it was my brother."

Leonard's eyes widened. He replied, "I'm going to marry into a family that's been in all kinds of trouble, aren't I?"

"Yep!" Penny exclaimed, clapping him on the back. "Good job!" She chuckled then said to Kate, "Well, you can always take a break in between. Don't they stop places?"

"Yeah," said Kate. "I guess. But I'll be fine."

"Doubt it," Leonard said. "With that one aboard, everyone'll be driven crazy." He indicated Sheldon. "We spent 11 hours on the train and it was just a _delightful_ trip." He smiled ironically.

"Well," Penny sympathized, "you can always text me."

"True," Kate considered. She felt a hand along the back of her neck, and she shuddered. She turned to see Sheldon and he looked at her with relief.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"The tag of your shirt was poking out and it was driving me crazy," Sheldon responded softly. However, he didn't put his hand down; his fingers lingered along the nape of her neck. Kate felt suddenly very flushed, but her nerves remained calm...although she couldn't deny that her heart had begun racing madly. She bit her lip and turned back to Leonard and Penny.

"So no food, right?" said Penny. Penny was smirking. Apparently, Kate's hormones were no different than any other girl when her man touched her. At least Kate was not a robot.

"No," conceded Kate. "I'd rather not."

"Then you might want to find another way to get rid of those nerves," Penny hinted. She winked at her and then stood. "Come on, Dr. Hodfstater; I have to get rid of this pre-marital nerves too." She took Leonard's hand and happily walked out of the apartment. Leonard followed shortly, grinning with absolute happiness as well.

Kate turned to look at Sheldon.

"You did that on purpose," said Kate quietly; she felt hot around the collar, under her shirt...in her pants.

"Did what?" Sheldon replied nonchalantly. However, Kate wasn't blind. Nor was he able to deceive her so easily. There was the slightest mischief in his voice—the feigning lack of knowledge, as though he didn't know what he could do to her. Subtlety was futile when Kate and Sheldon were alone.

"You know very well _what_," Kate remarked coolly.

Sheldon smiled at her shortly, stood, and walked into the bathroom to get ready; it was eight o'clock already and the train left at nine sharp. Even as he left, Kate could still feel the touch of his fingers along the top of her shoulder blades, near her neck...god, what he could do to her. Kate bit her lip again, what the hell...

She stood and smiled mischievously. Two could play that game.

She stood in front of the bathroom door, listening. She knocked briefly. The door opened and the moment his tall frame became apparent, Kate pushed through the door and kissed him hard on the lips. He staggered back; the surprise wore off and soon, Sheldon pulled back.

"What in the world are you doing?" Sheldon demanded, staring at her incredulously.

Kate saw that he was wearing nothing but his briefs. She smirked—and let him see it.

"Don't you even dare to think that you can get by so easily, Dr. Cooper," Kate renounced smoothly. "I practically invented cat and mouse."

Sheldon rolled his eyes, saying, "I'm not so sure I get your meaning, but very well. However, we must discuss this at another time."

"Balderdash," Kate replied smoothly. She stepped towards him again, pushing him back against the wall. Although she was a head shorter than him, but her mischievous grin, the glint in her emerald eyes, and the fire that was beckoning in her loins were her instruments of little chivalry. "We discuss it _now_."

Sheldon looked at her. Although he exhibited at first a little alarm in her dominating theater, Sheldon was now intrigued. Sure, Kate was strong-willed and hard-headed but this side of her was a little...different. It was similar but oh, did it contrast epically.

"I'm not dressed for the occasion," Sheldon told her quickly.

"I'm overdressed," Kate purred. With the last of her words, she lifted her lips to the corner of his mouth and kissed lightly. In spite of its gentle initiation, the curve of her lips said otherwise. "Besides," she sighed softly, "I'm not so sure we should discuss it later."

"Why's that?" Sheldon replied; his voice was quieter, softer, more interested. He noted her hands moved from the wall and now entangled in her shirt and pants, pulling them off, and down, accordingly to garments. He wasn't completely taken aback by her simple movements; what surprised him was that he experienced a little modesty concerning his nakedness to her eyes, and yet while in front of him, she merely stripped without discomfort.

Kate stepped out of the pool of her jeans and stepped between his legs; her hands now rested on his waist, just below his hips.

"Consider this, Dr. Cooper," Kate told him logically. She lifted her mouth to his and kissed his upper lip. "When placed together in a remedial private sector, it's obvious our sexual appetites consummate a certain...discomfort."

Sheldon inhaled sharply when she felt her hand touch his package. There was instant ignition of fire in his insides, namely those that encircled his sexual tract. Kate was multi-tasking, fondling him down there and yet her lips still enticed his own. Damn this temptress...

"We'll be two weeks without any time alone," Kate murmured against his mouth. "Kitten doesn't do well when she's being supervised." Her hand left him and her arms joined behind his back. Sheldon looked down at her, a bit confused but when she stepped closer to him, he knew what she talking about. Kate sighed sharply when she felt his arousal against her own heat.

Sheldon returned her kiss and laced his hands behind her buttocks. She moaned ever so softly as he pushed her against him.

"So you're proposing an extraction of future implementation for current bout of physical interaction in order to prolong whatever sexual impulses we may have in the future?" Sheldon asked her.

Kate wrapped her arms around his neck, saying, "Yes, that's what I'm proposing."

"Sounds practical," Sheldon noted.

"Mmm, I knew you'd agree." Kate murmured.

Sheldon moved her against the wall, pulling down her panties; as he did this, Kate reached behind and undid her bra. Grinning, she pulled down his briefs. Sheldon watched her, a bit intrigued. She straightened and when she kissed him this time, it drove him crazy; there was a hint of seduction, but the desire of control was clear. Sheldon pushed her against the wall, took her behind the knees and hiked her legs up around him, immediately putting his weight on her. Kate gasped when he'd done so, and felt his full arousal just along her inner thigh, peeking just before her sex.

"You're not fooling anyone, Kitten, especially me," Sheldon told her in a quiet but lucidly intimidating tone.

Kate smirked at him, murmuring, "You can lose control sometimes, Sheldon."

"Hmm," Sheldon mused. "I'd rather not."

"What if you had no choice?" asked Kate quietly.

Sheldon pushed himself inside her the slightest bit, teasing her; she whimpered with desire.

"It's not a choice," Sheldon told her. "It's my preference. Also, I'm not so naïve to your bodily reactions; I know what I can do to you."

"Yeah right," Kate muttered skeptically.

Kate moaned involuntarily when he moved inside her suddenly, all the way, as far as he could go. She shakily exhaled; her eyes pinched shut and her teeth gritted slightly. Sheldon smirked.

"See?" he responded.

"You cheated," Kate accused, although her body wasn't complaining. Her stomach was turning with pleasure, and her intramuscular kept him inside deliciously.

"No, I haven't," Sheldon replied. He brought his hands, without hesitation of any kind, to her breasts, and circled her hardened mounds with his thumbs, making them harder; Kate's head moved back and she sighed. "I have an eidetic memory, Kate. I remember everything we've done, how you've reacted to me in the past...and if past indicates future response, assuming the trials repeat themselves as predicted, I know for a fact that when I do this" (Sheldon moved out of her completely then back in all the way, causing her to moan again) "your voice indicates sexual frustration but your anatomy tells me something entirely different."

Sheldon brushed his hands up from her chest and around her neck, kissing her lips with the same temptation she'd provided him. Like he predicted, Kate instantly kissed him back, expressing her passion with the intensity and need.

Kate wanted to say he was wrong but even she couldn't argue with her body. As he began thrusting inside her with his arrogant confidence, Kate was unable to elude the fact that she was becoming wetter, and her body reacted to him with every move he made.

Sheldon moved Kate from the wall and steadily to floor; she gasped softly when the cold tile met her warm flesh; Sheldon gave her chaste kiss on her bottom lip before he quickened his speed. Already, Kate could feel her peak; her senses became inebriated. Her breath was isolated, and the need for release was desperate. Evidently, Sheldon was experiencing the same.

It was almost like black magic how she could so easily push his buttons. The repetition of his name exhaling from her voice, the soft biting of her lip, the way she even _breathed_ made his senses blur to practically nothing! Sheldon was only slightly caught off guard when she moaned something in Elvish, easily translated into "Oh, my god, Sheldon, please don't stop".

Sheldon couldn't get to his peak. It was steadily becoming annoying. And the desperation he'd been able to fend off was no longer staying true; it was there in his being. Kate looked ready to burst; her face was red, her breathing was erratic; his own was similar.

He conceded that probably losing just a little control would benefit. He moved and Kate immediately tackled him to the floor. Wordlessly, she moved into position. Kate pinned his wrists down on the tile floor; Sheldon was a bit alarmed by her sudden overtaking but his tinge of fear disappeared instantaneously, when she began moving herself onto him.

"This floor is cold," Sheldon told her.

Kate giggled softly. She began grinding her hips unto his. He had no control over this situation, but it wasn't exactly bad. Her body collided against his and with time passing, he felt more sexual arousal—he didn't think it was possible. He moaned when he felt his peak and Kate caught her breath, stopping when she felt the steady rush of adrenaline.

Kate breathlessly moved off him, sitting with her legs bent to the side. Sheldon looked at the ceiling then at Kate.

"I still have time for a shower, yes?" Sheldon asked lightly.

Kate glanced at her wrist watch and said, "Yes. I'll take mine at Penny's so we're not wasting anymore time."

Sheldon stood and held out his hand for hers. She took it.

"Actually, I disagree; this wasn't wasted time, but time that would have been wasted prior to the visit," Sheldon reminded her. "Time well spent, in this case...minus the use of currency. Unless one were to purchase time but then that would only throw the cosmos off balance, unless they had a currency backdrop to per-use lost time if its currency was bankrupted."

"Sheldon, shower." Kate told him.

"Oh, right," said Sheldon. "We'll take our showers, given ten minutes, give or take a few seconds. We'll meet back in the living room at 8:30 and then we leave at 8:45."

"Duly noted," Kate returned. She smiled at him and kissed him quickly on the lips. "You were fantastic by the way."

"Likewise," Sheldon responded. He smiled at her shortly then Kate took her clothes, dressed, took her clothes to wear the next day and ran into Penny and Leonard's apartment to use their shower.

Author's Note: This story has been temporarily put on hold. Will continue writing after a few things have been sorted and when I can get back in the mood to write this story. For those that have been reading, I express my apologies.


	30. Journey Beginning

Love Is Hell

Chapter 30: Journey Beginning

A/N: Celebrate, because I'm back in business. As to those who've actually noted my faults in time management (literally), I'm just telling you to forget the time it's actually been between Kate and Sheldon and let's say they've been together for almost ten months now, okay? No more reviews about time shit! Just be fucking happy that I'm actually continuing this story, and not hanging it. To those who've kept patience in my come-back, I'm a little rusty, considering it's been a week but it'll get on as time goes by. Enjoy! :D

–

Kate showered as quickly as she could in Penny-Leonard's apartment. When she stepped out, she clumsily lifted her leg out and then stumbled across the floor, hitting the door then landing on her naked butt. She muttered a few obscenities, cursing the ground and then herself for her clumsiness, then managed to dress properly without a butt injury.

She opened the bathroom door to exit and found Sheldon there, waiting for her.

"Do you have any idea how long you've been in there?" Sheldon scolded. He pointed to his watch. "Now we have only forty-five minutes to get to the train station before they deport."

"_Only_ forty-five minutes?" repeated Kate, half-smirking. She passed Sheldon wordlessly and entered their apartment, putting her dirty clothes into the hamper.

"What are you doing?" Sheldon inquired in a less than scolding tone. He seemed to hear her obvious skepticism in the bathroom and reverted to inquiring her actions instead.

"Putting my dirty clothes in the hamper. Why?"

"You can just take them with you," Sheldon told her in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Why? So your mother can do them?" asked Kate.

Sheldon stared at her after a pause, saying, "Yes."

"I'm not having your mother do my clothes," Kate stated after a beat. She took her suitcase and Sheldon took his. As they checked a quick scan over their items to make sure they had everything (for the fifth time), they walked out of the apartment; Kate closed and locked the door behind them.

"Why not? She loves doing laundry," Sheldon noted as they walked down the stairs.

"I doubt that."

"She's a woman, Kate."

"Doesn't mean she likes to do laundry."

"_You _like doing _my _laundry," Sheldon pointed out.

"No, I don't like doing any laundry," Kate replied. She looked at him as they walked down the staircase. "I hate doing _my_ laundry. Plus, it's the holidays. I doubt your mom wants to do anything but cook dinner."

"You two can make it an activity," said Sheldon.

Kate stopped in mid-step and looked at him. He saw her do this, and he gave her a confusing look.

"Why did you stop walking?" asked Sheldon.

Kate ignored the question; in turn, she stated, "What do you mean by activity?"

"In a matter such as these, a mother and her son's chosen mate regularly bond together over a series of activities, Kate; this can be something simple as laundry, washing dishes, or talking about different cutlery, or as drastic as robbing a semi-national bank." Sheldon told her. He shrugged and said quietly, "If you _are _attempting the latter, I suggest doing so with my sister; she's more brawny and if you two run into boisterous, rude police officers, she can threaten their existence of their testicles. I should know; it hurts."

Kate stared at him still.

"Why would I do laundry with your mother at all?"

Sheldon sighed tiredly, saying, "You spent a whole half-hour lecturing to me how you would want me to care whether or not my mother and sister like you. To approve my concern for your petty worries, and they are petty because I hardly see the need in doing so, you may attempt to bond closer to my matriarch by joining in an activity she finds mindless and decadent, so as to improve the circumstances with banal chitchat."

Kate rolled her eyes, saying, "I said I wanted you to care about whether your family likes me or not, Sheldon. I didn't ask you to become activities' director."

"I'm just being supportive," said Sheldon lightly. "Be happy you get that much. From my understanding, not all boyfriends try to care about what goes on between their families and their friends."

Kate again rolled her eyes but she was smiling. Sheldon walked after her and they stepped into the Batmobile car. They placed their luggage in the back of the vehicle; Sheldon took the passenger seat and Kate took the driver's seat. He was jumping in his seat with enthusiasm, saying, "I can't wait until we get to the trains. I love trains."

"I know," said Kate.

"I'd hope so," Sheldon noted. He looked at her excitedly, saying, "When we get there, I'll show you where they keep the oxygen masks."

"Oxygen masks?" asked Kate. She started the engine, turning to him. "Why would I need one?"

"You claimed to have experiences of entrapment while riding trains, of course deriving from your fear of tight, enclosed spaces. Should you experience shortness of breath, there are compartments in the train to allow one deprived of oxygen to breath slowly into one and allow lung expansion." Sheldon stated.

"I didn't know they have those."

"They don't," Sheldon stated. "However, I've brought one of Leonard's spare inhalers should something like that happen." He shook his head and said, "The trains _would _have them if the manufacturers paid any attention to the letters I've sent them. I hardly understand the reason why people try not to listen to what I have to say."

"People don't have to take your word for everything you say, Sheldon," Kate stated, driving down the road.

"Of course not. Free will is an obliged state of action, unfortunately. I'm not saying they have to, but they should." Sheldon told Kate bluntly. "You do."

"That's because I love and respect your opinions," Kate told her.

"They're not opinions, Kate. They're truths."

"That is your opinion," Kate replied smoothly.

"For instance: Evolution is a fact, not an opinion." Sheldon told her.

Kate smiled sympathetically, saying with a soft, gentle voice, "And that is _your _opinion, Shelly."

Sheldon stared at her curiously and with a soft undertone, he said, "I have a feeling you don't need to bond with my mother to have her like you. You sound just like her." He frowned slightly and then said happily, "Hey, look, they put a wind mill in the putt-putt course!"

Kate chuckled and began the forty-five minute drive to the train station.


	31. Love Is Hell: The Abrupt Epilogue

LOVE IS HELL

**Author's Note: **I've officially exhausted myself with this sequel and I welcome an abrupt ending. It'll disappoint the better of my fans/readers for those who've kept up with me since September but I've started a Joker story (and you're more than welcome to read that). Hopefully, this epilogue will be good for people.

**What happened after Kate and Sheldon went to his mothers? **

They opened presents (except Missy, for she wasn't there for Christmas) and Mary Cooper insisted that Sheldon make the motion to join ties with Kate, because only she could put up with him any longer and the relationship between Sheldon and Mary Cooper (even though Kate became his wife) stayed the same. Sheldon still calls his mother when he and Kate can't come to an agreement and Mary has to be the mediator.

Kate and Sheldon were married at the book store...As promised, Kate let Sheldon do the whole ceremony as he wanted (no best man). Amy was Kate's Maid of Honor and taped everything (and I mean everything) that happened before and after the wedding. Amy still insists that Kate is a goddess. The whole ceremony was conducted in Klingon and Kate had to download a translated transcript for Penny, Mary Cooper, and Amy.

They still live in the apartment 4A...Kate and Sheldon have both signed a contract for the Roommate-Relationship-Marriage Agreement...Kate must wear her wedding ring at all times except at work and in the shower (to avoid specimens inhibiting it).

To this day, Sheldon still gets away with everything and Kate remains optimistic.


End file.
